Ever feel excluded?

rosiemac

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4 Words?

Their not real friends!.

A true friend is someone who is always there for you no matter what.

I hope you find more friends soon so that you can start to tell these girls about things you and your " Best friends " have been up to
 

beckiboo

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I have to agree with the advice you are getting. I always heard that 3 "girls" can't get along. And often it is true, one of them will get jealous and cause trouble for everyone.

I have had this type of problem, too. I had a co-worker who I felt very close to, but she would snub me at times, hurting my feelings. I could not totally disengage from her, as we worked in the same office. But I did kind of redefine her in my head as an acquaintance, not a friend. And I never needed to be her "best" friend, but she did the types of things your "friends" are doing, just hurtful snubs for no reason. (Why on earth would anyone be left out of a potluck?)

Sometimes you just have to move on. You don't need to explain anything to them, unless they come later and want to talk. Then you can try to mend bridges, but never take someone from the acquaintance category to friend (meaning you can count on them). Unless of course their actions change drastically!

Here's hoping you find another friend who won't be disrespectful of your feelings. Some people are just nicer than others, and those make much better friends!
 

yosemite

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Beckiboo - I am one of the fortunate ones who has 2 best friends (that makes 3 of us). We are closer than they are with their own sisters (I don't have a sister). We are open, honest and very caring with each other. My two friends have more vacation and time to do things like golfing together where I cannot be included (although I sure would like to be), but I know it is because they love golfing (as do I), but that I cannot get the time off work. I am "envious" but not "jealous" - big difference. We go away together every fall for a girl's golf weekend and have been doing so for over 20 years. None of our husbands' ever liked golf, so they stayed home and cared for the children. We've never had harsh words or hissy fits. Two years ago, one of us lost a husband to cancer. Every second weekend the other two of us were at her house bringing dinner (so she wouldn't have to worry about what to feed us) and to individually spend time with her husband to give her a break. Her husband was a wonderful and dear man whom we all loved (even our husbands cared deeply for him because he was such a good man). After he passed, whenever she called and needed someone to be with her, either or both of us were there in the time it required to drive to her house. I spent this past Valentine's day overnight at her house as it would have been their anniversary. I called and asked how she was and she said fine and then proceeded to cry. I said do you want me to come over and she said "would you do that" - of course I would and did. My husband is a very understanding and wonderful man too and he has always been behind my friendship with these 2 wonderful women.

He has often said how lucky I am and that he has never had friends that would do the things for him that mine have done for me.

Just before we moved, our Simba was very sick and we had bought another house and not yet sold our current one so money was tight. My one friend (whose husband passed) is very well off financially. She simply came to me and passed me a cheque for $1,000 to help with the vet bill. I was flabbergasted and told her I would repay her and she told me no, it was her gift to me to take care of our beloved cat.

So, after this long-winded message - there are people out there who are also givers like yourself and who will appreciate what a jewel you really are as a friend. I didn't meet mine until I was in my late 20's and I treasure each of them.
 

hopehacker

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Originally Posted by CoolCat

I just only want to Added that here in TCS you can find Real and Truly friends!

good luck! :bighthumb:
I agree with CoolCat. There are some truly wonderful people here on TCS. I count them as my real friends.

I used to have a friend, who treated me like dirt, and like a fool I kept running back to him, because I valued and wanted his friendship. He was a male friend, but not a lover or boyfriend, and never could or would be, because he was gay. Anyway, one day he'd treat my nicely, then the next day he'd tell me how worthless I was. One day he'd be a lot of fun to hang with, then the next day, he call me on the phone and start screaming at me for no reason, and then hang up on me, by slamming the phone down as hard as he could. He knew I'd keep running back, or I'd call him up and almost beg him to not be mad at me. Even though I hadn't done a bloody thing to him. Finally one day, when he was playing his head games with me, I'd finally had enough. I finally realized, he was NOT my frined, and that was that. I haven't seen or spoken to him in 4 years. Funnily enough for several months after the final incident, I kept getting telephone calls, where no one said anything, when I answered the phone. I knew it was him. Finally, the phone calls stopped. I've gone on with my life, and my non friend has gone on with his life. I'm sure he found someone else to bully and pick on, but thankfully it's no longer me.
 

jcat

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While I agree with what the others have said, I do have a question, which may or may not apply. Are you one of those people who has good ideas or suggestions, but doesn't carry things out to the planning stage, i.e., leaves the details to others? If so, these other women may be under the impression that you're actually not all that interested in doing things with them.
I may be projecting here. For the past several months, a move from one building to another has been underway for our school, and I've been asked for input regarding improvements, furnishings, etc.. While I've made several suggestions, I haven't been the one to go to office supply stores, dig through catalogs, talk to the contractors, etc., and I feel a bit guilty about it. The guy who has been doing all that (the vice principal) must be frustrated. For example, we were discussing flooring in the entry hall, and I suggested non-slick stone tiles in a neutral color that wouldn't show the dirt too much. He agreed - and I never offered to go with him to look for what we needed/had in mind. He picked something out, and then showed me the sample (perfect, IMO). Just writing this, I think I'd better apologize to him tomorrow for not being more helpful.
In a nutshell, I avoid getting down to the "nitty gritty" and actually organizing things, partly out of sheer laziness and a desire to avoid conflicts, and while I don't criticize final results, I could understand it if somebody said, "Well, she mustn't really be interested, because she did nothing to see her idea implemented." I'm sure many people can become annoyed at such a trait.
Again, I have no idea whether this applies in your case.
 

AbbysMom

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Originally Posted by hissy

I think you should be happy with who you are inside and let these girls go and have their friendships without you. I am sure that there are other women out there that would be more supportive in the friendship department. I know you are hurt, but they are the losers here- not you.
Well said! I had a similar situation with a friend about 5 years ago, and the best thing I ever did was to move on. She only ever thuoght about herself, and I was going through a family crisis and needed the support of my friends. I didn't have the energy to deal with her at the time, I had much bigger problems to deal with, so I pretty much stopped dealing with her. Most of my other friends had stopped dealing with her long before I did.

A few months ago I heard from her and she apologized and wanted to be friends again. I told her I prefered to begin by getting up to date through e-mail first. True to fashion, after a few weeks, she started to blow me off again, and I haven't heard from her in a month. It's her loss, not mine.

It's time to cut these two loose!
 

eburgess

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Yes!! I have a large varity of friends. I have never fit in one "click" but have been apart of nearly every click I can think of at one point or another. I spend alot of time with my boyfriend so my friends assume I'm with him and plan things without me. It kind of sucks during the summer but I don't blame them.
 

captiva

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It's so sad when someone hurts your feelings when you haven't done anything to make them act that way
I'm sending hugs your way
 

sweets

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I'm one of those people too. I had a friend who used to use me like a convenience store. When he had a girlfriend, I didn't exist. When he was fighting with her or alone, then he'd be over my house every night. I finally accepted the fact that I was not a doormat and he wasn't the only friend in the world. I was worth 1000 of him. And if he couldn't see what he was doing, then he wouldn't be part of my life. And I have made so many many more friends. They're not all true friends. Some are just slightly more than acquaintances. Others I would trust with my life. Only a few are trusted with my soul.

In this world you will always come across people that you should be friendly towards but not friends with. Not everyone is going to be your true friends. But when you find them, treat them like gold and hang on to them
 

beckiboo

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Originally Posted by Yosemite

Beckiboo - I am one of the fortunate ones who has 2 best friends (that makes 3 of us). We are closer than they are with their own sisters (I don't have a sister). We are open, honest and very caring with each other. My two friends have more vacation and time to do things like golfing together where I cannot be included (although I sure would like to be), but I know it is because they love golfing (as do I), but that I cannot get the time off work. I am "envious" but not "jealous" - big difference. We go away together every fall for a girl's golf weekend and have been doing so for over 20 years. None of our husbands' ever liked golf, so they stayed home and cared for the children. We've never had harsh words or hissy fits. Two years ago, one of us lost a husband to cancer. Every second weekend the other two of us were at her house bringing dinner (so she wouldn't have to worry about what to feed us) and to individually spend time with her husband to give her a break. Her husband was a wonderful and dear man whom we all loved (even our husbands cared deeply for him because he was such a good man). After he passed, whenever she called and needed someone to be with her, either or both of us were there in the time it required to drive to her house. I spent this past Valentine's day overnight at her house as it would have been their anniversary. I called and asked how she was and she said fine and then proceeded to cry. I said do you want me to come over and she said "would you do that" - of course I would and did. My husband is a very understanding and wonderful man too and he has always been behind my friendship with these 2 wonderful women.

He has often said how lucky I am and that he has never had friends that would do the things for him that mine have done for me.

Just before we moved, our Simba was very sick and we had bought another house and not yet sold our current one so money was tight. My one friend (whose husband passed) is very well off financially. She simply came to me and passed me a cheque for $1,000 to help with the vet bill. I was flabbergasted and told her I would repay her and she told me no, it was her gift to me to take care of our beloved cat.

So, after this long-winded message - there are people out there who are also givers like yourself and who will appreciate what a jewel you really are as a friend. I didn't meet mine until I was in my late 20's and I treasure each of them.
That was so kind of your friend! She sounds wonderful, for seeing a need and meeting it to the best of her ability! As you did on Valentine's Day!

I currently work in an office with 2 other women. We are like the 3 musketeers; we get along great. I think the difference is that we are all nice, caring people. (Pats self on back
.) I haven't seen either one of them do anything hurtful to anyone in the office! So, I agree, 3 women CAN be friends. But sometimes the rule of 3 women not getting along prevails.
 

sooz123

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Oh, your stories brought back the heartache of my *very* early 20's.

I have always seemed to pick one true BEST friend... the kind you know you can show up at her house every day and you're not only welcomed, you're expected. The kind that is very near to a marriage. My friends were that way, too... and although I'm very loyal and would've been Thelma and Louise to the end, they moved on to other friends, and boyfriends, and eventually husbands... without me. And that hurt.

I'm the type that doesn't like a lot of acquantances, or semi-close friends. I like it all or nothing. After my "last" best friend got married and had very little time for me, I spent a great deal of time alone. Years even, every weekend, and I preferred being alone to having friends that weren't... as loyal, we'll say. A previous best friend showed up at my doorstep one night having been kicked out of her house (she was a hellion), and I let her move in. That summer I finally sowed my wild oats by going out to clubs every weekend with her... but by November we had a falling out and she moved, and I simultaneously met a man... who is now my husband.

My husband and I are now best friends and have a similar relationship that my last female best friend and I had (only with sex!).

I agree with the rest... from experience I've had, and being super-sensitive to it, if they're acting this way, perhaps they're moving on together and before your heart is completely broken you should consider moving in a separate direction than they are. Satisfy your hurt feelings by showing them that you have a life that doesn't require their attendance, and start on your path of moving on by finding alternate activities like a group that shares your interests... then find another group newbie who looks as uncomfortable as you feel to chat with! You'll have new home girls in no time
 

caligirl

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Smile sweety, I have had the same problem as you are having. We are just too nice of people that we just try to not make waves and let them go on while we sit there and feel bad. But really you just need to say, be my friend, a real friend or don't be my friend at all. I have had to do it. But don't change being the sweet and loving person you are, just find friends that will love you for you and are willing to be there. Trust me, it feels a lot better and free to be rid of those kind of friends. So smile
and know that you will make better friends!!!!!
 
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