My fiance and I don't want children for personal reasons. We're very happy and found our cats to be just the children we needed.
All my life I've been a "dog" person. That was until I met my fiance 5 years ago. She had a cat named Sylvester. A very large and beautiful snow shoe (spelling?). He weighed in at around 16 lbs and had a beautiful snow white/gray coat. Sylvester was patient, caring, and above all...loyal. Every night for the last 5 years I've had the pleasure of listening to the loud roar of a pur on my pillow. He had no ordinary pur, but rather, one so loud it would literally keep you awake at night.
I can't tell you the memories I've shared between he and our other 2 cats. There are so many. Our lives so full of love. I bonded with him more so than the other two. We had a special relationship. One in which he'd patiently wait for me in the window each day to get home from work. Sometimes at night he'd jump on the back of the couch and lick my hair as if he were grooming me.
One week ago we noticeded some strange behavior. His belly was swollen and he seemed very lethargic. We took him to the vet that Monday only to learn that some additional tests needed to be taken. To make a long story short, we discovered after much prodding and poking, that Sylvester had tested positive for FIP. Having already spent the weekend researching possible diagnosis over the internet, I was horrified at the words coming out of the phone.
We all knew this love of our life, would only have weeks to live. When Sylvester came home, we tried to have a normal life as best we could. Not 3 days back home and he started displaying the most upsetting behavior. He refused to eat and drink and would disappear under the bed or in a closet for hours at a time. Occasionally he'd walk out only as if to say I love you but he wouldn't have any attention. I knew if I couldn't get him to eat and drink, that it would only be a matter of time. I tried every food he's ever eaten, including some of the best People food he's eaten. Anything of nutritional value would mean more time....
I sat up in the dark one night last week and noticed him lying in the middle of our cold hardwood floors. I decided to lay on the floor with him hoping maybe I could spend the night on the floor with him. I sat there and stroked his chin till my arm felt like it was falling off.
Yesterday on the way home my fiance and I got in to an argument. She thought it was "time". I refused to give up and preferred he stick it out to the end. That soon changed when I got home and yet again found Sylvester under the bed hiding. I could start to feel his bones through his coat. In disbelief I agreed it was time...Time to kill a pet..no, a loved one, that I hold in higher standing than I do most relatives and friends.
As I walked out the door this morning I called the Vet to say we were coming in, and already my voice was cracking. I had to walk out in my front yard to make the call as if I didn't want Sylvester to hear.
He was unusually easy to get in to the cat carrier. Typically it'd be easier to get a 500lb lion in there...He quietly went in. On our way to work we only heard 1 or 2 small wimpers come from the backseat. We had layed our seats down in the back so we could face the carrier towards us. Sylvester likes to be close when he's out of his element.
As I was driving down the road, I looked over my should only to see his paw reaching through the wire waiting for me to touch him. I literally lost it at that point and tears began pouring down my face. As we arrived at the vet niether one of us wanted to get out of the car. We just sat there and cried.
When we finally did get the courage to enter, the place was quiet and everyone there couldn't help but tell why we had come. Time had stopped. We soon entered the examination room where we spent 45 minutes alone, in what would be our last minutes together. He was happy and purring. The floor had puddles where I was standing from the tears rolling off my cheeks. I felt like the world had brought me to my knees. Never before I had I felt so out of control, unhappy, angry, and helpless.
The Vet came in and I knew it was only a matter of seconds. He went quietly with those big black eyes staring in to mine...I'm left with a memory that will haunt me for the rest of my life not knowing if it was the right thing to do regardless of what others believed. He now lay before me lifeless and limp.
They gave us a moment afterwards alone to morn his death. It was then I felt rage like never before. It was also the first time in nearly a decade that I said a quiet prayer hoping that someone out there was listening. If I had but one wish, it was with him.
I'm left pondering a thought I haven't heard in many years....
"It is better to have loved and lost...than not to love and have never lost at all"
The pain is unbearable...the memories priceless.
I will never forget you my son.
All my life I've been a "dog" person. That was until I met my fiance 5 years ago. She had a cat named Sylvester. A very large and beautiful snow shoe (spelling?). He weighed in at around 16 lbs and had a beautiful snow white/gray coat. Sylvester was patient, caring, and above all...loyal. Every night for the last 5 years I've had the pleasure of listening to the loud roar of a pur on my pillow. He had no ordinary pur, but rather, one so loud it would literally keep you awake at night.
I can't tell you the memories I've shared between he and our other 2 cats. There are so many. Our lives so full of love. I bonded with him more so than the other two. We had a special relationship. One in which he'd patiently wait for me in the window each day to get home from work. Sometimes at night he'd jump on the back of the couch and lick my hair as if he were grooming me.
One week ago we noticeded some strange behavior. His belly was swollen and he seemed very lethargic. We took him to the vet that Monday only to learn that some additional tests needed to be taken. To make a long story short, we discovered after much prodding and poking, that Sylvester had tested positive for FIP. Having already spent the weekend researching possible diagnosis over the internet, I was horrified at the words coming out of the phone.
We all knew this love of our life, would only have weeks to live. When Sylvester came home, we tried to have a normal life as best we could. Not 3 days back home and he started displaying the most upsetting behavior. He refused to eat and drink and would disappear under the bed or in a closet for hours at a time. Occasionally he'd walk out only as if to say I love you but he wouldn't have any attention. I knew if I couldn't get him to eat and drink, that it would only be a matter of time. I tried every food he's ever eaten, including some of the best People food he's eaten. Anything of nutritional value would mean more time....
I sat up in the dark one night last week and noticed him lying in the middle of our cold hardwood floors. I decided to lay on the floor with him hoping maybe I could spend the night on the floor with him. I sat there and stroked his chin till my arm felt like it was falling off.
Yesterday on the way home my fiance and I got in to an argument. She thought it was "time". I refused to give up and preferred he stick it out to the end. That soon changed when I got home and yet again found Sylvester under the bed hiding. I could start to feel his bones through his coat. In disbelief I agreed it was time...Time to kill a pet..no, a loved one, that I hold in higher standing than I do most relatives and friends.
As I walked out the door this morning I called the Vet to say we were coming in, and already my voice was cracking. I had to walk out in my front yard to make the call as if I didn't want Sylvester to hear.
He was unusually easy to get in to the cat carrier. Typically it'd be easier to get a 500lb lion in there...He quietly went in. On our way to work we only heard 1 or 2 small wimpers come from the backseat. We had layed our seats down in the back so we could face the carrier towards us. Sylvester likes to be close when he's out of his element.
As I was driving down the road, I looked over my should only to see his paw reaching through the wire waiting for me to touch him. I literally lost it at that point and tears began pouring down my face. As we arrived at the vet niether one of us wanted to get out of the car. We just sat there and cried.
When we finally did get the courage to enter, the place was quiet and everyone there couldn't help but tell why we had come. Time had stopped. We soon entered the examination room where we spent 45 minutes alone, in what would be our last minutes together. He was happy and purring. The floor had puddles where I was standing from the tears rolling off my cheeks. I felt like the world had brought me to my knees. Never before I had I felt so out of control, unhappy, angry, and helpless.
The Vet came in and I knew it was only a matter of seconds. He went quietly with those big black eyes staring in to mine...I'm left with a memory that will haunt me for the rest of my life not knowing if it was the right thing to do regardless of what others believed. He now lay before me lifeless and limp.
They gave us a moment afterwards alone to morn his death. It was then I felt rage like never before. It was also the first time in nearly a decade that I said a quiet prayer hoping that someone out there was listening. If I had but one wish, it was with him.
I'm left pondering a thought I haven't heard in many years....
"It is better to have loved and lost...than not to love and have never lost at all"
The pain is unbearable...the memories priceless.
I will never forget you my son.
