Kitten just doesn't like me, can you help? PLEASE?

Originally Posted by markman777

I have two kitten littermates that are 12 weeks old. One is a boy the other a girl. I have had them about 4 weeks now. The girl named Cow, loves me to death. She is just like all the cats I had growing up. She purrs, kneads, runs around my feet, rubbs up against me, plays with the teaser, meows when I am not in the room, everything I always thought cats do.

Now for Skunk, her brother. I thought maybe he is one of those cats that likes to be left alone but this has moved beyond that. We I first got him, when he would do something wrong I would hiss at him or yell "no". By doing something wrong- what do you mean? Cats really do not misbehave, they act out of instinct and just because the owner might feel that it is wrong, to the cat, it is right because it is what comes naturally. Biting, aggressive play is all part of kittenhood as the kitten grows and learns to play and hunt. If you are playing with your kittens with your bare hands, then you will get bit. You play with kittens interactively with toys like da Bird or Kitten Tease or Cat Dancer. They climb furniture because there are no trees around- they knock over objects because they are clumsy and objects get in the way.


Sometimes I would scruff him and put his head down on the ground for a second like a mother cat does to reinforce the verbal. A mom cat will scruff a baby kitten, but she won't pin the head to the ground- it is highly likely that you have inadvertently hurt this kitten's neck and because of our punishment- you have gone from friend to predator in this kitten's mind. He will avoid you. Cats and kittens do not remember good things that happen, but they never forget nor forgive the bad- you are three times the size of a momcat- your strength does not even compare to her gentle correction.


Though I never would hurt him in any way. I did the same to his sister and she stopped any bad behavior the very first time (biting, aggressive play, climbing on furniture, getting into stuff they aren't supposed to) I'm afraid he then began associating me with bad things I believe. So I stopped saying 'no' to him and stopped hissing at him. His bad behavior seemed to stop but was replaced with fear. I am the one who gives him his baths (once a week) and he thinks I am trying to kill him I believe. Why in the world are you bathing your kittens once a week? God has equipped them with being the perfect bathers all by themselves. Unless these are show cats, I suggest you stop bathing them so frequently or you are looking at more fear from them, and possible dry skin disorders down the road.


Sometimes I walk up to him to pet him and he ducks his head down and to the other side like he fears me hitting him. Then other times you can't even get that far he just runs if you approach him. I tried baby food and that worked okay for a few days, he would run to me to get it then bolt away. He won't play with the cat teaser or any toys. If I leave the room and have the teaser left on the floor though I can hear him hitting the bell. He plays fine with his sister but when I open the door or walk into a room he spots me and runs and hides.

Again with all your good intentions, your post tells me that you have hurt this kitten. It will be a long time in gaining his trust back and the BEST way to do that is just to ignore him. Do not engage him in play, do not bathe him, pet him, force him to look at you or sit on your lap. Ignore him- set up a schedule of when to feed, when to give fresh water, when to scoop the litter pans and otherwise, back off of all expectations that you want this kitten to do for you and just flat ignore him. Once you do that, he will relax. Stick to the schedule do not surprise him and also just set times out during the day when you go into his room and sit on the floor (away from him) and just read out loud softly. If he comes out to look at you, do not make direct eye contact- if you happen to do so, blink you eyes slowly several times than look away. Otherwise ignore him and keep reading- when you leave, put a tasty treat down on the floor right where your imprint was on the carpet.


Sometimes he turns and faces the wall or chair to avoid looking at me. I have tried putting my shirt in his sleeping area, giving treats each time I walk by him, but now he refuses the treats. Lately if I try and get him to come to me to give him some great treat he just looks at me then looks away. If I walk up to him and hold the food to his nose to get him to smell it, he then runs away or twice he hissed when I held the food to his nose. I tried isolating him from his sister because I figured he may bond with me more that way. Once again you are forcing what you want on this kitten, when it is clear that he wants nothng to do with you. Separating him from his sister just makes you a bigger predator, so he shuts down- plays dead and hopes you will go away-


Well I tried it a few nights but he didn't even cry when left alone or jump up and meow when I entered the room. He slept the whole time, he acted like he didn't care. If he is sleepy, already been alseep, I can pick him up and pet him and he purrs, but thats the only time. I was feeding him baby food the other day in my arms and after I stopped he jumped from me scratching me in four places. He never meows at all. He has cried if he is on my deck and he sees his sister inside, he cries (meows loudly) to get in to her (not me I'm sure). If I let him outside he runs away usually and it is so hard ever getting him back in. One night he stayed gone for 10 hours and took his sister with him. It had rained and I thought since they have never seen ran before they might think I was doing it to them and ran way. I looked everywhere and couldn't find them and then the next afternoon they showed up but weren't hungry so I figured they had went somewhere and were eating something, so now I don't let them go out at all for the time being. Letting 12 week old kittens outside at all is courting disaster. They are young enough to be easy prey, they probably are not spayed or neutered, so they will run off because it is in them to do so. You could lose both of them if you keep letting them outside like that. Based on your last sentence, he has had a rough beginning and probably was not socialized with humans much. Now he fears all things human and you have to work with him slowly to turn it all around- He could be feral, with that many cats usually neglect happens easily and kittens and cats are seldom handled-


So any advice on how to tame this wild kitty? Before I got him they were indoor only cats that lived in a small trailer with 15 other cats and 4 people. Any help would be appreciated.

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Originally Posted by markman777

Thank you for your comments. I had read on the internet many times about the hissing and pinning the head on the ground. I thought in doing that I was being a good cat owner insted of hurting him. I had even tried the water bottle one night but stopped it because it seemed to cruel, they just hated that. I was doing all these things because they would bite when you would pick them up at first, when feeding after you put the food down. I never played with them with my hands but they would see my hand in the floor or in my lap and jump and bit it wnd use their back paws to kick. This might be a result from the previous owners play method. I didn't mind them on the furniture but clawing it I didn't want them to do. I would give them baths because they had fleas very bad when I first got them, then worms and after treating for the fleas I had to give baths again to avoid flea digestion. The kittens would be let outside supervised in a fenced in backyard. But since Skunk, the male, fears me he just decided to leave twice. When he is around his sister she gets a little shy, but when he is elsewhere, she loves me to death. I am afraid by watching his reaction to me she thinks there is something to fear. I will try the things you suggested, I feel horrible that I caused him to be like this. Thanks again for the suggestions.

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