Ready to give cat away :(

Hi All -

I posted on here awhile ago about some adjustment problems my cats are having, and I'm at the end of my rope because they're getting worse.

In a nutshell - we adopted Rogue and Angel - 2 DSH - at the same time - they got along great. About 3 months ago my fiancees friend was getting rid of his cat for "allergies" and we took her - a norwegian forest cat.

At first Angel was SO nosey and wanted to get near Tessa (the new kitty) and check her out, etc. Rogue was like "eh."

Once tessa started getting adjusted to our place, she learned (although very roughly) to play with rogue - chasing her around and batting at her - and rogue typically does the same.

Angel however - she terrorizes.
Angel is now trapped in the bathroom on the windowsill all the time. The second she comes down - tessa (who is always laying around the corner waiting for her to move) will rush in and try to attack her.

She does this all the time, and at first we could get angel out to eat with the rest, now we cant get her to stay out long enough if she sees tessa anywhere.

It's changing her personality. Angel used to be so playful - her and rogue would have little routines in the morning playing around, they would both sleep on us, eat together, etc. But now angel sits in the window all day doing nothing. She sleeps there at night too, unless we grab her and bring her to bed with us - where she will stay all night (typically they would get up every once in awhile and play) until early morning - then she'll try to sneak back to the bathroom without tessa seeing her.

I feel horrible, it was my idea to take tessa in since we felt bad she was being given away but i feel like crap because it's changed my cats for the worse. I don't know what to do and honestly, ive never given a pet away in my life but I'm ready to give up tessa.

I think it's really unfair to have brought her in when all she does is terrorize angel, and i feel horrible that angel's personality changed and is not the same at all.

What do i do?

I tried all the tricks in the beginning to get them all used to eachother, but something is happening between angel and tessa when we're not home to have made angel terrified of her.

I don't know what to do...I thought I'd give it time but it's getting worse.

I should add... when we got her from that guy - he found her on his doorstep. Personally I find it hard to believe someone letting a pure bred cat like that roam around outside, so I think she got out somehow. He kept her, had her checked up, etc. When we got her, we brought her to the vet but did not tell them to check if she had a microchip because I was afraid to give her up.

I know - it's horrible, I know she could be some little kids' pet - but she got out once and I knew I would make sure my cats couldn't get out and run away, who knows what could happen!

She was SO friendly and loving to US from the start, i had to take a chance to see if she could get along with my cats.

Now i feel like I'm being punished for being selfish to begin with and not checking to see if she had the chip and was reported missing But I honestly had good intentions.

Now I feel like a horrible person because it's turned into a really bad situation. I was thinking of taking her back to the vet and seeing if her family is looking for her

What should I do? Do I keep her and see if it works out - even though I'm scared of Angels personality changing - or do I be mean and take her to the vet to try to give her up via the microchip?

If she has a microchip, you should make every effort to get her back to her original owners. Think about if your cat goes missing how worried would you be, and how elated if months, even years later, the cat surfaced?

It is hard to say what went wrong in the initial introduction of these cats. Ideally, if you can't locate the original owner, then getting a cat behaviorist in to help you would be the best thing. They can see the environment, observe the cats and make recommendations as to how to work out the situation.

Originally Posted by LaceyDF

I would also have her checked for a microchip. If she has a home already, you can return her to her loving owners and then you can still keep your original cats and they will (hopefully) re-adjust without her.

keep us updated, please. I'd really hate to see you give up Angel when she was there first. She's obviously not happy about the new cat coming in. You shouldn't punish her for it...it wasn't her fault.

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Oh I'd NEVER give up Angel - it's Tessa - the new cat - that I'm talking about giving up. Angel and Rogue are perfect together, I could NEVER EVER split them up.

Hissy - I'm guessing a cat behaviorist isn't cheap - are there any alternatives?

Originally Posted by RogueAngel

Oh I'd NEVER give up Angel - it's Tessa - the new cat - that I'm talking about giving up. Angel and Rogue are perfect together, I could NEVER EVER split them up.

Hissy - I'm guessing a cat behaviorist isn't cheap - are there any alternatives?

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I know you said you have tried everything, but when you are gone, are Angel and Tessa kept apart? That might give Angel a break from Tessa's strong personality.

Have you tried Feliway? It might help Angel feel more at ease, and Tessa to be less aggressive.

Check into a behaviorist. Compared to the cost of a "free" cat-add in vet costs too, it is probably a bargain. And you don't need someone to come stay with you for a week, just an hour of someone's time to give you a new perspective to try something new so you can keep all 3 cats happily. I'll bet its cheaper than a lot of things that would bring you a lot less happiness. At least check the price!

Originally Posted by Beckiboo

I know you said you have tried everything, but when you are gone, are Angel and Tessa kept apart? That might give Angel a break from Tessa's strong personality.

Have you tried Feliway? It might help Angel feel more at ease, and Tessa to be less aggressive.

Check into a behaviorist. Compared to the cost of a "free" cat-add in vet costs too, it is probably a bargain. And you don't need someone to come stay with you for a week, just an hour of someone's time to give you a new perspective to try something new so you can keep all 3 cats happily. I'll bet its cheaper than a lot of things that would bring you a lot less happiness. At least check the price!

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I have not kept them apart because their litter boxes are in our bathroom, where angel sits in the window - and they all come in there to use it. Should I pull one out and then keep Tessa in there? Right now, as odd as it sounds - thats the only room with a door - our bedroom has one of those open windows into another room that they jump through - is it mean to keep Tessa in there all day? Will this actually help Angel out? I know it sounds funny - but is it possible for Tessa to be even more aggressive towards angel since she'd be locked up all day?

Also - what is Feliway? I've never heard of it.

Originally Posted by RogueAngel

I have not kept them apart because their litter boxes are in our bathroom, where angel sits in the window - and they all come in there to use it. Should I pull one out and then keep Tessa in there? Right now, as odd as it sounds - thats the only room with a door - our bedroom has one of those open windows into another room that they jump through - is it mean to keep Tessa in there all day? Will this actually help Angel out? I know it sounds funny - but is it possible for Tessa to be even more aggressive towards angel since she'd be locked up all day?

Also - what is Feliway? I've never heard of it.

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Honestly, since Angel has claimed the bathroom as the place she feels safe, I would put another litterbox elsewhere, and let Angel have the bathroom to herself all day. It may seem restrictive to you, but it gives her time where she doesn't feel she has to protect herself from Tessa.

Even though Garfield and Festus love each other, Fest LOVES to be locked away in a bedroom without him for a day occasionally.

Feliway is a comforting hormone that calms cats. Google it. I think you can get it on-line, or at pet stores. It can make a drastic change in cat behavior!

I think you should give away tessa and just get done with it. find her a good home, i'm sure there are rescue groups who can help.

Sure they are many here who will suggest behaviorists, feliway, etc, etc, but sometimes the best decision is the toughest one to make.

good luck...

Unfortunately, I have to agree with Rarepuss. You could still try Feliway scent diffuser or even a complete separation and re-introduction process for Tessa, but if one of your current cats is terrorized to the point of not moving about in her own home. then it's time for Tessa to explore the many wonderful opportunities awaiting her in another loving home. The game of Old Cat vs. New Cat shouldn't last longer than a week or so, more than that indicates a serious problem.

Update -

We took Tessa to animal welfare - she doesn't have a microchip in her so there's no way to know if someone reported her missing Which I guess is good, makes me feel less guilty about taking her.

We decided to wait until we move in about a month to see what happens with her and Angel. I bought the Feliway diffuser on ebay and decided that once we move I will set that up since they will most likely be stressed anyways, hopefully it will help them bond in stressful times Keep your fingers crossed!!!

Originally Posted by DaddyCat

Unfortunately, I have to agree with Rarepuss. You could still try Feliway scent diffuser or even a complete separation and re-introduction process for Tessa, but if one of your current cats is terrorized to the point of not moving about in her own home. then it's time for Tessa to explore the many wonderful opportunities awaiting her in another loving home. The game of Old Cat vs. New Cat shouldn't last longer than a week or so, more than that indicates a serious problem.

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I would find Tessa a new home ASAP or take her to a no kill shelter. The longer she is there, the more she will cause Angel's personality to change and the less likely Angel will be able to readjust and be like her old self again.