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Do you love your kids?

post #1 of 18
Thread Starter 
Lately, I've noticed many mothers and how they talk to their children. The neighbor upstairs is always yelling at her kids. The older one is 3 and the other is two. She never plays with them or hugs them. She is married. She was pregnant with a third baby and maybe that is why she was always screaming at them. And she calls them names and tells them that they bother her alot. I always hear them crying. I am very sensitive about this because no child under the age of five should be treated like that. I know why most kids end up not respecting adults. They don't get enough attention from their parents and when they do its negative. I know, in this time, both parents work. But it would be nice if after everyone is home to have dinner and do family stuff. Reading, playing games, and enjoying each others company. The mother does not work. She cleans the house and makes meals. The rest of the time she watches tv and tells the kids to play in their rooms. I knew another mother who actually yelled at her infant when he cried. She firmly believed that if you held an infant in her arms for too long, then when she put him down he will cry. So when she bottle-fed him, it was never in her arms. She would put a pillow on his chest and prop the bottle. And other mothers are always threatening their children. I think people should show more love to their children. Show them that they care. When I have my children over I always play with them, take them to the park, and enjoy them. I always hug them and kiss them. My kids respect me because I know how to spend time with them. True, you must not spoil them as they can get very vain and always want everything. But at the same time, love them. They are only young once and when they get older they will be more independent. Then they will be gone. I love children. They are innocent, fun to be with, and just a reminder of when I was a child.
post #2 of 18
I see a lot of this kind of stuff in my community as well. I adore my own children and am always telling them I love them as well as lavishing them with hugs and kisses. My children do get punished when they need to be, usually in the form of a time-out or having a privelege removed ( ie no TV for a few hours etc. ) I firmly believe that just because you can biologically have children, does not qualify you as a 'mom' or 'dad'. It takes a lot of hard work, sacrifice, patience and love to be a good parent. Some people just should not have kids. This day and age, with all sorts of birth control methods, people can make educated decisions on whether they want to have children or not. There's really no excuse (under normal circumstances) why there should be unwanted, and unloved children in the world.
post #3 of 18
No child of any age, not just under 5, should be treated poorly.

My son is almost 23 (Dec. 26) and even at his age, I never call him names or make him feel bad. I know when people treat me badly, I feel awful, even at 41.

This woman may very well be causing permanent damege to her children.
post #4 of 18
Her kids are young adults and from the time they were small, she has always called them buttwipes when she got angry. I can imagine these two kids will be having some major issues as they continue in life and expensive therapy bills too.
post #5 of 18
Thread Starter 
Has anyone read the book, A Child Called It? It is a book about a child who is terribly abused by his mother. This is in the seventies but it is still sad.
post #6 of 18
Fortunately I can say I don't know anyone personally who mistreats their children. Thank God.
As far as my own go, well I dote over them, shower them with love and affection, and try to be the absolute best mom I can be. True, I try not to spoil them, but I always try to do what makes them happy and what I feel is right.
My son is 5 and my daughter 2 and they have a wonderful home life. Unlike so many unfortunate kids, my husband and I are married and we have a stable home. We live in a nice neighborhood and they have everything that they need.
I love children, I think all of them are little angels. And mine are the center of my husband and I's world. We love them more than words could ever express.
post #7 of 18
There are some people who just should never have kids. They are just not of the proper temprament. Sadly that kind of behavior gets passed down thru generations.

After Dad died I was raised in a no-hugs home. I always felt that I was just being tolerated. I lost him at 14 and was real messed up,but I had no-one to talk to. Even now if I hug Mom she tenses right up and pushes me off.

Thankfully Barb is working on ending my hugs deficit.
post #8 of 18
When I was a very young child, one of the ladies in our neighborhood had some type of mental illness. Her illness would cause her to get so out of control that the police would have to come and take her away, she also had three kids.

On day I was raking leaves in my parent's yard when I heard horrible screaming. I saw this neighbor's young son run through other people's yards really fast, and climb a fence. His mother came running after him also really fast, and she had a large knife in her hand that she was ready to use on her son. Her husband was right behind her, and physically drug her away from her son, took her home, and called the police. I was so shaken up by what I saw that I couldn't finish raking.

This happened during a time when mental illness and child abuse were never discussed, and these people were always having problems like this.
post #9 of 18
No child under the age of anything should be treated poorly, no matter what age they are.

Kittyfoot...your post really touched me. I am so sorry that you had to endure such emotional pain, and that your mother still tenses up when you try to hug her! I find that so sad, because you are doing so much for her, and even giving up things that you want so badly (Meme) because you need to take care of her, and yet she can't find it in her to hug you. I am not saying anything at all against your mom, I am sure she is a wonderful person, but it just hurts me that she seems to feel uncomfortable with you trying to show her love, because I know that hurts you.
But luckily, you have Meme to comfort you, and I am sure she will give you all the hugs in the world when she sees you again!
I am sorry your childhood was like that, you have overcame many obsticles and have become a wonderful, loving man, (and it shows in your love for your cats and for Barb.)

We are always here for you if you need to talk.
post #10 of 18
Debby... Yes KF's Mom is very sweet and nice. Just not one that outwardly shows her feelings. I get hugs sometimes from her and we like each other lots. And I agree that KF turned into a wonderful man! His compassion, caring and love for animals and people alike is what attracted me to him right off. Smile.

As for my kids.... Well I did my share of yelling and then some. But I also took them places, did things with them and tried to always be there for them if they needed to talk. Must have done something right as they all turned out to be good adults and do very well with their own kids.
post #11 of 18
Please don't misunderstand here...mom does love me..in her own way. But she was raised in an old-fashioned farm family and her mom was the same way. Dad was in his 50's when he and Mom were married and when he died she was totally swamped. It hurt real bad at the time that she had no time for me and shut me out. I understand now,but it took a long while to feel that I was worth something. I got pretty cynical and let nobody close.

Then a very lovely lady came into my life and shattered that shell forever. Barb and I "talked" for months. We found more and more in common and I found myself opening up as I never had before. Scared me for a long while,but it just became a bigger part of my life every day. When we finally met I was as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a roomfull of rocking chairs.But we quickly became completely relaxed with each other and I fell COMPLETELY in love. This wonderful woman gave me back my life and my hope. Thank God for her.

I guess we all need to realize how much a simple thing like hugging your kids and telling them you love them can affect the rest of their lives. A kid with no self-worth can wind up in bad trouble..I came awfully close.
post #12 of 18
I am just so happy that you and Meme found each other, you are both two of the sweetest people I have ever known.
post #13 of 18
I don't know anyone who mistreats thier childern (thank goodness for that) but I would have a big problem with it if I did.

Thats where everything goes wrong, when a child is mistreated at home. It sets the tone for the rest of thier lives and shapes thier behavior. IMO if you have children, you have a responsiblity to bring them up right, so they don't eventually hurt or harm someone else. But hey, what do I know? I only have cats
post #14 of 18
Well whenever you do have kids AP, I am sure you'll do a wonderful job raising them. You sound like you've got the idea right so far!!
post #15 of 18
Thread Starter 
An I, as a divorced mother who have her children only on weekends, do everything with my children. Yes, I spank them and put them in the room when they misbehave(they tend to fight over toys). But after they get out of time out, I tell them why I did it and then hug them tell them I love them, and everything is alright. Just one problem. The other day, my daughter said that she spoke with her other mother who lives in Mexico. I was quite bothered because I don't think that their father hasn't told them that the only mother is me. When I had my boyfriend, I told him straight out that he should not refer himself as my children's other dad. I told my children to call him by his name. Same thing happened in my life. I never called my mother's husband dad and my father's wife mom. How do I explain to a 5 year old who is her only mother?
post #16 of 18
Wow, I don't know, that is a really good question Nena, my stepkids have never called me mom, and I don't expect them to, they have a mom, and they never have called their stepfather dad, cause they have a dad (hubby) so I have never had that problem, but I think you need to speak to the childrens father, and tell him you would prefer he not have the kids call his girlfriend Mom, and if all else fails, when the kids are a bit older, they will know the difference, and just tell them you feel uncomfortable with them calling her mom.
Maybe someone with better knowledge about things like this will give you some better advice. I know it would bother me too, if I were in your shoes.
post #17 of 18

Let me shed a little light on children of divorce.

My ex-husband and I have been divorced since 1977. He re-married a few years later to a woman that thinks I am a threat to her (she thinks I want him back - She and I hate each other with a passion.

I got some wonderful advice which I stand by and will tell anyone who is going through what I went through. NEVER say anything bad about your ex or his wife to your children. No matter how bad it gets. My ex-husband's wife told my daughter to call her Mommy. Did it piss me off, you bet your sweet ass it did. But I kept my mouth shut. Why? Because I knew that my daughter knows who her REAL mother is. That's me. And eventually she would see the REAL picture.

Peter and Karen (THEM) had custody of Amy from the time she was 5 years old. Not that I need to explain, but it was MY decision to let her go live there because they had a house, she went to private school and they could provide for her what I could not. And yes, I paid child support until she was 18. They made my life a living hell. Never budging to let me see her more often or keep her later than 6 p.m. on a Sunday. Hanging up on me when I called to talk to her. Still, I said nothing.

My ex had an affair and moved out of the house leaving my daughter in Karen's custody (a definite violation of the custody agreement). I tried desperately to get her out but was unable to because it, as the police put it, was a civil matter. By the time I got a lawyer, he moved back home, so it was a moot (dead) issue. Karen said she would tell my daughter that I didn't care about her anymore.

When my daughter was diagnosed with brain cancer at the age of 16, they were all over me asking for money, begging me to come over so they could have some time alone. I went, only because it gave me the chance to spend time with Amy. I put Amy on my insurance which came out of my own pocket never once asking for reimbursement.

One Christmas, they gave her a daughter's ring complete with her birthstone in the middle and THEIR stone on each side. She was afraid to show it to me because she didn't want to hurt my feelings. I told her I thought it was wonderful that Karen thought enough of her to do something so nice. I never once put my daughter in the middle.

I cried privately, got angry silently but yet said nothing. This went on for a very long time until she turned 18. When the time came for me to write the last support check, I will let you imagine your own message in the "note:" part. From that day on, I knew I didn't have to ever speak to either one of them again. And I haven't

Amy is one of my best friends and she has come to realize the pain and agony they put me through all these years. It was a tough row to hoe, but well worth the wait.

As far as the two of them are concerned, they are now miserable with each other and deserve every single second of it! Payback is truly a B****.

So hang in there. I promise you, it WILL get better. Sorry I rambled so much. Just want you to know there IS a light at the end of the tunnel.
post #18 of 18
oh Donna, how awful it must have been for you. A bond between a mom and her daughter is so special, I cannot imagine how difficult it must have been for you to not have her with you. I am so sorry, and I am glad you have her now!
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