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Ever feel excluded? - Page 2

post #31 of 33
Originally Posted by Yosemite
Beckiboo - I am one of the fortunate ones who has 2 best friends (that makes 3 of us). We are closer than they are with their own sisters (I don't have a sister). We are open, honest and very caring with each other. My two friends have more vacation and time to do things like golfing together where I cannot be included (although I sure would like to be), but I know it is because they love golfing (as do I), but that I cannot get the time off work. I am "envious" but not "jealous" - big difference. We go away together every fall for a girl's golf weekend and have been doing so for over 20 years. None of our husbands' ever liked golf, so they stayed home and cared for the children. We've never had harsh words or hissy fits. Two years ago, one of us lost a husband to cancer. Every second weekend the other two of us were at her house bringing dinner (so she wouldn't have to worry about what to feed us) and to individually spend time with her husband to give her a break. Her husband was a wonderful and dear man whom we all loved (even our husbands cared deeply for him because he was such a good man). After he passed, whenever she called and needed someone to be with her, either or both of us were there in the time it required to drive to her house. I spent this past Valentine's day overnight at her house as it would have been their anniversary. I called and asked how she was and she said fine and then proceeded to cry. I said do you want me to come over and she said "would you do that" - of course I would and did. My husband is a very understanding and wonderful man too and he has always been behind my friendship with these 2 wonderful women.

He has often said how lucky I am and that he has never had friends that would do the things for him that mine have done for me.

Just before we moved, our Simba was very sick and we had bought another house and not yet sold our current one so money was tight. My one friend (whose husband passed) is very well off financially. She simply came to me and passed me a cheque for $1,000 to help with the vet bill. I was flabbergasted and told her I would repay her and she told me no, it was her gift to me to take care of our beloved cat.

So, after this long-winded message - there are people out there who are also givers like yourself and who will appreciate what a jewel you really are as a friend. I didn't meet mine until I was in my late 20's and I treasure each of them.
That was so kind of your friend! She sounds wonderful, for seeing a need and meeting it to the best of her ability! As you did on Valentine's Day!

I currently work in an office with 2 other women. We are like the 3 musketeers; we get along great. I think the difference is that we are all nice, caring people. (Pats self on back .) I haven't seen either one of them do anything hurtful to anyone in the office! So, I agree, 3 women CAN be friends. But sometimes the rule of 3 women not getting along prevails.
post #32 of 33
Oh, your stories brought back the heartache of my *very* early 20's.

I have always seemed to pick one true BEST friend... the kind you know you can show up at her house every day and you're not only welcomed, you're expected. The kind that is very near to a marriage. My friends were that way, too... and although I'm very loyal and would've been Thelma and Louise to the end, they moved on to other friends, and boyfriends, and eventually husbands... without me. And that hurt.

I'm the type that doesn't like a lot of acquantances, or semi-close friends. I like it all or nothing. After my "last" best friend got married and had very little time for me, I spent a great deal of time alone. Years even, every weekend, and I preferred being alone to having friends that weren't... as loyal, we'll say. A previous best friend showed up at my doorstep one night having been kicked out of her house (she was a hellion), and I let her move in. That summer I finally sowed my wild oats by going out to clubs every weekend with her... but by November we had a falling out and she moved, and I simultaneously met a man... who is now my husband.

My husband and I are now best friends and have a similar relationship that my last female best friend and I had (only with sex!).

I agree with the rest... from experience I've had, and being super-sensitive to it, if they're acting this way, perhaps they're moving on together and before your heart is completely broken you should consider moving in a separate direction than they are. Satisfy your hurt feelings by showing them that you have a life that doesn't require their attendance, and start on your path of moving on by finding alternate activities like a group that shares your interests... then find another group newbie who looks as uncomfortable as you feel to chat with! You'll have new home girls in no time
post #33 of 33
Smile sweety, I have had the same problem as you are having. We are just too nice of people that we just try to not make waves and let them go on while we sit there and feel bad. But really you just need to say, be my friend, a real friend or don't be my friend at all. I have had to do it. But don't change being the sweet and loving person you are, just find friends that will love you for you and are willing to be there. Trust me, it feels a lot better and free to be rid of those kind of friends. So smile and know that you will make better friends!!!!!
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