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Anyone here childfree? - Page 3

post #61 of 84
Another child-free one here.

My husband has a son from his first marriage, and I love him dearly. I love other people's kids, and adore my 8-year-old niece. But I don't think I have what it takes to deal with them every day. Plus, like Kelly, there are so many things that I want to do and having kids would make it impossible.

I get comments occasionally from people about when we're going to have kids. I just look them in the eye and inform them that I'm not able to have them (I'm not...but even if I could I don't think I would). That usually makes them pretty uncomfortable and sorry the asked.

I think my mom is still in denial, though. She really wants more grandkids.
post #62 of 84
I am childfree by choice as well. It's nice to see that there are others like me...some women look at me like I'm diseased when I say I don't want or even like kids.
My boyfriend feels the same way. If we get married he's getting fixed (less invasive and dangerous for him to get done than me).
My dad desperately wants grandkids, but gave up on the "when are you going to have kids" thing long ago. Funny...he never asked me "when are you going to get married".... Eh, my brother wants kids so Pop will have his grandbabies eventually.
post #63 of 84
I had my daughter when I was 31 after years of saying I didn't want children, and as a result of pressure from my family and husband. I realised almost immediately that my initial instincts were right and I was not a natural mother, although I set out to try to be a good one. I then stayed with her father for 14 years of a loveless relationship because I thought a child should have both parents. Luckily my daughter came through all this and is now a balanced person who loves kids as a teacher, though is not yet planning any of her own, and she is 29 and in a 6 year relationship. I am glad to say she and I have always had a good relationship that has got even better as she has got older.

The world has more than enough people, so only those who really want children should have them. Thankfully we are past the time when large families were the norm, at least in the West, and most people can choose. That choice should be respected. The ones I feel sorry for are those whose choice is taken away, either through medical or social problems or pressures.
post #64 of 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by jcat
We're childless, but not by choice, and I happen to teach a lot of those former little "monsters" some of you refer to. Most of them grow out of the monster stage. I've experienced enough "well-meant" advice, and also accusations of selfishness, from people who have no idea what we went through, to think I have a right to say, "It's none of your business" to those who want to know why we don't have kids. On the other hand, I don't think it's right to vilify people who do choose to have several children, or to try to make them feel guilty because they might be contributing to overpopulation, thinking of the distant future, etc.. My sister has four kids, and can barely manage to make ends meet, and I know there are people who think she's "anti-social" because she has so many kids. But: Neither my older brother (deceased) nor I reproduced, so is she really contributing to overpopulation? Zero population growth would presuppose that all three of us would have 2 kids apiece, and I'm not counting my other biological brother or my foster brother, both of whom died in their teens.

I know well of how the germans refer to "antisocial" "azozial" (sp?)

In general kids like me.
I love to look at babies and children and hope one day to have my own.
Ben doesnt want kids, i told him that i will have atleast one in my life time and if he isnt going to provide me with one then he can just leave.
He is weird anyway, he says he doesnt want cats but he loves teufel and yet say that cats are annoying becuase they use too much money ect.
he says he doesnt like kids but when he is around kids he i dont know gives out this warm feeling to them its hard to describe.
He would be an excellent father but i do see his point of view of not starting a family or anything untill he is finally financially stable.
With the wages here in Germany you can forget to have children Unless if you are both working.

Its each to their own.

You might call me selfish, but once my parents pass i will have noone ias family unless im married. Children will be my only family left and i plan to make the most of that.
post #65 of 84
When I was a lot younger, I wanted a whole lot of kids. My life didn't move in that direction. I didn't meet a guy I would remotely have considered having a family with until I met Rob, and even so the relationship took a number of years to progress to the point where that would be an issue. By that time, his first marriage had ended, he decided he wasn't daddy material, and took steps to make sure he didn't father any more kids.

So, by the time I could have, I couldn't. It was also by then kind of late to be starting, anyway. Bottom line: I'm childless, not by choice, but still comfortable with it, for a whole host of reasons. The only regret I have about not having kids is that my Dad is such an awesome Grampa, that I would love to have given him some more grandkids to enjoy. But he has four and they've given him half a dozen great-grandkids, so even that doesn't bother me -- much.

In the end, it's probably a good thing we don't have kids. We've been much too busy and happy being a couple of middle-aged teenagers to have given that freedom away to two o'clock feedings and all that follows them. I'm quite content to enjoy my stepson, a bunch of nieces and nephews, and my cats.

It's such a personal decision, though. Nobody has any right to judge others for not having kids. There are so many factors that only the couple in question can evaluate in their particular configuration -- not least of which is that there are so many unwanted children, that nobody should feel obliged to bring another into the world. But, by the same token, those who have the interest, the heart, the will, the wisdom, to bring up little people into decent citizens of the world, should be encouraged and given all the support possible.
post #66 of 84
For a very brief period when i was about 17 i thought it would be cool to have two kids a dog a husband and a station wagon but i blame that all on vogue. It was during the whole earth mother floral dress and combat boots trend.

Anyway, i am so glad this thread is here.

I sometimes feel like such a freak for not having those maternal instincts. Except when it comes to cats... and furry stuff.
post #67 of 84
Another child-free person here.

I think it's such a HUGE, LIFE-CHANGING responsibility, that I won't do it until I'm absolutely sure it's the best thing to do.

For the moment, I'm not bothered either way (if I have them or don't have them), plus my sister has 2 with a 3rd on the way, so I can always have hers on loan if I want!

I'm 33, so I guess I have a few years yet to think about it, but if I don't do it within the next 5 years, I don't think I'll do it at all. It's not something I really want to start doing when I'm pushing 40 - I can't imagine having teenagers when I'm in my sixties!!
post #68 of 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by alexa
Another child-free person here.

I think it's such a HUGE, LIFE-CHANGING responsibility, that I won't do it until I'm absolutely sure it's the best thing to do.
I'm 25 - I do want kids and so does my partner. I'd like to have 2 - Thats a nice number, no more than that!
We are not in a rush - we have a very small apartment right now, and I'd like to wait until we have a better financial position and a bigger place. I'd like to start by 30 - I dont want to be a much older mother, for various reason.
post #69 of 84
So glad this thread is here, i can say what i feel and no-one will judge as most of you have similar reasons. I am 23 and havent wanted kids since being about 11 - i have had the usual 'you will change your mind when you meet someone and settle down' 'you are good with kids (yeah, as long as i can hand them back when they are noisy or smelly!!).

I dont want kids for a number of reasons - 1, I had to look after my sis from i was 14 while my mum worked, so i had all the coming home from school and having to deal with her, cook etc, giving up Sat shopping trips, and not being able to go out in the evening, so i dont want that anymore. 2, I dont have the patience for a child, at certain times of the month even the cats annoy me, but i can walk out of the room and leave them, couldnt do that with a child. 3, my mother wasnt the best of mothers and i am too much alike her to put a child through what i went through. I have always wanted a houseful of animals (although quickly realising that financially 2 is my limit). I do think i am a bit selfish for having a baby, i dont appreciate my sleep being disturbed, and i would get grumpy if i was trying to read a good book and got disturbed. My doc understands and has said if i still dont want any kids in about 10 years time, they could sterilise me to prevent me having to me on the pill for too long (i am so paranoid i use double prevention, just to be on the safe side!!)
post #70 of 84
Free of minu\\iature humans. Even when I was one i did not like them. other girls were rocking their plastic dolls to "sleep", i was throwing mine like a football. Ideally, I'd like to have my uterus removed.
post #71 of 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by CommonOddity042
Free of minu\\iature humans. Even when I was one i did not like them. other girls were rocking their plastic dolls to "sleep", i was throwing mine like a football. Ideally, I'd like to have my uterus removed.

Not laughing out of disrespect... I hope you dont get offended. I just thought the part "Ideally, I'd like to have my uterus removed" was too funny.

I respect your decision.
post #72 of 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by slitty_kittay
I'm 25 - I do want kids and so does my partner. I'd like to have 2 - Thats a nice number, no more than that!
We are not in a rush - we have a very small apartment right now, and I'd like to wait until we have a better financial position and a bigger place. I'd like to start by 30 - I dont want to be a much older mother, for various reason.
I can mimic your life nearly to a tee!!!!!!!!! I'm 26 would like children. I think though I would be happy with one! My BF and I have been together for 8 years and would both eventually like children - or a child. Do also live in the worlds smallest apartment -BF says that's why Kitter's is so small. (Like fish - Big tank = big fish, small house = small cat) And I too told him that by the time I'm 30 we'd better start, especially as he is already 35 now!!!!

I know exactly where you are coming from!!!!!
post #73 of 84
Its not that I dont like children.. its that I dont like OTHER peoples children. Just like I dont liek OTHER peoples pets! Other peoples children and pets have annoying habbits that just make me want to scream and run away. I do plan on having my own kids and if they grow up to be anything like my cats I will have done a good job.

I'd rather have boys than girls though, because I just couldnt relate to girls since I wasnt really a girly girl. I wouldnt understand the things she would think when she got older.
post #74 of 84
Why should it be contentious. I am child free because of medical problems. I love children and so being a pediatrician helps. I think it takes society - takes a village you might say - and I spend all my waking volunteer time also involved in children's and animal issues. How in the world that could ever be contentious I have no earthly idea.
post #75 of 84
I'm childfree but not sure if it is really by choice. Just haven't come across the right person.

Even so, I've never been one to get all emotional at the sight of babies. Kittens, now kittens I can literally melt inside over. I guess if given the choice I'd rather give birth to a litter of kittens
post #76 of 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by SillyJilly
I can mimic your life nearly to a tee!!!!!!!!! I'm 26 would like children. I think though I would be happy with one! My BF and I have been together for 8 years and would both eventually like children - or a child. Do also live in the worlds smallest apartment -BF says that's why Kitter's is so small. (Like fish - Big tank = big fish, small house = small cat) And I too told him that by the time I'm 30 we'd better start, especially as he is already 35 now!!!!

I know exactly where you are coming from!!!!!
Haha - we say the same thing about Dax... We call it goldfish syndrome.

Our place is very small - I can't imagine having a baby here, Its hard enough living here right now with kitty and partner - We have too much junk like computers etc (boyf is a programmer) that takes up all the space.
I hope we will move within a year or so - heres hoping!!
post #77 of 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by Big-Cat-Fan
Not laughing out of disrespect... I hope you dont get offended. I just thought the part "Ideally, I'd like to have my uterus removed" was too funny.

I respect your decision.

Pfft..you'd laugh even harder at how difficult it is to offend me.
post #78 of 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by slitty_kittay
Haha - we say the same thing about Dax... We call it goldfish syndrome.

Our place is very small - I can't imagine having a baby here, Its hard enough living here right now with kitty and partner - We have too much junk like computers etc (boyf is a programmer) that takes up all the space.
I hope we will move within a year or so - heres hoping!!

OMG!!!!!!!! Computers here tooo..... He's a Tech though... Last count I think there were like 22. Not to mention all the other electronic things he seems to collect. I think there are 5 VCR's, about 6 TV's, and 900 other things cluttering the house!!! We are actually going to look at a house tomorrow to see if maybe it is something we can do!!!
post #79 of 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by Juniper
I'd actually prefer if this wasn't a debate, and don't intend it to be one, but since it's sometimes a contentious subject that's prone to turning into a debate, I'm going to put it here to be on the safe side.

So, is anyone else here childfree by choice? If so, what are your reasons (if you don't mind sharing)? Do you find that people tend to be judgmental/critical about your choice? If you've passed the age now where you'd be able to change your mind and have kids, are you happy with your choice, or do you have regrets?
I USED to want kids BUT my late Mom taught Ballet to them and all I could see was rude spoiled kids. I changed my mind! I MUCH prefer my kidties - they are sweet and loving and they ARE my Children.
post #80 of 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by SillyJilly
We are actually going to look at a house tomorrow to see if maybe it is something we can do!!!
How did it go with the house?
post #81 of 84
I never wanted the responsibility of raising a family. I don't particularly like kids and never had any desire to raise them. There of plenty of willing breeders out there.( IMO far too many) Most of whom really shouldnt be passing their genes on anyway.
post #82 of 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by BigKittenDaddy
I never wanted the responsibility of raising a family. I don't particularly like kids and never had any desire to raise them. There of plenty of willing breeders out there.( IMO far too many) Most of whom really shouldnt be passing their genes on anyway.
Did you ever work for Human Services? It sounds like you did. lol
My experience working there has confirmed the idea that the gene pool needs some chlorine.
post #83 of 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by CyberKitten
Why should it be contentious. I am child free because of medical problems. I love children and so being a pediatrician helps. I think it takes society - takes a village you might say - and I spend all my waking volunteer time also involved in children's and animal issues. How in the world that could ever be contentious I have no earthly idea.
Your views echo my sentiments exactly (minus the pediatrician part).

In addition, I'm not close with any family members, including my immediate family. I think it's important to children's growth and well-being to be part of a tightly-knit community, and ideally have an extended family nearby.
post #84 of 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by slitty_kittay
How did it go with the house?

Ohh... BAD BADBAD

It was terrible! Sounded too good to be true... It was!!!

Guess I've got to just keep looking!!
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