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bye bye freda

post #1 of 21
Thread Starter 
I think im going to take freda back to by bfs dads house because shes just not settling in here,she hissed at my 1 yr old and he wasnt even being threatening towards her.Lily is brilliant with my son and never hisses. I dont want to give her back because i know she'll have nobody to love her the way i do but i have to think about my son first. Lily has also stopped eating and drinking because she is here and i dont know what to do about that.

I think i would have kept her if she hadnt hissed at my son,i dont want her to attack him so id rather take her back straight away. Has anyone got any idea that might help her aggression towards my son? if so plz tell me asap,i will talk to my bf tonight about what i should do but i need help and soon.I might try feliway before i make any decisions,Does anyone know how much this costs?
post #2 of 21
Hissing is simply her way of saying "I'm uncomfortable." It is not an aggressive behavior. Instead, Freda was telling your little boy that he was making her nervous.

How long have you had Freda? Most cats who are on the shy side take several weeks before they are comfortable in a new home. You might try confining Freda to one bedroom for a few days until she becomes more comfortable in your house.

Also, one-year old children move in somewhat clumsy and unpredictable ways (at least in a cat's eyes) so Freda will probably avoid him until he becomes a little older. Just remind your children to use what Hissy calles the one-hand rule....never touch the cat with more than one hand. This way the child is much less likely to hurt or frighten the cat and accidently provoke a scratch.

If you can find a Comfort Zone diffuser, that would be helpful. It is a bit expensive here in the USA ($25.00 for the refill), but it is well worth the expense when bringing a new cat into your home.

Good luck and give Feda a bit more time before you make a decision about whether to have her join your family.
post #3 of 21
Thread Starter 
Thanx for the advice,il give her a bit more time then and try to get a comfort diffuser.
post #4 of 21
Thread Starter 
This is really annoying me now,freda is hissing at lily non stop and i can tell lily is really upset and now its starting to upset me.Freda is such a stubborn old woman,lily isnt even hissing at her now but freda is just bullying her. I love freda so much but lily means more to me than any cat so im gonna have to make arrangements to take her back to her old home.Its upsetting because i really wanted freda to enjoy the rest of her life but now shes gonna be lonely.I think she is suited to a cat free home.I dont wanna take her back cos she'll just get ignored but i think she'll be happier becuse there wont be any other cats. Iv seen some really nice cats in the shelter which need a good home maybe i should think about getting one of them,they might get on better with lily because lily doesnt seem to mind other cats.

Its such a shame about freda but lily hardly eats she never comes downstairs and to be honest im missing her cos i never see her anymore.She seems to be ignoring me now freda is here and im gutted.She just stays upstairs all day and when i go to see her she just looks away.
post #5 of 21
Can you not keep them separated for a while like you would do when having a new kitten in the house, and swap their blankets over from time to time etc... to get used to each others smell.

Even if Freda stays in the upstairs bedroom so that Lily could come down until they get used to each other?!.

What if a shelter cat doesn't settle either?! I would hang on for a little while longer because Fredas bound to be a little daunted by the whole thing as well.
post #6 of 21
how long has it been since you introduced Freda into the house? Could it still be that they are getting used to each other?
post #7 of 21
Thread Starter 
Shes only been here a few days but i just have a feeling that she will never tolerate lily,i dont wanna upset lily anymore i know its cruel to take her back but shes just getting worse with lily not better.
post #8 of 21
You've no idea how it broke my heart when Rosie changed with me after bringing Sophie home.

I cried rivers literally!, because i'd lost my little girl such as coming on my lap, giving me headbutts, chasing a ball if i threw it upstairs for her, really she stopped playing full stop!

Although they became the best of friends after a couple of weeks, Rosie still wasn't the same with me and it's taken a good year of making sure she's first on everything, be it food, scritches or treats, but my little girl slowly came back to me, and i'm just so pleased i didn't give up on Sophie because she's the best thing that could have happend to Rosie, because she's a friend, a playmate and a snuggle partner
post #9 of 21
If you have only had her a few days, you need to give her more time and do a gradual introduction, preferably with new cat separated and then gradually introduce new smells.

Also, if Lily is spending most of her time upstairs, you need to make time for her. If there is one particular room she spends her time in, go in and sit in there with her, and just read or do something that is ignoring her and let her come to you. You need to make sure she doesnt feel left out, and i would do this for at least an hour a day.

I got a new cat in Jan, and it has only been the last couple of weeks where the 'resident' cat will actually come back upstairs and jump on my bed, even if it is only for 10 mins before i get up, before that he spent all his time downstairs or outside, but has slowly come round. You need a lot of patience and to be able to spend time with both cats on an individual basis.
post #10 of 21
Thread Starter 
well iv been thinking about it and iv decided that since freda loves quiet time by herself and lily loves to be outside that id swap them round and let freda be upstairs and lily be downstairs,i dunno why i never thought of this before.I dont go upstairs to often but that shouldnt bother freda cos she likes quiet time and she would also be away from my screaming son. The only problem is that lily likes to sleep on my chest at night and if freda stays upstairs then lily wont come up and il miss her sleeping with me. That is the only soloution i can think of,its gonna be hard getting freda upstairs cos she wont let you pick her up but il think of something.

I spent some time with lily just now and she actually played with me for the first time in a few days iv got pictures to show you so check out fur pictures only in a bit and see how happy she looks.
post #11 of 21
I've just seen this, Janine!

As I mentioned before, it does take a considerable amount of time for cats to become accustomed - i'm so pleased that you aren't giving up!

Did you take a look at the Feliway site I gave you yesterday? You can get all sorts of different things!

Please don't give up Keep us updated!
post #12 of 21
Brilliant!!! So is the room that Freda will be staying in a guest bedroom?

Rosie and Sophie use the guest room as "their" room, and i have their litter tray and water bowl in their as well.

They will eventually get used to each other, it's just strange for both of them thats all, for all of you really!.

I'm so pleased your not giving up just yet though, but keep going up to see Freda to talk to her and give her scritches just to help her feel "at home", and of course don't leave Lily out

Do you give the kitts treats at all?
post #13 of 21
Thread Starter 
unfortunatly i only have 2 rooms so freda would have to stay in my bedroom but im sure she wont mind,its gonna be tough for lily to stop going upstairs as much as she does cos she has a nice little spot at the top of the stairs where she can stay for up to 2 hrs or so but im sure she'll get over it. Its the best thing i can think of for the time being...i just want them both to be happy and i think freda would love the odd hug and cuddle from me instead of getting non from her old owner. With her being 15 she just sleeps all day so i like to give her privacy. AT the moment freda is sleeping in the kitchen but as soon as my bf comes home il try to swap them over and give it a go.

My kitties dont get many nice treats but thats someing i want to change... Thanx for all the help and encouragement guys!
post #14 of 21
Keeping her in your room sounds perfect, and once they get used to each other being there they'll be fine, even if they just cross paths on the stairs?!.

Freda now has a loving home where someone can give her some attention, even if she stays in the bedroom at least someone is there to talk to her and thats what you should give yourself a pat on the back for

Keep giving us updates though!
post #15 of 21
Thread Starter 
thanx very much if it wasnt for all your help i dont think i would have keep you posted!
post #16 of 21
When it comes to adding cats in a home, there is a process that is used (here anyway) that makes the transition as smooth as possible. Unlike humans, and part of the problem with cat owners, is we tend to think of these critters as people with little fur coats and four feet- and they are NOT! Because of that, we try and rush them through the introduction process,believing they can reason things out. Unlike a home crowded with people, a cat can't come up to another cat and say, "Hey stop eating all the food in the refrigerator will ya?" Or "Don't hog all the hot water!" Instead they hiss, they growl, they scratch, and will even bite, unless they are left to figure out for themselves how to get along.

If your cat Lily got outside accidentally and took off- she would meet up with other cats soon enough. That is how they survive. Admittedly outside, there are more ways for a cat to be free of another cat- but inside surrounded by four walls, there is no escape. So they posture, they growl, they hiss and their stress level goes up which is why your little boy got hissed at.

The very best way for cats to get to know each other, is to put between them a door that is not solid. Cat proof screen doors are available. My husband built a really nifty portable door out of pvc pipe and chicken wire. This allows the cats the opportunity to see each other, smell each other, play with each other and no one gets hurt in the process.

Yesterday, I took the new five kittens out to the enclosure to let them explore. All six of my adult cats were out there, and the two latest rescued kittens were as well. I let the kittens out and stepped back to watch. I did not anticipate problems, and there were none at the time until Prowler who is very predatory stepped in and started stalking the babies. I put Prowler in the house, and let the kittens have about an hour of enclosure time. The adults were watching intently but there were no confrontations and I finally gathered up the litter and brought them back upstairs.

This morning, Wink and Gypsy are at each other throats. It is a delayed reaction from the kittens. They knew the kittens were here- as they were upstairs in the cat room, and there is a chicken wire door up there, so they have seen all the babies. But now the babies are in their turf, and they are a bit riled up. Gypsy hissed at both Mike and I this morning, but we understand why she is upset, and we let her get it out of her system. She is fine now, but her and Wink are uneasy with each other- but they are getting along.

Your cats should not be sharing anything right now. Not time with you, not litter pans, not water or food bowls, not toys. Provide them with ample ways of getting off the floor and out of each other's path. Cat ramps, cat condos, window perches, clear off a bookshelf. Determine who your alpha is and be sure and put their food bowl down first then put the other bowl down. Don't approach these cats and expect them to jump in your lap and purr out their content, until they learn to get along. And give them time- be on their time schedule, not yours. They will adjust- it just takes time-
post #17 of 21
Thread Starter 
thanx for all that info...i think my problem is that all my life iv always wanted to have 2 cats that get along.Alot of people in here having many cats which get along fine and i admit im rushing things i just find it hard to slow just desperate to try and change freda's life. Shes spend many years with 2 other cats which were very unpleasant to her and now she doesnt like any cats so its a very big challenge for me to get her to accept lily. Lily i think has already accepted freda into our house,shes not aggressive or nasty towards her anymore which is good. Freda is also starting to walk around the house a bit more but hasnt been upstairs yet. yesterday lily was so desperate to use her litter box but freda was in the way so poor lily ran outside to do it and shes never ever done it outside before so she must have been really scared.

Freda is also alot bigger then lily so naturally lily is a bit nervous of her but im really proud of her for not hissing back and making things worse. I bought the feliway but it takes a while to work...i was gonna buy some cat nip for freda because my bf says it makes her all relaxed and calm but i dont know if it would interfer with the feliway? Anyway im gonna give it my best shot to try and make these two girls friends or at least tolerate eachother.
post #18 of 21
I appreciate your honesty and the fact that you are trying. As I just posted in another thread, where a member has given up on a cat, you have to reset your time clock to their time. Let them call the shots as they learn to share space with each other. Only a few cats are truly pariahs. I have two that have lived outside now for over eight years. It isn't that they aren't welcome to join the others, it is that they choose not to. Both have already defied the odds, because stats say feral cats usually only live 2-3 years at best. But they know they are welcome in the house or in the enclosure at any time. One prefers to live in an old hollow log in the forest, while the other has taken up residence under an old abandoned barn.

You learn by watching your cats and taking your cues from them. Don't rush them- keep a dark blanket or a soft pillow nearby that you can gently drop over them during confrontations,and understand that they will get along eventually.
post #19 of 21
Glad you are going to give some of the suggestions a go, it can take months for cats to get on, my male cat takes ages to tolerate anyone new in his house, i only had one cat for 4 months because he had changed personality since the previous cat had died and i didnt want to ruin that. Then things just happened!!

Having them in separate rooms with separate bowls and trays is a good idea. Even though Freda doesnt seem to want company, you still need to sit up there for about an hour a day with her, you can be doing something like reading or knitting or whatever you like to do and let her come to you in her own time. Even though she is 15, she will prob still appreciate playing, so maybe get some fishing rod toys. It would also be good if you could get each cat to sit on a blanket and swap it on a weekly basis, so they get used to each other's smells before seeing each other.

Catnip shouldnt interfere with Feliway, it can be quite good to make two cats play without realising the other one is there.
post #20 of 21
You need to have two litter boxes, but i would put one of them in a different room so Lily can wee in peace

As each day passes i bet you see an improvement with them!, because i just took one day at a time with Rosie and Sophie.

I would leave them with the feliway for a few weeks until they get more used to each other?!.
post #21 of 21
Thread Starter 
Thanx alot for the help,i might buy a catnip toy for freda and we'll just have to wait and see what happens.Il keep posting their progress tho.
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