I need some vibes... for an unusual reason..

This is pretty long.. sorry

Im hoping to talk to my mom tommorrow, and I am desperate for some vibes that she leaves my limbs intact after I have said what I want to say.

Ok.. its nothing that bad... but..

This guy from a college called "Brown Collage" started calling our house. Now, I thought that it was just because I had put that I was interested in Graphic design on one of the many Guidance things I had to do. My mom picked up the phone and told me a man from Brown Collage was calling.

Now.. I am really shy, I will admit it. I have problems using the phone. I dont know why, I just do. Besides that, my mom would be bugging me every second to see what the guy was saying, so I just told her to talk to him for me.

Well after that, the guy started calling like every week, and after the first time, my mom just talked to him instead of asking me to, because she knows I am phone shy.

After about five weeks of calling, I was getting annoyed. From what my mom told me, the guy kept calling to get me to apply. I guess for some people that wouldnt have been a big deal, and they would have applied, but I couldnt. For one, I am still not sure what I want to do with my life, or what I want to go to collage for. I like working with computers, I like art, english, the environment, and animals, but I hadnt decided on anything specific, or even narrowed down a certain field of what I wanted to do. The second thing was that this brown college was way more expensive than other colleges I had been looking at.So I really wanted to pick the perfect school that was just right for me, because I have limited $$$, and cant be changing my mind you know! So understandably, I think, I was pretty annoyed at the guy for calling and calling and calling, because I thought he just wanted me to apply.

So one day, the guy called again, and I was in a bad mood that day for one thing or another. Mom talked to the guy for a little while, and then she said the guy wanted to talk to me.I thought "He just wants me to apply!!!" so I told her "Tell him to go die" assuming that my mom would not tell him those exact words.. but she did. I was annoyed because I thought he was calling for me to apply again, and I had already said that college was not affordable to me.

So yesterday during my graduation party, we started talking about what I wanted to do. I told them that I was taking a year off. i had applied to another college and gotten accepted, but my mom and I talked, and we aggreed that I should go to a college closer by for financial reasons. It was then too late to apply, because I would have to take my tests for that college, and the last test falls in when I go to Mexico. So I decided I would take the year off, work, make some money, and apply to the college that was closer next year. Then my uncle says " I still cant believe you turned down that full scholarship with room and board to brown college" and I was like "What? the guy offered me a full scholarship with room and board? "just then My mom walked onto the porch and i was like "Mom, why didnt you tell me the guy was giving me a full scholarship with room and board?" Because well.. I still am not sure what I want to do with my life, but if I had known that the school was offering me that for Graphic design, I would have taken it, because it was something I was interested in, and it was FREE. My mom got mad then (understandably) and said" Dont give me that crap!" and I was confused because I didnt remember her telling me this!!

One thing you people might not know is that Ihave a horrible memory, I forget things left and right. So I thought for a moment, hm maybe I forgot that she told me? No, I thought, I definitely wouldhave remembered something like that. And I know I would have, because that was something big and important... I might forget where I set my glass the second before, but I wouldnt forget something like a full scholarship...

Now I am not blaming my mom for this at all. I know I should have talked to the guy myself. I just cant help that I am so shy sometimes.

Yeah I deleted some of it because I am stupid.. if anyone would just delete this whole board I would be very greatful



Edit: Yeah I am stupid.. I remembered that I really had forgotten. i think I need some pills. Maybe I have ADD/ADHD I dont know. Yeah... I forgot that I had come to the conclusion that I really wasnt sure if I wanted to go into graphic design??? I really do need a catscan.. seriously.. there is something wrong with my brain functions....

Oh and I was all excited after I came to the conclusion I didnt think I wanted to be a graphic designer, because the same day at school I had talked to the counselor and we had decided I should just try various classes at a university so thats why I was like "eh " and yeah Im stupid please feel free to hit me with a frying pan.

I feel all emberassed now because I freaked out when it turns out I had decided myself not to take the scholarship

How could I forget something like that??? What is wrong with my mind functions?

Of course you deserve our prayers and vibes! What an awful feeling this must be for you. If this is the direction you want for your life, I sure hope the scholarship is still open for you! Perhaps if you explain to the person the misunderstanding? Hope all works out in your favor!

What Stephanie said!

It may not be too late, and if you screw up your courage and call the guy and tell him straight what happened, and that you would like a chance at it if it's still possible, I suspect he'll understand and do what he can to help.

As for your Mum, well, you've got a different misunderstanding to work out there. You both played a part in this: however she thinks she told you, it obviously wasn't sufficiently direct, but you also could have been more pro-active in checking to see what the guy was calling about -- he was, after all, calling you.

Maybe it would be a good idea to work on that shyness, so that you don't need to rely on your Mum to do the telephone contacts. She won't always be available to do that.

Meanwhile, you most certainly DO deserve vibes and good thoughts. I hope you are able to work this out, apply for the scholarship and get it, and work on that shyness.

Keep us posted, OK?

I agree with the comments so far and you do deserve our vibes! Try to pluck up the courage to call him and explain, with luck he'll understand and either offer you a place this year or next year.

Good luck and let us know what happens

It may not be to late. Most people that deal with college age people are used to having them be indecisive or vague. It is a difficult time in life, trying to figure out what you want to do with your pending adulthood. Maybe making an appointment and speaking with him face to face might be in order, since you are phone shy.

one thing strikes me is that your mother didnt constantly repeat that you have a free scolarship and only mentioned once.. ????

Good vibes coming!

Aww thank you! I have been on an irregular sleeping schedule so I stayed up all night so I can go to bed and be able to SLEEP at a decent time tonight!

It turns out I am an idiot kind of!!

I really did forget....

My mom and I talked since she woke up, and she told me that she had told me and then I remembered that she had told me.... What had happened is I had thought about it and wasnt really sure if Graphic design was what I really wanted to do...... (this was after I told the guy to "go die") my mom told me about the scholarship after that I have been up all night and thinking about stuff while staring into space and I think it is for the better because I am not sure if Graphic design is something I really want to do. Something with computers would be nice though, but not something like that. Yeah. So I totally forgot about that, and then my mind proceeded to delete the fact that the guy wanted to give me a scholarship because my brain is all messed up. Anyways I am better now, and thank you for the vibes!!! I am going to go eat food, and sugar. Because I want to sleep on a regular schedule again.. not from 4am to 4pm

It's funny - the more stressed you are, the more you forget. It happens to us all beb, really it does. At least it happens to me too The trick is to keep on top of the stress. You were getting so stressed out about him keeping calling, that you'd forgotten what it was all about. I call it the Homer Simpson brain - the "Every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out". Don't think for a second that you have ADD/ADHD or whatever, too many people look for quick fixes in pills these days when most of the time there is no need for them. Certainly, if you feel you should, go and talk to your doctor about it... but I think you'd do really well to look at the things in your life that cause you stress, and try to work out another way of getting aorund them. And as for vibes - there's a whole load of 'em right here! Chin up... it's not so bad - and you're definitely not stupid