Please don't judge... just letting some stuff out...

So, the last time I wrote things were looking better but at this point I'm so hurt and lonely I dont know what else to do... I've been writing to try to keep myself busy but I need someone to talk to... I moved out to my aunt and uncle's house in Long Island.. I got here yesterday and it feels like an eternity already... All I keep seeing is Adrian waving goodbye when I left yesterday... I miss him so much I can't possibly explain it... Things between us havent been great since we were living together because we were arguing constantly... we would bicker at least once a day, which got really uncomfortable... The last argument we had he told me that there would never be a chance for us to have a relationship because he can't be with someone who doesnt understand that he needs time to come around... He told me that he's made it perfectly clear that he wasnt interested in a relationship right now because he has other things that he needs to focus on before he could focus on being with someone and that I didn't get it... I kept pushing to be with him... My words didnt match my actions... I would say I understood him and wasn't focused on being anything more than his friend but my actions would prove otherwise.. and now I may have drove away the only man I've ever really loved... I accept him for everything he is... My love is unconditional... He still says that we're friends and that he cares about me very much but we can't be anything more than friends... The whole situation made me realize a lot of things about myself.. A lot of things that I need to change if I'll ever have a successful relationship with anyone... I just hope, deep down in my heart, that with time and a lot of soul searching I can develop into a person that is more attractive to him... I'm so willing to wait for him to be ready to be with me... Nothing is impossible... as long as we're both still breathing... I hope...

Don't put your eggs in one basket. Concentrate on what you feel will change you into a better person, but do it for YOURSELF not to win him at the end of the line. It is my experience that when you meet a man who cannot commit, he doesn't just change his mind even after a myriad of changes. It is possible he is NOT the person you are destined to be with. Try not and dwell on what you have lost but look foward to the future of what you can now have!

It is awful being where you are right now, but deep down you know that you have been having problems with this relationship from the start and that it may never work as you hope. Probably some time off is the best thing, and as Hissy says, think of other things in your life, not just men. Good luck, I feel for you, having fallen in love with the wrong person more than once.

What hissy said! If you want to change do it for YOU not him. Trust me. I have been there. I met a guy I thought for sure was the one....he couldnt really comitt but kept me "around" and i thought if i change to what he wants..desires..it would happen. WRONG. Never did...and then I met Steve......and realised..if he wants you to accept him for who he is. He also needs to accept you for who YOU are.

It's so tough when you feel so strongly about someone and they don't feel the same. I know that you have felt this way about Adrian from your previous posts, but I also remember from your posts that he has said he just wants to be friends before. I am sorry you hurt , but I am glad to see that you need to get past this. You really do. Each important relationship in your life will/does have a special place. You need to find someone who feels the same way about you . Maybe the relationships you fall into in the future won't feel the same, but may be exactly what you need. Once you focus on your happiness, then you will leave yourself open for a bunch of wonderful people and experiences. Hope your heart heals soon.

I've been in your shoes, and it is AWFUL!! I wish that you were nearer - we could take some hikes in the Sierra & later in the day, sit together under shade trees & just relax, watch the cats, chickens, quail & enjoy nature. But since you're so far away, guess I will try to create a post for you instead, to help keep your mind off it.Let's see how it goes! Susan

Yeah, I was in a situation like that too. It was draining and made me feel bad about myself, like I had to change or there was something wrong with me. I spent way too many hours in my head thinking about myself. Later I was angry with myself for feeling that way when I really liked who I was, and I didn't need to change for anyone except myself.

Liza, Liza -- It's a crummy, hurtin' spot, isn't it? There's already some good advice here for you, but let me put it in my words.

Go with the flow. Do lots of things -- for you. Enjoy the things that make you feel good about yourself, and find more of them. Make sure that you have activities that don't depend on Adrian's involvement for their success. Important one, that.

At the same time, enjoy the friendship you have with Adrian, but don't in any way push it -- or will it -- to be anything else. If it's not capable of being more, you can at least preserve, rather than jeopardize, what seems capable of being a lasting friendship. No small thing (and it will also free you to recognize other relationships that do have more potential). If it is capable of being more, it has to develop in its own time, in its own way, and it has to feel right to both of you, or it will be right for neither of you.

Above all, be gentle with yourself. Come and vent when you need to -- we're here.

Thanx for all the advice everyone! You're all right... I need to focus on making myself happy right now... to be perfectly honest, I'm not trying to be in a relationship right now.... my life is much too chaotic for that at the moment... I need to do what I can to get my stuff together.... When it comes to changing... I have spent a lot of time evaluating myself and I've realized that there are a lot of things that I do need to change, for myself not for Adrian, in order to make myself a better person... It just so happens that a lot of those things are things that Adrian has spent hours and hours helping me to realize... Things like the fact that I am insecure about myself and everyone around me... I have let my past and the hurt that I've been thru dictate my actions and I need to come to terms with certain things and move past them... I have let too many people manipulate and control me... I have allowed the people closest to me hurt me because I was too insecure to stop them... These are all things that I've realized after a years worth of longgggggg conversations with Adrian... He has been a great friend to me... and that friendship is so worth holding on to... It is also the reason I desire more from him because I know that we already have a wonderful friendship and that is the basis of any successful relationship... a solid friendship...

Anyway... on a brighter note for the day... I called the Stop & Shop where I'm living now, which is right outside the condo complex and spoke to the Customer Service Manager... I told her that I used to work in the S&S in Yonkers and now I'm living out here and I need a job... I have an interview tomorrow at 3pm Hopefully that'll be something... it's part time for the moment but I have no doubt that once I'm in I can make it to management quickly because I have a year of experience at my old store and I was in line for management there... We'll see...

Good luck on the job interview!

Originally Posted by ScamperFarms

Good luck on the job interview!

Click to expand...

Originally Posted by ScamperFarms

Good luck on the job interview!

Click to expand...

That's great, Liza! I hope it works out for you!

Wishing you luck too!