Please help me make a very difficult decision

We went through this decision last year with our dog. He had osteosarcoma in his leg. We too had the options of amputation or euthanasia. Based on his personality, we did not think he would be a good candidate for the amputation. He would not have adapted well. They couldn't guarentee that the surgery would extend his life at all. We chose to treat him with pain medication until it felt like it was time for him to go. When the day came, he had fallen on his injured leg, and we knew that the suffering outweighed the quality of life. Our only regret was that the vet who had been with us through the whole ordeal was not there the day we let him go.

I would talk to Max. Tell him that you love him and that you don't want to see him suffer. Spend lots of time with him. Jackson's last few weeks were great for him because he was showered with attention. Allow yourself time to mourn for your cat, even if it means you need to take time off from work or school. Write about your favorite experiences with Max, and tell him about them. They may or may not understand our words, but they feel our love and emotion. Gather some favorite pictures for yourself. Talk to whoever will be handling his body after his passing and see if they offer private cremation (where you get the ashes back). Since he enjoyed the garden, return him to it if you wish. Maybe plant some catnip. Be prepared to miss him. We lost our cat Alex in October, and just yesterday, I thought I saw him out of the corner of my eye again. I still expect to hear Jackson barking when I come to the door. It's hard to lose our furry family members, but we are the ones who can give them the best quality of life possible and spare them the suffering. Whatever you choose to do, you do because you love him.

Take care.

When the time comes you need to be strong for him, because they pick up when we are upset and it will upset him. Your vet can have him cremated and get the ashes back for you once it is all over.

No one has ever addressed the final moment, not on the boards anyway.

You need to stay calm. There will be a paper they will ask you to sign. Talk to your vet about what they can do for you afterwards. There are companies that will cremate your pet for a price. The vet, if you decide not to claim Max afterward, will likely donate him to a company that makes fertilizer, and he will return to the earth.

They will either start an iv, or just give him a shot. Sometimes, if the person is so wrought up, the vet will have to sedate the animal, because they are intune so with the owner that they sense something is upsetting thier human. They administer the shot, and the animal will close his eyes and go to sleep a final time. The vet will check to be sure the heart has been stilled, and usually will leave the room and tell you to let him know when you are ready.

If you want to bring Max back and bury him, take a towel and a cardboard box with you for the final visit. It's just easier that way. When you are ready, wrap Max up, place him in the box and take him home and bury him in your garden.

You have my heart. It is a difficult decision, made usually at the worst of times-

When you are ready www.endingpain.info was built to help people through the process-

After...
I have my beloved Bartholomew's ashes in a beautiful pine chest near my computer. That is how I kept my sanity when he died. It's been almost 5 years but I still thank him everyday for being my sweet baby. If I outlive Dexter & Sadie, I will do the same with them.
When I die...all of our ashes will be taken to the mountains & scattered "together" under a pine tree...far from the city.
Please...follow Hissy's sugestion & use the "ending pain" link she left. You will need support if you choose to let Max go home.
You are both in my prayers.

My vet came over to my house for Jessie. Actually, Jessie was so weak that she only needed the tranq and she passed on from that alone. It was so heartbreaking but I can tell you this, I do not regret holding her in my arms and giving her love and comfort in her final moments. I am so glad I held her. I had her creamated and am ordering a beautiful statue to keep her ashes in.

Just be absolutely sure of your decision, so their won't be any guilt after. I know first hand that it can eat you up inside wondering if you did the right thing. There is no wrong choice as long as you are sure of yourself that you are doing what is best for him.

You know your cat and I am sure you are making the right decision for him. When my Juniper passed I got his ashes back in a sweet little box, which I planted under a juniper bush in a garden pot. Then no-one can ever disturb him, and I can take the pot with me (it will eventually come to France with me). I always regretted burying two cats in the garden at my previous house, as I wonder whether they were left in peace or not when I moved.

Hey, everyone. Again, thank you for your sweet and thoughtful postings.
I think I'm going forward with the euthanasia.
I have 3 possibilities for that day and need help deciding which to choose:

1) Having Max put down at home...I have no vet for this and no recommended vets. Whomever I get, IF I can find someone to do this on Staten Island where I live, would not know me or Max. Total stranger.

2) Having Max put down at the huge, Upper East Side Animal Medical Center where he's been treated so far...
PROS: My vet is absolutely lovely. She will do everything to make sure the proceedure is done with love and care. She'll arrange a quiet room for it. The hospital has an arrangement with a very compassionate cremation place that will treat Max's body with care and return HIS ashes to me.
CONS: The waiting room is hell. Noisy, busy, dogs, cats, people. The receptionists and cashiers are not very friendly. Max and I would have to drive to get there (about 45 minutes). My dear friend is going to be with us at the hospital so she could wait upstairs in the crazy waiting room while we wait downstairs in a quieter place and when the time comes we could whisk ourselves upstairs. Plus, she could handle the checking in at the reception desk and be with me while I pay afterwards.

3) Having Max put down at my old vet....
PROS: That vet is also lovely, a sweet, quiet gentle giant of a man. He's a one man operation so his waiting room is much, much quieter. Probably no more than two humans, two pets, and the receptionist.
CONS: The receptionist (the gentle giant's wife) is not friendly. She's brusque and sometimes passive agressive. The vet has had NO contact with Max in 2 years and has had nothing to do with this last illness. I went to the Animal Hospital because this vet (my regular vet) was out of town and suggested the hospital for emergencies. Max and I would have to drive to get there (about 45 minutes). I don't know what kind of arrangement they have for dealing with Max's body and cremation. It's VERY hard to get any info. from the receptionist. She's always busy, puts you on hold constantly, and hurries you off the phone.

Writing this out has helped with the decision. I have some ideas now. But would love to hear others. Thank you! Any help is appreciated. Amy and Maxie

If it were me, I would probably go with number 2. It sounds like you have a good relationship with your vet, and a friend who will support you through the process. You might see if you can arrange the payment in advance so that you don't have to wait in the noisy waiting area with potentially unfriendly cashiers.

Hi Amy and Max,
I'm so sorry for this decision you have to make. It's never easy, but you will at least have the chance to say goodbye. My Merry died during surgery to remove some thread that he had eaten. He had been very sick from a still unknown illness and sometimes I feel like we put him through the surgery for our own sake, rather than his. He was just over a year old and I always felt like I was on the verge of a "cure" for his illness and thought if we just got through this surgery that he would recover.
He didn't make it out of the operating room, and I regret, sometimes, that I wasn't able to hold him while he passed. I'm comforted sometimes by the thought that my vet and his wife are such loving people and did their best to save him and were with him when he went, but seeing him lying on the cold steel table, so small and alone was very hard.
I was able to have him cremated and his ashes sit on a shelf. His spirit is here with me.
I know how hard it is to make a decision like this, and my heart goes out to you.
Lots of hugs for you and Maxie.

Dev and the Crew

I think I would go with no 2 if you can keep Max calm and quiet while he waits.

If those were my choices, I would choose #2. That way you are comfortable with the vet and you know they will take care of things for you after. Cloud-shade had a great suggestion to see if you can pay in advance to avoid having to deal with that later.
My heart goes out to you and you are in my thoughts and prayers.

I suspect that you have already made your decision...#2.
I woke up this morning and said a quiet prayer for you and Max.
I will continue to do so.
Max will always be with your in your heart.

I would go with #2 with a difference. If possible I would wait in the car *unless the weather is to bad* I would tell them where you are, and someone can come out and get you when it is time. That way you have quiet time to spend with Max ahead of time and don't have to deal with all the stress and smells he would be exposed to. I would also put a really sweaty tee shirt of yours in his carrier, along with some of his favorite toys for comfort items.

I put my Kitty to sleep in a an animal hospital, and it was fine. They put us in a small room and let me have some time with her to say goodbye beforehand. It was actually quite peaceful. Maybe you can ask that they make sure to have a room for you as soon as you get there? Euthanasia isn't a normal appointment, and I can't imagine them leaving you sitting in the noisy waiting room for more than a couple of minutes. I don't think it's out of line to ask for a little extra consideration.

Rosisa: You said that you were looking at options other than amputation or euthanizing your cat. There are some. I really don't know how to get this information to you so that you will have all the information you need at hand in order to make the right decision for your cat. The information I have is too lengthy to include on this site and it wouldn't do it justice if I tried to shorten it. If you cannot afford the cost of surgery, you might want to consider them - a couple of them are alot cheaper than surgery.

#2 sounds the best solution to meet your needs. And I've never had a problem getting a clinic to accept pre-payment in these situations.

(Edited to add this: If your clinic has automated mailings, such as sending your pet a birthday card or sending you a postcard reminding you about annual checkup, ask them to remove this cat from their mailing list. It's a little spooky when you get a birthday card for a pet that was put to sleep two months ago. Just an extra tip!)

When I've had some warning (planned), I've always requested to be scheduled when I can come straight in and straight out. Whether it is 10 AM, 2:30 PM or whatever, I tell them I want zero waiting and this needs to be quick. And that's what I've done -- walk right in at the appointed time and stand at the counter until I get taken to the back. I never take a seat in the waiting room -- and if it is more than five minutes, I say loudly "you promised me a XXX appointment for euthanasia" and that gets them to at least move me out of the reception area to a private room.

I've never done cremation but the #2 option meets your wishes. After the vet, I've always carried the pet home and had an immediate burial. That is usually the harder part for me...I've never cried at the vet, but I always cry as I pick up the shovel to fill the burial.

It is a tough situation for you...I can only wish you the best and hope you get through it okay.

This is such a difficult topic and a difficult time - wishing you all the best as you make your decisions. I did want to add this to the conversation -

*Disclaimer: Please do not take any advice on these forums about homemade, homeopathic, holistic or any other sort of remedy offered without first checking with your vet. Doing so may harm your cat, because no one has hands on with your cat, but your vet. If your one vet is not giving you satisfaction, seek a second vet opinion. *

Hi Amy,

I would choose #1 or #2. #2 is close to what I had to do (and I live in New York out on Long Island). I waited in the car with Comere until just before they could take us in (only ended up in the waiting room about 1 minutes). The reason I suggested finding someone to do it in your home is I wish I had had the time to do that. Comere HATED going in the car and to the vet, so it would have been nice to have his last day be where he was most comfortable.

But I know it's not the best decision for everyone, nor the easiest to find a vet who will do it in your home.

I will tell you what my experience was.

Comere was given a shot in his hind leg. And it is QUICK. Talk to Max the whole time because before you know it, he's in his final sleep. It is truly less than 30 seconds. Very very fast. And not all animals close their eyes (Comere did not) so be prepared for that. If you can handle that possibility, feel free to stand in front of him petting and talking to him. If not, hold him in your lap (with his face away from you) or stand behind him while you pet and talk to him. Whatever you are most comfortable with.

It is very peaceful. He might let out a little breath (and the vet might warn you of this). It isn't him struggling... it's just a the way the physical body reacts. Not all pets do it - Comere did not.

The Vet will probably give you the option to take Max's body home or have the ashes returned to you. You can choose to have his individual ashes or ashes that are not guaranteed to be only his. The first is a little more costly. Regency Forest did Comere's individual cremation for about $200.00 and the vet arranged the whole thing. Regency called me about 2 days after for payment. Comere's ashes were returned to the vet for me to pick up about a week later.

I got an urn online from www.ashesinstone.com



Good luck to you Amy. I'll say an extra prayer for Max and I'm only a PM away if you need to talk or have any questions.

If its not too late I would offer some assistance with #1, specifically I know of two vets in NYC who do house calls, both are highly recommended. They aren't inexpensive, but may in fact be less expensive than going to the AMC (#2).

- Dr. Lawrence Putter, 917-762-8389, www.vet2thepet.com/ - I know someone who used Dr. Putter and they were very happy.

- George Korin, 212 838 2569, long time in practice.