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Apologies to the blondes....this was just too funny!

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 
I found this on another board that I visit

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer that was also a blonde.

The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."

The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop.
post #2 of 16
Thread Starter 
BLONDE NEWLY WED DIARY..


Dear Diary,

Monday: Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new house. It's fun to cook for Bob. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "Beat 12 eggs separately." Well... I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine.

Tuesday: We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "Serve without dressing." So I didn't dress. But... Bob happened to bring a friend home for supper. Did they ever look startled when I served the salad.

Wednesday: I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, "Wash thoroughly before steaming the rice." So... I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the week, and I can't say it improved the rice any.

Thursday: Today Bob asked for a salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, "Prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving." Well... I hunted all over the garden by my Mom's, and I tossed my salad into the lettuce bed, and stood over there one hour (so the dog would not take it). Bob came over and asked if I felt all right. I wonder why?

Friday: Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "Put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it." Well... beat it I did, right over to my Mom's house. There must have been something wrong with the recipe, because when I came back home again, it looked the same as when I left it.

Saturday: Bob went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I'm sure I don 't know how chickens dress for Sunday, 'cause I never noticed back on the farm. But I found a doll dress and some cute little shoes. I thought the chicken looked really lovely. When Bob saw it, I wondered why he counted to ten.

Sunday: Today Bob's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast, but all we had in the icebox was hamburger. So I put it in the oven, and set the controls for roast... must be the oven, because it still came out hamburger.
post #3 of 16
Hey, I should try using that one if I ever get pulled over for speeding on my little red scooter!
Quote:
Originally Posted by KittenKrazy
I found this on another board that I visit

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer that was also a blonde.

The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."

The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop.
post #4 of 16
post #5 of 16


that is just too funny!
post #6 of 16
post #7 of 16
I thought the first joke was really funny!
post #8 of 16
I love that first joke too!
post #9 of 16
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle and I can't figure out how to get it started. Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger. "Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He held her hand softly, led her to a chair and said, "Secondly, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, and then. ... "He sighed, "let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."
post #10 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by RoyalEnchntrss
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle and I can't figure out how to get it started. Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger. "Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He held her hand softly, led her to a chair and said, "Secondly, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, and then. ... "He sighed, "let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."
post #11 of 16
Very very funny!
post #12 of 16
teehee Those are good!!!
Being a brunette, I enjoy a good blonde joke. (I even tell 'em to my blonde boyfriend, just to get a reaction.) hehe
post #13 of 16
Ha! I know we tend to write `lol' for a lot of things, but I really DID laugh out loud at that one! Brilliant joke!
post #14 of 16
post #15 of 16
I love those!
post #16 of 16
Two blondes are making tea. Some hot water remains. Asks blonde 1: „What should we do with it?“ Says blonde 2: „Let’s save it and keep it in the freezer, one could always use some hot water.“


A flight from Los Angeles to New York. A young blond woman with an economy ticket is sitting in first class. The stewardess asks her to move to economy and gets to hear: „Quit bothering me, I’m young, I’m beautiful, I’m blond and I will stay here.“ The stewardess gets the purser who gets to hear the very same answer as does the copilot. They go to tell the captain and ask what they should do. Says the captain: „I’m married to a blonde myself, I’ll handle that“. The captain goes to the blonde, bends down and whispers something into her ear. She looks at him with panicky eyes, mumbles „Why didn’t anybody tell me?“, takes her stuff and runs back into economy.
Back in the cockpit the copilot asks the captain „What did you tell her? She took off like a bat out of hell!“ Says the captain: “I told her that the first class won’t be going to New York.“


The Blonde Painter
A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire
herself out as a ''handy-woman'' and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do
neighbourhood.
She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he
had any odd jobs for her to do.
''Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,'' he said.
''How much will you charge me?''
The blonde quickly responded, ''How about $50?''
The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she
would need was in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband,
''Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?''
He responded, ''That's a bit cynical, isn't it?''
The wife replied, ''You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe
all those 'dumb blonde' jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately.''
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
''You're finished already?'' the husband asked.
''Yes,'' the blonde replied, ''and I had paint left over, so I gave
it two coats.

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and
handed it to her.
''And by the way,'' the blonde added, ''it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus.''
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