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Kitten chosen fiance... thinking of getting another cat

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 
I've had Misty since last November and she is about 9 months old. For a long time, she hated my fiance (I think she was jealous) but lately she has been more affectionate with him than she ever was with me. Whenever I try to get any loving out of her, she just runs the other way or tries to play with me, but never just sits on my lap and lets me pet her. I have never had a female cat before and I am wondering if it is possible that she likes my fiance more because he is a male? (Do male cats seem to prefer female owners?)

I have been considering getting another cat, a male, for a few reasons. One, both my fiance and I work all day and sometimes in the evening so I thought she would like the company (another partner in crime!), I also was hoping that maybe the male cat would be a little more loving to me and then both my fiance and I would have a cat who likes us. Is this a good idea? I am not looking to replace Misty... she is still my little girl, but I am kinda wanting a cat who likes me a little more that she does. Are there certain breeds who are more affectionate than others? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
post #2 of 16
I dunno, you'll probably get a lot of differing opinions on this, but one thing is for certain, most cats do enjoy having one of their own kind to play with - as for gender, I am of the firm opinion that the little girls do love their "daddy" and the little boys do love their "mommy". I like a Siamese for myself, they bond thoroughly and deeply and are very, very loving, loyal companions. Again, you will probably get many different opinions about that too!

Best of luck,

post #3 of 16
I do think there is no rhyme or reason why cats sometimes prefer one person over another, and I have had both male and female cats who were absolute lapcats and others who weren't, some who were indiscriminate in their affections and others who were strictly 'one-person' cats. Sometimes cats will prefer the person who feeds/plays with them and you can encourage this, but it just does not always work that way. I think to get another cat is a good idea as a companion, but you will never guarantee that a new cat will prefer you, whatever you do! It's one reason why I love cats - they are independent.
post #4 of 16
I think it's a good idea to get a cat pal for Misty. As to whether that changes her affections toward you, or whether the new cat is more affectionate is impossible to predict. You just have to be willing to accept what you get. It's like a little adventure!!
post #5 of 16
I think it is a great idea to get Misty a friend. Cats, in general, live healthier & happier lives when they have a playmate...two is better than one

I have 2 females and 2 males...we are 4 over here. I do find that my females are more affectionate with my husband and my son than they are with me. My males are are like my shadows on some days. They are truly "mammas boys". My female kitten lays with my son and kneeds him, plays with his face with her paws, sleeps in his bed...not me though. Go figure. I love them all and I know all of them love me, but by far, my 2 females gravitate towards the human adults here
post #6 of 16
After struggling over whether to get Chloe a companion or not we went ahead and did it - best decision we ever made. While they are not bossom buddies all the time, it's very clear that Chloe likes to have Iris around. (Iris is very sociable and loves having other cats around.) Chloe even goes looking for Iris when she can't see her. Too cute.

We have two girls - Chloe is definitely a mama's girl and Iris is a papa's girl. In fact, we went in search of a male (Iris' brother, Peter), but we didn't bond with him very well. When we met Iris it was an immediate connection between her and my husband. Same for Chloe and me. In other words, I don't know if it's a gender connection necessarily - sometimes it seems a cat just bonds with a particular person. Who knows why?
post #7 of 16
i have one boy, one girl and they are both my babies and no-one else gets a look in!

could your fiance have been bribing her with toys and treats to make her like him more?
post #8 of 16
If you are going to get another cat, a boy is the best way to go. Often when people post asking what gender of a cat they should get, most people say get one of each. Male-male works good too, but a lot of people ive seen say female female is not the way to go, I suppose they are more territorial...

Elliot is not a very affectionate cat, as in he will not sleep by me, prefering to sleep on the shelf, and he doesnt like to sit on my lap. However, my girl Aerowyn is alot more affectionate, (she sits in my lap, sleeps by me, and comes to me more often to be petted) most likely because she always wants me to rub her neck. Whenever I pay attention to aerowyn though, elliot watches me, sometimes through slitted eyes, and after that he will come to me to be petted. Last night he even slept next to me on my bed for the first time in his three years of life. (and that day actually I had been paying a bit more attention to aerowyn than him, because he was really not anywhere to be found to be petted and loved)

One thing i want to ask, is your husband home more? Maybe, if you are busier than he is, your cat just decided to be by him more because he is more avaliable. Maybe he wears a cologne that she like sthe smell of, or just likes his smell in general. DO you wear perfume? She might be put off by that, or maybe if you are a busy person, by the time you get home and want to pet her, she is all loved out from your husband, and wants to play instead. Cats like to keep schedules. Maybe when you want to pet her, it is time in her schedule to play? I dont know really I'm only speculating. There are alot of factors that can make a cat be more affectionate towards one person than the other. I know my cats arent too affectionate towards my mom because she doesnt feed them, she isnt home a lot, she is a loud woman, and she doesnt pet them all that often. Maybe if you start giving her treats more often, and then petting her, she will see you as someone who gives lovings, not just as a person who plays with her. There are lots of ways you can make a cat more loving towards you

For example, I found out about doing blinkies on here... what you do is look at your cat, and do a slow blink. They may or may not do one back to you, but boy was Elliot surprised when I started doing it to h im, and he has become more loving. People say that if you do a wink and the cat does a wink back to you, it is extra special. Avoid staring at your cat though, because that signals them that you want to fight or may be a threat.

Hope I helped a bit maybe.
post #9 of 16
Over the years that I have had rescued males and females it always seems like the males would attach to me and the females would attach to my husband. I can't explain it. But my newest is a female and she is pretty much attached to both of us...for now!
With both of us working full time jobs I did not want anyone to get to lonely Ebony is my oldest and just likes to lay around and watch Panter, and Panter is still young and has a lot of play, so I kept one of my last rescues so Panter would have a playmate when we were out.
post #10 of 16
i had the same problem, when i first brought sara home, she hated my husband... and before i knew it, she would only cuddle up with him and didnt want anything to do with me... well it made me jealous cuz she was my cat.... so i started ignoring her, completley... and soon enough she started coming back to me and now is throws herself on me and lays upside down on my chest and purrs when i am laying on the couch...she still goes to my husband, but now she just goes back and forth..

the quickest way to make a cat run away is to try and get them to stay somewhere, so if you are picking her up and putting her in your lap and trying to get her to stay, she is gunna avoid you... try paying her no attention when she walks in room, and after a couple of weeks she may start coming to you for attention again...

this is all just personal opinion... i have had mostly female cats all my life, and they have never prefered one sex over the other... neither did the male cats... but i am not sure about that
post #11 of 16
I think Festus (female) perfers me and Lexie (dd) to dh and Shane (ds). And Garfield (male) prefers Shane and dh, although he often sleeps with Lexie and Festus.

Gar was born into a family with boys, and slept with boys the first 2 months of his life. Festie was Lexie's favorite from day one, and got tons of attention from her.

So maybe if you adopt a boy cat from a girls only home, he will prefer you?

But cats are cats, and you never can tell. Maybe you should get a couple more, to be sure someone always wants to be on your lap?
post #12 of 16
I think many different breeds can be affectionate but have to concut with gayeF about Siamese. I love Siamese kitties and they choose their human and love to be with you EVERYWHERE. I guess the downside is you need to be prepared to take them with you everywhere and to have a friend for life who never wants you to leave or to be left alone. I ADORE my Siamese!!
post #13 of 16
Originally Posted by mferr84
the quickest way to make a cat run away is to try and get them to stay somewhere, so if you are picking her up and putting her in your lap and trying to get her to stay, she is gunna avoid you... try paying her no attention when she walks in room, and after a couple of weeks she may start coming to you for attention again...
I really tend to agree with this...
Both my boys (even though one is good with strangers and one is not) won't like a person to the extent that the person focuses on them, whether that be following them around or picking them up, putting them on their lap, etc..

The more a person seems to ignore them, the more attracted they are.
I have two friends who hate my cats..
I have one cat who generally hates all of my friends.
However, when the two cat haters come over, Lovey will jump into their laps!
He does this with no one else but me.

But as I am mummy, they tolerate me moving them or petting them anywhere.

I sincerely believe its a thing of trust with the person they love.
They understand I won't or don't do anything unnecessarily grievous or irritating to them and its a give and take. If someone is forcing themselves on them or any other cat for their own selfish reasons, I think cats just know.
And prefer to dissassociate.

And though I have had more experience with boys (cats, that is ), I do tend to think of them as more snugglebunnies with me moreso than my BF.
post #14 of 16
I have two girls (sisters) and they are very affectionate with me and with each other. I am at home for more than the bf though. I've noticed that my foster boys are GENERALLY more cuddly than the girls, not always though.

May I suggest getting an older cat, even just 1 year old? If you get it from a rescue or foster home they can tell you whether they are affectionate lap cats or wild players, some kittens change as they get older so it is harder to tell.
post #15 of 16
I have 2 females. They both have equal disdain for me and my boyfriend. Although I think they like me more sometimes because I'm the one that feeds them. Otherwise, it hasn't mattered.

We got the second because our first was lonely and now they play together all the time, although they aren't cuddlers.

We also have a foster cat staying with us who is a total lap cat. She loooves me. And has no opinion on the boyfriend.

So I think it is just a roll of the dice.
post #16 of 16
I have to say... it might just be something your fiance is doing? My two cats prefer me over my fiance, and I have no idea why. Even when we got Max, he was my fiance's cat and I stayed away but he still favors me (but I think he might've had a hard life and met some mean men in the past). So if you do get a new cat, just remember... that one still might not act the way you want, you know?
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