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So Mad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

post #1 of 23
Thread Starter 

god i am so upset,mums in a nursing home with dementia,i went to visit her yesterday and found her wandering around without her hip protecters on.
last time this happened she fell and broke her hip,when i asked why she had not got them on,we were told 2 prs were not enough as both were in the laundry,fair enough i thoght and got another 2 pairs.
she spent 2 weeks in hospital then another 2 months my sister and i taking her 2 miles every 3 days for physio to get her walking as they cannot do this at the nursing home.
when i asked yesterday why she did not have them on they told me 4 pairs were not enough!!!!
all 4 pairs were in the laundry,these knickers cost £50.oo a pair.
so iam now on the computer after ordering another 2 pairs for another £100.oo.
there is only one other lady at the home that wears thse type of knickers,so how they cannot manage to ensure,they always have a clean dry pair is beyond me
sorry to vent but it makes me so mad.

post #2 of 23
I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time and your mom is not doing well. It's always hard when things like this hit at this time of year. I wish there was something I could do other than offer words of sympathy, but...
post #3 of 23
I know exactly where you are coming from. When my mother in law was in a home as she had Alzh it seemed that she never had clean laundry when it was need no matter how much stuff we bought. Finally did enough fussing and showing up at unexpected times to discover that they were putting her clean clothes on someone else. I raised seven kinds of H--- and finally got the answer that "oh we are sorry, but sometimes things get messed up in the laundry". And we paid extra to have her laundry done! Well ok that can happen now and then but all her clothes were clearly marked with a laundry marker. What do they do....hire people that cant read at all? We finally just started doing her laundry ourself. Other then that constant problem for awhile she did get good care in this home. But the family does have to watch them close...sigh.

post #4 of 23

Dear Kerry
It appears that there's been more and more law suits filed against these nursing homes and rightly so. My neighbor was in there and they wound up amputating his leg, but they were soooo dang slow about it that the other leg started to get gangreen (sp) also! Now, he has his foot removed on that one.

When he ran out of money, they wanted to kick him out. Thank God he still has a home two houses up from mine. My Mom and another neighbor go and help as much as they can. I used to visit him quite a bit, but I had to move due to transportation problems to work.

What a shame...he's such a great guy...so humble. I'm very sorry for you and your Mom...prayers be with you.

Love & Peace,
post #5 of 23
I had a similar experience when my Grandmother was in a care facility.
She often was wearing someone elses clothes, or just a hospital gown.

When she passed, and we picked up her things, many were missing and some were not even hers!
I made a fuss, we recovered all her things, and I still have them. This may seem strange, but I wanted HER things as they held memories of her.
This was a small facility, so I don't understand why they had such trouble keeping things straight, and all her things were labeled.

I know clothing is a small issue when someone is ill, but I think having things you're familiar with would be comforting in this type of situation?

In your case kerry, thats ridiculous, your Mom needs her "bloomers" and I'd be upset too if I were you!
post #6 of 23
Thread Starter 
Thanks everyone for your kind words,i have calmed down now.
Its not even the money that bothers me more the principal of it.
It is a very good nursing home,over here the goverment make you sell your parents property to pay for there care, so we put her in the best we could find.
We turn up every now and again when there not expecting us,just to make sure everything is ok,and it usually is. i visit 3 times a week taking her out for lunch etc....
It was more the fact that after putting so much effort into getting her walking again after they forgot to put them on her last time,i just couldn,t bare her going through all that again.
Anyway im moaning again and i really shouldn,t ,
Thanks everyone again for your kind words
post #7 of 23
Just remember the squeeky wheel gets the oil.
When my grandma was in the nursing home my mother always wondered why she was sleeping everytime she came to visit and that was almost every day.
Well, one day she found sleeping pills in the side table next to her bed. She was self medicating, I guess she decided she'd rather sleep through everything than deal with reality. Can't blame her. But the point is that the nurses were supposed to provide they propper dosage right before bedtime and not just leave a bottle with her, she could have over dosed.
post #8 of 23
I work at a nursing home/hospital. We are very careful about following all state and federal regulations, our facility is considered one of the better ones. I am really shocked at the problems you have experienced at some of the other nursing homes.

We make every effort to make sure each piece of clothing is labeled correctly. Every day huge amounts of clothing is sent to our laundry room. Every day it is washed and dried and ready to be worn again.

Hell603 If a nurse left medications in a resident's room and allowed the resident to self-medicate, she would be fired immediately. There are residents who are very confused, and they wander around getting into other people's belongings. It would be very easy for these people to get into medication that was kept in a drawer.

Catarina We would never want to kick anyone out because they ran out of money. Our social worker helps these people get on state assistance so their care can continue without any problems. We have doctors who make rounds on a weekly basis in the nursing home, and the hospital part of our facility is located across the street. If a resident needs immediate medical attention, it's easily taken care of that day.
post #9 of 23
Kerry - I have to say that I think it is unforgivable of the Nursing Home not to mke sure that your mom has the proper hip protectors on that she needs. 4 pair certainly should be sufficient for them to have laundry time. I check on nursing homes in my job and come down HARD on them when I see things like this. What concerns me and makes me sad, is what happens to the folks that have no one to come and check on them. Stay right on them! People have the right to be treated with dignity adnd respect. Wearing their own clothing is part of this, as well as having the necessary supplies to meet their needs.
post #10 of 23
Kerry, I know how you feel, my mom, who had something like Alzheimers, but wasn't Alzheimers, according to the doctors, (they said she had just had too many strokes, and that is what made her lose her mind) was in the Nursing Home for a few years before she died. I always worried about how they treated her when I wasn't there.
She couldn't tell me if they were treating her badly, because she couldn't talk.
And then right before dad died, a year ago, we had to put him in a nursing home, and it was so hard, trusting people who don't know or love them, like we do, to take care of them.

If you need to talk about it, just PM me, I know what you are going through, it is so hard.

My prayers are with you and your mom.
post #11 of 23
Thread Starter 
Thanks again you kind caring lovely people,it really is true a problem shared is a problem solved.
Debby thanks for saying i can pm you,i,ll know who to talk to next time i get in a state,
Love and hugs to you all
post #12 of 23
Umm . . . I'm sorry to sound ignorant, but there are no longer any elderly people in my family, and none of the ones there were, had broken bone problems. What are hip protectors?
post #13 of 23
Originally posted by Lorie D.
I work at a nursing home/hospital. We are very careful about

Hell603 If a nurse left medications in a resident's room and allowed the resident to self-medicate, she would be fired immediately. There are residents who are very confused, and they wander around getting into other people's belongings. It would be very easy for these people to get into medication that was kept in a drawer.

Catarina We would never want to kick anyone out because they ran out of money. Our social worker helps these people get on state assistance so their care can continue without any problems. We have doctors who make rounds on a weekly basis in the nursing home, and the hospital part of our facility is located across the street. If a resident needs immediate medical attention, it's easily taken care of that day.
Hi Lorie :angel2:

I have to commend your facility. It's all to often I've read or watched new reports where there are nursing homes that have actually beaten patients, left them soiled for days on end and the horror stories are almost endless.

I'm very happy that your facility treats the elderly with the respect that they deserve.

There's so many of these facilites/home health care services scrutinized in Florida. We have attorney's marketing to this particular group of victims! Although the elderly can be extremely difficult to deal with, I just have to think back and take a good look at myself in times when I wasn't on the Hit Parade for being such a great person. Getting old is part of life and we don't have a choice about it. I pray to God I never have to exist in a situation some of them have to endure.

Here in Florida laws have been stiffend and it's much harder to be employed by nursing homes...which is a good thing. They're finally doing backgroud checks, getting references and identifying if all the basic requirements skills are current.

It goes without saying; if not for them where would we be today? From what I've witnessed, I can only pray that I have what it takes to care for my Mom in my own home and NOT have to depend on others for their service. Since I am not a doctor, I totally realize that I'd be fully responsible for her, but I certainly wouldn't do anything/or not do anything that would jeopardize her state of well being. I at least owe her that much before strangers could get there hands on her.

Love & Peace,
post #14 of 23
New stricter laws will make a difference, you should begin to see improvements in the nursing homes in Florida in the near future. It really doesn't matter how difficult a nursing home resident might be, it's something they have no control over, and something they can't help. It's no reason to treat them with anything less than the respect they deserve.

One thing that I think is really sad, especially on a holiday, is that some of these elderly people seem so alone and so forgotten about by their families. It's always so nice to see family members come to visit or to take the elderly person out of the nursing home environment for a couple hours.
post #15 of 23
Thread Starter 
Hip protecters are like knickers with a hard pad on each side ,so if an elderley person falls over,there hip is protected and should stop it from breaking.
I to hope the other lady that posted earlier can take care of her mother at home herself,unfortunatly i cannot do this,and live with the guilt every day.
With her type of dementia, for the 6 months i did look after her and take care of my family,she was leaving her house at 3am to collect her pension,posting her clothes through other peoples letter boxes,crying like a baby when i undressed her for her bath,taking her pooh and leaving it in drawers,i could go on and on............
My mother was my best friend,and now she does not even know me,i take her out 3 times a week and put up with the stares of others when mum does something they regard as stupid.
I only hope no-one has to leave there mother in a home like i had to,that day i first left her haunts me to this day,and theres not a day goes by that i want to get her home.
post #16 of 23
So hip protectors are like underwear? Do you wear your regular stuff underneath them? Because that makes me wonder, if the home is using them as underwear, then 4 pairs maybe isn't enough. If they do laundry once a week, maybe a person needs 8 pairs. And if someone is prone to accidents, maybe more. Though if they are simply not taking care of the people's things, that's a different story.


You did the best you could for your mom. I'm sure you wish it could be different, but some people need specialized care that family members just can't give them. When extended families were larger and closer together, it was easier to keep people at home. But often there is only one person available to take care of an ailing parent, and that person isn't always in a position to put aside other aspects of their life. In-home care and respite workers are costly and that isn't always covered by pensions etc. Please do not get down on yourself for not being able to have your mom at home. I'm sure you do as much as you can, and if you could do more you would. Three days a week with someone who isn't sure who you are and who is sometimes erratic in her behavior, you are amazing! Lots of people wouldn't even do that much.
post #17 of 23
Kerry - you are a great daughter and do not forget that!
post #18 of 23
Thread Starter 
Sunlion firstly thank you for your kind words,i should have explained,mum wears a nappy or you may say a diaper? then her knickers,then her hip protecters on top,i have another 4 pairs on order,so hopefully they will have enough.

Debra,thank you
post #19 of 23
I think we usually call them by the brand name eg, Depends, but many people use the euphemism "undergarments". It's kind of like "special" - it used to have a sort of generic meaning, but it got used by the human services people so much that kids in elementary school use it as an insult. We don't usually say diapers when it's for an adult, though I'm sure everyone is thinking it.
post #20 of 23
Kerry, I just read what you posted about guilty about putting your mom in the home, and about the things she was doing.
PLEASE don't feel guilty!!! My mom was 68 when her mind started to go, and dad was 69. He took care of her for several years at home, although we begged him not to, it was such a strain on him, and he was well into his seventies before he finally admitted he just could not do it anymore, and we put her in a home.
It took years off of dad's life...I am certain he would still be here today, if he had not insisted on taking care of her himself for so long.
She would wander off, but TV dinners (still in the cardbaord cartons) in the oven and turn it on to 500 degrees, dad finally had to just keep the breaker switch flipped off until he was ready to use the oven, so she couldn't turn it on, and she would say terrible things to people, (until she finally had another stroke and couldn't talk) She would ask the minister at church if he was going to rape her, and other things I can't even say, and she would pull her pants down when dad wasn't paying attention. This may sound funny to some, but it wasn't.
This was NOT my mother. But this was what she had become because of the strokes, and her brain deteriation.
You did the right thing putting her in a home!!!!! You can only do so much! If I was that way, I would want my children to do the same thing. Please don't ever feel guilty. It is the hardest thing in the world to go through, but you are doing what has to be done.
I know what you mean about people staring....I got that alot, when I would take mom to eat at Mcdonalds or somewhere, the teenagers, laughing and snickering, because she had food running down her face, and was making strange noises.
I never said anything, but I so badly wanted to go over to them and say...This could be YOUR mother some day, and maybe you won't think it is so dang funny then!
Anyway....You have no need to feel guilty. You love your mother, and you are there for her. That's all that matters.
My thoughts are with you!!!!!
post #21 of 23
Debby - I think you wre a great daughter too! *hugs*
post #22 of 23
Thank you Debra!
post #23 of 23
I am sorry to hear you are having such a tough time! I cannot believe the way they treat elderly people in nursing homes -- it's so horrible! I hope everything gets better.
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