Do you believe in marriage?

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I used to believe in it, until lately I got to thinking about how I know ONE married couple who are happy. The only other couple I know who are truly happy are my friends who are not married but have been together 100 years and have no children.

Maybe i should make this a poll.......

I feel so sad......do you know anyone happily married - do you believe in marriage?

I am blissfully happy - I love being married - however having said that I am no more happier now than what I was before I was married although I do feel we share a different bond now - we had been together 8 years before we got married.

I am very happily married. My parents were happily married. My sister is happily married. My brother is happily unmarried, but with his significant other and their 6 kids. My other brother is happily married, as is my baby sister, but she has only been married 2 years.

My in-laws all crab alot with their spouses, but my guess is if you asked them, they would say they are happily married. I have friends from both camps.

There are happily married couples out there, but it is very boring from outside the marriage, so we don't get much attention. No one is happy every moment of every day, but overall I know more couples who are happy to be together, and who would remarry the same person if given the choice today, than unhappy couples.

Yes, I know someone happily married. ME! This would be my second and best decision. I have NOT had children because things are too shakey in the world today. We got married simply because we knew we were right for each other and if something happened to either one of us, we would be screwed. Especially me. I had to file for bankruptcy because of my ex and have NO assets, whatsoever, and would lose everything. This way we can love each other, and have confidence that each of us will be cared for in the event of disaster.

Good question. Not really sure if I do anymore. I'd like to. I, too, see way to many people who marry because everybody else is doing it. I think I know a couple of happy couples. But, out of the blue, my sister-in-law just upped and left my brother. Everyone would have sworn they were the perfect couple.

It is discouraging.

I was happily married for 39 years before my husband's death. Two of my sisters and one brother were all happily married for from 20-45 years before their spouses' death. My brother, though, had a very bad first marriage. (She beat him!) Two of my closest neighbors are obviously very happily married, and have been for about 40-50 years. But my neighbor on the other side caught her husband stepping out on her after about 30 years of marriage, and they are now getting a divorce.

Despite my own experience, I do still very much believe in marriage. The good: My grandparents were married for 55 years before my grandfather's death. The bad: My parents stayed together for 14 years after I was born even though they were both unhappy, which means I never had first-hand knowledge of a good marriage.

Myself: I was happily married for six of the 7 1/2 years I was married. We were together for 11 years, and I was convinced he was the one I'd spend the rest of my life with. But marriage is tough! It's not about the wedding, the pretty dress and the bliss. It's about compromise, commitment and caring more for the other than you care for yourself (but still caring for yourself) I didn't know that, and neither did my ex.

Despite all that, I know I can learn to be married and I can find the one who's meant for me. Who knows I may even discover that it's my ex after all!

I really believe in marriage and it should not be taken lightly, like an activity for the moment. I also feel very deeply that in order to do justice to a marriage, both parties should see with four eyes, not just two!

Yes I do. I have been surounded by sucessful marriages. My parents just celebrated thier 25th wedding anniversary last month. To celebrate they booked a trip to Sandles Resort in the Caribbean. They are leaving after Thanksgiving and staying for the week. Thay're excited and I' excited for them. I can only hope my boyfriend and I, who are also talking about getting engaged soon (he is keeping me in the dark as to when I can expect a ring), can be as happy as they are. His parents have also been married for 25 years. I can't wait to get the wedding plans under way!!

hmmm... a good positive response so far, maybe there's hope? Maybe I'm just bitter and jaded after my breakup saga.

I think it really depends on the person and their preference. I don't feel like society should place a premium on it the way we do. Some people are happy being single or dating or cohabitating...whatever. Everyone is different...(if kids are involved...that makes it a different story, though, I think)

Personally, I'm looking forward to marrying my Ian. But I didn't think marriage was for me until the right person came along. They say that when you know, you know...which is really cliche, but there's a reason cliches are as such!

I do and I can't wait to get married. August 1st, yay! I promise I'm not a crazy, deluded bride who thinks everything will be perfect. I'd say my experience with married people in my life has been pretty much like the statistics, 50/50. My both sets of my grandparents stayed married. Four sets of aunts and uncles stayed married- only one has a rocky relationship. My parents are divorced, but my mom and my stepdad(although not actually married) have been together for a long time.. about 15 years..

I believe in marrige, but its sad that men dont know how to keep their things in their pants!

A lady down the road has been with her hubby for 26 years, he just came back from turkey because his mother died, but now he gets these "lovey sms" he doesnt even sleep in the bed anymore he sleeps on the couch.
When i saw her yesterday i knew something was wrong with her because she looked like she had a break down, when she explained to me what had been happening i didnt know what to say to her or to help her.

My parents arent happily married.
I watched my school friends parents get divorced

People would think that ben and i are already married, so we arent in a rush, after all you should enjoy your partner and shouldnt make it depending on a piece of paper.

Originally Posted by journey

do you know anyone happily married - do you believe in marriage?

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I was happily married and when he died I never remarried. I believe that if you find your true "mate", marriage is the final, formal seal to your relationship. To me just "living together" is not a complete arrangement for a couple.

I believe in Marriage, but my god, where are all the men worth marrying!!

I thought I had a perfect guy, which I dont, in fact I have the exact opposite. Once hubby started abusing me, I completley lost all kinda of feelings for him. I cant just stop loving someone, so i do still love him. It is really hard to explain though. But all the trust, loyalty, and intimacy I felt towards him is completley gone. Its hard to feel all these emotions for someone who only shows you they "love" you after they have physically hurt you.

I tell people I will probably never get married again. How do I know that the next guy I meet and fall in love with wont turn out the exact same way. It was a year and a half into our marriage before hubby started being abusive.

So yes in general, but I am unsure about me.

It sucks, because my entire family all have beautiful marriages! Why not me?!?!

I believe in marriage. To be fair, though, I think I'm answering a different question than the one you're asking. To me, marriage is a state of mind and I think what you are really asking is, "Do you believe that a public ceremony, and the signing of various documents, is necessary for marriage to take place?" And my answer to that is "No".

That may be oversimplified, and don't get me wrong: I'm not putting down the public ceremony, or the signing of documents, or any of the other elements of that event. But it is an event. The marriage is a relationship, which, to my mind, may be aided by the event, but does not require it in order to exist. The commitment that makes a marriage does not start with the wedding. It starts before that, sometimes a long time before that, and it grows, as long as the marriage is alive. When the commitment stops growing, the marriage starts dying, and all the public ceremonies and signed documents in the world aren't going to change that.

There are lots of good reasons for having the event: social, religious, etc. There are also good reasons for not having it. I believe it is 1000% up to the couple to decide what is important to them. Is it important to have an identifiable point in their lives when they stopped and spoke their commitment to each other in a public way? Then do it. Is it important to them to sign legal documents that say they have done this? Then do it. Is it important to them to have a celebration of this decision that includes whoever is close to them? Then do it. Those are all good reasons, and there are tons more.

For some, though, good as those reasons may be, they are not sufficient to counter some other consideration, specific to their situation. I'm not going to go into detail here, because I've already taken up enough space, but this does apply to Rob and me. We have our own reasons for not having the event, but no regrets. It makes defining an anniversary difficult, but if that's our biggest problem, I think I can handle it.

So, for the sake of argument, let's take as an anniversary the date we actually began living together -- when pressed, that's what we do. After 15 years, people still get a kick out of us "middle-aged teenagers". And you'll just have to take my word for the commitment.

I guess for me what it boils down to is this: those friends of yours, who "aren't married"? they are -- they just didn't have a wedding. And what you're really contemplating is the all too frequent demonstration these days that you can have a wedding, but not necessarily have a marriage. Well, it works the other way, too: you can have a marriage, without having had a wedding. Oh, and do I know people with happy marriages? Yes. A good many of them -- many of whom DID have the event. Don't give up on it.

I do...and despite strongly wanting it, I waited for the right guy for me...even though that meant I didn't marry until I was 40. I can not imagine life again as a single person, I'm not the same person. We are truely woven together, and he is part of the fabric of my heart and soul.

My in-laws are happily married, two of my aunts have been very happily married, I have one long time friend I'd call truly happily married, and another two friends who despite struggles, I don't think would ever wish to be apart.

Beautifully said Fran.

I believe in Marriage and can't wait till the day I walk down the isle with somebody that loves me.

Originally Posted by RicaLynn

But marriage is tough! It's not about the wedding, the pretty dress and the bliss. It's about compromise, commitment and caring more for the other than you care for yourself (but still caring for yourself) I didn't know that, and neither did my ex.

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very well said, and I think your right and alot of people forget this. Relationships whether they are husband/wife or friend/friend take work.

Originally Posted by rapunzel47

The marriage is a relationship, which, to my mind, may be aided by the event, but does not require it in order to exist. The commitment that makes a marriage does not start with the wedding. It starts before that, sometimes a long time before that, and it grows, as long as the marriage is alive. When the commitment stops growing, the marriage starts dying, and all the public ceremonies and signed documents in the world aren't going to change that.

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Fran - beautifully said.