I hope I did the right thing

marge

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hi

Gosh I hope I did the right thing, I just wrote to a friend of mine who basically angrily flamed me in emails awhile back. It's a long story but I think it's a misunderstanding. I don't want to hold a grudge, and be passive aggressive. I felt she unfairly expressed anger but ...in the spirit of not wanting a feud and wanting to work things out I am attempting to get back in touch.

I didnt apologize but I did reach out. Is that the right thing to do? I mean she did treat me badly but I want to forgive and forget. I think it mght have been a one time deal and her life isn't going well either.

I won't expect a response but I do hope at least the next timeI see her it won't be tense.
 

rosiemac

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The thing is Marge you've made the biggest step by being the one to break the ice, so if nothing comes of it then at least you know that you tried?!.

You've done something that i couldn't do because when someone hurts me badly, and thankully it isn't that often!, but they lose me as a friend for life, because i do bear grudges.

I know lifes too short but i can't change who i am
 
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marge

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Originally Posted by rosiemac

The thing is Marge you've made the biggest step by being the one to break the ice, so if nothing comes of it then at least you know that you tried?!.

You've done something that i couldn't do because when someone hurts me badly, and thankully it isn't that often!, but they lose me as a friend for life, because i do bear grudges.

I know lifes too short but i can't change who i am
You know, I totally understand why you feel that way, I actually do too. My instinct is to pull in when I get hurt. But for some reason this time I want to reach out a bit, at least to make the attempt, if for no other reason than that she is a part of a larger group and it would make our get together harder for me.
 

KittenKrazy

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I think you did the right thing! There's nothing worse than losing a long time relationship with someone because of a misunderstanding. Hopefully, since you've taken such a huge step, she'll meet you partway, and you guys can heal your relationship. If she doesn't, at least nobody can say that you didnt' try! {{{HUGS}}} and hope this works out!
 
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marge

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Originally Posted by KittenKrazy

I think you did the right thing! There's nothing worse than losing a long time relationship with someone because of a misunderstanding. Hopefully, since you've taken such a huge step, she'll meet you partway, and you guys can heal your relationship. If she doesn't, at least nobody can say that you didnt' try! {{{HUGS}}} and hope this works out!
Thanks i hope things work out, but she's not very open person, admits to holding grudges for along time(over small things even) so I think the best i can get is lessened tension, but I will take that for now!
 

mom of franz

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Originally Posted by Marge

You know, I totally understand why you feel that way, I actually do too. My instinct is to pull in when I get hurt. But for some reason this time I want to reach out a bit, at least to make the attempt, if for no other reason than that she is a part of a larger group and it would make our get together harder for me.
Marge pulling in keeping the hurt only damages your psyche. What you did was very "big" of you and healthy. Even if she never responds, you can rest your head on the pillow at night and know you tried.
 

diane8704

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Marge, I absolutely think you did the right thing! I was in a similar situation with someone who we had had a rocky friendship anyways from the start. And she would always put me down, and I put up with it, coming back at her with sarcastic remarks of my own...I got married, and she was supposed to be a bridesmaid, but she was too domineering, and I had to ask her not to be because she was determined to make things her way. She just stopped talking to me. Stopped returning my emails, stop responding to my voice messages, so I didnt invite her to the wedding. Afterward, I felt really bad about it, so I emailed her, and she came back at me, angry and saying that she had wiped the slate clean numerous times and I just realised what I had already known: we just didnt have anything in common anymore. And I wished her luck in life, she wished me luck in life, and that was it. I feel like she was wrong for not trying to understand when I asked her to stop trying to do things behind my back at my wedding. And no one, I mean, NO ONE in my wedding liked her. Not my soon to be husband, not anyone in the bridal party, not even my parents.

I think we all go through things like that, but you were the bigger and better person for what you did. And you didnt do anything wrong from what I can see, so you have no reason to be tense before seeing her. If you do, you just smile and ask hows shes doing, and tell her she looks great. You'll feel better in the long run!
 

ashleigh

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I think you did the right thing too. Even though she is in the wrong you have offered her the chance to explain and the chance to have your friendship again. If she doesn't respond then i'd say it's her loss and she doesn't deserve you anyway.
 

rockcat

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Marge, is this the same friend that was irritated that you wanted to meet at a different place than she did? (something like that, with a group)? Well, it doesn't matter anyway. Yeah, of course you're doing the right thing. Now the ball's in her court and if things get better, great. If they don't, you still gave it a shot. You feel better, right?
 

ugaimes

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Get the gist from these posts?
This is the best icon I could find for a pat on the back
, which you definitely deserve. Way to be the bigger person and reach out to someone who could probably use a friend like you. I know that is an extremely difficult thing to do, but the world needs more folks like you!
 
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marge

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Originally Posted by Rockcat

Marge, is this the same friend that was irritated that you wanted to meet at a different place than she did? (something like that, with a group)? Well, it doesn't matter anyway. Yeah, of course you're doing the right thing. Now the ball's in her court and if things get better, great. If they don't, you still gave it a shot. You feel better, right?
Yeah it is the same person. And yes I do feel better, and at this point that is the best I can hope for.

thanks for the encouragement everyone!
 

dinahcat

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Marge, I wish the best for you our of this situation. I think you did the right thing by trying to bury the hatchet and get in touch with this person. I hope it all works out the way you want it to.
 
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