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I had to let him go...

post #1 of 18
Thread Starter 
I can't believe it... Alex has gone I suppose you'll remember all the hassle and hurt I've had over having to decide whether or not he would be joining me when I left for Copenhagen... well, things took a turn for the worst a while ago. Because my ex has the Joint Parental rights and responsibilities, he could prevent Alex leaving the country after all. Which he did. Not only that, but I've had to admit that I can't cope any more. It's been too much, for too long and far too soon. I haven't been coping for a long time - and Alex deserves better than that. I didn't play with him much, we didn't enjoy each other's company. I coudln't drag him out there where he would know absolutely no-one and have a mother who coudln't cope. This way, he'll be well taken care of, he'll have playmates all around him - he's seen his new school and his new bedroom and he's so excited.... so for his sake.... I had to let him go. I'd rather let him go where he could have so much more, than keep him with me purely for selfish reasons and have him suffer by him not getting the best from me. My ex and Catherine will be doing the job that emotionally, I can't do any more. And it hurts like hell. Alex went away last night. Mum says that I've done the braver thing by letting him go somewhere where he'll have better. I don't feel too brave right now.
post #2 of 18
aw god emma, you make me cry by reading this also from Pm's i hope though that one day you and alex will be able to bond
post #3 of 18
Tell Alex what you've told us -- I think he will understand.

post #4 of 18
Oh Emma........ sometimes doing what is best is also the hardest thing to do....................
post #5 of 18
Emma you did the right thing and i'm here if you need me
post #6 of 18
Emma theres probably some that think " how could she?", but i tell you what?, i admire you for your honesty because i know i would be the same which is why i didn't want kids.

He'll settle no problem, and you'll probably find that you can have a better relationship with Alex by being apart but still keeping in touch.
post #7 of 18
I have been there with my daughter. She held it against me for awhile, but as she grew older, she understood. Now that she has a child of her own, she knows even better that sometimes you have to do what is right, even if it hurts. Hugs to you!
post #8 of 18
Emma, I'm sorry that you're going through so much pain, but I know this wasn't a split-second decision, and that you have Alex's best interests at heart.
post #9 of 18
It is said that "Lonely are the Brave" and "True love is letting go". your situation reminds me of my sis-in-law Lori & my nephew Ramien. He loved our family so, and she was having a rough go of it, starting over again. We all did the custody battle for awhile, and for the rest of my life I am haunted by him 3-yrs. old crying, "Please let me stay here with you, Aunt Sue. I'll be a good boy! I'll make the orange juice!", and clawing the floor, trying not to leave. Our next visit, 6 months later, was at his mom's house, and he acted the same way, and before I drove off, she stopped me, crying, and, even though it broke her heart, she let him go with us, for good. She called often and was always available for visits, and he loved her for it in the end. My heart cries for you and I will pray for peace & comfort for you! Susan
post #10 of 18
I am so sorry you and Alex are going through this. I think I remember you being concerned his Dad isn't always good to Alex? Either way, I would advise you don't sign over all legal rights to your ex. Keep the door open to changing your mind and moving back to be closer to Alex.

Also, the hard part for a child if a parent has to go, is to feel the parent doesn't love them because somehow they (the child) isn't good enough. Please be sure Alex knows how much you love him. Visit him as often as you can, at least monthly. If you cannot have your visitation time with him as often as you want, can your Mom and your family pick up Alex for a day or two, and remind him that the whole family still cares.

I know you feel you cannot provide what Alex needs right now. But anything you put in writing to him could be used against you in court. (I know I sound paranoid-I have an evil ex!) And Alex doesn't need anything in writing that is negative about you. Keep it positive, and loving. Remind him of the fun you have had, and will have. Keep in touch. He will always need you. If you aren't supermom, it is ok. You are the best Mom you can be, and he will always need to know that you love him 100%.

Call him often, and send little inexpensive trinkets. As much as I despise my ex, I'm glad he has kept in touch with my son, and my kids know their father.

Please take time to heal yourself.
post #11 of 18
take care...
post #12 of 18
Hugs to you, Emma. That was a tough decision, but the right one. Please take care of you.
post #13 of 18
Dear Emma.......What can say you... in one or other way, believe me, although we not closer only the fact that I meet you after to read your sad post make feel bad... ......BUT...only sometimes a hard decisions are the best way to continue the curse of the life...:balwing:
Maybe I´m not the best speecher around here, but my words has all my heart to´re on my thougths dear Emma...
post #14 of 18
Oh Emma What a difficult time for you

You have done the right thing and although it hurts, you are showing your wonderful strength and courage!

Please take comfort in The Angels I am sending mine your way!
post #15 of 18
Thread Starter 
Thankyou so much everyone I'm fairly sure I've manage to hurt a few feelings here over the last few days (Sam, I'm really sorry if I did, I really didn't mean things to sound the way they did) - I'm trying really hard to keep on going and not tread on toes even though I'm well out of sorts. It's really comforting to come here and knowing that people care enough to try and keep me strong - believe me, it's really well appreciated. My house is now completely bare - I've only got to go back tomorrow to have the house inspected and then I can shut the door behind me and that part of my life is over. My whole life has been reduced to just me and 2 suitcases. That's a really hard thing to come to terms with. This has cost me dear. All I can say is, I'd better damned well make the very most of it. All your words have meant so much to me... really they have. I don't know where I'd be if I couldn't come here to talk to you guys.
post #16 of 18
...........what Can I do dear Emma......
You has my ears...
post #17 of 18
Emma, the fact that you are thinking soley of what is best for Alex speaks so loudly of your love for him and the goodness in your heart. Yes, this chapter in your life is closing, but everything we go through imprints itself into who we are. Alex knows you love him, and as time goes by and he gets older he will know that you did what was best for him and not for yourself. Your selfless love will imprint itself onto him as well.
post #18 of 18
Oh EMMA!!!!!!!!!

This brings back so many painful memories!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please do not forget this boy(i know you wont) and make sure he knows it!!

My children are grown and my daughter doesn't even remember living with me.
My son remembers.
He remembers I wasn't there and feels abandoned by me at that time.
I have spent YEARS trying to make up for it.
PLEASE, PLEASE stay in touch with him OFTEN!!!!!!

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