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NOT a new losss but need

post #1 of 17
Thread Starter 
my Bridge babies and other losses!

I lost my precious Corkie not quite 3 months ago, my Mr Wondeful Schatzi over a year ago and Sweetheart Minnie over 2 years ago.

I miss them all so much - as well as my parents, and the houses I used to live in. I am seeing a counsler to help me calm down and be more positive about things, BUT she keeps saying "Animals get sick and die"! "That is life"!

I don't feel that way. I feel the need to talk about my babies and NOT put them in the past and just get on with my life.

Is SHE right? Shouldn't I be able to talk about them? I refuse to take anti depressents as I am NOT clinically depressed - I have just never had anyone to talk to about my hurts!
post #2 of 17
My dear, I don't know about what the "book smart" people say - but I know that talking about things is theraputic in that by sharing the burden of your pain, it seems to help make it somewhat lighter. And by sharing with people who understand loss and feel in the same ways you have and do about your pets, it is even better.

Please tell me more about your pets ...
post #3 of 17
I believe that talking out your feelings DOES help the healing process. There are some of my past kitties I still can't talk about, and usually it takes me a few weeks to finally open up. But once I can, and start recallling all the good, happy times I shared with them, it gradually becomes easier to accept they're gone. I'm sure everyone here would love to hear about your departed friends - if not, you can e-mail off-list.
post #4 of 17
Of course you should be able to talk about them. My husband and I talk about Molly all the time. It makes me feel better when I talk about her. Tell us about your babies.........
post #5 of 17
Think about how you feel about your pets. Someone who never had pets cannot understand. And some animals loss will hit harder than others. She is wrong to say that to you. You need to talk about this with those who can begin to understand.

Three months is a new loss. And especially when you add it to other recent losses. I know when B.B. passed, we all talked about Mattie who died last summer. Please keep posting within this thread about your beloved pets. It does help to share the load!
post #6 of 17
It is important and helps so much to talk about pets after they have gone (and if you kno they are poorly, before too). I lost a cat a month ago no, second cat that has gone to the bridge this year, and I found it really helped to talk to fello cat people, even though it as so upsetting, it helped me to realise i had done the best thing (although she had cancer, she had been so happy the night before, so it as a very hard decision) and it made it easier to cope ith her loss. (apologies for the missing letters, the keyboard is acting up again)
post #7 of 17
I agree talking about it helps and you should talk about it here if it helps you. Maybe your therapist just doesn't have pets or doesn't understand how close we get to them emotionally. Sometimes I think I might be closer to my pets than to people. So it's okay to feel how you are feeling, and if you want to tell us about your departed babies, then do so ... I'm all ears.
post #8 of 17
It never seems to amaze me how inconsiderate some people can be towards us when we lose our "animals". Don't feel guilty at all for how you feel and if you need to talk to anyone about your pets there are so many great people here at this site who are more than willing to listen. Up until I got a computer a few years ago I was told over and over throughout the years that my cats were replaceable and that I was stupid for crying when I'd lose them. Of course, I was smart enough to realize my pain was very real and valid.

I lost one kitty, Toobaloo, over three years ago and I still miss him sooo much. I feel better when I get a chance to reminisce with my family over his funny quirks and just how special he was. I also lost another kitty a month ago, Heeby (that's her below this message), and it's so sad to me how everyone else in my family never mentions her. Sometimes (as crazy as this sounds) I will just take a quiet moment and have a "conversation" with Toobaloo and Heeby out loud (in the privacy of my bedroom or out in the yard) to let them know how much I love and miss them (some people talk to God, I talk to my deceased cats).

I don't know if it's healthy to dwell on our losses but I do know it cannot help to hold it all in. If you are not around anyone who can relate and understand then find some friends (online or in person) who can relate. If one more person tells me "its just a cat" I'm going to lose it!

post #9 of 17
Wow, I hope you stop seeing that therapist and find a better one. Everyone knows it's bad to keep things bottled up inside so I can't understand why a therapist would discourage you from talking about how you feel. Anyway, we all want to hear about your pets and try to help you minimize the pain over their loss.
post #10 of 17
Thread Starter 
All the therapists seem to say the same! I have seen 3 lately and they all tell me that! They ALSO tell me if I do not have the money to NOT take my babies to the vet. I WILL beg, borrow or steal to make my babies healthy!

I chose them over children adn I feel I OWE them.

I am so glad you all feel the same as I do! I tried to tell her I am so frightened for my Benji kitty boy and she just says CATS get sick! Get over it!

I am going to keep MY cool and maybe I can change her mind!

THanks for all your support!
post #11 of 17
Why are you "so afraid for your Benji"? Did I miss something here?
I too chose to have cats instead of human children, and they're treated as my kids. I understand exactly where you're coming from!
As for your therapist -- I think you should ditch her and save your money for the vet. I'm sure the vet gives you far more benefit
Good luck!
post #12 of 17
I lost a cat in 2002 and a dog in 2000.
I still miss them very, very much and it still hurts, a lot, but I do enjoy talking about both of them, it helps, greatly.

Ditch your shrink, find a new one who's also an animal lover.
post #13 of 17
oh honey, no, it's just not that simple. People grieve in different ways....some people trivialize it for fear of the pain.....you are a strong heart, I feel that. I lost two within 5 months right after I first joined and it's never left me. What I do do, however, is talk to them. I find a private place in the yard or in their special spots and have a gentle conversation. I open up my heart and mind to all the possibilities of feeling their spirits and I keep healing.
You are very supported and loved for your compassion, my dear.
(RIP Freddie 11/9/03 and Sisi, never forgotten, 2003 )
post #14 of 17
My thought is that it's a counselor's role to help you find your way out of whatever is dragging you down and it doesn't sound like yours is being very helpful in that respect...

When I lost my Charley I knew that no-one else could know exactly how I was feeling - everyone handles death differently afterall. But it's one of the reasons why I joined TCS and why I stayed even though I don't have a cat right now. Many of the people here have shared similar experiences and know that to lose a furbaby just hurts so much. I knew that even though no-one would completely understand that bond between my cat and I that they would understand why my loss meant so much to me....

TCS folks are my counselors.... and we're all here for you too
post #15 of 17
Originally Posted by MyBabies
All the therapists seem to say the same! I have seen 3 lately and they all tell me that! They ALSO tell me if I do not have the money to NOT take my babies to the vet. I WILL beg, borrow or steal to make my babies healthy!

I chose them over children adn I feel I OWE them.

I am so glad you all feel the same as I do! I tried to tell her I am so frightened for my Benji kitty boy and she just says CATS get sick! Get over it!

I am going to keep MY cool and maybe I can change her mind!

THanks for all your support!
I am not sure what is going on here. In all things, there must be a balance. If you have a pet, it is your responsability to care for them. If they have a minor symptom, you can take a "wait and see" attitude. But if they clearly need a vets care, the responsable thing is to do what you can to get them that care.

When you can scrimp and save and provide needed vet care for an ill pet, that is what should be done. Is the therapist confused, and thinking you are an animal hoarder or something? Does she think your attachment to your pets is excessive? Does she think "normal thinking" is that pets are disposable, and just to be enjoyed while healthy, and discarded when ill? Therefore when you show true caring and love for your furkids, she thinks it is excessive? I just don't get it.

Everyone has different beliefs. Some people still think drowning extra kittens is ok. I have a friend who hand raised a kitten from a few weeks old. She admits he was nasty and mean, and hated everyone. But when he got cancer, she continued his care after he was paralyzed and in severe pain. She carried him wherever she went (including at least one vacation). She changed his diapers, and gave him IV's, and took the best care of him she could. But he did suffer quite a bit, until she finally was ready to let go. Which is "normal thinking"? Who gets to decide?

Sometimes you can educate people, and maybe by seeing you, the therapist will learn to be more compassionate to pet lovers. But don't waste too much of your energy trying to change your therapist. Your job in therapy is to heal yourself. Take from her what you can, talk about your parents and the changes you have been through. If she has never had the priviledge of loving and being loved by an animal, she will never understand that part of you. But if she is helping in other ways, take that assistance.

And please, if you want to talk about your bridge babies here, we are all waiting to listen!
post #16 of 17
Yes, you DO need to talk about it. Holding it in nly makes it worse, and YOU will get sick. We don't want that!
post #17 of 17
I am so sorry to hear of all the pain you are going through with all of your recent losses. It is never easy.
I really think you need to find another therapist or not one at all if you can find someone(s) that you trust that you can use as a sounding board to vent and let your feelings out without critisizim(sp). This site is a good place to do that.
I worked in the psychology field for 13 years and it has changed, some people care about the person and others just care about the money, and then sometimes the insurance companies come in and limit what they are allowed to do.
I have cats instead of children too, but my cats are my children. I treat them like that too. I have abandoned human relationships because of the other persons view of my relationships with my cats. My cats have outlasted 2 husbands and several relationships. They are important and don't let anyone tell you different.
You will need to go through the full grieving process for all of the things you have been through lately and it may take some time, the hurt will never fully go away but will decrease over time. I know it helps me to write down my thought when things are bothering me, you may want to try that.
Take care and take the time you need.
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