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Gary's been bleeding in all the wrong places... - Page 2

post #31 of 60
Oh, I just realized that Naomi is an addict. I get it now...I didn't understand why the methadone came up...Again, I hope all gets better for you soon...
post #32 of 60
I hope all Gary's tests come back ok Laurie and that Naomi learns to reach out and support you too in return for all the love and support you're providing for her. It must be hard - her problems must seem all-consuming right now; but thinking outside of herself would make your lives a lot better right now.

Maybe once she realises that you still love and care for her, but that not all problems revolve around her things may settle down a little.

Keeping you all in my thoughts. I hope you're looking after yourself in all this.
post #33 of 60
Thread Starter 
OK. Gary's been in a major depression, with a "who cares" attitude. I could not get him to go to his appointment to get the results of the exploratory surgery/colonoscopy. He continued throwing up blood, and they wanted him in for an EGD AND surgery to remove the polyps right away, but he refused the next day appt they had for him. He continued to refuse to schedule the EGD and he ended up cancelling the surgery.

I rescheduled the appointment to get his test results (there's a lot of cancer in his family history, and a lot of it at a young age) for June 3.

We've been continuing to have a lot of problems with Naomi (surprise, surprise), though there's been a lot of progress, too, and I'll update that separately in her thread.

I think Gary's having some kind of nervous breakdown/midlife crisis, and though it would be easy to point at our adopting a homeless heroin addict and say "well, what did you expect," quite frankly, though it's part of it, a lot of it is work-related, and now he's scared for his health - and reacting by doing nothing.

The stress of all of this ended up with him getting strep throat (did go to the family practitioner) Monday. He took his meds like he was supposed to through yesterday, then fell back into the "who cares" funk.

This morning I slapped him, told him he needed to get his sh** together, and if he wasn't going to deal with this, then there was no point to anything, and we should find the cats homes, hold a house sale and get rid of it all, send Naomi back to the street after splitting up the money three ways, and he could take off in the RV while I head to my parents to figure out what I'm going to do with the rest of my life.

He was obviously really pissed at first, and stormed outside (didn't take off). Came back a little while later apologetic. He said he's been thinking about it all wrong, and I'm right, he's not alone in this world. In the meantime, I called the local hospital's "mental health emergency" number (couldn't get a hold of the family shrink), and Naomi, Gary and I went for an emergency "pow-wow."

Bottom-line: Gary seems to be out of his funk. I know one session isn't enough to fix anything, but a family session with a new perspective focussed on Gary instead of Naomi and the routines we fall into with the same person seems to really have helped. Gary's decided his career isn't over (a different long story), that I'm not against him, and that Naomi isn't purposefully trying to hurt him (though intellectually he's always understood that, emotionally he's been reacting very badly). We made a lot of decisions as a family, and most of them need to be in the Naomi update.

Anyway, we'll see what happens. I'm very scared for Gary's physical health, though now Gary seems to understand (and more importantly is willing to get help for) his mental health - and the focus needs to be on Gary and I too, not just Naomi.

BTW - Tuxie's health hasn't helped Gary's funk at all, though Tuxie's hanging in there, we didn't get good news today on that.

Anyway, I really ought to start writing a book - or several of them! This has been an unbelievable couple of years, really, and it just doesn't seem to let up. But I pointed out to Gary today that the indication of the "health" of a family, person or career isn't how many times you get knocked down - it's how many times you get back up. And if Tuxie can fight against all the odds with the success that he has been, he/we sure can, and owe it to Tuxie if not ourselves. And that was a good guilt ploy.
post #34 of 60
oh my goodness, Laurie!!! When it rains, it pours---and I think there's a thunderstorm over your heads!!! Bless your heart! I'm so sorry you and your family has been through so much.

I will continue to pray for you and gary, Naomi, and the kitty crew.
post #35 of 60
oh my, my dear Laurie!!!! How I wish I could send a fairy to wave a magic wand your way!!! But I am sending huge kitty and human vibes of the best kind. Please have faith, please have faith that there will be good light at the end of this.
post #36 of 60
Laurie, you are one amazing woman...I am sending positive wishes, prayers and thoughts for you, Gary, Naomi, Tuxie, all of you, with so much to offer and give and share, just want all of you to be as well as can be.
post #37 of 60
Gosh Laurie, I was really hoping for better news about Gary's health, but it sounds like it's going to get back on track - both mentally and physically. Sending lots of to BOTH of you!!!
post #38 of 60
Oh Laurie..Honey....
post #39 of 60
Originally Posted by Sweets
Laurie, I've developed GERD and IBS due to stress. Thank goodness my stomach is usually filled so no ulcers.

I wish Gary luck with the colonoscopy. I got tubed from both ends so I can tell him from experience, the procedures are not worth getting upset over. You're sedated, but not asleep for the colonoscopy.

I agree with Sweets about the tests I also had a baruim done and really none of them were much, Much good luck to Gary
post #40 of 60
Wow, Laurie, I'm out of touch with all of your hurdles!! I'm sending mega vibes and prayers for you, for Gary, for Naomi, for Tuxie, for all of you -- what a lot you are having to deal with!!!

Please take good care of you -- seems you're the one who's doing the support role for everyone else -- don't forget to keep your batteries charged
post #41 of 60
Oh Laurie - I'm so sorry for all that you're going through at the moment. You're quite right that Gary needs to focus on himself too and whilst that is correct - don't forget you in all this. You need some care too - whilst it may not be much help bags of hugs are coming your way

It seems to me, and I'm sure you're in the best position to judge this, that Gary is really scared. He'll go to the Dr for a sore throat and take meds, but won't go for something more serious. He's must be so worried about what he's going to hear. Whilst it's never easy to get tough news, if it runs out to be nasty, at least he will be able to get something done about it.

I'm sending bags of vibes your way.
post #42 of 60

I'm so sorry to hear how things are going lately. I'm sending mega prayers your way that he will get into get his test results soon and follows the doctor's advice on what he needs to do.
post #43 of 60
Thread Starter 
NO CANCER!!!!!!! Thank God. Specialist does want to have surgery to remove the polyps - which is normally no big deal (for most people), but Gary's phobia of Docs and Hospitals makes it so difficult for him. The one polyp that has grown through the back of his colon will require "normal" surgery and will leave some kind of scar (???). Doc's office is calling sometime this week (haven't heard yet) to let us know when the surgery is scheduled for.

In the meantime, our family physician, with whom we're really close and friendly, had Gary into his office - wow - time is blurring - last week? Earlier this week? to sit him down as he was really worried about his mental state (although by the time Doc was worried, Gary was actually back on an upswing). Doc gave Gary the equivalent of my slap in his own way. And Doc's wife is a psychiatrist who runs a clinic affiliated with our hospital's Mental Health unit. Gary has agreed to see one of the people who works with her - a psychopharmacologist/psychiatrist (a psych who concentrates on meds to treat?). Though she's really booked out, his appointment is next week.

Thank you so much for all your advice, thoughts and support. Gary is really doing MUCH much better than he was. He's over the strep - AND he's getting sleep! Doc gave him a prescrption for something called Restoril (?). Ambien & the other traditional stuff hasn't worked for him at all. This is the first thing Gary's had to help him sleep that's working. And just getting sleep has really been improving not only his outlook on things, but his physical health as well.

It doesn't hurt that things seem to have turned our way a bit at work. The office politics have taken a back seat, and we have a new assistant that appears to be working out. Gary's actually been whistling again (he does that when he's in the shower, working around the house, etc. when he's in a good mood).
post #44 of 60
Laurie, we are so relieved that the tests were negative.......tell Gary to keep on whistling!!!!!!
post #45 of 60

I just look forward to the day when you come here and post something that does not leave me at a loss for words! My continued best to you and your family as you travel this latest journey
post #46 of 60
Glad to hear the good news, even if it's somewhat mitigated by the fact that surgery is still indicated. Glad also that Gary is on an upswing, and whistling again Will keep praying for continued good progress, and good outcomes.
post #47 of 60
Gary is in my prayers. I'm glad he's doing better.
post #48 of 60
Laurie - it's great to hear good news . Sorry that Gary will have to have surgery, but considering the alternative possibility, this is great.

How lovely to hear that he's feeling more cheerful and whistling around the place again

Continued good vibes coming your way that things continue to improve.
post #49 of 60
Oh my gosh Laurie! All I can say is I'm so glad things seem to be taking a bit of a positive turn for you guys.
post #50 of 60
better news...yah!
post #51 of 60
Laurie, I'm relieved to hear that things aren't as bad as feared, and that Gary is doing better.
post #52 of 60
OK Laurie, now that Gary is whistling again, and Naomi is doing good, I want you to take some time for yourself! After dealing with all this, your insides must be in a knot! Make an appointment for a haircut, manicure and massage! Go out to dinner with some girlfriends! If you don't take time to take care of yourself, you're going to be sick.
post #53 of 60

post #54 of 60
All I can say is....it's about time! Finally things are looking up for you and your family. I'm so glad Gary's health and mental outlook are on an upswing.... I only hope things get even better from here .
post #55 of 60
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by Sweets
OK Laurie, now that Gary is whistling again, and Naomi is doing good, I want you to take some time for yourself! After dealing with all this, your insides must be in a knot! Make an appointment for a haircut, manicure and massage! Go out to dinner with some girlfriends! If you don't take time to take care of yourself, you're going to be sick.
Sweets, most on TCS share this advice, but I must say, I haven't really done this yet. I don't think I've had my hair cut in over a year, I'm ashamed to admit. It's actually down past my hips now (I should post a pic before I get it cut!) I'm not a manicure kind of person - but I am a TCS kind of person, and the more time I spend here, then you'll know I'm finding time to pamper myself, because just visiting TCS is a treat these days.
post #56 of 60
Laurie, I'm not able to be here very much lately, and just now saw this thread for the first time. What a relief for you and Gary that he doesn't have cancer!!!!!!

I'll continue to keep your entire family in my thoughts and prayers!
post #57 of 60
Laurie, I'm glad you had better news to post this time!!! Still not as good as it could be, but I'm still praying that normality returns to your lives!!!

Hang in there. I really admire your strength through all of this.

post #58 of 60
his sister is dead? That's horrible
post #59 of 60
These results are such a relief, Laurie! It's wonderful that Gary is feeling so much better, and he will remain in my prayers for a speedy full recovery! I echo the sentiments that I hope you're taking care of yourself during this stressful time, however you find best suits you.
post #60 of 60
Many good vibes coming from me for you, Gary, Naomi and Tuxie. You are an amazing family with deep inner strengths, even if they do not always seem apparent, and I pray you will get over these latest hurdles.
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