I just wanted to say thank you all. And I really mean it. Your advice is so genuine, and you actually took the time to offer honest and indepth advice, it means alot to me. I am going to re-read this entire thread every time I start to feel pitiful and lonely, just to remind me to be positive, and that there are lovely people out there who have been through it and care. So your advice will get a lot of use, lol. Please know that, I truly treasure each and everyone of your honesty and friendship in this time. I am going to do my best to not rant, I feel like I have so much in my head to say, but then I realize that I have pretty much said it all, and I would just be repeating myself.
I had mentioned before I was going to check out housing programs for college students and such, well I did, and found that the city housing list doesnt open until september but I should have no prob, qualifying. They explained to me that I do not have to live in the projects, I can live anywhere in my county, and they will provide me with a housing voucher that covers some or all of my rent depending where I live. If I live in a cheap one-bdrm apt they will prob pay all my rent except like, $50. I just have to prove that I can pay utilities. That I could do, and while I am not excited about government assistance, I am just reminding myself that that is what it is there for, for those who truly need it.
The lovely friends I am staying with now have also offered to upgrade to a two bdrm apt and let me live rent free just do housekeeping.(which is what I am doing now) Although it is a wonderful offer, and I will probably be staying with them for a long time, I feel the overwhelming need to live by myself, well, with Conner ofcourse. And have my own things and not depend on Tony or friends. (although I would be depending on govt assistance) But again, Hey, I am in college. THey say that they like to help college students out. Again, that isn't until Sept./Oct., so it is a while away anyway, just on my mind.
I have also decided to take up Taebo after finals are over, and try to start running, although I am quite out of shape. I need some kind of physical outlet for my anger. I cant get the very vivid and graphic picture of him being sexually intimate with her out of my head, and it blinds me with rage, if I cant get the pic out of my head, then I may as well put it to good use, because everytime I think of it, my adrenaline rises, I will use that as my motivating thought to kick butt at Taebo, lol. Sounds crazy and kind of sick I know, but I cant stop thinking about it, might as well put the crazy rage feeling to some kind of beneficial use, rather than sitting around thinking self-destructive thoughts.
Sorry if I have been rambling. Again I thank each and everyone one of you for your kindness and wisdom, and for your continued concern and support.