I am so upset right now..

Thanks. *HUGS* boy MI law is not so good I know in MN and according to what I read of IN law..it would have lowered his child support because she would have to go after the other man...ect. Its all a big mess anyways. My reply was simple and didnt mention any of the message. just asked all further email for dad be sent to his email box. I am going to let him handle this. But..when it comes down to it. I will also stick up for myself in a spot. I dont take stuff lying down.

I'm glad to see that you are being calm & practical during this time of turmoil. You are going to be a big asset to Steve. Maybe he could get the ex to stipulate to a new agreement. If she does prefer to go to court with this, she needs to be made aware that the judge (at least in Calif.) does consider whether or not the parent with the primary custody allows visitiation, and is otherwise cooperative. I just think that for the children's sake, they need more time with you. Horse & cat people seem to have developed non-verbal communication skills that are so useful with kids & disabled people, as well as dealing with the public. Hang in there!

Thank you. I had a melt down last night but i am straightening myself up and putting my gear on. I dont think she will go for anything other than court thats just the impression i am getting but. We shall see what happens. I agree. that animal people tend to have a better way about them. Not to toot my own horn but I deal with the cats, Dogs and horses everyday...kids can be a walk in the park after all that.

Man...I am sitting here right now listening to Steve try to reason with this woman..on WHY he should see his children.....umm hello isnt that self explainatory? But i am bitting my tougne..the big guy has given me some patience indeed. I wanna start screaming but I won't....funny too this woman is ranting about the little ones Asthma...wheres her medical degree? Thats what I wanna know. I dont have one. but i have three certifications on three levels of First Aid.

Good for you. Although you are both at your wits end, it doesn't help Steve to have you screaming, too.

Once my ex picked up the kids (in Kokomo, IN) to take them for his weekend (in Flint, Michigan). As he left, he said he wouldn't bring them back as planned, and if I didn't pick them up he would sue for custody and claim I abandoned them. I grabbed him and totally flipped out, yelling, trying to stop him from leaving with the kids! Luckily, John was there (my dh). He put his arms around me, and whispered its ok, don't scare the kids. He helped me calm down, and we figured out a way to get the kids back home. It was one of the scariest moments of my life, and I was lucky to have his calm to help me see reason.

I am not trying to say don't show your dh your emotions. Obviously you need to be totally honest with each other. But he already knows his ex is a witch. It won't help to have you remind him! LOL!

With her claim of asthma, do you have the kids room as a cat-free zone? If not, for court purposes, it might be a good idea. It will be easy if the child is diagnosed with asthma to get an MD to say they shouldn't have pet cats in the home! (I'm sorry to keep injecting court, but I dealt with this a little too much!) If you can say there is a room where the cats aren't allowed, it would help.

I'm so glad there's someone (you) in this whole mess who is able to see reason. Hate to state the obvious, but have you printed a copy of the email and your response? I know all too well from a friend who's been there done that, that the key is DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT!! ANYTHING that you can write down matter-of-factly to back up what's been going on will be VERY helpful in court, and especially that email and any other email communications.

I wish you the best of luck with the visitation and your upcoming marriage. You already know that the rest of the package (the ex's) is kinda tough, so you are a brave woman indeed. He's lucky to have you!

Aww I have no advice for you but

Originally Posted by Beckiboo

Good for you. Although you are both at your wits end, it doesn't help Steve to have you screaming, too.

Once my ex picked up the kids (in Kokomo, IN) to take them for his weekend (in Flint, Michigan). As he left, he said he wouldn't bring them back as planned, and if I didn't pick them up he would sue for custody and claim I abandoned them. I grabbed him and totally flipped out, yelling, trying to stop him from leaving with the kids! Luckily, John was there (my dh). He put his arms around me, and whispered its ok, don't scare the kids. He helped me calm down, and we figured out a way to get the kids back home. It was one of the scariest moments of my life, and I was lucky to have his calm to help me see reason.

I am not trying to say don't show your dh your emotions. Obviously you need to be totally honest with each other. But he already knows his ex is a witch. It won't help to have you remind him! LOL!

With her claim of asthma, do you have the kids room as a cat-free zone? If not, for court purposes, it might be a good idea. It will be easy if the child is diagnosed with asthma to get an MD to say they shouldn't have pet cats in the home! (I'm sorry to keep injecting court, but I dealt with this a little too much!) If you can say there is a room where the cats aren't allowed, it would help.

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They actually have cats and a dog. so she would not be able to play that card. But It has been stated the kids will get the bedroom at night, and it will be cleaned top to bottom and aired out of any kittie stuff. To help Levi..I had already thought of that. He has sinus's just like his daddy. And i know how to get Steve through it. so I should be able ot get Levi through it. An extra Pillow is the best thing for sleeping, and I keep this house cleaned..I vaccum everday with my handy dandy dyson

I know he doesnt need me reminding him..but i do remind him to remind her, I was an intern for a lawyer once...a family law lawyer... just so she remembers who she is dealing with when the tries to play "legal games"

I agree though.....you gotta be calm. sometimes. I had my melt down last night So I am good to go...bring it on world...Semper Fie...OOORAAH. *chuckles&

Originally Posted by RicaLynn

I'm so glad there's someone (you) in this whole mess who is able to see reason. Hate to state the obvious, but have you printed a copy of the email and your response? I know all too well from a friend who's been there done that, that the key is DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT!! ANYTHING that you can write down matter-of-factly to back up what's been going on will be VERY helpful in court, and especially that email and any other email communications.

I wish you the best of luck with the visitation and your upcoming marriage. You already know that the rest of the package (the ex's) is kinda tough, so you are a brave woman indeed. He's lucky to have you!

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Thank you. and yes I have documented. as well as having already sometme ago starting a log of everytime he has called the kids, times he gets to talk to them. times they are not home, times she says they ant talk..and times sh rushes them off the phone. all written down in a book...i dont think he even knows ih ave that book. What can I say..I know how this stuff works. And shes going to fight dirty..

Thank you for the well wishes. I dont like some of his baggage (ie two exs) but...I love him. and his past makes him who he is.and hes mine now..and thats all that matters at the end of the day.

Such a tough situation. It would be easy to play the armchair quarterback and give you advice but I think we all know how hard it is to actually be in the problem. Just know we're out here pulling for you. Best of luck.

Poor Steve - he's in a tough spot. Reasoning with someone who is so obviously unreasonable just doesn't work. At least now he has someone(you! ) he can be rational with ! As for the asthma, if it's truly an issue, the bio-mom needs to provide a written statement about potential problems & resulting treatments, preferably from the child's allergist, or at least the family practitioner, simple as that. And the suggestion about a cat-free room is excellent; by the way, if it is allergies to cats that sets off the asthma, then exposure to rabbits, wool & horses also becomes an issue. I am an asthmatic, but mine is set off by "common irritants", mostly chemicals, esp. chlorine, cigarette smoke & fragrance. Smog is another bad one for me. Pollens & animals are no problem at all.
Keep up the good work, biting your tongue. And just to give the bio-mom credit where credit probably isn't due, maybe she is truly concerned for her child, esp. after Krystal; maybe Steve could acknowledge her concerns, but reassure her that these problems will be well-handled by you two. Does she know about your advanced first-aid certificates? If so, she could react in 2 ways; either by feeling reassured or else, she might be resentful that you are more qualified to assist her child than she is. I am so perplexed by this situation - I would be THRILLED that my children would get a ride on a jet. My disabled daughter has flown on NWA as an Assisted Adult, which is equivalent to Unacompanied Minor, and the airline does a great job looking out for these kids. And then, each be given a horse... - What is that Woman thinking????

Originally Posted by catsknowme

Poor Steve - he's in a tough spot.

Reasoning with someone who is so obviously unreasonable just doesn't work. At least now he has someone(you!

) he can be rational with

! As for the asthma, if it's truly an issue, the bio-mom needs to provide a written statement about potential problems & resulting treatments, preferably from the child's allergist, or at least the family practitioner, simple as that. And the suggestion about a cat-free room is excellent; by the way, if it is allergies to cats that sets off the asthma, then exposure to rabbits, wool & horses also becomes an issue. I am an asthmatic, but mine is set off by "common irritants", mostly chemicals, esp. chlorine, cigarette smoke & fragrance. Smog is another bad one for me. Pollens & animals are no problem at all.
Keep up the good work, biting your tongue.

And just to give the bio-mom credit where credit probably isn't due, maybe she is truly concerned for her child, esp. after Krystal; maybe Steve could acknowledge her concerns, but reassure her that these problems will be well-handled by you two. Does she know about your advanced first-aid certificates? If so, she could react in 2 ways; either by feeling reassured or else, she might be resentful that you are more qualified to assist her child than she is. I am so perplexed by this situation - I would be THRILLED that my children would get a ride on a jet. My disabled daughter has flown on NWA as an Assisted Adult, which is equivalent to Unacompanied Minor, and the airline does a great job looking out for these kids. And then, each be given a horse...

- What is that Woman thinking????

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His is set off my common irrants. Steve knows she seems to be forgetting this is his SON. and although steve himself is not asmatic, he is the one who Levi got the problems from. Steve has horrible horrible sinus's. The phone convo, went...so so. He did acknowledge her concerns about what happened with the other one. but than firmly reminded her that I, Katie was not Krystal. Than proceeded to tell her that it would be ME paying for the trip, and My paycheck we are living off. She was pretty silent about that. I dont make a boat load of money...by anymeans. but let her think what she wants off that one, lol. Steve than also informed her off my certifications, and that every summer parents would send their kids to be in the middle of the woods, 24 hours a day for 1-2 weeks to work around horses. and didnt bat a lash! she said Oh i am sure someoen got hurt....he said..yes someone did.. Katie..protecting the child. She was than pretty silent...

Yeah I think shes being dumb too..but when she than also heard that it was ME who hired the lawyer to finnish getting rid of ex number 2...she suddenly said "oh well me and her could get along...and i saw her pictures shes pretty" but still wont let the kids come

she wants me to meet her, the kids, and wants approval by steves family first. I turned around and told Steve Legally we dont need ANY OF THAT...not one damn bit of it. But....to be the adult. If we can afford it in a few months. fine. we will take a weekend trip. she can stick that in her pipe and smoke it.

Okay, ScamperFarms! You did accomplish alot in one day - you got her "ears listening" and sounds like she's starting to "flex at the poll"...sounds like you may be able to get "that head down" and have a smooth ride yet!! What I really like is that you have HEROICALLY kept this powder keg of a situation under control and your influence has kept respect at the forefront. You are an attorney's dream client!!!Please send some of your good vibes out this way - lately,we seem to be getting the "I won't be satisfied until I have my ex's head on a silver platter and a goblet of their blood" variety....ugh!

Originally Posted by catsknowme

Okay, ScamperFarms!

You did accomplish alot in one day - you got her "ears listening" and sounds like she's starting to "flex at the poll"...sounds like you may be able to get "that head down" and have a smooth ride yet!! What I really like is that you have HEROICALLY kept this powder keg of a situation under control and your influence has kept respect at the forefront. You are an attorney's dream client!!!Please send some of your good vibes out this way - lately,we seem to be getting the "I won't be satisfied until I have my ex's head on a silver platter and a goblet of their blood" variety....ugh!

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Good grief. I hate people like that! I will send some vibes you way. I guess I am a good client, because I used to work for an Attorney so I know what its like in there.

heheh Love the horse words though oh yeah I am getting that pony to flex at the poll. give to the bit, and move to my pressure. All without much fight, because I am being calm about it, lol.

I did have a chuckle, when the ex said she wanted to punch ex number two, and Steve said, Yes well Katie would like a peice of her too...i heard her say "could she take her? shes small?" steve just laughed and said "she may be small but she makes 1200lb horses do what she wants, and she is the daughter of a marine" there was silence..again on the other line, LOL I think she sees now I am a formidable match. BUT i dont play dirty, I play fair, and Adult..and I have the kids best interest at heart.

If we can afford it. and thats a big if. I am making plans for us to go down for a weekend in September to meet everyone. And in the long run, it will be more comfortable for the kids, although they wont get to see the horses. they will meet me for the first time on their own turf. My only rule is SHE is not there when I first meet them. she can meet me first..thats fine. But I want them to see me for me. and not be looking to their mom on how they should act.

My influence rang good on Steve as well..with ex number two..the attorney asked me and him. what we wanted from her. I said "He wants out, and what he had when he went in" and Steve said "Thats what I wanted to start with when she lied and didnt turn in the papers.thats what I want now." he wants Out..and what he went in with.nothing more. nothing less.