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My heart is breaking

post #1 of 12
12/11/01 at 6:45am
Thread Starter 
Yesterday I had to put to sleep my "Buddy"...He was a 17yr old orange Tabby. He had kidney disease, heart murmur and a hietal herinia. He could barely walk this weekend and when I took him in the vet and I both decided it was time. It is so hard...When they put him down with the injection he cried out and I know it hurt and I am having a hard time dealing with that. I know he was in pain before but that cry just keeps echoing in my head. I held him for a while after he went and I hope he forgives me and knows that I loved him more than anything. I could not let him suffer.
I hope he is with his brother T-Bob a gray Tabby that was 15yrs when he was put to sleep. I lost T-Bob 3yrs ago.
Last night was so hard after having a cat in my bed for 17yrs. I missed having to not move about so much as to wake them. They were very loving cats and I am so lucky to have had such wonderful companions. My heart is definitely breaking.
Maybe someone can give me some words that will help ease the pain and help get the sound of Buddy's cry out of my head.
Thank you.
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post #2 of 12
12/11/01 at 7:29am
Oh, CeCe! How sad! There never seem to be right words, and "I'm sorry" seems trite, but...

Surely, Buddy and T-Bob knew how much they were loved by you. There will always be happy memories that last longer than the immediate pain. Never lose those...talk, think, write, anything about your kits...this will not happen quickly, though...the hardest thing about love is the pain, but it is still love...

As time passes, maybe share with us the memories; we'd love to hear...where they are there is no pain

Prayers for Buddy:angel2: and T-Bob:angel2: and you

Bill
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post #3 of 12
12/11/01 at 7:53am
Oh CeCe, Im sooo sorry for you.... I know how hard it is to have to make that decision, its one of the worst feelings in the world....actually, my baby girl Brandy had to be put to sleep because she had liver and kidney failure...and she too cried out.... I wasn't even in the room (hubby stayed with her but I just couldn't.. ) and I felt SO awful hearing that.....It still hurts and it will always remain in my memory, but I promise it does get easier....you still love them just as much for sure, but you can look to the positive side evntually....after all they had a wonderful life with you for a very long time and now they are pain free and happy and healthy. They are all there together playing happily at the bridge....
Lots of love and hugs to you dear...
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post #4 of 12
12/11/01 at 3:18pm
I know what your are going through, I had to put my 14 year old cat, Midnight to sleep in August of this year. I spend Midnight's last few minutes with her, and when the vet tried to inject Midnight in her leg, she cried out too. Then the vet injected directly into Midnight's heart, to make it easier, and she was forever freed from her suffering in less than a minute.

The first couple of days seem to be the most difficult and painful. Time will lessen the pain, and you will be left with your happy memories. I know you can only feel the pain of losing a good friend right now, but eventually, you will be able to realize that ending Buddy's pain and suffering was actually one of the kindest things you have ever done for him.
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post #5 of 12
12/11/01 at 4:53pm
CeCe - loss is never easy, and losing one of our beloved pets aches deep in our hearts. I am sorry for your loss - but know that Buddy is at the Bridge,romping with his brothers and full of laughter and mewing and running so fast......

He will be there waiting for you along with the others, and will run to you, and cover you with kitty kisses.

May you gain comfort from posting here - we totally understand your pain.

Hugs to you and yours.
Deb
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post #6 of 12
12/12/01 at 6:34am
Thread Starter 
Thank you all so much for your kind words and encouragement. I know each day will be better. When I can I will share some memories with y'all. I am so glad I found this site to help me through this loss.
Thanks again and I will post more later.
CeCe
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post #7 of 12
12/12/01 at 5:16pm
Dear cece,
I'm so sorry. I too am mourning an imminent loss and hardly know how to deal with it. When you open your heart to such sweet animals it hurts so much to lose them. You will look around and expect to see them and it hits you when they are not there. It will gradually hurt less. I found it helped a whole lot to get another kitty to love when I lost my last one.Not to replace but to honor their memories. Their antics and love are so cheering. I am also considering a suitable memorial for my Max.This might help you too.
I know your Buddy forgives you. Didn't he always forgive you when he got his shots at the vet? They know when they are loved.
God bless you. You are in my prayers.
Ann D.
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post #8 of 12
12/13/01 at 6:02am
The Calling
God looked around His garden
And found an empty place.
He then looked down upon the earth,
And saw your tired face.
He put His arms around you
And lifted you to rest.
God's garden must be beautiful
He always takes the best.
He knew that you were suffering
He knew you were in pain
He knew that you would never
Get well on earth again.
He saw the road was getting rough,
And the hills were hard to climb.
So He closed your weary eyelids,
And whispered "Peace be thine."
It broke my heart to lose you
But you didn't go alone
For part of me went with you
The day God called you home

Author Unknown
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post #9 of 12
12/16/01 at 8:21pm
Thread Starter 
I am still having a rough time with losing my Buddy. This weekend was the worse ever. I can't seem to stop crying. I miss him so much. I know I did the right thing and he is in a better place...I just can't let go of the guilt.
All of you have been so kind to reply to my post. I cry when I read them but they give me hope.
Thanks everyone.
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post #10 of 12
12/17/01 at 3:21am
Cece... it's ok to cry, you know... Do cry, it helps, you have to express your pain... It helps a lot to express it: don't keep it inside you. And don't feel guilty of crying over Buddy passing away...

You know you gave Buddy a good life, you loved hime: he was lucky to have found you. Try to remember the best moments he gave you and when you feel ready, share with us: it does help!

Cece, my thoughts go out to you...

Anne-Claire
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post #11 of 12
12/17/01 at 3:49am
Cece
I agree with Studio 224. Buddy was a very important part of your life, and his death has created an emptiness. Your grief is very understandable. Don't try to hold it in, and don't try to rush through it, let it all come out. Buddy trusted you to do the right thing for him and you did! It's normal to feel guilty right now, but time does heal, and you will feel better and will have wonderful happy memories of Buddy. We are all here for you whenever you need us.
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post #12 of 12
12/18/01 at 9:33am
hiunknown catowner,
3 years ago i had a similar problem. our cat a european shorthairsuffered from incurable kidney problemsand the vet came to our house to put her to sleep. but after she had been ill for about 3 months i believe we did her a favour.i was extremely sad and kept crying. she had been with us for 17 years. my husband and my 2 sons decided that we were to have a new cat. so we went to a shelterand and crying a chose a new catwhich stayed with us for a year and a half when she was run over by a car another desaster.so another drive to the shelter. now we have lily a beautiful tiger who was joined by pinsel, a maine coon, in luly.i can only recommend that breed . those cats are simply wonderful,quiet companions.have a look at a maine coonthey´ll conquer your heart in no time. a new cat is the only remedy that helps when you lose a loved one. all the best elisabeth
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