I'd borrowed my friend's van to the benefit of both of us - to drive her boys to their father for their summer visitation (over 300 mi) & in return for that favor, I could use her van to attend my nephew's graduation. Wouldn't you know it, my uncle backed into her van & did minor denting on the edge of the right wheel well. The incident occurred in his driveway, and he wanted to simply give her a check to get it fixed.
When I first called her, she was mellow about it, but said that dealing with the insurance companies might be better. Knowing that she is in financial straits & that earlier this year, she took a check from another man's ins. for $6,700 & cashed it but didn't fix that damage to her van (it was severe damage to the left rear, including all the rear light lenses knocked out, covered, now only partially, by red lens tape, in addition to major denting & the cargo doors knocked out of alignment), I thought maybe she'd rather just get the cash, since the most recent damage is cosmetic & hardly noticeable, had occurred on top of previous scrapes, and besides, the left rear wheel well has old, more noticeable damage from a pole, or something. But she said no, she didn't want to drive a beat-up looking car, and she regrets not fixing the old damage when she had the money; for me to have my uncle get some estimates so he would know she wasn't ripping him off & also to call some of those service-at-your-home places, and then bring up a check. Then she began complaining that she didn't want to have to deal with getting estimates & taking the car in for repairs; I told her that maybe I could get it done, since I'd parked at my uncles's, & I feel really bad about it.
We got an estimate of the shop that had fixed my uncle's truck from an earlier accident; that shop said the panel has to be replaced, and estimated the job (for self-pay) at $1200. Yesterday am, my dad called a close family friend who retired from his auto repair shop (very reputable), and the friend recommended a new body shop that repaired our friend's wife's new car, as well as work for their son. My other friend & I went for an estimate, were shown their work on cars waiting to be picked up & their work is excellent. I had intended to go to the other shops in our small town, although, each shop has failed miserably with my own personal vehicles. I had made a check out for my friend for $1300, already. Anyway, as a favor to our family friend, the 2nd shop was going to give me a break on the cost of the new panel & the labor and the total cost was going to be $800 and he could have the new part in & the van repaired by this Monday.
I developed a plan - use the 2nd shop, rent a car for a week for my friend, pick her up in it,& I would drop the van off at the shop, my other friend would pick me up there. My friend would have had her car repaired, had the luxury of a new car for a week, getting the van to & from the repair shop would be absolutely no hassle for her & she'd get to pocket $500. When I called her from the shop (they needed to know if we were going thru with it today, or else the van wouldn't be done by Monday) she cursed me & said that she wants cash, not to get the van fixed. And now she wants to get estimates herself, that she thinks that my uncle & I are thieves, ripping her off & she wanted her van back IMMEDIATELY! I returned her van with a copy of the 2nd estimate (the other shop wouldn't give a written estimate unless to an insurance co.) & a personal check with "complete settlement for VEH. LIC. NO. repairs & loss of use for collision on 6/18/05" in the memo line. So she left several very nasty messages that she will not accept a check from me, only cash or money order, and that the amount will be from an estimate that she gets.
I know that she needs cash, but should my uncle have to pay an insurance company's rates (all the shops, when I get estimates, ask if it's for an insurance estimate or private pay, and they tell me that ins. rates are much higher) so that my friend can pay them a lower rate & then pocket the difference?? Also, this would allow her to "double-dip" - get paid by my uncle & then tell her ins. co. that a car backed into her at the grocery store & didn't leave info. so for paying a $500 deductible, she would get a check that would give her at least $500 more cash in hand. Her ins. co. makes the checks out to her rather than the body shop.
At this point, my uncle may just go thru the ins. cos. I hope that either way, he stipulates to issuing funds to the repair shop directly.
Am I being unreasonable???? By the way, 4 years ago, when she borrowed my sister's car, she ran it with the "add oil" light on for weeks, when I smelled the hot engine & heard the knocking, I added 5 quarts of oil, but the engine seized completely a few blocks later; my sis & I considered that she was broke & couldn't pay anything, and decided people were more important than material things, and told her a used car wasn't worth a friendship. And on this trip, I paid all the fuel, plus fed her kids as she forgot to send cash for them (she had enough to go drinking that night).
I honestly thought that I was doing the right thing, to want to make her van better than when I got it (on the day I picked it & her kids up, I spent over an hour scrubbing the floor mat & carpet where she'd spilled a container of milk & didn't clean it for 5 days. They were riding with the windows down, it smelled so bad. Plus, I got out 3 grocery bags of garbage out.) I know it's a hassle dealing with the situation, which is why I chose to offer to rent her a car, and deal with it myself.
What do you think?
P.S. She hadn't seen the damage yet, before she broke off the friendship. Several people, including the repair shops, said that the damage is so unnoticeable that I could have easily kept my mouth shut & she wouldn't have noticed. But I figured it's her car & her decision.
When I first called her, she was mellow about it, but said that dealing with the insurance companies might be better. Knowing that she is in financial straits & that earlier this year, she took a check from another man's ins. for $6,700 & cashed it but didn't fix that damage to her van (it was severe damage to the left rear, including all the rear light lenses knocked out, covered, now only partially, by red lens tape, in addition to major denting & the cargo doors knocked out of alignment), I thought maybe she'd rather just get the cash, since the most recent damage is cosmetic & hardly noticeable, had occurred on top of previous scrapes, and besides, the left rear wheel well has old, more noticeable damage from a pole, or something. But she said no, she didn't want to drive a beat-up looking car, and she regrets not fixing the old damage when she had the money; for me to have my uncle get some estimates so he would know she wasn't ripping him off & also to call some of those service-at-your-home places, and then bring up a check. Then she began complaining that she didn't want to have to deal with getting estimates & taking the car in for repairs; I told her that maybe I could get it done, since I'd parked at my uncles's, & I feel really bad about it.
We got an estimate of the shop that had fixed my uncle's truck from an earlier accident; that shop said the panel has to be replaced, and estimated the job (for self-pay) at $1200. Yesterday am, my dad called a close family friend who retired from his auto repair shop (very reputable), and the friend recommended a new body shop that repaired our friend's wife's new car, as well as work for their son. My other friend & I went for an estimate, were shown their work on cars waiting to be picked up & their work is excellent. I had intended to go to the other shops in our small town, although, each shop has failed miserably with my own personal vehicles. I had made a check out for my friend for $1300, already. Anyway, as a favor to our family friend, the 2nd shop was going to give me a break on the cost of the new panel & the labor and the total cost was going to be $800 and he could have the new part in & the van repaired by this Monday.
I developed a plan - use the 2nd shop, rent a car for a week for my friend, pick her up in it,& I would drop the van off at the shop, my other friend would pick me up there. My friend would have had her car repaired, had the luxury of a new car for a week, getting the van to & from the repair shop would be absolutely no hassle for her & she'd get to pocket $500. When I called her from the shop (they needed to know if we were going thru with it today, or else the van wouldn't be done by Monday) she cursed me & said that she wants cash, not to get the van fixed. And now she wants to get estimates herself, that she thinks that my uncle & I are thieves, ripping her off & she wanted her van back IMMEDIATELY! I returned her van with a copy of the 2nd estimate (the other shop wouldn't give a written estimate unless to an insurance co.) & a personal check with "complete settlement for VEH. LIC. NO. repairs & loss of use for collision on 6/18/05" in the memo line. So she left several very nasty messages that she will not accept a check from me, only cash or money order, and that the amount will be from an estimate that she gets.
I know that she needs cash, but should my uncle have to pay an insurance company's rates (all the shops, when I get estimates, ask if it's for an insurance estimate or private pay, and they tell me that ins. rates are much higher) so that my friend can pay them a lower rate & then pocket the difference?? Also, this would allow her to "double-dip" - get paid by my uncle & then tell her ins. co. that a car backed into her at the grocery store & didn't leave info. so for paying a $500 deductible, she would get a check that would give her at least $500 more cash in hand. Her ins. co. makes the checks out to her rather than the body shop.
At this point, my uncle may just go thru the ins. cos. I hope that either way, he stipulates to issuing funds to the repair shop directly.
Am I being unreasonable???? By the way, 4 years ago, when she borrowed my sister's car, she ran it with the "add oil" light on for weeks, when I smelled the hot engine & heard the knocking, I added 5 quarts of oil, but the engine seized completely a few blocks later; my sis & I considered that she was broke & couldn't pay anything, and decided people were more important than material things, and told her a used car wasn't worth a friendship. And on this trip, I paid all the fuel, plus fed her kids as she forgot to send cash for them (she had enough to go drinking that night).
I honestly thought that I was doing the right thing, to want to make her van better than when I got it (on the day I picked it & her kids up, I spent over an hour scrubbing the floor mat & carpet where she'd spilled a container of milk & didn't clean it for 5 days. They were riding with the windows down, it smelled so bad. Plus, I got out 3 grocery bags of garbage out.) I know it's a hassle dealing with the situation, which is why I chose to offer to rent her a car, and deal with it myself.
What do you think?
P.S. She hadn't seen the damage yet, before she broke off the friendship. Several people, including the repair shops, said that the damage is so unnoticeable that I could have easily kept my mouth shut & she wouldn't have noticed. But I figured it's her car & her decision.
