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post #31 of 47
I didn't read through all the posts Meagan, but I DID read yours, and well I can honestly say you are making THE RIGHT CHOICE by divorcing your husband.

Adjusting to "unmarried life" will be more like sprouting wings, taking a deep breath, and being REBORN. You have nothing to fear. You are taking a step towards recovering yourself, living life the way you should. Trust me.

Your hubby sounds way too much like my FIRST husband. (yes I've been married two times... gasp fall over dead blah). I spent 4 yrs with that creep only because I thought I had to. He was THE nicest, sweetest, most charming guy on earth "around family and friends"... much like your guy. But when we were alone? I had to ask permission in order to go use the bathroom! I had nothing. I left with nothing, too (except 2 of my 4 cats).

I also left with very deep, disturbing scars that I still carry around with me today. You'll be scarred, too, especially since your hubs was physically abusive. My ex never hit me, because he knew if he put marks on me, my dad would have killed his sorry butt. However he did hold a gun to my head more than once, he just *loved* his guns and all the power he held while he had a loaded gun in his hand. He beat the living cr@p out of my poor cats, right in front of me, daring me to stop him. I could go on and on, however; guys like this don't deserve to breathe. Your hubby was USING YOU to feel better about HIMSELF. Guys like this, men who abuse women (whether it's name-calling, verbal putdowns, or beatings), are little, scared men who are NOTHING unless they have a woman to control!!!

I commend you for divorcing him. Start your life over. And steer clear from men for a while; you might not admit it, but your self esteem is probably in the toilet. You've taken a very important step by deciding to divorce an abusive man; just remember, most of us wind up with the same type of guy. I did.
post #32 of 47
I was hoping you'd join this thread Stephanie Your input is always very valuable when this topic arises.
post #33 of 47
I can't help but to want to help out other women in situations that I used to be in (you used to, too, Amy!)... It amazes me when I hear just how often these types of relationships really do happen. And, now, it makes me really angry.

Divorce is not always a bad thing. Dying unhappy, now, THAT is a bad thing. Being angry & hurt all the time due to someone else's temper, insecurities and smallness???? THAT IS A DEATH in itself. Meagan will be reborn, and I hope she knows we're here to support her!

I'm in no way an expert on relationships (too scared to be in one right now, even) but I DO KNOW how to spot an abuser. FINALLY. After reading so many books about the subject, and re-reading the underlined/bolded parts 1 million times over... finally I know to steer clear from that certain type of man.

That's the hardest part (steering clear from angry men); adjusting to unmarried life is really quite easy. You'll breathe easier and find that you don't have to bandage your feet anymore, from walking on eggshells around Mr. Evil. Evil is the only word I can use to describe men like Meagan's husband, my ex-husband, and an ex bf who have fit the bill of an Abuser. They care not about YOU; they only care about THEM.

So it's time for YOU to care about YOU! (Hugs)
post #34 of 47
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by darkeyedgirl
So it's time for YOU to care about YOU! (Hugs)
Thank you so much.
post #35 of 47
Hey Meg- check your email
post #36 of 47
I'm sorry that I'm coming into this late (been offline recently), but I wanted to say I'm so glad to hear you're taking these steps to get away from him. I don't have any new info to add - you've gotten excellent advice already - but I wanted to voice my support and empathy. I was with someone who was emotionally abusive; I cannot imagine how much scarier it would be to be physically abused too.

You're in my thoughts. Please keep us posted on how you are doing.
post #37 of 47
Just sending you hugs....you are doing the best thing for you, and I'm glad you have your family to support you through this.
post #38 of 47
that unfortunately is all I can give you... You ARE making the RIGHT decision
post #39 of 47
You've gotten awesome advice from everyone, but I wanted to pipe up with the obvious: be more like your cats!
When they get afraid, they run to a safe place
when they want some love, they get it (from Meowmys and Paws)
They do whatever they feel like to make themselves happy at any given time:
stretch in the best sunny spots, sleep all day, eat until they are full, play until they are tired.
And they never ever apologize for being themselves or demanding happiness!

So when you feel at a loss, take courage and let your cats be your guide, and dont be afraid to start down the path to your OWN happiness!
post #40 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by HannahJ
You've gotten awesome advice from everyone, but I wanted to pipe up with the obvious: be more like your cats!
When they get afraid, they run to a safe place
when they want some love, they get it (from Meowmys and Paws)
They do whatever they feel like to make themselves happy at any given time:
stretch in the best sunny spots, sleep all day, eat until they are full, play until they are tired.
And they never ever apologize for being themselves or demanding happiness!

So when you feel at a loss, take courage and let your cats be your guide, and dont be afraid to start down the path to your OWN happiness!
Hannah, that is an AWESOME way to put it! Do you mind if I steal that line to tell my clients?
post #41 of 47
Please do, I'd be honored!!!
post #42 of 47
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by HannahJ
You've gotten awesome advice from everyone, but I wanted to pipe up with the obvious: be more like your cats!
When they get afraid, they run to a safe place
when they want some love, they get it (from Meowmys and Paws)
They do whatever they feel like to make themselves happy at any given time:
stretch in the best sunny spots, sleep all day, eat until they are full, play until they are tired.
And they never ever apologize for being themselves or demanding happiness!

So when you feel at a loss, take courage and let your cats be your guide, and dont be afraid to start down the path to your OWN happiness!
good point! thanks!
post #43 of 47
Meagan, I'm just catching up with this thread and we had no idea you were going through such hell. It made me sick to my stomach to hear what happened to you and the mental abuse you mention is just as bad. I hope you're able to get through this with as little further suffering as possible!
post #44 of 47
Thread Starter 
thanks ryan

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just an update, everyone who needs to be involved has been briefed on what is going on. I am no longer upset about anything, I have actually moved into the 'pissed off' stage, which I have his first sergeant(a$$hole), who called me last night and was talking to me like I am stupid, to thank. My father contacted the commander and is is taking care of him, and everything else. The commanders response to all of this decided whether or not I stay here till the end of July or if my dad comes and gets me now.

I just wanted to thank everyone again for their support, I think about what everyone has said to me all the time and it helps! Amy, thanks for all the great info you sent me!
post #45 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by mferr84
I am no longer upset about anything, I have actually moved into the 'pissed off' stage
THAT'S my girl!!!! You may find this stage incredibly liberating and energizing. Just remember to take care of yourself (thank you HannahJ for that PERFECT illustration!) and remember you're among friends here.
post #46 of 47
You are young (and childless, I presume???) In a couple of years you will meet another man again and all of this would be the past.

Good luck!!!
post #47 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by darkeyedgirl
I had to ask permission in order to go use the bathroom! I had nothing. I left with nothing, too (except 2 of my 4 cats).
.
I am so, so sorry!!! What happened to the other two cats???
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