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A sad story about Oliver.

post #1 of 21
Thread Starter 
I'm sorry, I just have to let it out, I have cried all evening while reading all your stories about your little companions who have "crossed the bridge" and I keep thinking about my sweet oliver. i just want to write about what happened. it won't bring him back, it's no different from any other story, but i still have to do it.
my boyfriend knows i adore cats, almost more than new born babies i would say, and one day about 3 weeks ago he said "let's go and get one, come on" it was the biggest gift he could give me, and he made me so happy i thought i would burst. the owner of a pound happened to have two kittens that he was giving away, we prefered a male, and this one was just 2 months old, orange, and adorable. we went to pick him up, and he was instantly purring and crawling all over me. i fell in love immediately. little did i know what we were all in for, oliver especially. his sister, a black kitten, was very sick, had thrown up, the owner said, but i had no idea about infections, diseases or anything, i just wanted to take oliver home and love him and take care of him.
at home instantly he was playing, purring, rubbing his little head on my face, talking to me, jumping into my lap, following me around. at night he wouldn't sleep anywhere but next to me. oliver was sneezing and had a runny nose. i didn't realize, nor did i know what upper respiratory infections were...a few days later just to be sure he was okay and see if he needed anything we took him to the vet. he had already been treated for worms. he had a high fever but was still eating and playing and purring away. they gave us a cream for his eyes just in case, antibiotics and a treatment called "aereosol" here in italy, which helps to clear up breathing. they said we had caught it in time.
we treated him everyday, used a syringe to give him his food because he had stopped eating completely. we did everything just as the vet had told us to. then he stopped purring and didn't want to be anywhere but on my lap. he slept and slept, always by my side. he was still so affectionate and lovable. i may seem silly, but i felt important to him, i felt as though he depended on me, and most of all, that he loved me.
then he vomited once and had diarrea. immediately we took him back to the vet and they said that we had to leave him with them because they needed to give him fluids I.V. because he wasn't eating. Contemporaneously he developed ulcers inside his little mouth. they said they had to keep him until they got him a bit stronger, but they said it would take time. we trusted them, they did everything they could for him. we went and visited everyday, and everyday oliver looked the same, skinny and sad. and he would come and sit next to me when i would visit and look into my eyes. his face was all dirty with creams and stuuf they used and he had bandages on his little legs because of the needle. he looked like he was suffering so much. i couldn't understand why this had to happen to him, why was god letting this happen to him? he was so small and defenceless. and all alone in that place, isolated because of his virus. i cried so hard, for so many nights, after every visit to the vet, for days. he just wasn't getting any better or any worse. i had a terrible feeling inside that something was going to happen, and i was right. the vet called us, so we know it was bad news. on the fifth day he collapsed. he was going into a coma, and wasn't responding to anything. had he not had all the treatment at the vet he would already have been dead. but he fought so hard to stay alive...they gave him oxygen and painkillers, he was suffering. it had spread through his whole little fragile body. we went there immediately to see him. she went to get oliver and i heard him miao from the hallway, he was crying. he was lying flat on his side, head down, eyes glossed over, a skeleton. i stroked him so gently, i don't even know if he felt it. i did all i could not to cry, and i knew my boyfriend was suffering just as much as i was, maybe even more, because he knew how horrible it all was for me, only he knew how much i loved that little kitten. i knew that would be the last time i would ever see him. i put my finger under his paw and he clutched gently it for a second, just like he did when he was at home with me....that made a tear slide down my face, and that's when i realized that it was time to say goodbye. i would have never left his side, but i had to, i couldn't stay there all day and bother the veterinarians. i think this was the mmost devastating moment i have ever lived, to feel that little paw clutch me ever so slightly....and now i doubt that i did the right thing.....
the vet suggested to wait and see how the day went, if he reacts or if there is any sign of improvement we would wait the night. if not.....she said it was almost 100 % certain that he wouldn't make it anyhow. she was honest. but she let us decide. so we waited the day, the afternoon. then she called, saying that the situation was not a nice one. oliver was dying. we told her that it was time for him to stop suffering. at 7 p.m they put him to sleep. they said it was better that way, he died with people who had cared for him, while stroking him and talking to him. i couldn't bring myself to be there, i just sat at home staring at the wall, my eyes burning they were so dry. i didn't have anymore tears left to cry, but my heart was screaming with pain.

god, i don't know if it was the right thing to do, i had never had to make that kind of decision in my life and i felt so cruel. now i am afraid that maybe he would have made it.....he was heavily drugged when we went to visit the last time, could he have made it? i will never know. i guess i have to trust what the vet told us...he wasn't going to get any better. i couldn't handle the pain, it hurt so much, and i felt awful when i agreed to getting a new kitten shortly after....i love oscar just as much, but why do i still feel so bad? i felt awful because it seemed brutal to just "replace" the loss with another kitten. and now oscar has diarrea and strange secretions and i just don't know...why is everything so hard, what am i doing wrong? i am so careful, i try to do everything perfectly.....what's wrong??

i'll never know if what i did was right or wrong. all i know is that i will never forget oliver, never. he was unique, at least he was for me.

sorry it was so long and thanks to anyone who had the patience to read it all.

the wound may heal eventually....but it will leave a scar.
post #2 of 21
Awwww I am so sorry you had to go through this.
Oliver sounds like he was such a little sweetheart. When they are that young it's hard for them to fight off illness. You did all that you could for him and it really shows in your post how much you loved him and how much he loved you
though these kinds of deisions are one the toughest ones we will ever have to make, you made the right decision. You were not cruel, it was a great act of love to end his suffering.

RIP sweet little Oliver
post #3 of 21
That is a very sad story. I lost a foster kitten at the end of last year, and while intellectually I know I did all I could, my heart will always wonder. The truth is though that kittens are fragile creatures and they don't always make it. I'm so sorry you had to go through that, but Oliver's last days were well loved, and that has to count for something.
post #4 of 21
What a sad story. Of course I read every word, only a person with no heart would not.

Never feel guilty for loving your cats. Of course it will feel different between Oscar and Oliver, when poor baby Oliver never had a chance! He is lucky to have had you to love him and care for him. I am very sorry he could not fight off the illness. From the details in your post, it seems apparent that you did everything possible to try to save him.

I know how hard it is to lose a baby. Please feel free to keep posting about your feelings here, that is what this forum is designed for, so we can support each other. I, too, somehow find comfort in reading people's stories.

Of course Oscar won't replace Oliver, but honors him. I hope he feels better soon!
post #5 of 21
Of course you did the right thing for Oliver. You gave him lot and devotion for the short time you had him and he felt that. Sometimes there is just nothing that can be done. Hopefully Oscar will get better and you can love one another.
post #6 of 21
Such a tragic life for Oliver - Thank God that you were there to love and comfort him and he didn't have to go through this alone. You did a great job of being a good meowmmy to him - you placed him in the care of those best able to care for him. Unfortunately, the diseases of kittenhood are swift & terrible, despite all our best efforts. Now he is on the other side of the Bridge, painfree & happy, and you are left behind, to be a good mewommy to Oscar. It took great courage to tell your story, and I admire you for it. I am so glad that your boyfriend loves you so much, to be so supportive. There is pain whenever we love - in the 1970's Roger Whitaker sang a song called "The Last Goodbye" and there was a line, oh, so true, that went "They say the moment that you're born is when you begin to die and the first time we said 'Hello' began our last goodbye", but there is great joy & happiness too. So, enjoy your time with Oscar, but let your poor heart grieve about Oliver for as long as you need it. I've lost cats throughout the years, and it hurts so much, but someday, if I live right, I will be with them again on the other side and until then, my current cats & I give each other so much happiness. You're in my thoughts & prayers, Susan
post #7 of 21
I'm so sorrry for you But in his short little life he had true love from you and your bf, don't punish yourself, you did your very best for him
post #8 of 21
I'm so sorry for what Oliver and you had to endure

I know when my cats become ill my whole world gets put on hold and I stay by their side constantly (some people don't understand this but I feel my cats look to me as their mother and they need to feel comforted and protected in times like this). Oliver depended on your companionship greatly and he knew you were there for him when he needed it the most.

I wouldn't think that you are "replacing" Oliver by getting a new kitten. I would never force this upon anyone who is grieving but at the same time the door that shut when Oliver passed on has opened another door for Oscar to come into your life. You mentioned that Oscar is showing signs of illness and you don't know what you're doing wrong. All I can advise on this is to get him to the vet for diagnosis and possible treatment of whatever is ailing him...but you aren't doing anything "wrong". You are in the process of letting go of Oliver and opening your heart to Oscar. There are bumps in the road but you will find your way through it.

Thank you for sharing your story.
post #9 of 21
What a sad story. It really sounds like you did everything you could for him though, he just wasnt strong enough to fight things. I do believe things happen for a reason though, even though we cant see what it could be. It is good that you have opened your heart to another kitten, but if he is showing similar symptoms, you need to get him tested at a vets.
post #10 of 21
Hi! I am so sorry! Oliver sounded like a great little guy. I have had to make that choice before and I know it really hurts but if Oliver was suffering I guess it was best. It is not your fault so please don't blame yourself. I have done that for years just a different sittuation. Any way it was not your fault. He was lucky to be loved so much. There are so many kittens who pass on with out ever knowing love. If you need or want to talk feel free to send me a Private Message ok. Good Bye!
post #11 of 21
Your heart was there with him and that is what matters.

Sending healing light and hugs,

post #12 of 21
Sometimes all the love and want for good for them won't change their fate. You loved this kitty - I'm certain Oliver knew this . Bless you for doing all that you could.
post #13 of 21
Thread Starter 
i don't have words to express the gratitude for all your posts, so i hope "thank you" is enough. this is a special site, with special people with noble hearts.
thanks to all: stormy, eatrawfish, Beckiboo, awliston, catsknowme, Raggedy Ann, sadisticookie, booktigger, PetLover, gayef, captiva.
it is warming to be understood.... thanks...
post #14 of 21
Hi! Your very welcome! Good Bye!
post #15 of 21
I am terribly sorry for your loss and I weep as I read your post - every word. Its always hard to loose a loved one, but it always seems harder the younger they are. You did everything in your power to ensure that Oliver had every chance in this world to live - he knew this when he crossed over to the bridge. Yes you did the right thing helping him pass - its the most unselfish act any of us can do for our loved ones

Bless you for being there for him - know that he is most certainly watching over you right now.
You were his angel here on earth and now he will be your angel from above. He will wait at the bridge until you meet again - he is in perfect health now

RIP angel Oliver - enjoy those wings
post #16 of 21
Your loss of Oliver is so tragic! But you absolutely did the right thing to end his suffering. Remember you gave him the greatest gift possible -- he knew what it was to be loved, and left this world for a better one. I hope you can open your heart to another needy kitten(s) or cat(s) soon. It's what Oliver would want, I'm sure.
post #17 of 21
I am very sorry to hear of your loss. Hopefully talking about it and reading the stories of others will help to ease your pain. My prayers go out to you.

post #18 of 21
Originally Posted by Miss Mew
I am very sorry to hear of your loss. Hopefully talking about it and reading the stories of others will help to ease your pain. My prayers go out to you.

Thanks for the sympathy. I hope others can learn from my experience so they don't have to suffer the same sort of tragedy.

post #19 of 21
I'm sorry for you loss but it was the best thing for him to not suffer. Give yourself time to heal then get yourself another kitty. Life will go on and there is another kitty out there that needs a caring mommy like you.
post #20 of 21
I know how you feel. Its coming on a year since I had my Tommie put to sleep. The vets tried to many things to save him and I took off work to hold him one last time.

Now both of our cats are playing together healthy on the rainbow bridge.

post #21 of 21
This is so sad to read. You did the right thing. Oliver is watching you from the bridge and will always be in your heart. My thoughts are with you. May Oscar help with the healing you need to do. RIP sweet little Oliver.
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