I dont know what to do!!

Okay here is the problem. i wrote here last week to see how cats would react when meeting. I got some good info so thanks to everyone who took time to respond. The problem now is I have a cat who hates this new kitten. i tried introducing her slow the way i heard about on this website, but my boyfriend completly ignored it and brought the kitten out of the room. Now my calm cat has become aggresive towards us and the kitten. i tried putting the vanilla on both of them since he didnt listen, but it didnt help. she's been hissing and bating at the cat for two days now. The thing that really upsets me is that she wont let us near her. she scratches and hisses at us when we pick her up or touch her and She has NEVER EVER done that.

I know that its only been two days, but how long will this go on? I would love to have to cats, but not if it means changing the personality of my resident cat. I love her so much and I feel so awful...like a bad cat-mama. Please help!

Ack! My boyfriend was like that, too, when we first got Eva. Luckily for us, it worked out, but Eva and Ziv were the exception, not the rule.

The experts will come along, I'm sure, but here's what I would do. First, tell your bf that you're taking charge now so you can do this right, and he MUST abide by the cat-introduction rules or he risks seriously messing things up for the old cat and the new kitten. Remind him that this is not about HIM, this is about what's best for the cats, and they're going to be around for a while, so have some patience. What you do now lays the basis for your cats' relationships with you and each other for the rest of their lives.

Then, separate the two cats. I'm not sure what your housing situation is, but try to approximate this. Put the older cat in a room where she can chill out. Put everything she needs in there--toys, litter pan, food and water (as far away from the litter as possible), bedding, etc. I haven't used a Feliway diffuser myself, but I would if I were experiencing the issues you're having with the older girl. Also, put on some soft classical music or soft talk radio, and let her be for at least 24 hours.

Once she's calmed down, let her have the run of the house, and put the kitten in the smallest/least important room, so that the older cat--who wants to be in charge--has the upper hand. Pay lots of attention to her and really tune into her signals. Don't pick her up or try to pet her when she's not in the mood. This will probably take a week or more. The kitten has to stay in the small room or separate from the cat this whole time--but of course, make sure you play with him in his room.

Then, start the introduction process over again, from scratch. Start feeding the cat and the kitten on opposite sides of the same door, so that they associate pleasant things with each other. Use Hissy's towel-rubbing trick. Etc.

When you feel that it's time to start letting them have direct interaction--probably two or more weeks from now--open the kitten's door, but do NOT put them face to face. Let them find each other. Keep close watch over them. Restrict these interactions to one hour, then two, etc. Slowly increase the time that the kitten has full run of the house, making sure that the older girl remains comfortable. If she starts getting anxious as the kitten's free time increases, scale it back a bit. Keep using the Feliway and the vanilla (use the vanilla a few times a day).

Eventually, you should get to the point where the cat will be able to tolerate the kitten, but always keep alert to the cat's signals. Remove the kitten from her space when necessary, and keep in mind that older cats can get annoyed by a kitten's playfulness, so make sure that you spend one-on-one time with each. And good luck!

We have fostered kittens for years and had 3 cats of our own at the time; we got another batch of 3, 8 wk old babes. One of our cats is a 20lb male who in the past has been fine with the new fosters. This last batch, he did the same thing. For about 3 weeks he would hiss and growl ALL THE TIME...... even at me which was kinda scary....

We have now had the kittens for just over 2 months and he now cleans them, sleeps with them and lets them eat first...most likely it will pass...we decided to keep two of the babies since he has bonded so well.

I just let everyone share the house...no seperation, they adapt. Unless your cat is actually ATTACKING the kitten...I don't believe any seperation is needed. They will adapt..if the cat needs to be alone, he / she will find a dark spot..it will be ok. The more you keep them apart...the longer it will take.

Please try not to worry too much- when you first introduce a new cat every day seems to go on for a year and it seems like everything's changing and going wrong. In a few weeks, truly, everything will have settled down and in a few months you'll have forgotten there was ever a problem. Older cats do react, the household routine and identity does evolve when there's a new personlity there, but it really is very rare that things don't work out. Be nice to yourself and give it time, try not to let it stress you.

thanks for taking the time to answer. I'm hoping it will get better. I was never a cat person until i got Jayla, and now i couldn't be without her. That is why i wanted another cat...i wanted to have jayla the way she was and another cat to love the same. I dont want jayla to change. Another thing i have noticed is that NoNo (the kitten) is crazy! He bites us, hisses, and runs around like nuts. Is this what most kittens do? Jayla wasnt like that at all, so i dont know if hes just playing.

Again thanks to everyone for the help...I am so glad i found this site

The kitten will most likely behave in weird ways until everyone knows their place. I would play, give attention, talk, etc as often as possible to both cats. If you are away from home for hours each day, realize, it will take them longer than if you were home all day. We work form home so we have constant contact with ours.

Give the kitten his own space, an open crate, a bed, etc, seperate food from the big guy and they will be fine.

The last batch we got, were VERY feral and took longer than any other batch to get calmed down. One female CONSTANTLY hissed at everyone, it was very funny. Now she is the biggest lap cat and is an angel.

good luck!

i had the same problem when i brought a kitten home, it took a week and a half and now they will even sleep together

I agree with everyone else here. The situation will get better with time.
It's been 2 1/2 months since I brought Peter home and while my older cat has adjusted, the younger one Gracie, still hisses when Peter gets to be too much. It doesn't seem to bother him at all and I figure they'll work things out eventually. Good luck!

A week is a very vry short time to expect everything to bo OK, especially with an older resident cat in place. Dushka took a month before she would tolerate Ellie in the same room, but she soon got back to her old self, and they are fine. They both accepted Persil much quicker. DOn't worry - it will be alright, but do take it slowly.

We kept Bijou and Mika separated for a month but did allow short supervised outings after 1 week. Now they are best buddies and often curl up together to sleep and love to run and play with each other.

Originally Posted by Nikas613

Another thing i have noticed is that NoNo (the kitten) is crazy! He bites us, hisses, and runs around like nuts. Is this what most kittens do?

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Oh yes! Don't worry, this is normal, he is obviously quite happy & confident with you to do this.

I do hope your Jayla accepts this little guy, I expect she will but they will probably have a few arguments until they settle who's going to be top cat.

Sue