or Connect
TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › A man's week at the gym (funny!)
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

A man's week at the gym (funny!)

post #1 of 7
Thread Starter 

Dear Diary...
For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear)
purchased a week of personal training at the local
health club for me. Although I am still in great
shape since playing on my college football team 25
years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go
ahead and give it a try.

Called the club and made my reservations with a
personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself
as a 26-year old aerobics instructor and model for
athletic clothing and swimwear. My wife seemed
pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club
encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my

Started my day at 6:00am. Tough t! o get out of bed,
but and it was well worth it when I arrived at the
health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is
something of a Greek goddess - with blonde hair,
dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile.
Woo Hoo!

Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines.
She took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill.
She was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I
attributed it to standing next to her in her Lycra
aerobic outfit. I enjoyed watching the skillful way
in which she conducted her aerobics class after my
workout today.

Very inspiring. Belinda was encouraging as I did my
sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from
holding it in the whole time she was around. This is
going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it
out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and
push a heavy iron bar! into the air-then she put
weights on it! My legs were a litt le wobbly on the
treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's
rewarding smile made it all worth while. I
feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying on the
toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and
forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both
pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to
steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club
parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me,
insisting that my screams bothered other club members.
Her voice is a little too perky for early in the
morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally
whine that is VERY annoying.

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda
put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would
anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity
rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it
would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said
some other **** too.

Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth
exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a
full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour
late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda
took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not
looking, I ran and hid in the men's room. She sent
Lars to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the
rowing machine - which I sank.

I hate that bitch Belinda more that any human being
has ever hated any other human being in the history of
the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleader.
If there was a part of my body I could move without
unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda
wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any
triceps! And if you don't want dents in! the floor,
don't hand me the *&%#(#&**!!@*@ barbells or anything
that weighs more than a sandwich. (Which I am sure
you learned in the sadist school you attended and
graduated magna cum laude from.)

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health
and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been
someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir

Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her
grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up
today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the
machine with my planner. However, I lacked the
strength to even use the TV remote and ended up
catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

I'm having the Church van pick me up for services
today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is
over. I will also pray that next year my wife (the
bitch) will choose a gift for me that is fun - like a
root canal or a vasectomy.
post #2 of 7

That's hilarous!

Thanks for sharing!
post #3 of 7
post #4 of 7
Didn't expect that in the Sunday entry!!!
post #5 of 7
post #6 of 7

weird though, i thought i did reply to this thread
post #7 of 7
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: The Cat Lounge
TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › A man's week at the gym (funny!)