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True Doctor Stories!

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - and I was in the wrong one. - Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remarked the patient. - Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart." - Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada

I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam. - Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA

During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one? I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one. - Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered "Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive." - Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR

I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly." - Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI

A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn." and finally...

A new, young MD, doing his residency in Obstetrics, was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener". - Dr. wouldn't tell his name.
post #2 of 16
Thanks for posting this. OMG hahahahahaha I Love the very first one. hahahahaha what a shocker .....
post #3 of 16
I will never thinking of mowing the yard in the same way ever again.
post #4 of 16
oh off to he doctor tommorow morning on a rather touchy subject... i hope nothing goes wrong!
post #5 of 16
post #6 of 16
post #7 of 16
Those are funny, but don't think they are true.
post #8 of 16
The one about mowing the lawn-- hehehehe.
post #9 of 16
These are so funny! This was posted on the wall of the nurse's break room in one of the facilities I worked!
post #10 of 16
What a way to go! Dying of an internal fart!
post #11 of 16
post #12 of 16
Some of those were absolutely hilarious!!!
post #13 of 16
I have never had much of a good opinion of doctors, thinking that most of them are avaricious illegitimates, and while working on a piece of office equipment in a doctors office, I wasn't bashful about sharing my thoughts with the doctors secretary and I noticed her glance up over my shoulder and smile, and I turned around to find the doctor standing in the doorway, listening.

I shut up, but the doctor said, "No, don't stop, go ahead, this is interesting !"

I said, "Well, I just feel that doctors are bad for a person's health, and to prove it, I would bet that 95 % of all deaths have been preceeded by a visit from a doctor within 2 days of the person dying."

The doctor's mouth hung open like a fly-trap for about 30 seconds and he turned and left, as silently as he came.

post #14 of 16
LOVE those jokes!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let me tell u- I KNOW that Drs have heard and seen many hilarious things in the ER/surgery rooms!

Some included me but I'm not repeating them here!
post #15 of 16
Those are so funny. Doctors have seen a lot of stuff, and I know they have done a lot stuff on purpose mothers side of family all surgeons and doctors so I have heard my share of stories The bad thing I have met some of the poeple they told stories about
post #16 of 16
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by Pamela
LOVE those jokes!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let me tell u- I KNOW that Drs have heard and seen many hilarious things in the ER/surgery rooms!

Some included me but I'm not repeating them here!
Com on Pamela, you can't open up a can of worms then close the lid! You brought up that some included you, now you gotta share!
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