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Can Anyone Spare a Happiness Vibe or Two?

post #1 of 33
Thread Starter 
Hi all.
I'm having major MAJOR problems with my father and could use a bunch of happiness vibes to get me out of this funk. Here's a recap of why I'm so upset (from my post on 3/30/05)
Originally Posted by ugaimes
A couple of days ago, my mom called me to tell me that my little brother was getting some big award (we don't know what it's for yet) from his college and will be presented with it during Parent's Weekend, which is coming up. Well, since my parents had a particularly bad divorce, they take turns each year going up for Parent's Weekend and this was my dad's year to go. But, as soon as mom found out that Jeff was being awarded, and since they want parental participation in the ceremony, mom immediately made plans to go up for this, too. Well, I just found out from my dad that since mom is going, he is no longer going. He said, "I just don't think your mom and I can be in the same room yet."
Come on! They divorced 3 years ago, they are both GROWN ADULTS, and they do not need to sit near or speak to one another. Mom doesn't care if Dad is there; she knows how important it is for my little brother to have BOTH parents there. But Dad is far too selfish and now he is not going. I feel SO horrible for my little brother and do not think I can ever forgive my father
Well, my brother visited with dad Monday night and asked if he had called me yet (it's been 6 weeks!) and he said he wasn't going to call me b/c I was the one who hung up on him (Even though in all actuality I did not hang up the phone; I explained why I was upset and quickly said goodbye. I never hang up- no matter how angry I am)! HELLO! A)he is completely at fault (though he does not seem to realize that) and B)I AM HIS DAUGHTER! Now, I'm not a parent yet, but I find it hard to believe that ANY parent could go this long without talking to their child! HE DOESN'T CARE! It is absolutely killing me to know that my father so obviously does not care about me. I have come to the realization that I no longer want him to be in any part of my life whatsoever(I cannot try to love a person who so obviously does not love me).
Anyone else ever been through something like this? I feel like there is this huge hole in my life where my father SHOULD be but will never be again.
So, if anyone has any happiness vibes or something of the sort, I could really use them now .
Thanks for listening y'all. You're the best
post #2 of 33
I'm sending happiness vibes your way. I understand what you are going through. Your dad sounds a lot like mine.
post #3 of 33
Awww, Amy!! I'm so sorry you're going through this, I can't begin to imagine how you must feel. I can; however, try my best to send you as much love and happiness as I possibly can! I'm here if you ever want to vent!!!

And lots and lots of ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::!!!!

We all love you here.
post #4 of 33
Amy sweets....
post #5 of 33
Thread Starter 
Thank you so much consumercity (and I'm sending vibes YOUR way since it sounds like we're sharing a boat! {{{{{}}}}} ) and Katherine. I really appreciate it. I feel so lost with all this.....I've tried my hardest to block it from my everyday thoughts, but now it just feels like too much.....ugh....
post #6 of 33
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by sashacat421
Amy sweets....
Thank you so much E I'm going to show Bradley your post and make him give me that many hugs!!!
post #7 of 33
Aw, Amy, you can have every single vibe I have. I know how you're feeling. I haven't spoken to my dad in years, it's been at least 15 years. I know how bad it hurts to feel like your dad doesn't care. He should absolutely be the one to apologize and make things up to YOU. I'm not a parent yet either but I know that Satan himself couldn't keep me away from seeing/talking to my child!! How dare him be such an ass!!!
Since my dad walked out, I've felt that there's been a hole in my life where my dad should have been, but I couldn't really FORCE him to be in it. The worst part was that he only lived 2 miles away from me for most of my life but still wouldn't make an effort to be in my life. When he sees me now, he looks at me like "is that her??" because I look like him, but he isn't really sure. My situation has ended very sadly so I'm not sure I can give you good advice. Just know that I'm thinking about you, I've had that same ache in my heart, and you know I am always here for you!!!
post #8 of 33
SENDING {{{{{}}}}}!!!
I hope your brothers award is spoilt.
post #9 of 33
Thread Starter 
Thank you so much Kelly and Gail
Kelly, you and consumercity and I should start a club! Sounds like there's a lot of us out there, which actually is really sad But I appreciate all of your vibes, y'all. Makes me feel really good to think that people I've never even met care about me right now
post #10 of 33
just remember your dads a human being and an individual before being your father.

i hated my dad for as long as i can remember, i wont go into my reasons. one day i found out he'd suffered a breakdown when i was about 5 and had been on beta blockers for panic attacks ever since.

what i'm trying to say is you dont know hows he's feeling. you dont know how he felt about seeing your mother again, maybe he wasnt being stubborn? he was probably hurt he felt you took her side.

i very much doubt he doesnt care. men are stupidly proud thats all.

speak to your brother and ask him to intervene for you. or swallow your pride, no matter that your in the right (which i think you are) and call him. humble pies better than loosing your father.
post #11 of 33
Originally Posted by ugaimes
Thank you so much Kelly and Gail
Kelly, you and consumercity and I should start a club! Sounds like there's a lot of us out there, which actually is really sad But I appreciate all of your vibes, y'all. Makes me feel really good to think that people I've never even met care about me right now
How about The People With Bad Dads Society.
post #12 of 33
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by consumercity
How about The People With Bad Dads Society.
I'll go print up some t-shirts!
post #13 of 33
Amy ... ...you has my ears too... Is a shame that I live to far for lend you my shoulder...... but I´m here...
Don´t give it up...
post #14 of 33
Thread Starter 
Thank you so much Rigel Tú eres hombre muy simpático, agradable, y compasivo!
post #15 of 33
Amy dear,
I am so sorry for the grief between your family right now, we are always here for you sweetie. In all honesty I think that your dad truly cares about you,, but his overwhelming feelings about the situation at hand is overpowering his common sense right now. People deal differently, maybe he still loves her? Just a thought. But either way, he is dealing in a very maladaptive way, and it sucks for you and your brother. I really hope he re-evaluates the way he is handling this, and decides to come to the Parent Weekend, and give you; his lovely daughter, a call. Lots of hugs and destress vibes coming your way from Texas sweetie.
post #16 of 33
Amy, I'm sorry you are going through such a difficult time Sending mega happiness vibes your way.

post #17 of 33
Amy, you're definitely in my thoughts, and I with you all the best with this situation. I don't know how, but I missed your original thread on this!

I hope you don't mind if I give you an honest opinion. First, your dad is playing little power games, and it's ridiculous for a grown man to do such a thing. He obviously has some issues. And it's really crappy for him to not attend your brother's ceremony because he can't get past his own ego/pride. You're right, it's downright selfish.

I also think it's horrible that he hasn't talked to you in 6 weeks, but I really hope you don't go to the lengths of disowning your father. When I disowned my mother for some very valid reasons, and then tried to make some kind of amends/peace, she wanted nothing to do with me and we haven't spoken in nearly 2 years. Now I don't have any parents! And even if one of your parents has serious issues, at least you've got a healthy one. I hope you can try to work things out with him, because even if he isn't much of a father, it's still a bond that is difficult to let go and will hurt like crazy forever if you do.

Take care Aimes.
post #18 of 33
post #19 of 33
I'm sorry to hear that Amy. I don't know what else to say, so here's a hug...
post #20 of 33
Sorry you are having such a difficult time, I hope things come to a resolution soon! Here are some hugs :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: and some happiness }}}VIBES{{{ for you!
post #21 of 33
Positive vibes are heading your way!

i can kinda understand where your coming from, my father is married to someone else now and distances himself quiet a bit, he's never told me or my brothers he loves us....i'm sure he does but it would be nice to hear it from him.

post #22 of 33
Amy, after reading your post in the workout thread, I looked for this one. I'm so sorry things are not better. I remember when you originally posted and was hoping they were.

You ARE his daughter and he is being very selfish. If you didn't love him it wouldn't bother you, BUT you're his daughter. You can't just shut off your feelings. Neither can he. I believe he loves you although he isn't behaving that way. It sounds like he's very immature.

There are some similarities to what I went through with my dad. Things are better for us now. I'll PM you about it later today.
post #23 of 33
Amy - I'm so sorry you're going through this. We can choose our friends in life and decide who we want to associate with. But our family is something we have no choice in. There is the possibility that we may not get on with them or agree with the way they choose to live their lives. It's a fact, a sad one, but a fact. I know it's hard to come to that realisation; but if that is the way the relationship with your father ultimately ends up I think this helps to keep it in perspective. In situations where you and your father come together again in future, it helps to avoid getting really disappointed with things that go on. Instead you become a distant observer. Sadly, it doesn't make for a close, loving relationship.

Tons of vibes to you Amy and hugs too with a sunny thought to cheer your day
post #24 of 33
Awwww Amy!
post #25 of 33
Thread Starter 
Stevie, Diane, Jenn, Sue, Ryan, Sarah, pandybear, Renee, Beth, and Susan...
Thank you all so much from the bottom of my heart Your kind words mean the world to me right now.
post #26 of 33
lots of happiness vibes to you, hang in there.
post #27 of 33
Dear Amy, I have debated on whether or not I should give my opinion because of the situation I have with my father. Without going into details I will say that your father sounds alot like mine. My father is totally selfish and interested only in playing power games and using people. I tried to please him for years until I got to be about 25 or so and then I just stopped, then he did something that I can't go into which permanently estranged him from my brother and with very good reason, it was my fathers action, not my brothers. I didn't hear from him for years until he got into a jam. Then he was "right there" again for me to help him out, which I did, repeatedly, meanwhile it became obvious that he was just using me, he had no intention of treating me like a daughter, he wanted a slave and garbage can to "dump" in. He decided to move out of state to be with other family that he had not "burnt his bridges" with, but of course that didn't work out so he came crying to me again to take care of him but I finally got courage up due to support from this forum and told him NO, not this time. I haven't heard from him since and I doubt that I will. I pray for him daily but have to keep my distance for my own sake. So I totally understand you when you say you need to distance yourself also. Only you can decided what is right for you to do. But either way I totally understand where you are coming from and am sending you hugs. And I would say one thing more, I think it is OK to protect yourself from being hurt by someone who doesn't care about you. Good luck.
post #28 of 33
Amy, I am sorry your family is going through this turmoil. I will add my "2 cents worth".

I am divorced from a difficult man. He does not show my 22 y/o or 16 y/o kids the affection he should. I will advise you as I advise my 22y/o. This is your only dad. Maybe he isn't who you thought he was when you were a little girl, and that is very painful. You cannot change how he is reacting to situations, only how you react. Although the school award ceremony affects you, it is really an issue between your parents and your brother. Don't let them involve you. If Mom chooses to go although its Dad's year-thats between the two of them. Do not choose sides. Maybe Dad would rather miss than possibly have a disagreement at your brother's cermony. Maybe he is just a big baby and can't face his ex. Either way, don't pick sides.

As for the phone incident-it has been 6 weeks. I would suggest you call your Dad. You are angry now, but all families have anger and disagreements. You can work through this. Don't even try to talk about the last phone conversation, and certainly not the ceremony. Just let him know you miss talking to him, maybe tell him a cute story about your fur-kids. The divorce was between your parents, and that has to be painful to you. But you are still entitled to have a relationship with each of them, even if it can't be as close as you prefer.

Maybe you can join a "Doofus Dads" club, instead of a "Bad Dads" club. Then you can be in with my kids!

I am rather new here, and don't know your whole situation. But I do know my dd has been able to re-establish a relationship with her dad, who has been very hard on her. But she is happier with a distant relationship with a doofus dad, than being totally filled with hurt thinking he hated her.
post #29 of 33
Yes, I would agree wholeheartedly with everything Beckiboo has mentioned. Great insights, Becki!
post #30 of 33
Amy, I also think Beckiboo's post contains many words of wisdom.
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