So, the last time I wrote things were looking better but at this point I'm so hurt and lonely I dont know what else to do... I've been writing to try to keep myself busy but I need someone to talk to... I moved out to my aunt and uncle's house in Long Island.. I got here yesterday and it feels like an eternity already... All I keep seeing is Adrian waving goodbye when I left yesterday... I miss him so much I can't possibly explain it... Things between us havent been great since we were living together because we were arguing constantly... we would bicker at least once a day, which got really uncomfortable... The last argument we had he told me that there would never be a chance for us to have a relationship because he can't be with someone who doesnt understand that he needs time to come around... He told me that he's made it perfectly clear that he wasnt interested in a relationship right now because he has other things that he needs to focus on before he could focus on being with someone and that I didn't get it... I kept pushing to be with him... My words didnt match my actions... I would say I understood him and wasn't focused on being anything more than his friend but my actions would prove otherwise.. and now I may have drove away the only man I've ever really loved... I accept him for everything he is... My love is unconditional... He still says that we're friends and that he cares about me very much but we can't be anything more than friends... The whole situation made me realize a lot of things about myself.. A lot of things that I need to change if I'll ever have a successful relationship with anyone... I just hope, deep down in my heart, that with time and a lot of soul searching I can develop into a person that is more attractive to him... I'm so willing to wait for him to be ready to be with me... Nothing is impossible... as long as we're both still breathing... I hope...
post #1 of 14
6/13/05 at 8:09am