desperate for help - bad introduction 6 months ago

Here's a little background. I've had my oldest cat, Spot, since she was 8 weeks old. She's 6 years old now. Buddy, our new cat, is maybe about a year, year and a half. He was a stray, so we're not very sure on his age. Vet guessed he was about 8 months old last november. Anyways, Spot has always been an only kitty. She wasn't very sociable with most people (except me. she's always loved me), but she tolerated them. When we adopted Buddy, we didn't know how to introduce him properly, so it went very bad. It's now about 6 months later and it's as bad as the first day.

Buddy is pretty laid back, but after Spot hisses, growls, and meows for a while, it's like he's had enough and he starts to chase her. It's like she has a 3 foot perimeter. If he gets closer than that, she gets very upset. Every morning and night, they start fighting. He chases her, she hisses to the point where she starts to hyperventilate, then she starts screaming at the top of her lungs. So far, they haven't hurt each other. It's not usually physical. Just very vocal. And it's literally every day and night. Another strange thing is she'll walk up to him, and when she gets close she hisses and runs off. Sometimes she'll charge him, and as soon as he reacts, she runs away with him chasing, her screaming. They're definitely not playing. I've tried letting them work it out for themselves and also breaking them up. I'm not sure which is the right thing, though.

Spot is now pulling her hair out. She's bald at the base of her tail, back legs, tummy, and is starting in on her front legs. I've been very upset and don't know what to do. The vet says it's an allergy, but she started this behavior soon after we got Buddy.

Spot also has become much more antisocial with people. I'm pretty much the only person she'll let near her now, without yelling, hissing, and growling. When we first got Buddy, Spot started to eat less and lost weight, but we now feed her in a different room and she's gained the weight back. That's the only positive difference she's shown.

Please help, I don't know what to do. I thought it would just take time for Spot to accept Buddy, but it's been 6 months. I'm starting to think she'll be like this forever. She's becoming neurotic, and I feel so badly for her. I know we handled the introduction badly, but is there any hope for a good outcome?

Is buddy neutered? If not, neutering him will help. If there is anyway you can make a door out of stout screen or chicken wire and put buddy behind that door and spot in front of it and start the introductions completely over that would be best. The wire works well because it keeps the cats from getting to each other, but not from smelling each other, and that is important.

Or- you can keep them together (except the hair pulling is more than likely stress related and Spot needs her own space) you can purchase several feliway comfort zone room diffusers and start burning them. You can contact www.spiritessence.com and get them to make you up a special rescue remedy and put that in the cats' water.

Make sure you have levels of height in your home these cats can use- cat condos, cat ramps, window perches, make sure they are of varying height and not all the same.

Don't allow the cats to share anything, not litter pans (you should have three) not water bowls, not food bowls, beds or toys.

Feed Spot first, put her bowl down, then follow it immediately with buddy's bowl- play with spot first, pet her first. Give her your lap if she wants it, and don't put buddy in your lap while she is around

Good luck

Have you read this thread on introducing new kitties. It may be helpful in helping re-introducing your two kitties.

Thanks for the suggestions. I just ordered a feliway diffuser. Hopefully that will calm both cats down. Spot from being anxious and Buddy from being a bully. By the way, yes, Buddy's neutered. We had that done when we adopted him 6 months ago.

I'll let you know how it goes.