It's not her - it's ME!!!

hissy

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I get hissed at on a regular basis. So I guess I am used to it by now.


Only one cat ever scared me The Queen Mother, a beautiful calico that was found in a horrible situation and given to me to socialize. She was 6 years old and she took up residence on our stairway not allowing us access to our upstairs! Her hiss was fierce, and she bared her fangs and rushed us anytime we tried to either approach her or get upstairs. She was a real challenge, and not one I could help at all. She finally pried open the window screen upstairs that was screwed in and escaped across our rooftop never to be seen again. I often wonder what happened to her to make her so aggressive, and how she fared outside with no one around.
 

janine&lily

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well i never bonded with lily for the first few months i had her,i would keep telling my bf that i wanted rid of her because she was so hyper and it bugged me but now we are the best of friends and i think the reason for this is this site because it made me appreciate her especially when you read the sad stories about people cats having to be put to sleep.If anything happened to lily now i would be devastated. But if its making you ill it must be bad...

take care!
 

rosiemac

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Thats so sad that your giving up on Callie


Rosie is a tortie and we all know that torties can have an attitude?!.

I've been hissed and growled at by Rosie many times when i gently try to move her from in front of the computer screen, or when i have to get her upstairs to set the house alarm, but she has her loving side as well that more than makes up for the hissing


I feel sorry for Callie also, because theres obviously a reason behind her being like this
 

loveysmummy

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I hope you aren't gone forever

Look at the cat in my sig.
Everyone says he looks like a "diablo" cat but they really are dead wrong.
And remember that I said it took him at least 2 weeks to even want to come and check me out with any assurance, let alone sleep with me!
I really hope you come back...
 

evnshawn

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Originally Posted by hissy

I get hissed at on a regular basis. So I guess I am used to it by now.


Only one cat ever scared me ... I often wonder what happened to her to make her so aggressive, and how she fared outside with no one around.
You know, my roommate got a kitten one time that literally had about the cushiest life a cat could have—was never mistreated—and yet she just got meaner and meaner as she got older. After about 18 months of us trying to work with this cat, we had to rehome her as a "barn cat" with a friend who lived in a rural area (spayed and with a clean bill of health, of course). To this day, I truly think there was something mentally, maybe congenitally, wrong with that cat.

I know most of the time cats who act a certain way are just reacting to stimulus such as new situations, bad memories, or sickness/pain, but I do think it's possible for a cat to sometimes just be "wrong in the head."

That being said, I think journey's cat probably would adjust soon enough. Although since she only had one other cat, who probably never hissed at her, I can see how that would be alarming. As you said, though, when it happens to you a lot, it ceases to be as disturbing. I mean, my cats hiss at the vacuum cleaner frequently, but they've never attacked it.
 

sylorna

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Originally Posted by journey

Yeah, I had one cat before her. Man did I ever love her soooo much I would have died for her!

I haven't played with Callie yet. Yeah, tomorrow it will have been a week. Maybe i'll go home and play with her tonite if she's up for it.

I don't know, I just expected an instant bond. I'm just worried maybe I"ll never get to like her.....
I know this may not change your mind, but I do have a couple thoughts on the concept of love.
First of all, I lost my "soul mate" last summer, almost a year ago. Her name was Natasha. I loved her the way you did your old cat, to the ends of the earth and past. We were ment to be.
Now I have Chester, my little kitten. He's very different from Natasha, and my love for him is different as well.
My thought for you is that perhaps you're seaking the same love from a different cat. It's important to understand that all love is wonderful, but not necessarily the same. Just because you may feel differently about her doesn't mean it's bad, it's just...different.
I think the other folks on the board had some excellent points about giving yourself and her some time. I know it's been a week and you're really upset about the whole situation, but try to take some time and relax about it. She seems like a nice cat who got scared for a minute. Love doesn't come immediately in most situations, but rather grows with time. I love Chester so much more now then I did the week after his adoption.
Please consider these things, and if you still can't handle the idea of her, find someone for her forever home. Also, some self searching might be helpful before you consider adopting another cat.
Most importantly, do what's right for you.
Jess
 

booktigger

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I know most of the time cats who act a certain way are just reacting to stimulus such as new situations, bad memories, or sickness/pain, but I do think it's possible for a cat to sometimes just be "wrong in the head."

Cats arent 'wrong in the head' but some cats just cannot cope with being in a home environment, these cats can be born to housecats, and be brought up in a house, but being able to be domesticated is down to their genes, and sometimes they just dont have the right genes to live in a house.

I do feel sorry for you, it is a shame that you and Callie cannot live together, but sometimes you just dont bond with a cat - i have had it twice, i got spat at for trying to give my first cat a kiss, i was wary of her after that, she sadly died 8 weeks after me getting her - (just as we were getting somewhere), the second was a foster, and from the minute she was here we just didnt bond, again 3.5 months later, the week before she was due to be rehomed, we were finally getting somewhere. Maybe sometime in the future you will find a cat that you can bond with.
 

evnshawn

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Originally Posted by booktigger

Cats arent 'wrong in the head' but some cats just cannot cope with being in a home environment, these cats can be born to housecats, and be brought up in a house, but being able to be domesticated is down to their genes, and sometimes they just dont have the right genes to live in a house.
Yeah, I guess that's possible too, a cat being sort of a "throwback" to non-domesticated ancestors even though the cat's parents, siblings, etc., are normal housecats. Although—in theory, why couldn't a cat be somehow deficient in brain development, or subject to a type of birth defect that presents in the way it acts (outside of normal range), not physically? Obviously their brains aren't as complicated as ours, but it seems to me that if an area of the brain wasn't properly developed for some reason that it could affect the cat's interaction with other animals and/or people, just like a person could experience brain damage and afterward be incapable of controlling his temper. Just a theory.
 

beckiboo

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I'm sorry it did not work out for you and Callie. Each cat is so unique and different. I adore Festus, because she reminds me a lot of the female cat I grew up with. She looks a LOT like Callie, a brown tiger cat with a lot of reddish color underneath.
My husband loves Garfield, because he is like the male cat he had as a kid!

You can begin to love a pet, without having the full blown love that develops over time. But only you know the full situation, and if you feel it can't work out, maybe it is best to give her back.

There is no rule that you must have a cat to remain a part of TCS. Please don't feel like you must go because you give up Callie. Check out the Lounge. Often the posts are off the topic of cats. This site is for catlovers, which you seem to be.
 

booktigger

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Originally Posted by evnshawn

Yeah, I guess that's possible too, a cat being sort of a "throwback" to non-domesticated ancestors even though the cat's parents, siblings, etc., are normal housecats. Although—in theory, why couldn't a cat be somehow deficient in brain development, or subject to a type of birth defect that presents in the way it acts (outside of normal range), not physically? Obviously their brains aren't as complicated as ours, but it seems to me that if an area of the brain wasn't properly developed for some reason that it could affect the cat's interaction with other animals and/or people, just like a person could experience brain damage and afterward be incapable of controlling his temper. Just a theory.
That is what happens. You can also get cats with brain damage, my friend has one and she wont tolerate other cats and can be quite nasty. I just wouldnt describe them as being 'not right in the head' as it is either a medical reason or genetic.
 

evnshawn

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Originally Posted by Beckiboo

There is no rule that you must have a cat to remain a part of TCS. Please don't feel like you must go because you give up Callie. Check out the Lounge. Often the posts are off the topic of cats. This site is for catlovers, which you seem to be.
 

hissy

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Ok once again I have merged these threads, so those reading the whole story can see the process. Sadly, this type of situation goes on daily as people surrender their cats over to another's care because of various reasons.

When you deal with new cats where you have no idea of their history, you need to give them time to accept you, to understand they are in a good place, to get used to the smells, the sounds, the pulse of the house. If you let a cat intimidate you, this cat will know it and use it to the full advantage. It's like a beginner getting up on a horse for the first time. Horses are independent creatures with a mind of their own. If they sense hesitation on the part of the rider, they will run away with you, rub you off on a fence, dump you in a creek. Does that mean they are mean-spirted? No, they are horses, and that is how horses are.

It is the same way with cats. You dump a new cat into your home and you expect instant lap kitty gratification, well sometimes you are dissapointed. It is how you handle this disappointment and how you work with the cat that makes the difference. Some folks just don't want to take the time, or they have other issues in their lives that makes such a process impossible and sadly many kitties get dumped out of what could be wonderful homes along the way.
 

AbbysMom

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Originally Posted by Sylorna

I know this may not change your mind, but I do have a couple thoughts on the concept of love.
First of all, I lost my "soul mate" last summer, almost a year ago. Her name was Natasha. I loved her the way you did your old cat, to the ends of the earth and past. We were ment to be.
Now I have Chester, my little kitten. He's very different from Natasha, and my love for him is different as well.
My thought for you is that perhaps you're seaking the same love from a different cat. It's important to understand that all love is wonderful, but not necessarily the same. Just because you may feel differently about her doesn't mean it's bad, it's just...different.
Jess
I really want to second this. We lost our Molly and now have Abby. We love calicos, but didn't want to get another calico just so we would have a complete change from Molly. As Jess said above, Abby's personality is completely different than Molly and we have a different relationship with her and love her a different way. It doesn't mean we love her less, but it is different.
 

ullis_p

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When pulling the t-shirt you could have (perhaps) triggered her hunting instincts (prey does move) and therefor defended it by hissing, saying it's mine. She comes from a home where she had to do that to get what she wanted (from the other cats)
 

AbbysMom

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Originally Posted by hissy

When you deal with new cats where you have no idea of their history, you need to give them time to accept you, to understand they are in a good place, to get used to the smells, the sounds, the pulse of the house. If you let a cat intimidate you, this cat will know it and use it to the full advantage. It's like a beginner getting up on a horse for the first time. Horses are independent creatures with a mind of their own. If they sense hesitation on the part of the rider, they will run away with you, rub you off on a fence, dump you in a creek. Does that mean they are mean-spirted? No, they are horses, and that is how horses are.

It is the same way with cats. You dump a new cat into your home and you expect instant lap kitty gratification, well sometimes you are dissapointed. It is how you handle this disappointment and how you work with the cat that makes the difference. Some folks just don't want to take the time, or they have other issues in their lives that makes such a process impossible and sadly many kitties get dumped out of what could be wonderful homes along the way.
Everything Mary Anne says is totally right. We adopted Abby in January. She was brought to the shelter by Animal Control, so we have no idea what her history is. She was VERY skittish with us and still can be sometimes. Soemtimes you can just look at her and she will go galloping off and hide. She will run and hide if we have company and justt recently slowly comes back out to observe and decides if she wants to meet the company.

It has take a lot of time and patience to get her to socialize with us. You can't push her, she has to decide she wants to spend time with you. Jsut over the past month her affection to us has grown by leaps and bounds and it seems she has decided to keep us. You can't imagine how much this warms my heart.

We have been doing this since January. you have only had a cat your cat a few days. She must be terrified of being in a new environment. It really takes time.

Having said that, you do really need to do what you think is right for both of you. I don't know what would be worse, bringing Callie back now, or bringing her back a month from now when she is more accustomed to you and your home.

Best of luck no matter what you decide.
 
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journey

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I'm baaaaack!


Callie's original owners said they would take her back, and then the next day firmly told me to "drop her off at a shelter". They said the couldn't take all the "hissing and fighting and not being able to sleep" with all the cats together. I was horrified! I'm not bringing her to a shelter! Poor Callie!

I have been thinking about what a previous poster said (sorry, can't remember who) about her probably being mistreated, and now I can see it.

I'm so mad at them, and feel sooo bad for poor Callie. Anyways, she's here for awhile, unless I find her a better home, there is NO WAY i will just drop her off at a shelter. she's not THAT bad. i mean, she hisses and doesn't like to be bugged - just not my kind of cat, but she's not horrible. Anyways, the anxiety has lessened, probably because i just feel so sorry for her now. I'm getting braver with her, I touched her paws a few times and she just looked at me.

Plus when i was going to give her back i was feeling sad inside, and thinking about how much i loved that she slept with me and layed on my lap on the couch, and now she's giving me licks on the nose all the time either when i wake up or just get home.

Anyways, yes, its not a cat match made in heaven, and maybe it will be for someone else which would be great, so i will think of myself as a foster mother for now, and try to get her to calm down and be a nicer cat.

Any thoughts on if I can change a 5-year-old cats behavior? i obviously don't expect to do it overnight, but will she ever change?
 

squirtle

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I don't know about changing behaviors... but I remember reading on other posts, I think it was MA who recommended, to sit down in the room where the cat is and begin to read softly from a book. Don't pick her up and try to hold her, just let her sit wherever she is and listen to your voice.
Another way to bond is to sit quietly near Callie while she is eating. Again, don't bother her while she eats just sit there. I do that with Dori a few times a week. She purrs while she eats and will look over at me a few times, then when she is done she comes over to cuddle

It sounds like Callie really loves you and is just going through an adjustment period. I am so glad you are keeping her, even if it is temporary, and not taking her to a shelter. I bet you are going to be the best of friends in no time though
I think it's possible that the reaction from her previous owner opened your eyes to how she was treated at home. Once she realizes how well you are going to take care of her I think she will settle down.
 
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journey

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Originally Posted by squirtle

It sounds like Callie really loves you and is just going through an adjustment period. I am so glad you are keeping her, even if it is temporary, and not taking her to a shelter. I bet you are going to be the best of friends in no time though
I think it's possible that the reaction from her previous owner opened your eyes to how she was treated at home. Once she realizes how well you are going to take care of her I think she will settle down.
thank you!
Actually she loves the sound of my voice because she will be under the bed and if i am in the bedroom folding clothes or whatever, if i talk quietly or even sing, she will come out.
she likes it when i sing......

Edit - just to add, my animal therapist friend is staying this weekend with her while i go away to my parents. She just dropped by for one minute to pick up the keys, and her first words were "she's a little misunderstood". awwww!
 

squirtle

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Great!

It sounds to me like you would really be missing Callie if she had gone back. Don't misunderstand me, I don't want to try and force you to keep a cat if you don't feel it's the right thing to do, but from your post it seems like you are really growing to love her. I just feel like you are going to one day look back and say "our relationship started out rocky, but Callie is the best cat I could ever imagine having and it was all worth it".
 
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