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post #31 of 34
I don't trust this guy. I would have my father and brothers all over there and kick him to the curb immediately and/or have the police escourt him off the property. Re-key the locks and all of you will need to watch your backs for quite a while. I hope he doesn't find out about knightinshiningarmor. This guy
sounds like a loose cannon. Good luck.
post #32 of 34
I have been reading and rereading these posts, and there is a lot of great advice and kind words. I wish your sister well, but there is something else she needs to do. She needs to take out a restraining order against this guy.
I was also married to a creep that turned out to be violent. He threatened our daughter, and that was the final straw. I left him for the guy I should have been with all along, my s/o of 20 years, my knightinshiningarmor. Right after I left him, he tried to kill both of us, after permanently scarring my face. I should have taken out a restraining order, and renewed it every time it ran out. It would have put him in jail over and over until he got the message, and had records in place in case he ever preyed on another woman like this. As it stands, he has disappeared, and after 20 years, I stll wonder if he will be around the next corner. Trust me, no one should live like that.
post #33 of 34
Also please tell your sister to stay busy. Go out and have fun. Spend time with the family & friends she lost contact with whist she was busy Dipsticking.

She might start to reminesce (sp) about the good times, the good things about Dipstick's personality. And as far as my two cents about knightinshiningarmor? Please please PLEASE tell her to NOT get involved so quickly after being with a losery wimpy Dipstick!!! She's EXTREMELY vulnerable right now and even the Devil himself might look inviting and innocent next to what she just left.

She needs to be ALONE. No dating. No running off to another man. She needs time for HERSELF. If she's a social butterfly, she can surround herself with friends... they're only a phone call away. Tell her to DESTROY all the photographs of this guy; destroy all tangible momentos. Destroy everything. No going back. Period!

And, as far as memories, I know you cannot destroy those. They are actually going to come in very handy. She needs to (RIGHT NOW) write down --- black & white --- all the BAD THINGS he did, said, and especially -- - write it down how he MADE HER FEEL. Go back and read it --- re-read it --- til she's got every letter memorized. Only THEN, once she's got it ingrained in her head she's done the right thing (As she may doubt herself for a while, and be tempted to fall back into the old familiar shoes) --- she can PURGE the memories. Get rid of him entirely, even in her head, and more importantly; her heart.

Abuse can break your mind... your heart... but it cannot break your spirit. If anything, after she's gone through all the stages of healing, purging, and gaining her self-esteem back -- she will be much, much stronger. Some day, she might even thank him.
post #34 of 34
There aren't any "pros" in that relationship, just "cons". The guy is a user and abuser. You all have to make it clear to your sister that he has been emotionally abusing her all along, and it will almost certainly lead to physical abuse, and possibly death. He won't change, and things won't get better. Believe me, I went through this with my younger sister, and I think she's finally accepted, since her ex's second wife has been beat to a pulp and hospitalized nurmerous times, that nothing was "her fault", but his.
I also agree that she shouldn't get involved with somebody else right now, because her self-confidence has been seriously eroded, and she won't regain her ability to stand up for herself by immediately becoming dependent on somebody else. She's 19, and has her whole life ahead of her. Why does she have to have a "partner" right now?
A restraining order might help - she should do that in any case - but it won't be enough. I definitely agree with ckblv on that point.
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