Please give me your honest opinion

Is is awful to be SO enamored and content with kitties that you feel little to no desire to have human children?

I'm 30. My husband's 34. We've been married for five years and still have very little desire to have kids. That could change, I know. But it might not. We ADORE our two kitties and enjoy them SO much and.....well, is it bad of us to maybe decide we don't want kids??

NO! I don't want kids when I grow up. I mean, I love little kids, but they are too much work. My cats are my babies.

I'm going to be 33 this year and have never had an interest in having children. I have no idea why, but I have just never had the desire. I love kids, but other people's kids are plenty.

Besides, I have a lot of issues and serious fears about raising children in the world the way it is now, and it would absolutely tear me apart inside if anything ever happened to my child.

It would be bad to have kids because of pressures to do so -- real or perceived -- from family, friends or society in general.

Bringing up kids is not for everyone. There is nothing bad about realizing that it is not for you, and deciding not to. You have other strengths.

You obviously care a great deal, and if you did have kids, planned or not, they would have a loving home. But I hate to think of the number of kids in this world who are not so fortunate, and were brought into this world because somebody thought "it was the thing to do".

You make the decision that's right for you.

It's not awful at all. It's better to know you don't want children ahead of time then to realise it after you've had them!

There is nothing wrong with not wanting to have children. My current s/o and I made a decision at the beginning of our 20 year relationship that we did not want to have any children, and we treat our cats like our family. We adore my daughter, and little Olivia, my grandaughter, but have never once regretted our decision not to have mutual human children.

My husband and I decided that we didn't want kids when we got together. I have NO mothering gene ( for human kids that is). In fact most of the kids I see now days I want to smack upside the head and then do the same to the parents.
Honestly, what is this world coming to if you're afraid to discipline your kids for fear of being called an abuser?
No, my cats are my children, I love them unconditionally. Woe be the person who tries to hurt one of them! Brad had a "friend" over one day who didn't really know me very well, anyway, Rocket jumped on his lap and I am standing there as he just smacks my cat down off of him! Holy I was mad! but, I remained calm and after he left, I coldly told Brad that he was NEVER to set foot in this house EVER again, Brad told me I was over reacting and I looked at him with a stare of death and well long story short, I've never seen that guy in my house since and Brad apologized for what he said because I was NOT a happy camper! The two things you absolutely DO NOT mess with of mine are my family and my animals!

Originally Posted by Wenzee

Is is awful to be SO enamored and content with kitties that you feel little to no desire to have human children?

I'm 30. My husband's 34. We've been married for five years and still have very little desire to have kids. That could change, I know. But it might not. We ADORE our two kitties and enjoy them SO much and.....well, is it bad of us to maybe decide we don't want kids??

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I personally have 4 hooman kids, and love them soo much! I always wanted kids, and feel blessed to have them. However, I firmly believe that anyone who choses not to have kids is very wise. The decision to have kids should be made with eyes wide open. I know several couples who just decided not to have kids, and I support their choice totally.

And others really want hooman kids, and for whatever reason, cannot have them. It is nice when they find a way to share their love with other people's kids, and often with beloved furkids.

It is good if you have discussed this. I applaud you for your wisdom in thinking through the decision. By the way, we are kind of neighbors-can you babysit friday night?!? (Just kidding!)

There is nothing wrong with feeling that way. If you don't want to be a mother, then don't. No one should judge you on that.

I decided that I didnt want kids myself and had one after I got married and he means the world to me, but I don't want any more, even though Jake wants one more which is one issue we have.

On Saturday, we visited our friends who had a baby 2 weeks ago - you know how some women get all clucky when they see babies - when I saw baby Ryan - I had absolutely no feelings of wanting any more kids. Sure, Ryan was sooo cute and adorable but it didnt make me feel like I want any more. One is enough. I don't want or need any more. And thats one thing some people don't understand. I grew up babysitting my brothers and sisters every day during my teenage years and that turned me off. SOme people have that natural instinct, but I don't.

Everyone thought when i said i didn't want them that i would change my mind later on, but i didn't, and i'll always remember an old neighbour asking me one day if i was going to have any, and when i told her no she said "but thats selfish!, who's going to look after you when your old?, to which i replied "your the selfish one if that's the reason you've had your children!"

I have more patience with my cats to what i would have children if they run riot as well

Originally Posted by jugen

Brad had a "friend" over one day who didn't really know me very well, anyway, Rocket jumped on his lap and I am standing there as he just smacks my cat down off of him!

Holy

I was mad! but, I remained calm and after he left, I coldly told Brad that he was NEVER to set foot in this house EVER again

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I would have slapped him back but twice as hard!

well i have wanted kids for a long time, its been a few years now. although im 18 and my bf is 21 he has no intentions of having kids EVER.
But i told him that in my life i need to be blessed as a mother, i want to raise a child, something that can be part of me, someone WHO WILL be part of me, for me to love it, Ive realised the difficulties about raising children, and i am scared of the future, but im not afraid of someone calling me an abuser if i smack my kids butt for being naughty, i will teach my child what i have learnt and many more things, and i would teach it to behave in a manner not like a spoilt brat..
I need a family, when my parents die, i will be alone.. i dont find it selfish to have children because i want to maintain a family.

I know my bf doesnt want kids untill he is over 30+ i respect him for it, but i told him that i feel that my time is limited with children and i rather have them early.
This is the only issue we have. Of course i dont want to get pregnant right away.. i will wait untill next year or in two years as i will be 20 and 21.

But for me personally i want to have children, and i can understand your situation because thats what my bf thinks also.
He even said "well if we get married and then divorce i will keep Teufel" and i was like... NO!

People don't have this much hassle over broccoli, but as I see it, it's the same thing, a decision to either do or not do or just let do.

Being proactive in either a positive OR a negative dimension as relates to parenting, is, in my opinion, manifesting a faulty attitude in that it is offensive to those who take the opposite view, and feel threatened by your vocal stance.

I guess what I am trying to get straight in my own mind, and then communicate to you, is that whatever your decision, let it happen and do not proselytize it.

Ideally, children should "happen", be loved, reared the best that circumstances allow, and encouraged to make their own "private" decisions in private and personal matters.


Although no anthropologist, I strongly suspect that many of those who, childless, profess a leaning to remain so, would change at the onset of pregnancy.

While not a PC attitude, I also strongly believe this is a gender based emotion, because most men, if they were truthful, would readily admit to being somewhat neutral on the subject of parenting, viewing the phenomena as belonging in the distaff arena.

Sort of the same way that women view prostate problems and discussions.

I do/did not intend the above statements to offend in any manner, making them soley as an observation of yet another of the myriad differences in the sexes.

Very interesting discussion.

Leonard

Originally Posted by winwin

Although no anthropologist, I strongly suspect that many of those who, childless, profess a leaning to remain so, would change at the onset of pregnancy.

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Actually, Leonard, I find this a rather astute observation.
I, for one , am not offended.

Your thoughts mirrored my situation exactly.
I had never thought I had a child rearing bone in my body but when my pregnancy occurred accidentally, my maternal hormones and instincts kicked in.

Though my daughter is an only child, and I don't plan on having any more (much due to the same sentiment echoed in Jen(vespacat)'s post), I adore and love my daughter...

Now, I do still find that there is sibling rivalry no matter what species you are
(if either daughter or cat get a toy, the other wants to play with it ...

TO the original poster: Don't worry.. You are completely normal

We have been blessed with one daughter (8 years after I had cervical cancer) and she is a joy to us. Having said that, the good Lord knew what he was doing by only giving us one! I think I've been a good mother, but I know one was about as much as I could handle. Thank goodness my husband was a fantastic father with lots of energy and patience during her growing up years. We have a very close and loving relationship with her and she has a fantastic sense of humour which keeps us laughing on a daily basis. She will be 25 in a couple of weeks and she wants to spend her birthday with us - go out for dinner and then bowling. We never go bowling so I don't know what that is all about, but if that's what she wants, that's what she'll have.

Having said all of that, I respect other people who do not care to have children. I often think there is too much pressure put on people to "get married", "have babies". We all have a comfort level and if your level doesn't include having children - so be it.

I don't think it is wrong or bad to not want children. What I think is wrong is to be pressured into having children you didn't want in the first place.

Of course it is not awful. Not everyone is meant to be a parent. I think it's FAR better not to have children unless you really want them.

I woud not have made a good motehr at all.
I'm thankful NOT to have children. My 2 cats are my babies.

Originally Posted by Wenzee

Is is awful to be SO enamored and content with kitties that you feel little to no desire to have human children?

I'm 30. My husband's 34. We've been married for five years and still have very little desire to have kids. That could change, I know. But it might not. We ADORE our two kitties and enjoy them SO much and.....well, is it bad of us to maybe decide we don't want kids??

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i dont want children. i never have and dont think i ever will.

even as a child when my sister played with baby dolls i had a collection of mangy toy cats and kittens and played 'lone career woman who lives in her flat with just her books and cats for company'.

I never had a desire to have children however, I did marry a man that has custody of two. Being a step mom isn't so bad.

My 4 dogs and 6 cats are MY children and that's by far enough.

I never really wanted kids (having worked in a daycare for 4 yrs... man was THAT rough!) and I certainly didn't plan on it. Since it'd be high risk due to Epilepsy and there could be some bad outcomes, I was against it.

Then I accidentally became pregnant... and after crying & panicking, I picked myself up and found myself looking forward to it. Pregnancy and childbirth for me was something I can look back on with pride and feel mighty thankful for.

I only have one child, and will not be having any more, for several reasons. I have always had pets, however, and will add to my brood when the time comes... a stray cat here, someone discarding a dog there.

Anyone who chastises another human being for not doing as the Joneses do and procreating and having 2.5 kids with the picket fence and all that crud, needs to shut their holes. It's a personal preference to NOT have children, just as for some people, it's a personal preference to have as big a family as they can afford. I like to see big families and understand why women have back-to-back babies, just as I totally understand only-child households like mine. And I expect people to understand MY choice for only having one child. Just as people should respect YOU for not having any children.

Anyway, pregnancy certainly swings your view a certain way, if it happens when you least expect it or in my case, totally did not want it. But the best & sweetest surprise is what I felt when I first laid eyes on my daughter, and what I feel each night when I kiss her nighty-night. I guess you don't know how 'good' you are going to be at something until you actually dive into it... like, parenthood.

And as far as being SO enamored of your cats that you don't want human children? That was me, 9 yrs ago. And now, I'm the type of mother that when I'm in the grocery store, if I buy a treat or toy for my daughter, I also buy little furry mice or some treats for my cats. My cats do not get shafted in my house just cuz I have a child. And they know it. They're very much loved!

Originally Posted by stormy

It's not awful at all. It's better to know you don't want children ahead of time then to realise it after you've had them!

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On top of that, it really bugs me when someone talks down about people who have chosen not to have children. That's like expecting everyone on earth to have the exact same job description. Impossible!