For me this is a heartbreaking story that I somehow
feel responsible for. I feel I need someone else's
perspective to help me see things in a
more positive light so that maybe I can make peace. Please know that
if I could have taken this kitten I would have
but my lease specifically states
harboring an animal or having more than signed lease with
( I have two wonderful
cats with me now. ) is grounds for eviction.
I also don't know how I would
have been able to feed it every so many hours due to work.
Please don't think ill of me either due to maybe making
a wrong decision.
At this point I feel I might need some counseling.
I work at a place where there are many feral cats.
Some people do come and feed them and also
try to trap and neuter. They have not reached all the cats
though and there are still kittens each year. We usually don't
see them until they are older but last July I found a small
baby in the grass very close to the road. My first thought
was to leave it alone because the mother might be
off somewhere or in process of moving kittens. I wanted
to see though if the kitten was alive. It started crying
frantically as soon as it heard me so I started thinking maybe its mother
had been gone for some time but just was not sure. It just seemed like a
desparate cry. I love animlas so much and always want to help
strays. A coworker and I proceeded to see if it was able to
eat regular food and it was too small and not weaned yet.
We tried to see if it would take to a dropper
so that we might be able to feed it but it did not.
In the end, we decided to give the mother a chance to come
back because we figured it would be worse if we took it away from its mother.
This was all late afternoon and I left earlyto mid evening.
We had put it back where we found it. I was so worried though
that somehow it would wobble to the road or somehow
it would be in danger there because we had alot
of people and cars leaving that night even though it only walked very wobbly
and ended up quiet when we put back in the grass. It probably
was in no danger of getting hit but an animal could over that way.
At the very last
minute before I went home I moved it to a place close by
but away from the road. It was more secluded with
trees and low brush. I feel I was very emotionl at this point
and that I was thinking irrationally about the fear of the road.
I prayed all night that it
would be safe. I had seen some other cats and thought
maybe one was the mother and would tend to it.
When I returned the next morning it had been killed.
I am having the worst time with this and getting the image
out of my head. I feel so much guilt for leaving this baby.
I think that it had cried because it was in a different location
with only a little grass but some soft dirt not in the
softer grass where it was comforted more. I realized in a quick wave
of horror that if I would have just left it where we had found it
it might have not cried and attracted a predator. I also
told myself that the mother was going to come back.
I know I did not kill this kitten but I feel indirectly responsible. I
wanted only for it to survive. It makes me sick because
it wanted its mother and for a brief moment it had purred while we
held it but then it would keep crying. I grew up with animals
and know that a kitten is vulnerable and needs warmth and protection
but I was so undecided on leaving it. I could not take it
and most shelters don't have room for more cats and I figured
the SPCA would euthanize it right away since it was so little and
required alot of care. I wish I would
have at least tried to take
it to a vet nearby to see if
they could maybe hold it for the night but
I just did not think anyone would. I somehow think that maybe it was natures way and that the baby was left
due to illness or problems that the mother detected and that I had
no business in the first place interfering. It does not help much
because it could have died peacefully instead of the way it did. I just feel like
I did not do enough or it would be ok if I would have not moved it. My
sister told me that I did the best I could at the moment from what I knew at the time and that many
people would not have even cared at all. That only helps a little.
I know I can never change the past but I keep trying in my mind.
Well, I am sorry for this sad story. Maybe someone could share
their experiences with me or thoughts and feelings.
Thank you.
Learning how to forgive is the first step to healing~
feel responsible for. I feel I need someone else's
perspective to help me see things in a
more positive light so that maybe I can make peace. Please know that
if I could have taken this kitten I would have
but my lease specifically states
harboring an animal or having more than signed lease with
( I have two wonderful
cats with me now. ) is grounds for eviction.
I also don't know how I would
have been able to feed it every so many hours due to work.
Please don't think ill of me either due to maybe making
a wrong decision.
At this point I feel I might need some counseling.
I work at a place where there are many feral cats.
Some people do come and feed them and also
try to trap and neuter. They have not reached all the cats
though and there are still kittens each year. We usually don't
see them until they are older but last July I found a small
baby in the grass very close to the road. My first thought
was to leave it alone because the mother might be
off somewhere or in process of moving kittens. I wanted
to see though if the kitten was alive. It started crying
frantically as soon as it heard me so I started thinking maybe its mother
had been gone for some time but just was not sure. It just seemed like a
desparate cry. I love animlas so much and always want to help
strays. A coworker and I proceeded to see if it was able to
eat regular food and it was too small and not weaned yet.
We tried to see if it would take to a dropper
so that we might be able to feed it but it did not.
In the end, we decided to give the mother a chance to come
back because we figured it would be worse if we took it away from its mother.
This was all late afternoon and I left earlyto mid evening.
We had put it back where we found it. I was so worried though
that somehow it would wobble to the road or somehow
it would be in danger there because we had alot
of people and cars leaving that night even though it only walked very wobbly
and ended up quiet when we put back in the grass. It probably
was in no danger of getting hit but an animal could over that way.
At the very last
minute before I went home I moved it to a place close by
but away from the road. It was more secluded with
trees and low brush. I feel I was very emotionl at this point
and that I was thinking irrationally about the fear of the road.
I prayed all night that it
would be safe. I had seen some other cats and thought
maybe one was the mother and would tend to it.
When I returned the next morning it had been killed.
I am having the worst time with this and getting the image
out of my head. I feel so much guilt for leaving this baby.
I think that it had cried because it was in a different location
with only a little grass but some soft dirt not in the
softer grass where it was comforted more. I realized in a quick wave
of horror that if I would have just left it where we had found it
it might have not cried and attracted a predator. I also
told myself that the mother was going to come back.
I know I did not kill this kitten but I feel indirectly responsible. I
wanted only for it to survive. It makes me sick because
it wanted its mother and for a brief moment it had purred while we
held it but then it would keep crying. I grew up with animals
and know that a kitten is vulnerable and needs warmth and protection
but I was so undecided on leaving it. I could not take it
and most shelters don't have room for more cats and I figured
the SPCA would euthanize it right away since it was so little and
required alot of care. I wish I would
have at least tried to take
it to a vet nearby to see if
they could maybe hold it for the night but
I just did not think anyone would. I somehow think that maybe it was natures way and that the baby was left
due to illness or problems that the mother detected and that I had
no business in the first place interfering. It does not help much
because it could have died peacefully instead of the way it did. I just feel like
I did not do enough or it would be ok if I would have not moved it. My
sister told me that I did the best I could at the moment from what I knew at the time and that many
people would not have even cared at all. That only helps a little.
I know I can never change the past but I keep trying in my mind.
Well, I am sorry for this sad story. Maybe someone could share
their experiences with me or thoughts and feelings.
Thank you.
