This is sooo funny!! (Well, I thought so anyway!)
> Barbie's letter to Santa
>
> Dear Santa,
>
> Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing
> at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing
>
> suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from too many tea
> parties. I hate to break it to you Santa, but it is DEFINITELY pay back
>
> time!!
>
> There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna
> call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you don't want to be around
> to smell it!) So, here's my holiday wish list for this year, Santa.
>
> 1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt.
> I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are
>
> these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to
> have nylon and velcro up your butt?
>
> 2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What
> bonehead at Mattel decided to be cheap and mold imitation underwear to my
> skin? It looks like cellulite!!!
>
> 3. A REAL man....maybe G.I.Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me-Elmo over that
> wimped out excuse for a boy-toy Ken. And what's with the earring
>
> anyway? If I'm going to have to suffer with him, for christ's sakes, make
> us anatomically correct.
>
> 4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away
> once he is anatomically correct.
>
> 5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to twist,
just
> do it!!
>
> 6. A jog-bra. To wear until I get the surgery.
>
> 7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it. How
about
> a systems analyst? Or better yet, a public relations senior account exec!!
>
> 8. A new, more 90's persona. Maybe a "PMS Barbie", complete with a
> miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of
> chips; "Animal Rights Barbie", with my very own paint gun, fitted with
fake
> fur coat, bottle of spray blood and handcuffs; or "Stop
>
> Smoking Barbie", sporting a Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs
> of gum.
>
> 9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl.
>
> 10. mattel stock options. It's been 37 years-I think I deserve it!
>
> Okay Santa, that's it. considering my valuable contribution to society, I
> don't think these requests are out of line. If you disagree, then you can
> find yourself a new b*tch for next Christmas. It's that simple.
>
> Yours truly,
>
> Barbie
> Barbie's letter to Santa
>
> Dear Santa,
>
> Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing
> at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing
>
> suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from too many tea
> parties. I hate to break it to you Santa, but it is DEFINITELY pay back
>
> time!!
>
> There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna
> call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you don't want to be around
> to smell it!) So, here's my holiday wish list for this year, Santa.
>
> 1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt.
> I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are
>
> these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to
> have nylon and velcro up your butt?
>
> 2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What
> bonehead at Mattel decided to be cheap and mold imitation underwear to my
> skin? It looks like cellulite!!!
>
> 3. A REAL man....maybe G.I.Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me-Elmo over that
> wimped out excuse for a boy-toy Ken. And what's with the earring
>
> anyway? If I'm going to have to suffer with him, for christ's sakes, make
> us anatomically correct.
>
> 4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away
> once he is anatomically correct.
>
> 5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to twist,
just
> do it!!
>
> 6. A jog-bra. To wear until I get the surgery.
>
> 7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it. How
about
> a systems analyst? Or better yet, a public relations senior account exec!!
>
> 8. A new, more 90's persona. Maybe a "PMS Barbie", complete with a
> miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of
> chips; "Animal Rights Barbie", with my very own paint gun, fitted with
fake
> fur coat, bottle of spray blood and handcuffs; or "Stop
>
> Smoking Barbie", sporting a Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs
> of gum.
>
> 9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl.
>
> 10. mattel stock options. It's been 37 years-I think I deserve it!
>
> Okay Santa, that's it. considering my valuable contribution to society, I
> don't think these requests are out of line. If you disagree, then you can
> find yourself a new b*tch for next Christmas. It's that simple.
>
> Yours truly,
>
> Barbie
