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My new girl, just doesn't seem to like me.

post #1 of 19
Thread Starter 
Is there anything I can do to make her like me? SunLee isn't afraid anymore, and she seems comfortable here, but she doesn't like me. Instead of her arching her back when I try to pet her, she lowers her back. If I come up to her, and talk to her and try to give her love, she turns her face away from me and walks away. I have never been anything but loving to her.

I don't think she likes my boys either. I can understand a bit why she might not like Simba, because he chases her, and tries to play with her and she doesn't want to play. I correct Simba for it, but he is just so playful, and SunLee doesn't like it. However, Shane has never done anyting to her and she doesn't seem to like him either. Could it be that my home is not the right home for her? Cpi;d ot be that she's not happy here? I keep trying to show her love and rarely will she accept it. She just doesn't seem to want to be bothered with me, Shane or Simba. Like I said, I understand that Simba is a pest to her. Could Simba be the reason that she doesn't like me?

I was told she was an extremely loving cat, but they way she is with me, is very cold and very independant. Not loving at all.
post #2 of 19
Awww Hope don't take it personal. Rosie sometimes does that to me. she could be sitting and i'll walk over to stroke her, but like you say she dips her back down and starts to walk off as if to say " DONT TOUCH ME!".

She's not always like that though, and the times when she is loving is when she wants something like a treat!. I can guarantee, when i'm having my breakfast, she'll come and sit on my knee and be the headbutt queen, but like i say it's because she wants a treat and she knows she'll get one as well

Always remember "Cats own us we don't own them!"
post #3 of 19
Yeah hang in there, try the essences and cat nip. I know my Sammy's affection comes in waves, he can be really snuggly and then go through an independent phase where he always keeps his distance and I take it personally. But it passes, I also note sometimes the weather is a factor, if it's cold he is snuggly , if it warms up he keeps more distance.
post #4 of 19
Some cats are just this way. My cat, for instance, is not cuddly at all. But he is getting better, since he is over his independent teenager stage. But still, he is not a lap cat. In fact, most cats I owned were not cuddly whatsoever. I now believe cuddly cat is a myth. Add to that, my other cat is afraid of his own shadow. He is a sickly little thing. I think he gets sick a lot because he is so stressed out by everything.
It might be that she is just not a freindly cat. I don't think it means she is not happy with you or your other cats. In fact, it seems she made a lot of progress while being with you, as she is no longer afraid of you and doesn't have many problems with your other cats. Hopefully she will continue to make progress and become a bit cuddlier.
post #5 of 19
Hope,
I wouldn't give up "hope"
And don't take it personally...She sounds like is still adjusting and coming into her personality..Mine comes into new things all the time.
And yes, some cats are just not the cuddly type..I would try and resist going to her and see if she comes to you after awhile.
I bet she will!!
post #6 of 19
Thread Starter 
The thing is, I know the cuddly loving cat is NOT a myth. Snoopy was the most loving cat you would ever want to meet. He was so cuddly and loving, he was almost needy. My Simba is very loving, and is such a happy go lucky little guy. Shane is almost needy, with his need for my love and affection. SunLee is the rarity for me...She's very independant, and doesn't seem like she even wants me to pet her or love her. The thing is, the people I got her from said she was very loving and affectionate. So, that's why I was wondering, if she's simply not happy with me.
post #7 of 19
Continue giving it some time, Hope. Siamese girls can be aloof at first. Take my word for it, when you least expect it (and try to stop expecting it if you can) she will jump up onto your lap and demand your immediate attention.
post #8 of 19
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by gayef
Continue giving it some time, Hope. Siamese girls can be aloof at first. Take my word for it, when you least expect it (and try to stop expecting it if you can) she will jump up onto your lap and demand your immediate attention.
I am more experienced with males. Snoopy was a male blue point Siamese. I've never seen a sweeter more loving creature on this earth. He was the best. Shane is a male Seal Point Siamese, and he's loves me, and me only and he is very needy of my love, and he's a sweetheart too. Simba is not a Siamese, but he's a boy....ALL BOY, in fact and he's very loving, but then I think that's pretty common for a Bengal. I don't know what a female Bengal would be like. I am beginning to think that boy kitties really are more affectionate.
post #9 of 19
I've often thought that the boys were more affectionate too. The girls ~are~ affectionate, it just seems to be on their terms more so than the boys ... the boys can be happily attending some other matter, but if you go over and start loving on one, they stop and bask in the attention - girls just get pissy and must keep attending to their matters. LOL
post #10 of 19
I'd have to agree that boys (neutered boys especially) are more "lovin" than girls. Mika is not a lovey, lovey kitty but occasionally she will jump up in my lap (rarely actually) and go to sleep. Bijou is very affectionate, but during the day he will often walk away also. He has things to do, places to see! But come bedtime, he's on my pillow, licking my nose, suckling my neck and putting his head on my cheek. Then when I get one of my hot flashes, I guess he gets too hot as well and will move to the bottom of the bed.
post #11 of 19
I was impressed by a post by Hissy, in response to a different member. Basically, she advised that member, essentially, to ignore the cat. Of course, provide her food, clean her box, make things comfortable for her, etc., but don't approach her for petting/cuddling. Hissy's reasoning was that this would allow the cat to get to know you on her terms, not yours. SunLee is still pretty new, isn't she?

We adopted Eva in February. She was the bf's choice, and the first night I cried because I thought we had made the wrong choice. She wouldn't come out of her carrier, and when I tried to show her the litterbox, she really flipped out. (I hadn't yet found this forum, so I had no idea how to deal with this.)

Eventually when Eva adjusted to the apartment (about 1 week), she was responsive to petting, but only when she was in her safe places--either on the couch or on the bed (off the floor). She would do the "elevator-butt" move, but I could still tell she was scared. If she was standing or lying on the floor and the bf or I approached (either to pet her or just to pass), she would flee. After a few weeks of being frustrated, I sort of gave up. I fed her, cuddled her when she seemed willing, but otherwise left her alone.

It's hard to believe, but she is now the biggest lovebug of the three. I started noticing the difference in April (over 2 months after we adopted her). She would hop into bed with me every night and insist on being petted. Now, she sometimes keeps me up or wakes me up at night, trying to nudge her head under my hand to be petted. I still rarely pet her unless she approaches me--the exceptions are when I say goodbye in the morning. But I almost never need to approach her, because as soon as I sit or lie down, she's there. I think this will work for you and SunLee.
post #12 of 19
i would say in my experience, girls can be cuddly too but yes the boys are more love bugs. My boy has his independent streak (yes more during the day) at night he is my love bug. I had three girl cats growing up, and while one was a lover, it was more on her terms.
post #13 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by HopeHacker
I am more experienced with males. Snoopy was a male blue point Siamese. I've never seen a sweeter more loving creature on this earth. He was the best. Shane is a male Seal Point Siamese, and he's loves me, and me only and he is very needy of my love, and he's a sweetheart too. Simba is not a Siamese, but he's a boy....ALL BOY, in fact and he's very loving, but then I think that's pretty common for a Bengal. I don't know what a female Bengal would be like. I am beginning to think that boy kitties really are more affectionate.
Female bengals are very loving and "needy" or at least Zoey is
post #14 of 19
Thread Starter 
I've had SunLee for almost 2 months now. I would say she's pretty well adjusted - she's just kind of cold, super independant and not very affedtionate. She isn't mean or anything, just cold and she seems completely uninterested in getting close to me and bonding with me. She would rather sit back in the corner and watch everything that goes on, rather than be a part of anything, or even try to bond with the other cats for that matter. Like I said, I can understand why she wants nothing to do with Simba, because he is exhuberant and playful, but big old Shane has tried many times to be friendly with her and she bats at him and walks away.She doesn't fight, she doesn't play, she doesn't get vocal, she doesn't hiss, she doesn't purr. It's as if she is just here and that's all. The only thing she shows any interest in, is eating. I am a little frustrated, yes, I'll admit it. I mean apparently she was affectionate with the people I got her from. They said she was so extremely loving. The way they talked, she was a lot like the way Snoopy was, but with me, she is totally uninterested in me, unless it's feeding time. She will eat, then she will walk away and if I try to pet her, she will lower her back, and keep walking. That's why I wonder if she's really not happy with me. I'll admit, I have a GREAT fondness for extremely affectionate cats, like Snoopy was, and like Simba and Shane are. When I call Simba's name, he comes running like a dog, bounding with energy and excitement, always excited to greet me at the door when I come home from work. The first thing I have to do when I get home is have a little loving session with Simba, and then Simba and Shane follow me, where ever I go in the house. SunLee just sits apart, watching, not wanting any love. I feel like she just dreads the times when I try to pet her.
post #15 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by HopeHacker
I've had SunLee for almost 2 months now. I would say she's pretty well adjusted - she's just kind of cold, super independant and not very affedtionate. She isn't mean or anything, just cold and she seems completely uninterested in getting close to me and bonding with me. She would rather sit back in the corner and watch everything that goes on, rather than be a part of anything, or even try to bond with the other cats for that matter. Like I said, I can understand why she wants nothing to do with Simba, because he is exhuberant and playful, but big old Shane has tried many times to be friendly with her and she bats at him and walks away.She doesn't fight, she doesn't play, she doesn't get vocal, she doesn't hiss, she doesn't purr. It's as if she is just here and that's all. The only thing she shows any interest in, is eating. I am a little frustrated, yes, I'll admit it. I mean apparently she was affectionate with the people I got her from. They said she was so extremely loving. The way they talked, she was a lot like the way Snoopy was, but with me, she is totally uninterested in me, unless it's feeding time. She will eat, then she will walk away and if I try to pet her, she will lower her back, and keep walking. That's why I wonder if she's really not happy with me. I'll admit, I have a GREAT fondness for extremely affectionate cats, like Snoopy was, and like Simba and Shane are. When I call Simba's name, he comes running like a dog, bounding with energy and excitement, always excited to greet me at the door when I come home from work. The first thing I have to do when I get home is have a little loving session with Simba, and then Simba and Shane follow me, where ever I go in the house. SunLee just sits apart, watching, not wanting any love. I feel like she just dreads the times when I try to pet her.
Maybe she came into your life to teach you something. I mean i love the love bugs too but there are different ways to love and share time with cats or people for that matter. we had a lovely black cat when i was kid and she was kind of aloof but we liked her, and then we adopted our more outgoing tabby and it kind of all balanced out. We let "Duchess" be alone and we just enjoyed her regal beauty. And I agree with hissy to ignore her completely for awhile. See what happens!
post #16 of 19
Aww Hope I feel for you - but don't worry. I think she just needs time. I've read what the others say and would have to agree. She's had an enormous shock - the people she was so affectionate to before put her on a plane and sent her to somebody else. Even though that somebody else is lovely to her, she must be wondering what on earth she did and whether it will happen again. I think all you can do is to keep providing her with a loving home and let her come to terms with this herself. It will take a while.
post #17 of 19
Like everyone has said give it time. My Franz is a funny duck. He practically ignores me all day. He never approaches me for scritches. I have to go to him..most times he seems happy that I took the first step, but sometimes he completley rebuffs me. Now at night, when I go to bed, it is as if I suddenly have a brand new cat. He cuddles right up to my chest, and can't get enough of me. Go figure. Maybe it's true about "men" loving you for only one thing! I would also try the feliway diffuser magic, her "independence act" may be just her way of exhibiting fear.
post #18 of 19
When we got Francine last year she was aloof like that and didn't want to be petted, but with the past few months she is really changing, she comes and asks for attention now...I thought she never would!

Crystal who we've had for almost 11 years now still sinks down low when you try to pet her, it's not that she doesn't like anyone I think she's just timid.

I think SunLee will come around but it may take a while longer.
post #19 of 19
Don't take it personally, my old sealpoint female was a member of the family from 6 months till she passed at 19 years, she always seemed cold and aloof.
In fact, she was extremely affectionate, but only if she initiated it.
Most of the time though, she carried the aire of a stuck up debutante.

We always equated it to her proper Siamese dignity.
Mom was certain that the females remember their place as palace cats
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