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No one walking you down the Aisle?

post #1 of 23
Thread Starter 
(To clarify why I am posting, I just recieved a call at 3:30 AM from my step-sister to basically yell at me? Excuse me?!?! ::censor::censor::censor:: )

I want to walk it BY MYSELF at my wedding, assuming we don't run off to get married (still a possibility). My family is having a fit (so is his)! I know that this is my, well, our day, and I want to do it my way!

I have a "father" who at the moment may/may be not invited (my sole decision, I know he dreams of this, but it is a long story involving STEP-MOTHER, and if she isn't invited he won't come), a step-dad who I love, and a Grandpa who would be more than happy to do it. I don't care. I want to walk to my future husband alone.

Someone please tell me what is wrong with what I want? And why any one else would even consider this their business? Do they not know me well enough to realize I am about to lose it and forbid any of them to come to my wedding?
post #2 of 23
As far as i can see your saving everyone from being hurt Ash!.

I personally don't see anything wrong in giving yourself away, and if they want you to be happy then they would go along with your wishes for YOUR special day.

Come to the UK to get married and we'll show you how we do hen nights!!
post #3 of 23
Thread Starter 
Thanks Susan! I hope you are right!

If you take a look at my IMO thread your suggestion may just be a reality
post #4 of 23
There is absolutely nothing wrong with what you want. This is YOUR day, so do it YOUR way! Your family should be ashamed of the way they're fighting over this. Truly ashamed. This wedding really isn't anything to do with them other than the fact you're related.... if you want to get married bungee jumping from a bridge over the Grand Canyon... so be it! I'm really really angry for you sweetie, that's so unfair. You go ahead and plan what YOU want, and if they've got a problem with it, well that's just tough cookies. Sit them down, lay it on the line.... this will be done your way, or they can forget being invited. Simple as that. You can do without people causing trouble on the happiest day of your life. chin up though, it will all come together in the end, with or without them. You've just gotta be a bit tough with them now.
post #5 of 23
Thread Starter 
Thank you Emma!

The wedding isn't going to be for a while yet and they are all starting in on me

I am going to take your advice and tell them what I think. You are so right, this is my day, and if they want to fight, they can fight while I have the best day of my life. They won't be there.

I am so glad I have all of you to talk to! My friends, while I know they would sit and listen, wouldn't be pleased if I called them now LOL!

I just can't believe how immature the families are right now, though I do have to say my Mom and some other relatives are completely supportive.

Thanks girls!
post #6 of 23
Well Ash, I luckily didn't have that problem. My father walked me down the aisle and for that I will be forever grateful. But you know, it's your wedding day, and you should have whoever you want to walk or not walk you down the aisle............tell the people that are complaining nicely but firmly just that!
post #7 of 23
Ah you know when Rune and I get around to it, I'll probably have the same problem. My dad, or my step-dad, would it be fair on either one of them seeing as I do love them both, will they fight yadda yadda yadda..... I think I'll just ask my little bro

I know I'm not online much just now, but you know you're always more than welcome to keep on posting or message me and I'll reply as soon as I possibly can. Nothing should get in the way of you enjoying your big day, even family. They'll grow up sooner or later
post #8 of 23
Hey Ashley?

Take some time and read this woman's website. Her one article about giving the bride away and others might help you make a decision that everyone can live with

http://www.family2000.org.uk/
post #9 of 23
Ashley, it is your and your soon hubby to be's wedding day, do it the way that you want. I know I did on my wedding day 3 years ago.

I absolutely refused to walk down the aisle to the traditional wedding tune. I chose a piece by Enya, Waterfall, it was just right for us. Everyone told me later on that they thought our wedding was fantastic and not the run of the mill ho-hum type of cookie cutter wedding.

I must tell you that I did have my Dad walk me down the aisle and it is a moment in my life that I will treasure forever. Dad died a few days before our first wedding anniversary. I didn't know until recently that Dad was very,very sick on our wedding day. But he proudly walked me down to Ken. That is the way I want to remember my Dad
post #10 of 23
If you want to dance naked down the aisle with a tambourine and a rose in your mouth that is your business! It is your day, and everyone should respect it. Her friends were so upset that my daughter did not have music at her wedding. A friend that had planned since she was a little girl to play at her wedding passed away shortly before, and she did not want anyone else to do it. Her program said "The music you do not hear is being played in Heaven by Claire, firend, mentor, teacher. We miss her." I thought that was a beautiful tribute to our family friend.
Do what makes you happy, even if it turns out running off in peace to get married.
post #11 of 23
amazing how when your special day arrives, everyone has an opinion on how you should do things

unfortionately i doubt you will change them wanting things their way but you may be able to at least get them to stop arguing with you, just tell them that it's your wedding and you will have it however you want.

i had the same problems when i got married, everyone wanted my hair and dress to be a certain way, they wanted it to be at a venue that would suit everyone and they even complained that we were a little late returning from the photographers, not to mention my mother lecturing me until she was blue in the face not to have the word 'obey' in my vows...i just said 'well, i'm sorry mum but when i get married i will obey my husband and that is how i feel, after all it is my marriage...isn't it?'

i really don't know why family's feel the need to do this but it seems that most can't help themselves, in the end it's you and your husbands special day, not there's, do it how you want, they will get over it eventually.

goodluck okay





felicia
post #12 of 23
Exactly why Jeremy and I have decided to elope, it's our day, no one elses, and we intend to enjoy it, not play referee.
post #13 of 23
Ashley,

I got married in July last year and I walked myself down the aisle. I didn't want my father to walk me down the aisle, and although I too have a grandpa who would have been more than willing, and a best friend who would have done it in a heartbeat, I just felt that going solo was best for me. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that whenever (up to that point) I had pictured getting married, I never imagined myself being escorted down the aisle. Also... I have two working legs, so I could do it myself. Your wedding day belongs to you and your fiancée. Do what you want to do and don't let other people's opinions override your dreams.
post #14 of 23
I am a very traditional person, and had two (oops) pretty traditional weddings. But for each wedding, it is up to the new couple to choose. One friend liked canoeing, they married at a park, in a canoe, with the minister in another canoe. It is soley your choice.

That said, this is a prime time for difficult people to put themselves on display. Too bad, so sad, it isn't their decision.

On a mean note, could you give them something else to argue and worry about? Tell them you wearing a black dress or something so at least it won't be something so upsetting to you when they pick at you about it? Tell them your cat will walk you down the aisle? I don't know, I'm sure you can think of something!

Just remember, your wedding is a big party for you and your fiance, and at the end, you get to keep him. It will be great, no matter what the grouches say!
post #15 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by ash_bct
Someone please tell me what is wrong with what I want? And why any one else would even consider this their business? Do they not know me well enough to realize I am about to lose it and forbid any of them to come to my wedding?
Answers: [1] Not a blessed thing. [2] They're too hung up on tradition to acknowledge another way. [3] see [2]

It's your day, Ash. You decide what you want.
post #16 of 23
I was going to walk down the aisle myself but when my uncle came out to be at my wedding, I decided that I wanted him to walk me down. It was something kind of spur of the moment and unrehearsed. I loved every moment of it.
Look, it's your wedding, if they can't respect your wishes, then maybe they shouldn't be there. It's a horrible thing to say, but that's just my opinion.
post #17 of 23
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by hissy
Hey Ashley?

Take some time and read this woman's website. Her one article about giving the bride away and others might help you make a decision that everyone can live with

http://www.family2000.org.uk/

Thank you MA. I will have a look right away
post #18 of 23
Thread Starter 
Thank you everyone! I didn't mean to sound so snotty but when she called me last night I was so

Hopefully since this is at least 2 (more like 3) years awaythey can all grow up.
post #19 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by ash_bct
Thank you everyone! I didn't mean to sound so snotty but when she called me last night I was so

Hopefully since this is at least 2 (more like 3) years awaythey can all grow up.
Goodness Ashley! If someone calls my house at 3:30 in the morning and someone isn't dead or dying...someone will be soon! And do call just to yell at you for something years in the future?

OK, really, I just agree with what everyone else has said. It's YOUR day. Period. If they want to plan a wedding, they can get married. If they already are married, then they had their shot at it. If you try to please everyone else for your special day, the end result is that no one is happy and you least of all.
post #20 of 23
Hmm, How well does you step father and father get along? I was watching that show "Our day" about weddings I think thats the name, it shows real people getting married. A lady was going through about the same thing you are.. Lucky enough her father and step dad did get along great and both men agreed to walk her down the aisle. It was so beautiful and both dads was so excited, over joyed to be able to both share in on this experience..

This is also something that you could think about trying as well. I think why your family is blabbering about it is even though it is "YOUR DAY" I think they feel its theres too.. A member of there family who they love is getting married and they want to put there two cents in to make it perfect.. UGH!!! Which can drive anyone insane.. OK There I go, I am blabbering now.. ....
post #21 of 23
It's been my experience that you will never make everyone happy, especially regarding your wedding... so do what you want. In the end, they'll just have to deal with it and get over it either way.

Almost everyone I know had family buck at at least one of their decisions, including us... we had ours at a large beach house and invited only the wedding party to stay there (they honored us by participating so we felt we needed to provide free accommodations), and my mom gave me a huge guilt trip over it although they were welcomed to stay at my sister's large house less than an hour's drive away.

I fretted and worried for months over the details. When it all came down to it, it was a wonderful night, but there were a lot of things that didn't pan out the way I wanted and when you looked around at the decor you couldn't really see where all the hours of effort went. That and my sister/wedding planner took all the credit for everything. If I had it to do over, I would've planned a very simple but special night for just a few immediate family members in a nice romantic place (like a fancy candlelit restaurant, moonlit dock, or small chapel) and canned the whole "wedding" idea. For a "wedding" to be so much work, it goes by so fast that it's a total blur and you can only remember it by viewing the photos anyway. Every girl grows up just waiting for their day to be Princess, but to me it wasn't worth all the stress for it to turn out so differently than I imagined in my head!
post #22 of 23
The tradition of the bride's father "giving her away" dates back to the times when women were considered chattel.

You may want to explore some other cultures' traditions. In some, BOTH sets of parents escort the bride AND groom. At a Quaker wedding, the bride and groom enter together.
post #23 of 23
Like Katl8e said, Quaker brides don't typically have anyone escorting them down the isle- except the husband to be. I made some consessions for my fiancee's family in this regard, by having a more traditional wedding- but that is my choice to do so. I think it is perfectly acceptable for you to walk down the aisle by yourself. My stepdad and grandfather will be walking me down the isle, instead of my father. I'm not sure what will happen with that exactly. My grandpa said I should probably have my dad and stepdad walk me down the aisle, but I'm not close with my dad (although he'll probably expect to do this). It's tough- trying to please everyone! Good luck to you! I say if it's what you want, then that is what you should do. It is *your* day!
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