TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › IMO: In My Opinion › Our Tax Dollars at Work, Afghan Woman Stoned to Death
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Our Tax Dollars at Work, Afghan Woman Stoned to Death

post #1 of 29
Thread Starter 
They may not "get" the democracy thing yet, but they sure are matching us in the domestic violence arena. I originally heard this story on the radio. The woman allegedly was having an affair. The man that she was having the affair with got off with a whipping and was sent on his way. And guess who got the "privilege" of stoning her, the husband of course. They sure nuf are enjoying their new found freedom over there, huh George?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/4477003.stm
post #2 of 29
stoning is such a brutal way to be killed.

this was only the second reported act of stoning since 2001 though in comparison with thousands of cases under taliban rule.

you cant change everyones views in a couple of years.
post #3 of 29
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by maverick_kitten
stoning is such a brutal way to be killed.

this was only the second reported act of stoning since 2001 though in comparison with thousands of cases under taliban rule.

you cant change everyones views in a couple of years.
I agree, you can't bring a people stuck in the 12 century into the 21st century overnight. But where was our government in this horror? We (our troops and military leaders) are still there. Why didn't we do something to stop this violation of human rights and the scores of other violations that I'm sure are happening. But then again we trade with China freely, and ignore their human rights violations too. I'm pointing the finger equally at Clinton for China as well.
post #4 of 29
Its truly appauling what women have to endure in some other countries,In saudi arabia women are forced to walk two steps bahind a man at all times , they cannot travel w/o a male companion not to mention cover their faces while in public. They are forced to endure beatings from their husbands,and nothing is done about it.In some African countries women are forcefully rapped and have their private parts mutilated.And yes women are stoned to death. How much longer can injustices like this go on before other countries step in and take a stand against this?
post #5 of 29
You know this is going to sound cold but those women allow this to happen. I'm pretty sure if they were fed up enough they could put a stop to it but they choose not to. Who do you think raised the men to be this way? Their mothers and fathers did. There were times here in the US (and probably every other country) that women were viewed the same way and guess what we didn't need another country to come in and tell us that it was wrong. And yes some women died to obtain the rights we have now, but was it worth it? Yes it was.

As for the woman that was stoned, where were the other women in her village/town/city? Probably right there watching and not lifting a finger to help her.

Sorry but I don't believe it is our countries responsibililty to make life better for everyone. You have to be willing to risk your life for your own betterment and these women are not willing to do that. It is a sad state of things that these women are not only unwilling to do it for themselves but are unwilling to do it for their daughters.
post #6 of 29

those people should be stoned
post #7 of 29
I recall Tricia telling us about atrocities as bad or worse than this happening in Germany in the Middle Eastern neighborhoods fairly recently. I don't recall anyone blaming the German government for not stopping it, and I don't see how we could stop an isolated incident either. Even if we set up an authoritarian government with military rule (how democratic would that be??), situations like this would probably still happen because it is ingrained in parts of their culture. I think the fact that it's only happened twice since ousting the Taliban, while still two times too many!, is such a huge step for the women in Afghanistan. We can't expect everything about their culture to change overnight, nor can we go in and mandate it.
post #8 of 29
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by GrayKittenLove
You know this is going to sound cold but those women allow this to happen. I'm pretty sure if they were fed up enough they could put a stop to it but they choose not to. Who do you think raised the men to be this way? Their mothers and fathers did. There were times here in the US (and probably every other country) that women were viewed the same way and guess what we didn't need another country to come in and tell us that it was wrong. And yes some women died to obtain the rights we have now, but was it worth it? Yes it was.

As for the woman that was stoned, where were the other women in her village/town/city? Probably right there watching and not lifting a finger to help her.

Sorry but I don't believe it is our countries responsibililty to make life better for everyone. You have to be willing to risk your life for your own betterment and these women are not willing to do that. It is a sad state of things that these women are not only unwilling to do it for themselves but are unwilling to do it for their daughters.

The old blame the victim game. When you are brought up powerless it becomes ingrained in you. Just like women who are victims of domestic violence here. If suddenly the women there were to rise up in protest, what do you think would happen to them. Sadly, it's about survival of self.
post #9 of 29
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by valanhb
I recall Tricia telling us about atrocities as bad or worse than this happening in Germany in the Middle Eastern neighborhoods fairly recently. I don't recall anyone blaming the German government for not stopping it, and I don't see how we could stop an isolated incident either. Even if we set up an authoritarian government with military rule (how democratic would that be??), situations like this would probably still happen because it is ingrained in parts of their culture. I think the fact that it's only happened twice since ousting the Taliban, while still two times too many!, is such a huge step for the women in Afghanistan. We can't expect everything about their culture to change overnight, nor can we go in and mandate it.

I don't recall that thread, but I would blame the German government. A government with a horrific past that should know better. As to it happening only twice in Afghanistan, I don't believe that for a minute.
post #10 of 29
I recently read a report on steps taken to spread democracy and specifically the creation of a democracy in such nations. There was one part of it which talked about women's right and it said the while there is nothing wrong talking about it, women's right is not a primary goal to removal of authoritarian regimes. And in fact overt promotion of it from the West may be detrimental. That is because the focus is on the need to create a democracy first and from there rights will flow. That is the reason why oddly enough, women's right in Iraq has fallen in recent times even as the country has more democratic freedom. Oddly enough, of all the Arab regimes, Iraq under Saddam had the "best" (relative) record for women's right. (right divorce, hold property, equal education, and held high positions in government, etc) However, currently many of the women their have to cover their head when they go out or face harassment unlike in the past where hardly any people wore. One particular criticism is that authoritarian regimes would create rights for women as a means to placate the West while still retaining power for himself.

After all, in many Western nations, the right to vote came before women's right and there are still bits of prominent bits inequality such as in religion or in golf courses.

It is an interesting report although I cannot say I agree with it nor can I easily dismiss it. For example, examinations of female genital surgeries shows that the people involved are females. That is the people who pressure the young women and even the people who perform them are females. Of course this leads me to recall something else brought up about genital surgeries. The surgeries are so as to make the girl "marketable" for marriage. That sounds horrible but are there not many people in the West who go for breast enhancement despite the dangers involved.
post #11 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by GrayKittenLove
You know this is going to sound cold but those women allow this to happen. I'm pretty sure if they were fed up enough they could put a stop to it but they choose not to. Who do you think raised the men to be this way? Their mothers and fathers did. There were times here in the US (and probably every other country) that women were viewed the same way and guess what we didn't need another country to come in and tell us that it was wrong. And yes some women died to obtain the rights we have now, but was it worth it? Yes it was.

As for the woman that was stoned, where were the other women in her village/town/city? Probably right there watching and not lifting a finger to help her.

Sorry but I don't believe it is our countries responsibililty to make life better for everyone. You have to be willing to risk your life for your own betterment and these women are not willing to do that. It is a sad state of things that these women are not only unwilling to do it for themselves but are unwilling to do it for their daughters.

well the reason women dont stand up for themselves in these countries is because they have nobody to help them in the first place.
Sure enough it doesnt happen in our countries, but we have womens refugess etc, these women dont, they have absloutley no body
post #12 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom of Franz
I don't recall that thread, but I would blame the German government. A government with a horrific past that should know better. As to it happening only twice in Afghanistan, I don't believe that for a minute.
Barbara, do you remember all my posts about my student, Rascha, last year? And I know I recently mentioned the "honor murders" here, and in other European countries, among Islamic immigrants. Not to mention forced marriages.
As to governments stopping this type of abuse, how, especially in such a backward country as Afghanistan? As horrific as stoning is, the end result is the same whether the woman is stoned, set on fire, stabbed, shot, or beaten to death by her family, neighbors, or husband. How many women are murdered by their exes every year in the U.S.? What can society do other than offer shelters, counseling, financial support, and prosecution of the perpetrators?
post #13 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom of Franz
The old blame the victim game. When you are brought up powerless it becomes ingrained in you. Just like women who are victims of domestic violence here. If suddenly the women there were to rise up in protest, what do you think would happen to them. Sadly, it's about survival of self.
I was going to say the same thing. Many people blame the victim without even realizing how detrimental that is. Unfortunately, the majority of the people right here in the US who do not understand (or who refuse to become educated on) domestic violence tend to blame the victim. The most common response: She should have just left. Don't get me started on how angry that makes me!
That said, I definitely do not believe that a government will ever be able to do anything to curb domestic violence (other than to put more money into social services and less into this idiotic war, but that's just MHO). The only want things such as this tragic stoning and the beatings and murders we hear about every day are ever going to change is by SOCIETY changing their thinking. Unfortunately, in those countries where women have been treated like this for CENTURIES, I have no idea how a change is going to happen It's going to take the CITIZENS (women AND men) of Iraq, Saudi Arabia, Afghanistan, etc. to stand up and say: This is NOT right. A loving Allah would NEVER advocate the beating of a woman. We as a people will not stand for this!
To that effect, we need such actions taken in our own country. Sure, there are hundreds of advocates like me that will speak up on behalf of the victims, lobby congress for changes, etc. But until our own people stop blaming the victim, quit referring to incidences of domestic violence as "mistake", and quit turning a blind eye to DV in general, things are not likely to change a whole hell of a lot. I'd like to think positive and hope that things will change- and they CAN. It just takes the efforts of billions, not just a handful of dedicated folks.
post #14 of 29
Thread Starter 
[quote=ugaimes] It's going to take the CITIZENS (women AND men) of Iraq, Saudi Arabia, Afghanistan, etc. to stand up and say: This is NOT right. A loving Allah would NEVER advocate the beating of a woman. We as a people will not stand for this!
To that effect, we need such actions taken in our own country. Sure, there are hundreds of advocates like me that will speak up on behalf of the victims, lobby congress for changes, etc. But until our own people stop blaming the victim, quit referring to incidences of domestic violence as "mistake", and quit turning a blind eye to DV in general, things are not likely to change a whole hell of a lot. I'd like to think positive and hope that things will change- and they CAN. It just takes the efforts of billions, not just a handful of dedicated folks.[/QUOTE

Amy you might be interested in this group I became aware of about a year or so ago. It's a D.C. based group with the most wonderful and heartening name. www.mencanstoprape.org Give it a look. I've been lobbying my boss to get them to come to NY for a seminar at my workplace, however for now $ is an issue.

As to some of the replies here that don't think our government should be involved, or women with no rights at all should stand up for themselves, how about if the issue was slightly changed? Let's just say for sake of argument that the victim of this tortuous caveman-like crime was a child, maybe a female child. Of course the child's "crime" would be different, but what about that scenario, would you still feel the same? IMO the women in Afghanistan and similar countries are like children, no rights whatsoever and no support. In others words would you support our nation's silence if this was a child?
post #15 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom of Franz
As to some of the replies here that don't think our government should be involved, or women with no rights at all should stand up for themselves, how about if the issue was slightly changed? Let's just say for sake of argument that the victim of this tortuous caveman-like crime was a child, maybe a female child. Of course the child's "crime" would be different, but what about that scenario, would you still feel the same? IMO the women in Afghanistan and similar countries are like children, no rights whatsoever and no support. In others words would you support our nation's silence if this was a child?
I don't think anyone is saying that governments shouldn't have any involvement, but I do not think that one can simply blame a government because a horrendous thing happened, unless it was the legal system of that government that forced that particular punishment on the person.
post #16 of 29
I don't think you can blame the US government or even look at tax dollars. I see Afghanistan and Iraq somewhat like the "good" son, "bad" son in a family where all attention is paid to the bad son but little to the "good" son.

If there is one thing that shows the limited reach of the US government and Karzai's government across the country is the fact that after the fall in the Taliban era, Afghanistan's production of opium has increased such that it now supplies 80% of the world heroin market. This despite millions or billions spent by US and also the EU in Afghanistan to combat it.

Another thing is that violence against women is not something confined to "these" countries. If you look at figures on Women who are attacked (or killed) by someone close and the opposition to VAWA, it should be noted that such sentiments are found in many places.
post #17 of 29
IMO, and many people around here thinks so too.. Please dont be offended though!

America tries to interfere with alot of countries just so they can feel better and have a higher reputation.
ALot of the middle east people feel as if that america is trying to take over their countries not help them.

Do you honestly think that george bush cares if one of your soldiers die?
He only cares that a quantity can come home to their families and be able to win over the country.

As regarding for domestic violence. IN my household i do blame the victim and the basher.
1. the victim wont get help to make it self better and stop drinking
2. the basher has gotten councelling to make him self better and think about his plans.
3. they are both mentally screwed up and i have no idea what is in their heads
4. they love and hate each other. My dad wouldnt leave her if she wasnt an alcoholic, but although she persists to drink why doesnt he?
So who is the victim here?
post #18 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by fwan
IMO, and many people around here thinks so too.. Please dont be offended though!

America tries to interfere with alot of countries just so they can feel better and have a higher reputation.
ALot of the middle east people feel as if that america is trying to take over their countries not help them.

Do you honestly think that george bush cares if one of your soldiers die?
He only cares that a quantity can come home to their families and be able to win over the country.

As regarding for domestic violence. IN my household i do blame the victim and the basher.
1. the victim wont get help to make it self better and stop drinking
2. the basher has gotten councelling to make him self better and think about his plans.
3. they are both mentally screwed up and i have no idea what is in their heads
4. they love and hate each other. My dad wouldnt leave her if she wasnt an alcoholic, but although she persists to drink why doesnt he?
So who is the victim here?
Women in Afghanistan are a whole different story than the ones you are talking about. They are collectively opressed. The victim in your situation could get help if she wanted to.
As Americans, many MANY of us would prefer to stay out of other countries (for the most part, anyway) and take better care of the domestic issues we have, so no offense taken.
As far as Bush goes, I don't know what is in his heart. I would like to think he cares. I didn't vote for him either, BTW. I'm not a Bush HATER, but I would much rather have someone else as President. I think he has made some terrible decisions that affect so many lives. Come on 2008!
post #19 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom of Franz
Amy you might be interested in this group I became aware of about a year or so ago. It's a D.C. based group with the most wonderful and heartening name. www.mencanstoprape.org Give it a look. I've been lobbying my boss to get them to come to NY for a seminar at my workplace, however for now $ is an issue.
As to some of the replies here that don't think our government should be involved, or women with no rights at all should stand up for themselves, how about if the issue was slightly changed? Let's just say for sake of argument that the victim of this tortuous caveman-like crime was a child, maybe a female child. Of course the child's "crime" would be different, but what about that scenario, would you still feel the same? IMO the women in Afghanistan and similar countries are like children, no rights whatsoever and no support. In others words would you support our nation's silence if this was a child?
I've heard of that group before...what a wonderful cause they serve! I'd be interested in getting them for our next Crime Victims Rights Week next year....we have a pretty big budget for that.
I agree with you that governments should take a very VERY proactive role in ending domestic violence. That's the only way better laws and services will ever come about- with governmental clout and money. But will that put an end to DV? No way. The only thing that could possibly end it all-together would be a worldwide REFUSAL to accept domestic violence as an OK thing. Is it possible? Sure. Is it likely to happen anytime soon? No way.
In the meantime, those of us who are REALLY passionate about the issue should educate as many people as possible on the issue, red flags, etc. and make sure we can recognize victims so that they can get the services they need. And NO VICTIM BLAMING!!!!!!!!!!! Ever!
post #20 of 29
Short of detailing a US soldier to maintain a 24/7 watch on EVERY Afghan woman, I don't see what the US government OR Pres. Bush could have done, to stop this particular situation. Since the ouster of the Taliban, FEWER Afghan women are being subjected to this treatment. Of course, there are certain segments of the population, who prefer to blame the US government and Pres. Bush, for ALL of the world's evils, regardless of the REAL root cause.

Democracy doesn't happen overnight. It took almost 150 years, for this country to achieve universal suffrage, dispense with the notion of women as chattel and the abolition of slavery. WHY would anyone think that Afghanistan and Iraq can achieve all of that, in just a couple of years?

Attitudes ARE changing, in that part of the world. Once again, women and girls are going to school, working and gaining some control over their own lives. There is no magic cure-all, for the evils of the world but, bit by bit, some things are getting better.
post #21 of 29
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by fwan
IMO, and many people around here thinks so too.. Please dont be offended though!

America tries to interfere with alot of countries just so they can feel better and have a higher reputation.
ALot of the middle east people feel as if that america is trying to take over their countries not help them.

Do you honestly think that george bush cares if one of your soldiers die?
He only cares that a quantity can come home to their families and be able to win over the country.

As regarding for domestic violence. IN my household i do blame the victim and the basher.
1. the victim wont get help to make it self better and stop drinking
2. the basher has gotten councelling to make him self better and think about his plans.
3. they are both mentally screwed up and i have no idea what is in their heads
4. they love and hate each other. My dad wouldnt leave her if she wasnt an alcoholic, but although she persists to drink why doesnt he?
So who is the victim here?
Fran, please don't see this a condescending, but I'm chalking your statements up to being very young.

Women can't and don't leave for a lot of reasons, but the most dangerous one is she is tied to the batterer emotionally. Brainwashed if you will. Her self esteem, if she has any left is in the toilet. In some cases and unconsciously she believes she deserves such treatment. It is because of this that she CAN'T get help. And where is the help? There are not enough domestic violence shelters, and most of the are in big cities. In fact there a 4 times as many pet shelters in the US then there are shelters for women and children. You are right they are both mentally screwed up, but it is the woman that bears the physical and emotional scars. What I am trying to say is that is far from easy to "just leave".I don't know how many domestic violence cases you have been involved in, I get the hint from your writing a couple. A couple of cases is not enough to see the whole picture. And if you knew these folks personally I'd say you were too close to the issue to get a clear picture.
post #22 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom of Franz
Fran, please don't see this a condescending, but I'm chalking your statements up to being very young.

Women can't and don't leave for a lot of reasons, but the most dangerous one is she is tied to the batterer emotionally. Brainwashed if you will. Her self esteem, if she has any left is in the toilet. In some cases and unconsciously she believes she deserves such treatment. It is because of this that she CAN'T get help. And where is the help? There are not enough domestic violence shelters, and most of the are in big cities. In fact there a 4 times as many pet shelters in the US then there are shelters for women and children. You are right they are both mentally screwed up, but it is the woman that bears the physical and emotional scars. What I am trying to say is that is far from easy to "just leave".I don't know how many domestic violence cases you have been involved in, I get the hint from your writing a couple. A couple of cases is not enough to see the whole picture. And if you knew these folks personally I'd say you were too close to the issue to get a clear picture.
Perfectly said. In fact, that sort of covers what I say in presentations when I give my "Why Doesn't She Leave?" schpiel. The brainwashing is so immensely powerful- just look at the description of "Battered Women's Syndrome", which is a form of PTSD.
post #23 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by ugaimes
I've heard of that group before...what a wonderful cause they serve! I'd be interested in getting them for our next Crime Victims Rights Week next year....we have a pretty big budget for that.
I agree with you that governments should take a very VERY proactive role in ending domestic violence. That's the only way better laws and services will ever come about- with governmental clout and money. But will that put an end to DV? No way. The only thing that could possibly end it all-together would be a worldwide REFUSAL to accept domestic violence as an OK thing. Is it possible? Sure. Is it likely to happen anytime soon? No way.
In the meantime, those of us who are REALLY passionate about the issue should educate as many people as possible on the issue, red flags, etc. and make sure we can recognize victims so that they can get the services they need. And NO VICTIM BLAMING!!!!!!!!!!! Ever!
I agree with you - no victim blaming, which leads me to clarify what I meant by "The victim in your situation could get help if she wanted to." (to Fwan) What I should have said is that the opportunity is available for her, which is not the case with Afghan women. I don't mean to make light of the situation. I was a victim myself about 20 years ago and I felt that I had no way out. That will NEVER happen again.
post #24 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom of Franz
The old blame the victim game. When you are brought up powerless it becomes ingrained in you. Just like women who are victims of domestic violence here. If suddenly the women there were to rise up in protest, what do you think would happen to them. Sadly, it's about survival of self.
I don't believe I'm blaming the victim for her current plight but the future plights she is helping create.

That very well may be however, the simple truth of the matter is that the reason that women have the rights we have here is that women stood up and fought for them. I can assure you it was a popular idea for women to be their man's property not very long ago even in many of the "developed" countries. Did women die fighting for their rights? Yes they did they made the utlimate sacrafice in order to make something they believed in come true. And yes women here were allowed to be beaten by their husbands.

Now ask yourself do you think we would have the rights we have today if no woman had risked her life to improve her circumstances and those of her daughters?

And I hate to break it to you, I seriously doubt that all women in Afghanastan are mistreated. There are probably many that within the confounds of their own homes are able to lead reasonably normal lives and that probably are quite "loved" by their husbands. These women know that other women are suffering and are doing nothing to stop it. And I repeat, these women are raising their sons to do the exact same thing to the next generation. And quite frankly are probably the first ones to turn a finger on another woman if she steps out of line.

I kind of view it this way, you can not help those who do not wish to help themselves.

Oh and if all the women there stood up for themselves I have the sneaking suspucion that maybe the men would take notice. What do you think would happen? That the men there would kill ALL the women? I seriously doubt it. Regardless of the society they were raised in, men in general like sex. And in general like it with women I doubt they'd cut off their noses to spite their faces en masse like. And men in those cultures like their sons to look like them so the likihood of going outside of race is pretty slim.

However am I saying this would be an easy battle or one that was not scary? No that is not what I'm saying but these women haven't even tried to better their lives and in some cases make it worse as was mentioned above in the genital mutilations.
post #25 of 29
sorry i was supposed to write WHY DOESNT HE LEAVE if he keeps on saying so?
my domestic violence was just more than a couple, each time my mother drank i could be so scared my stomac would cramp for when my dad came home, and we are talking about 6 days out of 7.
Each time i went to school i would dread to go home to see the result, and just immagine a 6 year old dreading to go home and rather stay at school? ]
My friends parents didnt understand why i wanted to stay there untill 8 pm.

My parents are both at fault, i am still young and sometimes i feel like as if im 5 and hiding in a waldrobe, some things i can never forget.
I always said i wanted to be a councillor or a social worker, to help all of the kids like me. but its unrealistic that you can help someone if they dont tell you what is going on.

what i mentioned about bush is what most non american person sees it as.

I feel very sorry for all the women and babies who are born girls in those countries, because i know the pain of being hurt and watching others.
But america doesnt arrive and claim " I WANT TO HELP YOU"
They just start bombing everything.
And how does bush think he can help those women out there in afganastan when he cant even help his own country?
Our culture is totally different from the one in afghanastan,
do you think that a woman can make it out of the house with out her husbands permission?
Things will improve in afghanastan, But abuse isnt ever going to stop.
Look in your own neighborhood, the nicest person you know might be being abused or is an abuser.
and how is help always available if there arent even enough women and children shelters? To me it doesnt make sense.
Because even when you do get to escape from the abuse, being in a woman shelter doesnt make it any better. I know so from being in one.

Most men see women as a weak piece of *hit, not only in those countries but even the men around you.
No matter how much you advertise it, its not going to change their minds.
Not because they see it from their family, dont you think a young boy feels sorry for the mother? and would say "im never going to hurt a woman like my father did" ??? Many men are naturally agressive.
post #26 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rockcat
I agree with you - no victim blaming, which leads me to clarify what I meant by "The victim in your situation could get help if she wanted to." (to Fwan) What I should have said is that the opportunity is available for her, which is not the case with Afghan women. I don't mean to make light of the situation. I was a victim myself about 20 years ago and I felt that I had no way out. That will NEVER happen again.
I wasn't referring to you chica
post #27 of 29
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ugaimes
Perfectly said. In fact, that sort of covers what I say in presentations when I give my "Why Doesn't She Leave?" schpiel. The brainwashing is so immensely powerful- just look at the description of "Battered Women's Syndrome", which is a form of PTSD.
Thank you Amy. The one thing I forgot to mention, that I'm sure you Amy are aware of but most people do not know is this. The most dangerous time for a woman in a domestic violence situation IS when she LEAVES. That's when the batterer is most likely to retaliate, and many times with FATAL consequences. So next time someone says "Why doesn't she just leave" please think of that.
post #28 of 29
Thread Starter 
[quote=fwan]sorry i was supposed to write WHY DOESNT HE LEAVE if he keeps on saying so?
my domestic violence was just more than a couple, each time my mother drank i could be so scared my stomac would cramp for when my dad came home, and we are talking about 6 days out of 7.
Each time i went to school i would dread to go home to see the result, and just immagine a 6 year old dreading to go home and rather stay at school? ]
My friends parents didnt understand why i wanted to stay there untill 8 pm.

My parents are both at fault, i am still young and sometimes i feel like as if im 5 and hiding in a waldrobe, some things i can never forget.
I always said i wanted to be a councillor or a social worker, to help all of the kids like me. but its unrealistic that you can help someone if they dont tell you what is going on.

Fran, I certainly see where you are coming from as I too grew up in a home like yours, alcoholism and severe mental illness. So I know the word "scary" does not begin to describe the pain you felt and still feel. Therapy is the only thing that helped me see things clearly and got me to move on from the pain. For a long time I felt like that little girl in the closet too, it took me years of depression and finally starting therapy at the age of 39 that got my little girl out of the wardrobe. When I sensed that you were talking about someone close to you in your other post, I only recognized it thru my own experiece. In my job when I talk to clients about starting therapy they usually ask me "what's it all about", or "what is it like" I tell them this. Imagine yourself at an art gallery and you are forced to look at all the paintings at about one inch from your eyes. You can't see anything about the painting, the colors the artist used, the type of paint, or even the subject of the painting Then imagine someone taking you by your hand and placing you 6 feet from the painting. Amazingly you can now see it all. That's what good therapy and a good therapist will do. Gently take you by the hand and help you reveal the whole picture so you can heal.

You can get out of that wardrobe Fran. You may never forget your past, but you can learn how to reconcile it. If you have been in therapy before, and it did not help, you may not have been ready for it, or you had a lousy therapist. Try again, this is your life. As far as you goal in being a social worker or counselor, go for it. In my opinion the best therapists are those who have been there.
post #29 of 29
[quote=Mom of Franz]
Quote:
Originally Posted by fwan
You can get out of that wardrobe Fran. You may never forget your past, but you can learn how to reconcile it. If you have been in therapy before, and it did not help, you may not have been ready for it, or you had a lousy therapist. Try again, this is your life. As far as you goal in being a social worker or counselor, go for it. In my opinion the best therapists are those who have been there.
Fran, I agree that you should persue some more therapy and also that you would make a wonderful counselor. You have a lot of empathy for people and have been through so much. Even so, your sense of humor is fantastic.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: IMO: In My Opinion
TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › IMO: In My Opinion › Our Tax Dollars at Work, Afghan Woman Stoned to Death