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Please Help, I Need Advice

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 
I Am Helping My Mom Find Homes For Some Munchkin Kittens, So They Are Staying At My Home. Today As I Was Letting The Kittens Out Of The Bathroom To Play In The House, I Said To My Husband, Please Sit On The Couch So One Of Them Doesn't Get Squished Under The Recliner. Well He Ignored Me, Telling Me They Would Be Fine, And While I Was Doing Something He Squished One And She Died. I Am So Devestated, I Cant Stop Crying, And Can't Help Blaming Him. I Know It Is My Fault Because They Were My Responsibility, But He Knew The Liked To Play Under There. I Know It Was An Accident, But If He Had Just Listened To Me, This Wouldn't Have Happened. He Was Heart Broken And I Know He Didn't Mean To, So How Do I Forgve Him?
post #2 of 16
Oh wow sweetie. This is heartbreaking, but there is nothing you can do anymore. You know it was an accident, even if it was one caused by laziness on hubby's part, it was an accident none the less. It is ok, it is a natural reaction to be angry at him, you cant really help it, just try not to take it out on him too much, i am sure he feels horrible enough. Maybe he will listen and be a little more careful in the future. Hugs.
post #3 of 16
You understand that with tiny kittens accidents can and do happen. I doubt he did it on purpose and he probably feels horrible about it, so why prolong his misery?
post #4 of 16
Thread Starter 
Thank you for your kindness. I can't sleep. Every time I close my eyes I see that poor kittens face. I feel so guilty.
post #5 of 16
Thread Starter 
I appreciate any advice you guys can give me.
post #6 of 16
Originally Posted by munchkincat
I appreciate any advice you guys can give me.
Get rid of the recliner? At least for while you have the kitties. Sounds like a dangerous thing to have with little kitties around.
I am sorry this had happened to the kitty.
post #7 of 16
Wow, I am so sorry this had to happen to your kitty. Maybe you should talk to your husband about it... you can't blame him, even though it could have been avoided. Just let him know that when you say something, you MEAN it! I am so sorry for your loss.
post #8 of 16
You know he didn't do it on purpose and right now it sounds like he's really sorry. It was an accident. Forgive and learn from it.
Something similar happened to my brother-in-law. He was told time and again that stray cats and kittens sometimes get into the car engine. One morning he was in a hurry to leave the house and forgot to check. Well, he ended up with kitten hamburger under the hood.
post #9 of 16
Thread Starter 
Thank you so much for listening, not many people do.
post #10 of 16
Oh, MunchkinCat, what an awful experience!! Many of us wives have dealt with the same situation, or something similar. In my case, it's been my husband's dog. To be on the safe side, I'd keep the kittens locked up when your hubby is around; there are other dangers, including getting stepped on. The horror & hurt of the whole situation is so fresh, I'd give yourself time to think about it later, and the forgiveness will come. Maybe you could tell him that you can understand how awful he must feel, but I wouldn't excuse what he allowed to happen, since he was warned. No, the burden is his. That said, you don't want him to feel so bad that he resents having the kittens there. After all, kittens are very delicate, and these accidents frequently happen. The little one is okay now, on the other side of the Bridge; and you have the others to think about & care for. Cry when you feel like it but don't forget to treasure those precious entertaining moments that the remaining kittens give you. Here's lots of hugs & a cup of e-tea!! With much empathy & condolences, Susan
post #11 of 16
Thread Starter 
Susan, thank you so much for caring. Thank all of you for listening, I feel so horrible and acnot sleep. That poor little kitty's face haunts me.
post #12 of 16
Sad as they are, these things happen. I shut a kitten inside a sofa bed once, but fortunately I realised in time and got her out just before she suffocated. Don't blame yourself or your husband, just learn a lesson and put it all behind you.
post #13 of 16
MunchkinCat, I feel your pain and can completely relate to your story. A very similar event happened to us just before Xmas last year. Our kitten, Little Eve (rescued by us and bottlefeed from 3 weeks old) was playing in the family room and my husband lifted our sofa to have my daughter sweep underneath. When they put it down they did not realize Eve was underneath. Her little neck was broken by a metal bar under the sofa. I found her about an hour later when I was looking for her to play with.

We were all so devastated by this tragedy. For months I could not look under the sofa without seeing her and to this day my daughter will not sit on the sofa.

As a legacy to little Eve, we decided to get a new rescued kitten so we ended up with Kuda and Don. Kuda was a kitten who was rescued after the Hurricanes of 2004 and needed a forever home. The same time Kuda came to live with us, my daughter came home from Petsmart with a tiny kitten (Don - he was named Don in Eve's memory, if he was a female he would have been Dawn) that was found at the side of the road. So Don and Kuda joined our family.

Since then I have joined a rescue organization and now take in little bottle babies to wean until they are ready for adoption. We now have a houseful of little kittens. But the empty hole left by Eve is still there.

The pain and memory of this event has lessened as time has passed. Having a house full of purry kittens sure helps to fill the void.

One thing that I found was very important was to make sure that my daughter and my husband knew that they were not to blame. It was an accident and nothing more. In hind sight its easy to say would'a, could'a, should'a but it does not help to ease anyone's pain. In my opinion placing blame does a disservice to our memories of little Eve.

Little Eve is front and center in my sig below.
post #14 of 16
What a horrible horrible accident. My heart goes out to each of you. I am so sorry for your loss.

I agree with Laurelism, that you and your husband need to sit down and have a talk. You both need to express your anger, fears, hurt, etc. If you are not able to talk about it, maybe you can write him a letter. Forgiveness will come easier after you talk it out.

And did you have some kind of funeral or memorial for the baby? It sounds silly to some, but the ceremony can help give closure. And you can be as elaborate or as simple as you want. We buried our B.B. with some catnip, and sprinkled flowers on his grave. You could plant something in remembrance. Or write a love note, and burn it, as if the burning took the message to baby in heaven.

May your heart heal. Do not let one moment of ignorance affect your relationship with your beloved husband. You can get through this together.
post #15 of 16
it was an accident... its ok...
post #16 of 16
You've already received better advice than I could give you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm so sorry that you lost your little kitten. I'm sure she's forgiven you and is happily playing at the bridge.
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