I need "neutral" opinions....

diane8704 · May 31, 2005

Hi, ya'll. I havent been around in a few days for a few reasons. The first being that I have been dealing with my sisters drama, which I will tell you about, and then I re-did my spare bathroom by laying linoleum and painting the walls and that took up all of my weekend off!
Heres the background...I have posted on him before, but it was a while ago. My sister has been dating this guy...we'll call him Dipstick, for 3 years. The entire 3 years that they have been together, he has mananged to manipulate and lie his way into our family. She is the epitome of love being blind. He talks to her like shes stupid, hes emotionally abusive, he has ruined her self esteem and he has tried recently to pressure her into moving into an apartment with him that he can't even afford. I don't like him, I have tried to like him, but his attitude that everyone owes him something and he knows it all has driven me to the point of I cant even tolerate him. I live 5 minutes from my parents, with my father being ill, and my sister, and Dipstick tend to stay on Saturday nights because he is sooooo into playing paintball, and she spends Sundays with me.
About a month ago, she mentioned that she had been having dreams that included my husbands best friend, lets call him Knightinshiningarmor. So, I asked her point blank if she liked him. Shes known him for 5 years, and they have always been friends. Lately, I have started to think that maybe theres more there than just friendship, and maybe they just didnt know how to tell one another. So, about 3 weeks ago, I jokingly told knightinshiningarmor, that he should marry my sister. BAM. The deed was done. He starts thinking about her, he hugs her, and they start talking through text messages and at my house. She realizes, Wait a minute. I am worth something. So, she tries to talk to Dipstick, and he turns everything around on her, says she treats him like crap (yeah right) and then continues to guilt trip her. Now, she already feels bad because shes invested 3 years in this hopeless relationship. I have told her, and she has admitted to me that he will never change. Never. Secondly, he lives with her and my parents, and shes worried he wont have anywhere to go. Again, not her problem. He burned his bridges with his family because hes a jerk and he had it made and a free ride at my parents. He does nothing around the house. He tries to make everyone else out to be a liar, and I know I shouldnt say this, but I truly think I hate him. I cant stand to be in the same room with him.
So this past weekend, it escalated, and she stayed at my house without him. She told him she would call him the morning when she woke up. She talked to knightinshiningarmor until 6 in the morning. Around noon, we get this ticked off phone call from him "I have been out here pounding on the door for a half an hour. Let me in." So, my husband says "whatever" and hangs up with him. He tells my sister hes out there, and she goes out to talk to him. HE BROKE MY SCREENED DOOR TO MY SCREENED IN PORCH!! He didnt care.She made him leave.
He blames me and my mother, saying that he knew that we would push her to this. We never have tried to accept him. And he doesnt want to have anything to do with us.
My gosh, I am getting angry just typing this. Shes admitted to me that shes afraid of him physically harming her if she ever moved in with him....
But shes hanging on. I know its not easy, but she has what could be the best thing for her in front of her, and hes waiting. Hes loved her for so long. And she just doesnt get it. And he knows shes in a relationship and he doesnt want to confuse her, and he told her she could take all the time she needed.
I dont know. She was so miserable yesterday with him.
I feel bad, because I truly believe that he is the only person I have ever hated in my entire life. I truly do. I guess I'll have to answer to that later.
I dont know how to help her. I have tried. I have done everything that I know to do.
Thanks for letting me vent. I am just really down in the dumps, and there is not enough internet space for me to fill you in on all of the abuse I have witnessed over the past 3 years. I guess I am just overwhelmed with this down feeling about it. He broke my door to get to her. And he keeps asking her: "Is there something you need to confess to me? Something I need to forgive you for??" She hasnt done anything. But she thinks he either doesnt care about her (which he doesnt) or hes cheating on her (which is likely.)
Just please send good vibes that she makes the right decision, the decision that is right for her.
Thanks again.

purity · May 31, 2005

My best friend has been going through something similar recently, and it took a lot for her to finally give up the relationship and walk away. She talked about it for months, she knew she had to do it, but no matter what her friends said she stuck with him, until the last straw this week when he threatened her. Thank God she's now left him, but I'm glad she came to the decision on her own and wasn't pushed into it, as she won't grow to resent those of us that care about her.

Just be there for your sister, support whatever decision she makes. Have faith, she'll make the right choice in the end, but she has to do it in her own time

pandybear · May 31, 2005

Purity

i'm all for relationships needing time to mend and other people staying out of them but this guy is obviously a moron and i don't blame you for how you feel about him.

your sister also sounds lovely and deserves much better, i hope she gets together with the nice guy

do you think she is interested in him and will leave the other guy behind? i sure hope so, he has no right to treat her that way, i do understand where she's coming from though, when you are in a toxic relationship you become blind with love especially if your a true romatic like me and feel sorry for the guy even if he doesn't deserve it.

luckily i have a fantastic man now

goodluck and please let me know what happens

hugs and good vibes are coming your way

felicia

kiwideus · May 31, 2005

That really is not easy on anyone. I dated a guy for 2 1/2 years and he was the biggest jerk - he would punch me just to see how many bruises he can give me.

I finally had the guts to break it off with him, and I had to do it in front of my mother so that I would not feel so scared - I felt like a huge weight was lifted off me, but he had manipulated me to the point where I was not allowed to see my friends and I had to start all over again.

Right now, your sister needs all the support she needs and I hope that in time she will feel safe enough to tell this jerk to go away.

But, if she does decide to date this nicer guy, I hope she takes it slow as she is moving from one relationship to another, and she needs to heal.

My good friend that died last January - he was in a series of relationships - one after the other and the second to last ex was awful to him - stalked him, etc, and it was because of her that he had decided that he needed a year to himself, as a single man, for himself to heal - I read that last email from him to the girl he was thinking of dating but decided that he needed to make changes for himself. It was the wisest decision but unfortunately, he died before he was able to do anything.

He was one of those who was afraid to be alone. And the ones who are afraid to be alone are the ones who are the most vulnerable.

fwan · May 31, 2005

Oh gosh diane, i remember your other thread perfictly well... because i wrote 2 pages long untill my computer screwed up.
From what i remember she is about the same age as me, Atleast she has realised that there is something wrong in the relationship and that is one step foward.
Now i have a solution in my head but it doesnt come out clearly to describe so maybe if someone can figure out the words i want to put together to get this A$$hole away from your sister, i can add to it.. (i know this so does not make sense?)

*sending mega vibes and lots of magic**
and well i dont blame you because i would hate him too

malice cat · May 31, 2005

I think she needs to write down her feelings toward this man , make a list of what she likes about him and what she hates about him hopefully she will see there is a lot of negative things about this guy and she will leave, also make sure she knows you will be there to help her suppourt her decision.If he is violent i would try and get him out of your parents house asap, if she does dump him she should do it in a safe place where there are friends or family that will help out if he tries to hurt her.

rockcat · May 31, 2005

Diane, please let your sister read this:
My first marriage was a disaster. My husband separated me from my family and friends as much as he could. Manipulation can be hard to see, but easy to fall into. It happens a little at a time. Separation can be mental rather than phisical too. I knew the day I married him that I didn't want to, but what would he do without me? WOW. Ok, so I just sacrificed my happiness for his? The guy that "loved" me so much that I couldn't have friends. I was miserable for 3 years. I finally found a way out. He cheated on me.

Then I divorced him!
Don't settle!!!

ugaimes · May 31, 2005

The average abused woman will leave 6-7 times before they leave for good. After the acts of abuse, the batterer will tell their partner that they are sorry (they rarely are) and that they'll change (they VERY rarely do). Sometimes, it's more difficult in emotionally abusive relationships b/c some people do not believe they are being abused if they are not being pushed, slapped, etc. But, based on what you are saying (the way Dipstick talks to her and treats her, him breaking your door, trying to turn people against your sister) he has the hallmarks of an abusive personality. And just because he has not been physically abusive yet does not at all mean that he cannot be abusive physically at some point later in time.
My advice is to help her get out of the relationship safely, but be there for her even if she returns to him a hundred times; she NEEDS you right now, as hard as Dipstick will try to isolate her from family and friends.
Now, while he has not yet been physically abusive, the point where a person leaves a relationship can be the most dangerous time. This is when the batterer feels that their control over the victim (b/c that is what Dipstick is thriving on- power and control over your sister) is slipping away. This is most likely when an abuse will become physical. I would have your sister contact the local domestic violence shelter (if you need me to help you locate one, I'd be glad to) and talk about maybe getting a peace bond or protective order. They can also help her get some free counseling to help heal the emotional scars that abuse leaves. She'll want to get some help with her self-esteem ASAP.
I hope all works out well. Please feel free to PM me if you want to talk further. I'm an abuse victim advocate, so this is one area in which I actually know what I'm talking about!

diane8704 · May 31, 2005

My best friend has been going through something similar recently, and it took a lot for her to finally give up the relationship and walk away. She talked about it for months, she knew she had to do it, but no matter what her friends said she stuck with him, until the last straw this week when he threatened her. Thank God she's now left him, but I'm glad she came to the decision on her own and wasn't pushed into it, as she won't grow to resent those of us that care about her.

Just be there for your sister, support whatever decision she makes. Have faith, she'll make the right choice in the end, but she has to do it in her own time

I am letting her know that the decision is hers and that I will be there for her no matter what she chooses. And I told her that I do support her, and I will be there if thats what she wants. And you are right, it could take months, it could take days, weeks, I dont know, years. I just know it has to be her decision and she knows that as well. Thanks for the feedback.

Purity

i'm all for relationships needing time to mend and other people staying out of them but this guy is obviously a moron and i don't blame you for how you feel about him.

your sister also sounds lovely and deserves much better, i hope she gets together with the nice guy

do you think she is interested in him and will leave the other guy behind? i sure hope so, he has no right to treat her that way, i do understand where she's coming from though, when you are in a toxic relationship you become blind with love especially if your a true romatic like me and feel sorry for the guy even if he doesn't deserve it.

luckily i have a fantastic man now

goodluck and please let me know what happens

hugs and good vibes are coming your way

felicia

You are so right, and she is really thinking about leaving the moron for the other guy. All I am doing is listening and trying to help her figure it out. The other night that she asked him to leave her alone, she came over to my house to be on her own, and I ran her hot bath and just told her to relax, and that seemed to help her with her perspective. I will definitely keep posting on this.
Thank you so much for the vibes.

That really is not easy on anyone. I dated a guy for 2 1/2 years and he was the biggest jerk - he would punch me just to see how many bruises he can give me.

I finally had the guts to break it off with him, and I had to do it in front of my mother so that I would not feel so scared - I felt like a huge weight was lifted off me, but he had manipulated me to the point where I was not allowed to see my friends and I had to start all over again.

Right now, your sister needs all the support she needs and I hope that in time she will feel safe enough to tell this jerk to go away.

But, if she does decide to date this nicer guy, I hope she takes it slow as she is moving from one relationship to another, and she needs to heal.

My good friend that died last January - he was in a series of relationships - one after the other and the second to last ex was awful to him - stalked him, etc, and it was because of her that he had decided that he needed a year to himself, as a single man, for himself to heal - I read that last email from him to the girl he was thinking of dating but decided that he needed to make changes for himself. It was the wisest decision but unfortunately, he died before he was able to do anything.

He was one of those who was afraid to be alone. And the ones who are afraid to be alone are the ones who are the most vulnerable.

Kellye, how right you are. He hasnt taken it as far as physical abuse yet, but I am sure the day will come, but I have a feeling it will be if she marrys him or moves into an apartment with him. Its just difficult to watch someone that you care about torture themself over something so awful. I am sure you know how that feels.

Oh gosh diane, i remember your other thread perfictly well... because i wrote 2 pages long untill my computer screwed up.
From what i remember she is about the same age as me, Atleast she has realised that there is something wrong in the relationship and that is one step foward.
Now i have a solution in my head but it doesnt come out clearly to describe so maybe if someone can figure out the words i want to put together to get this A$hole away from your sister, i can add to it.. (i know this so does not make sense?)

*sending mega vibes and lots of magic**
and well i dont blame you because i would hate him too

I am sure thats it. She's 19 today. You are so right, shes already taken that first step. Now if she could just take it a little further day by day. Thanks for the vibes, we need them. Please, let me know if you come up with the solution. I plan on showing this thread to her as soon as I can.

I think she needs to write down her feelings toward this man , make a list of what she likes about him and what she hates about him hopefully she will see there is a lot of negative things about this guy and she will leave, also make sure she knows you will be there to help her suppourt her decision.If he is violent i would try and get him out of your parents house asap, if she does dump him she should do it in a safe place where there are friends or family that will help out if he tries to hurt her.

We did that Sunday night. Pros and Cons of the relationship. She had no pros and 6 negatives right off the bat. But her excuse for nothing positive was that she was angry. No, there aren't any, I told her. Then I had her list everything that she liked about knightinshiningarmor, and she said everything, and listed about a dozen things about him that she liked. My parents are very aware of the situation, and when she ends it, he will leave then, and my dad already plans to change the locks immediately. We have thought ahead. Thanks for the suggestion that she should do it with someone there. I hadnt thought of that.

Diane, please let your sister read this:
My first marriage was a disaster. My husband separated me from my family and friends as much as he could. Manipulation can be hard to see, but easy to fall into. It happens a little at a time. Separation can be mental rather than phisical too. I knew the day I married him that I didn't want to, but what would he do without me? WOW. Ok, so I just sacrificed my happiness for his? The guy that "loved" me so much that I couldn't have friends. I was miserable for 3 years. I finally found a way out. He cheated on me.

Then I divorced him!
Don't settle!!!

I intend to have her read this. Lots of people here have had this similar situation, and maybe she needs to see that you and everyone else managed to survive it and move on to better things. Also, the more he tries to push her away from me, the closer she and I get. I dont let him drive me away, either. Shes got a way out. I just hope she takes it. I will let her read this. Thanks, and I am glad you got out.

The average abused woman will leave 6-7 times before they leave for good. After the acts of abuse, the batterer will tell their partner that they are sorry (they rarely are) and that they'll change (they VERY rarely do). Sometimes, it's more difficult in emotionally abusive relationships b/c some people do not believe they are being abused if they are not being pushed, slapped, etc. But, based on what you are saying (the way Dipstick talks to her and treats her, him breaking your door, trying to turn people against your sister) he has the hallmarks of an abusive personality. And just because he has not been physically abusive yet does not at all mean that he cannot be abusive physically at some point later in time.
My advice is to help her get out of the relationship safely, but be there for her even if she returns to him a hundred times; she NEEDS you right now, as hard as Dipstick will try to isolate her from family and friends.
Now, while he has not yet been physically abusive, the point where a person leaves a relationship can be the most dangerous time. This is when the batterer feels that their control over the victim (b/c that is what Dipstick is thriving on- power and control over your sister) is slipping away. This is most likely when an abuse will become physical. I would have your sister contact the local domestic violence shelter (if you need me to help you locate one, I'd be glad to) and talk about maybe getting a peace bond or protective order. They can also help her get some free counseling to help heal the emotional scars that abuse leaves. She'll want to get some help with her self-esteem ASAP.
I hope all works out well. Please feel free to PM me if you want to talk further. I'm an abuse victim advocate, so this is one area in which I actually know what I'm talking about!

Click to expand...

You know, I actually thought about PM'ing you about this because I am not only frustrated at her indecisiveness but also very worried for her as well as my parents. He hasnt been violent yet, but I dont doubt that he wouldnt, and I have prepared myself for that. And he is manipulating the situation to his benefit. And I really appreciate your directing me to a facility that can offer her protection from him. She may need it. We have also discussed the fact that I will be there for her, no matter what her choice is, and that I will help her through whatever I need to, to get her to the other side. I think she is afraid of change, afraid of him, worried about where he will go, all of these things that he has guilt tripped her about. I cant even look at him without wanting to give him a piece of my mind, and tell him where to get off. The best thing for her is to tell him to hit the pike, she just has to be the one to come that conclusion on her own. Thank you so much for your help, and I will let her read these responses, because they are all so informative, and then she can PM you herself. That way, you can help her one on one instead of through a middle man. Thank you so much for your support, not only with me, but with her.

darkeyedgirl · May 31, 2005

Above all, she needs to realize she is worth a good life, worth being treated kindly (not with anger or angry words), and she is a human being with her own path. She does not need to follow or guide HIM.

She could use to talk to people who've been there... and as far as being afraid of change? Most changes are for the GOOD, especially when it comes to someone like HIM. I know his kind and they are, in a word, losers. Men who need to control a woman, HATE women, and aren't worth the airspace they take up. She is better than him. When she realizes that, she will be able to move on.

diane8704 · May 31, 2005

Originally Posted by darkeyedgirl

Above all, she needs to realize she is worth a good life, worth being treated kindly (not with anger or angry words), and she is a human being with her own path. She does not need to follow or guide HIM.

She could use to talk to people who've been there... and as far as being afraid of change? Most changes are for the GOOD, especially when it comes to someone like HIM. I know his kind and they are, in a word, losers. Men who need to control a woman, HATE women, and aren't worth the airspace they take up. She is better than him. When she realizes that, she will be able to move on.

You know, you are so right. I think that she just has to realize that on her own, but maybe from some guidence from me. He is a loser, user, and an abuser. And I think its time she quit playing his little game.

sweets · May 31, 2005

He talks to her like shes stupid, hes emotionally abusive, he has ruined her self esteem...

That is the reason she stays with him....she "doesn't deserve better" I can tell you from experience, it will take 3000000000 words to raise her self esteem, then 1 word to drop her right back to where she is now. But it can be done.

When I got out of the relationship with my abusive ex, I erected a stone wall 24' high and 30' thick around myself for 7 yrs. I was friends with everyone, but afraid of anyone with testosterone. I couldn't even flirt, and I've been flirting since the cradle. My best friend's brother started chipping away at that wall. And every time someone broke off the relationship and said nasty things, more stones went up. But luckily, the holes were bigger than the new stones.

Your sister needs counselling. I agree with ugaimes about the domestic violence shelter. They can help her find someone.

diane8704 · Jun 1, 2005

Well, heres an update. Yesterday was her birthday, and she and I both have a mutual friend that we grew up with, who is more like a third sister to both of us. She called me at work yesterday afternoon and wanted to take my sister out for her birthday to her favorite restaurant. So, I called and left my sister a voicemail, and told her to call me. I knew when I left work at 5 and she didnt immediately call me that there was something going on. When she finally did call me, she declined the invitation because Dipstick got angry and she didnt want to deal with it. I got angry. And I told her that I thought it was ridiculous that she was going to allow him to dictate to her what she could and couldnt do on her birthday, considering that he didnt even bother to get her a card. Its not about the lack of gift, shes not materialistic. Its the fact that he didnt want to let a family friend take her to dinner. I picked her up, as usual, on the way to my house to feed my fur babies, (she loves to come play with Haylee Marie) and talked to her about it. I could tell that she really wanted to go, and I let her see me get angry. And I told her that she had to make the decision herself. I couldnt do it for her. So, she got to my house, and called knightinshingingarmor, just to talk to him for a minute. I went ahead and let my puppy outside, fed the cats and the fish and started to scoop out the litter boxes. I noticed she came into the bathroom and I looked at her, and she stated "I am going. I dont care what he says, I am going." And I asked her what made her change her mind?? She said that my yelling at her and telling her that he was trying to isolate her from her family and friends, and that she was letting him, and I wasnt going to stand for it, aided in her decision, but talking to knightinshiningarmor really did it for her. She decided that she was crazy to allow him to hold her back. So, she came with us to dinner, she had a good time, and then spent 45 minutes on the phone with knightinshiningarmor, promising her that she would not go through this alone. Together, we rode back to our parents house, and Dipstick flung the door open right after we pulled in. I could tell immediately that he was peeved. So, she came in and I kept walking and I could hear him muttering, but I couldnt hear what was said, but she said back to him, in a nasty tone that shocked even me: "Its like you always say: the phone works BOTH ways." And she walked past him.
She gets stronger everyday. Everyday, she gets more of herself back. And I am so proud of her that its amazing. The transformation is amazing. So, hopefully, she will be able to make a decision sooner as opposed to later, and be able to live with that decision.
Thanks for all of your help. And vibes. We need them and appreciate them!

ugaimes · Jun 1, 2005

I'm glad your sister is starting to stick up for herself

And though I do not condone getting into another relationship very soon after ending one (especially an abusive one), I am glad that it seems knightinshiningarmor is helping her so much with this. Her strength just may surprise you!
Thank you for keeping us updated. It sounds like she will get out of this relationship- she just needs to know that she is worth so much more!

pandybear · Jun 1, 2005

That is fantastic news!

every small step counts and the fact that she wants better for herself is going to make it easier for her to leave dipstick. i think you are doing an amazing job and she sounds so much stronger already.

Goodluck

love,

felicia

vespacat · Jun 1, 2005

Wow, it sounds like there's a lot happening there, Diane. It seems like your sister is gaining self esteem from having some supportive people around her. If she didn't have the support, she would probably feel trapped into staying with Dipstick even longer, and her self esteem would diminish even more.

Keep on supporting her... It sounds like she's in the process of leaving and making decisions that will benefit her for a change. Lots of vibes coming your way... Keep us updated.

megansvdub · Jun 1, 2005

I was married to a guy like that, he was such a jerk to me and i didn't realize it untill after we got married. In the course of our relationship he convinced me not to hang out with any of my friends and if i went somewhere with out him, anywhere, i would get 100 questions when i got home. And we lived at my parents house because he could not afford an apartment and even if he could he didn't have good enough credit for it. He was in and out of jobs the whole time even after our son was born , wich ment we had no insurance, untill i went out and got a job.

But it took a while for me to come to terms with my self and say i don't need him and it isn't my problem to be worried about leaving him with no where to go. He was the one that put me where i was at that point. It was stupid but i even cried when i told him to leave and even a few days later, but he was all i knew because he had changed me so much. it took a little while but i became my self again and realized that i deserved so much more.

Now i'm remarried to such a wonderfull man, And he is so much more of a father to my son than my ex ever was.

No matter what everyone else said when i was with my ex, it didn't matter because i had such a big heart and always belevied him when we would tell me he would change. He lied to me and my family the whole time and others saw it but me, we faught so much but i never told anyone because i was sure we would work it out and he was the one for me .

you wouldn't believe how releived i felt when i finally told him to get out, and trust me i yelled it at the top of my lungs untill he left. I almost felt crazy for doing it, yelling like i did. He pushed me to my limits and soon, your sisters boyfriend will do the same, she will come around and realize whats going on. And by the other guy opening her eyes to what she is missing , she will come around sooner . i hope.

winwin · Jun 1, 2005

Are you going to wait and put up with this jerk until he trashes (or worse) your sister ? ? ?

Can you say "Call The Police" ? ? ?

Do it NOW ! ! ! !

DO NOT WAIT ! ! !

Leonard.

diane8704 · Jun 1, 2005

Originally Posted by winwin

Are you going to wait and put up with this jerk until he trashes (or worse) your sister ? ? ?

Can you say "Call The Police" ? ? ?

Do it NOW ! ! ! !

DO NOT WAIT ! ! !

Leonard.

Are you kidding me??? Hell, no, I am not going to wait. But I cant call the police because he talks to her like shes stupid. The only thing I could do was have him escorted off my property, and he was gone before it ever reached that point. And he lives with her and my parents. I am doing everything I know to do. I can only be held responsible for so much. And the police arent there to break up a name calling fight. But you can guarantee that I won't hesitate to have him thrown out of my parents house when she decides its over. She hasnt officially said "Hit the pike!" I cant do anything. The police cant do anything. Everyones hand but hers are tied.

diane8704 · Jun 1, 2005

Originally Posted by megansvdub

I was married to a guy like that, he was such a jerk to me and i didn't realize it untill after we got married. In the course of our relationship he convinced me not to hang out with any of my friends and if i went somewhere with out him, anywhere, i would get 100 questions when i got home. And we lived at my parents house because he could not afford an apartment and even if he could he didn't have good enough credit for it. He was in and out of jobs the whole time even after our son was born , wich ment we had no insurance, untill i went out and got a job.

But it took a while for me to come to terms with my self and say i don't need him and it isn't my problem to be worried about leaving him with no where to go. He was the one that put me where i was at that point. It was stupid but i even cried when i told him to leave and even a few days later, but he was all i knew because he had changed me so much. it took a little while but i became my self again and realized that i deserved so much more.

Now i'm remarried to such a wonderfull man, And he is so much more of a father to my son than my ex ever was.

No matter what everyone else said when i was with my ex, it didn't matter because i had such a big heart and always belevied him when we would tell me he would change. He lied to me and my family the whole time and others saw it but me, we faught so much but i never told anyone because i was sure we would work it out and he was the one for me .

you wouldn't believe how releived i felt when i finally told him to get out, and trust me i yelled it at the top of my lungs untill he left. I almost felt crazy for doing it, yelling like i did. He pushed me to my limits and soon, your sisters boyfriend will do the same, she will come around and realize whats going on. And by the other guy opening her eyes to what she is missing , she will come around sooner . i hope.

Are you sure that you aren't my sister? I truly believe that your story has so many similarities to yours, that it makes me wonder if her boyfriend and your ex are related! Thanks for the input. I am going to make sure she reads this one.

I need "neutral" opinions....

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