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I am going to have a breakdown

post #1 of 23
Thread Starter 
Well, as most of you know....I am getting married this coming tuesday.
I just found out that my grandmother has been in the hospital since saturday on life suppourt and my family kept it from me so I wouldn't freak. My dad told me she keeps getting worse every day and they are taking her off her life support tomorrow at 9:30 am. They are going to see how she does, but if she doesn't fight it (which the dr's said she won't) they are going to give her comfort meds until she passes.
My dad told me not to change my wedding date because this will most likely happen within hours of turning the machine off, and her funeral will be done and over with before Tuesday...
I am just so sad and I don't know what to do......
You guys are always helpful....so I thought I'd come to you for support.
post #2 of 23
Matt, first of all I'm so sorry hon!!!! Second, I don't think your grandmother would want you to cancel your wedding. If you are too upset to go through with it, reschedule. It is YOUR day and you should enjoy it to the fullest. I hope you figure out what will be best for you and your SO.
post #3 of 23
Oh Matt, your grandmother is in my thoughts -
post #4 of 23
Have you ever heard a song, its a country song, but it's called
Holes in the floor of heaven.
It talks about a young boy who lost his grandmother on his birthday and he was very upset. It started to rain and his father told him, "there's holes in the floor of heaven and her tears are falling down, that's how you know she's watching, ....................."
Then it goes on to talk about how he grows up and his wife passes away after they have a little girl. The girl grows up and is getting married and he cries wishing she could be there to see her child as such a lovely bride. Just then it starts to rain and his daughter tells him to remember that she's watching, because there's holes in the floor of heaven and her tears are falling down thats how you know she's watching now.
She WILL be there at your wedding!
Try to hang in there!
So sorry to hear this has to happen now.
post #5 of 23
Sweetheart that is so horrible to have to deal with. You family is right - it is YOUR day to enjoy. There might be a lot of pain inside you, but it mustn't get in the way of probably the most important day in your entire life. I wish I could sya something really comforting to you, but look at it this way - your family have finally been honest with you. You have had a warning about what *could* happen. This doesn't necessarily mean it *will* happen. There are so many ways it could go. Your grandmother wouldn't want you to be miserable on such a special day.
post #6 of 23
Matt, I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother's condition.

As sad as you will be, I don't think your grandmother would have wanted you to postpone your very special day because of sadness. Perhaps you could do something special to honor her at the ceremony? Perhaps place a rose on a chair or table in her honor. She will be there with you, smiling at your happiness and at starting a new chapter in your life with your husband.
post #7 of 23
Matt, I am so sorry that you have these two huge events, which are at totally opposite ends of the happiness spectrum, happening all at once. I won't give advice on something I don't know much about, but I will say what everyone else has- that I'm sure your grandmother would want you to go on and start your new, happy life with your partner. And at least she will soon be at peace and free of pain, even though I know that must come as little consolation to you at the moment You're in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.
post #8 of 23
matt, i'm really sorry to hear of this, it must be so hard.


I'm sure your grandmother would want you to go ahead with your wedding, it is your day to enjoy
post #9 of 23
This may sound a little cold and heartless, but I prefer to think of it as pragmatic.

The wedding ceremony is just that, a ceremony. An announcement. You and Her, if you believe/act/live like a married couple, then you're married. The white dress and flowers is mostly for your mothers. (Just putting things in perspective.) Attaching vast importance to the ceremony makes the rest of the marriage a lot more difficult, especially in your case.

At this point, you've most likely sunk a great deal of money into the wedding and reception, people have most likely bought airfare, hotels, rental cars, clothes, and gifts. If you cancel the ceremony you and many other people will be out a great deal of $, plus you'll have to plan a whole new ceremony.

Your pain will be tremendous, and you will miss your grandmother terribly. Unfortunatly, the best advice I can think of isn't easy to take. Go through with the wedding. Make your "announcement" and start your life together.

There are some good ideas in this thread for a tribute to your grandmother, and I'm sure you'll have others, but what better way to honor your grandmother then with the whole family in attendance celebrating a happy occasion?
post #10 of 23
I´m so sorry to heard that... my prayers to your grand mother..
post #11 of 23
Matt, I'd go ahead and get married as planned. Whether she is in the hospital, or has passed, your grandmother will be there in spirit, and I'm sure she wants you to be happy.
Pretty much the same thing happened to Robert and me. The evening before our wedding, my father-in-law got a call telling him that his father was at death's door, and wouldn't last the night. It was too late to cancel everything. As it was, Opa didn't die, and was around for another eight years. We were talking about it one time, and he said if he had died that night, he wouldn't have missed the wedding, and that he'd lived so long that nobody should be sad when he went to meet his Maker.
post #12 of 23
Well I think everyone has said it so well already. I think you should go ahead and perhaps have a small tribute to your grandmother. Enjoy your special day that you have been waiting for so long.
post #13 of 23
I am with everyone who has replied. I think you should go on with your wedding with maybe a tribute to your grandmother as you think appropriate. Your love for your grandmother shines through and I will send up a prayer for her.
post #14 of 23
My Mom was very ill and died several months before my sister's wedding. My sis considered moving the wedding up so she could get married at the hospice so Mom could be there. I told her then, this is the day you will look back on your whole life. If you want it to be in a hospice, do it. But Mom will be there in spirit if you wait.

Your situation is similar in that you have the choice. It is possible to call off weddings, or delay them due to family events. Even Prince Charles moved his wedding by a day or two, when the Pope passed, didn't he?

But you do not have to cancel or delay your wedding. Talk to your fiance, and your family. How are they feeling? What do they want to do? Are lots of people coming from out of town? Can you adjust the ceremony somehow? It's your decision, but maybe other's opinions will help.

My sister choose to have her wedding as originally scheduled, and at the reception she had a special song played in memory of my Mom. It was "I Can Only Imagine", about someone trying to imagine what it will be like meeting Jesus for the first time in heaven. I bawled all the way through the song. And to be honest, I bawled every time I heard the song for the next year. Here's a link http://www.mymorninglight.org/imagine.htm

I'm sorry you are in this position. But if your Grandmother passes, you will have pain for a considerable period of time. Waiting may not make it easier. Don't be afraid to follow your heart.
post #15 of 23
Thread Starter 
You guys won't beleive it. They took her off her life support this morning, and gave her some comfort meds. Within mintues she woke up!!! Nobody, not even the doctors can explain how an 88 year old woman can go from being on life support for 4 days to waking up and actually talking. The part that killed the nurses and the family that was there, is when she started talking, she never said "am i ok" or "where am I" nothing....she asked if she could have a cup of tea.
She still won't be able to come to the wedding, she has to stay in the hospital for at least another 2 weeks before even returning to the home....but that I can deal with compared to what we all thought yesterday.
post #16 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kat_Boy
You guys won't beleive it. They took her off her life support this morning, and gave her some comfort meds. Within mintues she woke up!!! Nobody, not even the doctors can explain how an 88 year old woman can go from being on life support for 4 days to waking up and actually talking. The part that killed the nurses and the family that was there, is when she started talking, she never said "am i ok" or "where am I" nothing....she asked if she could have a cup of tea.
She still won't be able to come to the wedding, she has to stay in the hospital for at least another 2 weeks before even returning to the home....but that I can deal with compared to what we all thought yesterday.
What wonderful news Matt! Imagine that, a cup of tea! I think it's an omen that this wedding must and should go on. We know God's on our side Matt!
post #17 of 23
Fabulous news Matt! Small miracles happen all the time, if we just look for them.
post #18 of 23
Oh, my, Matt! What news! Lots of prayers for all of you.
post #19 of 23
Matt, this is terrible news. It must be so sad for you and your fiancee. I can't imagine what you must be going through.

My best friend's mother-in-law was terribly, terminally ill for her wedding. She managed to make it to the ceremony but certainly not the reception. They, too, thought of postponing the wedding, but then decided after all to celebrate Esme's life and their wedding at the same time. Although Esme wasn't at the reception, she was in everyone's thoughts and hearts, and much was said about her. It really made the day so much more special for everyone, and particularly for Emma and Shane, that they could have their mother involved in their wedding even though she was so terribly ill.

I would think you should go ahead with your wedding as planned, but make your beloved grandmother a part of your celebration. If you love her as much as it sounds, I'm sure she is a beautiful lady who would not have wanted you to postpone your plans, and would truly be thrilled to know that she has been included in heart and spirit, if not in body.
post #20 of 23
Gosh, Matt, I'm sorry - I didn't see your post with your fantastic news before I wrote the one above. That is miraculous!! Wonderful news indeed. Someone must be shining on you and blessing your wedding. That is lovey.
post #21 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kat_Boy
You guys won't believe it. They took her off her life support this morning, and gave her some comfort meds. Within minutes she woke up!!! Nobody, not even the doctors can explain how an 88 year old woman can go from being on life support for 4 days to waking up and actually talking. The part that killed the nurses and the family that was there, is when she started talking, she never said "am i OK" or "where am I" nothing....she asked if she could have a cup of tea.
She still won't be able to come to the wedding, she has to stay in the hospital for at least another 2 weeks before even returning to the home....but that I can deal with compared to what we all thought yesterday.
It's simply not her "time to go", and your wedding may have something to do with it. She won't be able to be physically present, but make sure you have photos of the event ASAP, so that she can at least experience it second hand. Polaroids or prints from a digicam will probably suffice for the time being.
post #22 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kat_Boy
You guys won't beleive it. They took her off her life support this morning, and gave her some comfort meds. Within mintues she woke up!!! Nobody, not even the doctors can explain how an 88 year old woman can go from being on life support for 4 days to waking up and actually talking. The part that killed the nurses and the family that was there, is when she started talking, she never said "am i ok" or "where am I" nothing....she asked if she could have a cup of tea.
She still won't be able to come to the wedding, she has to stay in the hospital for at least another 2 weeks before even returning to the home....but that I can deal with compared to what we all thought yesterday.

Oh Matt, i just saw this thread and was so upset reading it until I read this part.
I'm so glad that everything turned out so well! Someone wanted your grandma to be with you for your wedding!
post #23 of 23
This is such good news! Now concentrate on your own happiness knowing that your Grandmother will enjoy hearing about it all. Very very best wishes to you and your partner on your special day.
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