Ack! My boyfriend was like that, too, when we first got Eva. Luckily for us, it worked out, but Eva and Ziv were the exception, not the rule.
The experts will come along, I'm sure, but here's what I would do. First, tell your bf that you're taking charge now so you can do this right, and he MUST abide by the cat-introduction rules or he risks seriously messing things up for the old cat and the new kitten. Remind him that this is not about HIM, this is about what's best for the cats, and they're going to be around for a while, so have some patience. What you do now lays the basis for your cats' relationships with you and each other for the rest of their lives.
Then, separate the two cats. I'm not sure what your housing situation is, but try to approximate this. Put the older cat in a room where she can chill out. Put everything she needs in there--toys, litter pan, food and water (as far away from the litter as possible), bedding, etc. I haven't used a Feliway diffuser myself, but I would if I were experiencing the issues you're having with the older girl. Also, put on some soft classical music or soft talk radio, and let her be for at least 24 hours.
Once she's calmed down, let her have the run of the house, and put the kitten in the smallest/least important room, so that the older cat--who wants to be in charge--has the upper hand. Pay lots of attention to her and really tune into her signals. Don't pick her up or try to pet her when she's not in the mood. This will probably take a week or more. The kitten has to stay in the small room or separate from the cat this whole time--but of course, make sure you play with him in his room.
Then, start the introduction process over again, from scratch. Start feeding the cat and the kitten on opposite sides of the same door, so that they associate pleasant things with each other. Use Hissy's towel-rubbing trick. Etc.
When you feel that it's time to start letting them have direct interaction--probably two or more weeks from now--open the kitten's door, but do NOT put them face to face. Let them find each other. Keep close watch over them. Restrict these interactions to one hour, then two, etc. Slowly increase the time that the kitten has full run of the house, making sure that the older girl remains comfortable. If she starts getting anxious as the kitten's free time increases, scale it back a bit. Keep using the Feliway and the vanilla (use the vanilla a few times a day).
Eventually, you should get to the point where the cat will be able to tolerate the kitten, but always keep alert to the cat's signals. Remove the kitten from her space when necessary, and keep in mind that older cats can get annoyed by a kitten's playfulness, so make sure that you spend one-on-one time with each. And good luck!