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From The "Fool" Category - Can You Believe This??? LOL

post #1 of 26
Thread Starter 
FROM THE FOOL CATEGORY:
It is better to remain silent and thought a fool,
than to speak and remove all doubt.
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.
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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," --Ma yor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
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"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." --Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.
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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas.
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"Half this game is ninety percent mental." --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President (DUH !)
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"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." --Dan Quayle
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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"--Lee Iacocca
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"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &sports analyst.
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"We don't necessarily d iscriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
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"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." --Bill Clinton, President
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"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
--Al Gore, VP (damn he's smart)
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"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery
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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
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"If somebody has a bad heart , they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

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....Feeling smarter yet?
post #2 of 26
Gawd those are great...lol
post #3 of 26
I've seen a majority of those before, but I love them so.. it makes the silly things I say fade into normalcy.
post #4 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by turtlecat
I've seen a majority of those before, but I love them so.. it makes the silly things I say fade into normalcy.
post #5 of 26
Thread Starter 
bump
post #6 of 26
I actually would have answered something similar to what Miss Alabama did...
post #7 of 26
"If somebody has a bad heart , they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman


I gotta get me one of those!
post #8 of 26
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beckiboo
"If somebody has a bad heart , they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman


I gotta get me one of those!
I like the part about "they wake up dead"
post #9 of 26
So funny, Cheryl! Thank you for the laugh!
post #10 of 26
My favorite:

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

A change in circumstances??

post #11 of 26
Lollolol!!
post #12 of 26
These guys make me feel like a genius...
post #13 of 26
I think I remember seeing that clip of Miss Alabama...oh I felt so sorry for her..she was so nervous!!. It was hiliarous though!
post #14 of 26
That's hilarious!
post #15 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by CJandBilly
That's hilarious!
....
post #16 of 26
Oh man, that was totally funny!! LOL!!
post #17 of 26
Thread Starter 
bump
post #18 of 26
You didnt put in any Bush quotes! How evil! You cant have a page of stupid quotes and not put even ONE quote from george bush in there!

Therefore I shall post a few (though I could probably easily get a couple of pages worth)

I just dont know how that man can say so many things wrong and sound that stupid.

"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?" George W Bush, Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000

The fact that (Gore) relies on facts - says things that are not factual - are going to undermine his campaign." George W Bush, New York Times 4th March 2000

There ought to be limits to freedom. We're aware of this [web] site, and this guy is just a garbage man, that's all he is." George Jr., discussing a web site that parodies him


"They want the federal government controlling Social Security like it's some kind of federal program." George W Bush, during a debate in St. Charles, Mo., Nov. 2, 2000

The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my case." George W Bush, Pella, Iowa, as quoted by the San Antonio Express-News, Jan. 30, 2000

"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." George W Bush, Greater Nashua, N.H., Chamber of Commerce, Jan. 27, 2000

"One of the interesting initiatives we've taken in Washington, D.C., is we've got these vampire-busting devices. A vampire is a-a cell deal you can plug in the wall to charge your cell phone." George W Bush, Denver, CO. Aug. 14, 2001

"Boy, they were big on crematoriums, weren't they?" George W Bush, after touring the Auschwitz death camp, Chicago Sun-Times, 29th January 1992

"There is a lot of speculation and I guess there is going to continue to be a lot of speculation until the speculation ends." George W Bush, on whether he'll run for President, Austin-American Statesman, 18th October 1998

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful - and so are we, they never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people - and neither do we." George W Bush at a Pentagon meeting, August 2004

There are like four more pages but I thought I should stop so this isnt too long . I dont necessarily hate bush, but I was rooting for kerry, and I think it is funny and kind of sad he makes so many speaking mistakes. They should have him take a class or something.
post #19 of 26
Aaaaar har har har har har har!

Oh dear I love stuff like this it just makes me laugh and laugh.
post #20 of 26
Well, we've had Bush - how about Quayle?

(extending his hand during a campaign stop): I'm Dan Quayle. Who are you?
Woman: I'm your Secret Service agent.

"We are not ready for an unforseen event that may or may not occur."

"Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a state that
is by itself. It is a --it is different from the other 49 states. Well,
all states are different, but it's got a particularly unique situation."

"It is wonderful to be here today in the great state of Chicago"

It's time for the human race to enter the solar system!

"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."

"Potatoe"
post #21 of 26
Who is Quayle?
post #22 of 26
Thread Starter 
Those additions are great! I laughed more than with the ones I posted.

More...more...more!
post #23 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by WellingtonCats
Who is Quayle?
Dan Quayle - he was the 44th Vice President of the US under the first George Bush from 1989 - 1993. He was almost as well known for his silly comments as the current George W!!
post #24 of 26
Thread Starter 
bump
post #25 of 26
Oh thanks for that
post #26 of 26
:bump:
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