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Do I Have a Problem??

post #1 of 23
Thread Starter 
Heres the background....we have a new employee here, and she seemed really nice, and I thought that her personality was what was needed to get the job done. After about a week or so of being here, I have discovered shes blunt. Very blunt. I can be blunt, but I think that you can be diplomatically blunt, and sometimes, southern charm comes to the rescue, and I was brought up to be polite (welcome to my life of old times southern raising, that a lady is always nice.) So, I find her kind of rude. But I cant hold that against her.
My husband works 4 ten hour days, and attends nightclasses at a college that works with his job, so he is off on Friday, Saturday and Sunday, so he comes and eats lunch with me on Fridays here at work. Everyone eats together on Fridays here in the office. Well, as you probably know, my husband is a mechanic, and he gets taken advantage of quite a bit. Two weeks ago, he joined me for lunch, and I was checking with him about a car he was supposed to be working on. Well, new girl jumps on that. "Oh, you work on cars???" blah, blah, blah, blah, blah She proceeded to dominate the rest of lunch with this conservation, and her and my husband were going back and forth about cars. She was soooooo trying to impress him, and I was so getting irritated. So, I went home that night, and he asked me had I spoken to her about fixing her car and what day would be convenient and I told him no and informed him that I would not go down the hall and ask her when she wanted her car fixed. Because I didnt care if it NEVER got fixed. He kinda of hinted that I had a problem with it, and I told him the only problem I had was that he spent MY whole lunch hour discussing cars with some engine hussy, and if he was that interested perhaps he should have found himself a fellow greasemonkette, because I dont do it. The only thing I do to my vehicle is put gas in it, refill the windshield wiper fluid and the coolant, and maybe remember I need an oil change. My hands are not meant to be greasy, and the thought of touching a nasty filthy engine makes my skin crawl. I am a girly girl. I admit it. I am not interested in what makes my car run. I only care that it runs.
So, fast forward to this past friday, after a week of drama that left everyone here in the office drained completely. New girl went to lunch with two other co-workers (thank the great Lord for that miracle!), and my husband came and ate and then left because I was taking a shorter lunch. She comes in and stands in the doorway and starts giving me the 3rd degree about my husband. Shes like Wheres your husband? did he not come eat lunch with you? Where was he going? Is he coming back? Yadda, yadda, yadda. So I told her in pretty much plain, rude terms "He left. And hes not interested in tweaking your spark plugs, honey, because hes got his hands full at home. And we arent talking a v-6...we're talking a v-10, baby, with a super charger!" Oh, she got my point. So, I went home and told my husband what I did, and hes like "Were you jealous??" No. Just annoyed. I dont get jealous very often, and maybe, just MAYBE, it reared its ugly head for a second, but it was over before the word vomit above ever left my mouth. I trust my husband, but its irritating, because it makes a fool out of all three of us. The little Jezebel. And my husband was like, no, no, I dont like her, shes not even really attractive...and besides I have a fire at home. But its annoying. And how do I know that she isnt going to start trouble??
So, I am thinking now, is she a problem?? Or did she take my hint?? I will not apologize for what I said, I refuse. I am not sorry.
I have never experienced this before since I got married. Unfortunately, I get hit on all the time, but I ignore it, and Jeremy seems pretty confident in me to know that I would never do anything to compromise us.
I guess I dont really know if its a problem or what. Has anyone else ever experienced this??
post #2 of 23
Honestly, the last girl who worked for me who was like that, I ended up firing, 'cause she hit on all my male customers, and my hub was terrified to be left alone with her!
post #3 of 23
Diane, you handled it perfectly IMO, and if she didn't get the hint, tell her again!
post #4 of 23
I think you delt with it well. She does sound a little annoying. I get really cranky when other women talk to my hub and take advantage of his know how with cars. They have auto shops full of men that work on cars... MY hub works on MY car... that is the only other lady he is allowed to man handle.


PS: You cracked me up with the greasemonkette line. Not that I mean to laugh at the situation but you have some crafty lines when you are ticked.
post #5 of 23
hehe go you, to me it did sound a bit jealous but i would have done the same thing. I go mental!
ANd bf is always saying how not jealous of he is, but he really showed that he has the same jealousy problem as i do
post #6 of 23
Diane, whether she wants her car fixed for free (or cheap) OR whether she's interested in your husband, its not worth taking the chance. Go with your gut feeling.
post #7 of 23
I totally agree with what you did!! I had a similar situation when I was dating a guy who was a mechanic. We moved to a new neighborhood and these little hussies that lived across the street were forever over in our yard asking him questions. (like they really cared about cars....) anyway, I finally got sooooo mad one day that I went out there and told them, "do not step foot in our yard again or you will have problems". They left but I still fumed when they would come outside and wave to him or try to get his attention. Then I realized, the more they knew that I was irritated, the more they would do what they were doing.
First of all, I think that what you said was awesome!! Second, I think she should be fired! She is going to cause problems and frustration there. If she tries to talk to your husband again when you are at lunch, I would tell her off.
I do not blame you one bit for being frustrated. It's not only rude to interupt someone during their lunch with their spouse (who she doesn't even know) but then to keep thinking she has the right to ask questions about where he is and so on. I would tell her, "None of your business!!!"
Ugh, good luck. Keep us updated.
post #8 of 23
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ali012281
I think you delt with it well. She does sound a little annoying. I get really cranky when other women talk to my hub and take advantage of his know how with cars. They have auto shops full of men that work on cars... MY hub works on MY car... that is the only other lady he is allowed to man handle.


PS: You cracked me up with the greasemonkette line. Not that I mean to laugh at the situation but you have some crafty lines when you are ticked.
Quote:
I totally agree with what you did!! I had a similar situation when I was dating a guy who was a mechanic. We moved to a new neighborhood and these little hussies that lived across the street were forever over in our yard asking him questions. (like they really cared about cars....) anyway, I finally got sooooo mad one day that I went out there and told them, "do not step foot in our yard again or you will have problems". They left but I still fumed when they would come outside and wave to him or try to get his attention. Then I realized, the more they knew that I was irritated, the more they would do what they were doing.
First of all, I think that what you said was awesome!! Second, I think she should be fired! She is going to cause problems and frustration there. If she tries to talk to your husband again when you are at lunch, I would tell her off.
I do not blame you one bit for being frustrated. It's not only rude to interupt someone during their lunch with their spouse (who she doesn't even know) but then to keep thinking she has the right to ask questions about where he is and so on. I would tell her, "None of your business!!!"
Ugh, good luck. Keep us updated.
Diane, whether she wants her car fixed for free (or cheap) OR whether she's interested in your husband, its not worth taking the chance. Go with your gut feeling.

Thanks guys!! At least I know that I am really not being unreasonable. And I know you arent laughing at the situation...I do have a tendency of saying things that are probably hilarious to other people listening. I understand...I can kind of chuckle about it too. That line about the v-6, I think that maybe that was jealousy coming out of the woodworks!!
I dont know what to do. I cant very well say, well, she has to be fired shes trying to snag my husbands affections, because my boss would tell me where to get off. So, I guess my husband and I are going to have to try to figure out some clever way to deal with her. I think everyone probably goes through this every now and then in any relationship, but this is the actual first time I have ever wanted to politely yank another woman's hair out by the roots. When we lived at the apartment complex this girl from high school, who really liked my then fiance, and hated me because he ended up with me, lived 2 buildings down, she would write notes on his car in the morning, like in the frost on the windows. That didnt bother me at all, but this is really making me twitch. I could go straight down the hall and really let her have it. But shes kind of avoided me other than coming in here this morning and saying, yes, I am sunburned, go ahead and laugh now and get it over with. Umm...no...I would have probably only laughed had the white strip of pale skin from her sunglasses been a little more obvious. I am terrible. Do you see that? There is no redemption for me at all. Not with this anyways. UGH! This rivals anything...and then after I made the first post about it, he called and she answered the phone. He really is laughing about it...but how do I know she isnt a troublemaker?? She could be a homewrecker. I have banished him from working on her car. What is it with women and machanics?? I mean, my husband looks good in the cover-alls he wears...its like a splash of tabasco...
Sometimes, I think women set out just to try and win over married men, just prove a point. Well, my husband wont be a pawn in her little chess game, let me tell you!
I wish I could fire her, but I cant. I'll just have to make sure she gets the point.
I am so punished for this. I really just want to tear her out!!!
post #9 of 23
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by KittenKrazy
Honestly, the last girl who worked for me who was like that, I ended up firing, 'cause she hit on all my male customers, and my hub was terrified to be left alone with her!
Oh, no, she is NEVER to be left alone with my husband!! I dont know about the male customers...sometimes people think I am flirting, but I am not really. I am just being myself. I think maybe she is jealous I do have a bubbly personality, and my husband compliments it just fine.Good for you. Come fire this one. " Thats it! Inappropriate commenting on a coworkers husband...you're fired!!"
post #10 of 23
Sounds like jealousy to me. Put that green-eyed monster away before it consumes you. Also, there are some women who like to work on cars. I know I do. I even took classes in it in college. It is a good skill to have and stops you from getting ripped off by greedy mechanics- not that your husband is one.
post #11 of 23
I'm laughing because i have this mental picture in my head of you saying "He's not interested in tweaking your spark plugs honey!"

Through my own experience, i worked with my ex boyfriend who, if anyone was talking to me such as a sales rep, or a client, even the blokes i worked with!, i was asked 20 questions about them such as "who were they?", " what was he saying to make me laugh?", stupid things like that.

In the end i told him he had to stop being so insecure at everyone i spoke to because there was no way i was going to stop talking to people!, plus it was really starting to annoy me

Honestly theres nothing worse than seeing someone jealous, and not only that, no one is worth getting jealous over because it can eat away at you?!.
post #12 of 23
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by hissy
Sounds like jealousy to me. Put that green-eyed monster away before it consumes you. Also, there are some women who like to work on cars. I know I do. I even took classes in it in college. It is a good skill to have and stops you from getting ripped off by greedy mechanics- not that your husband is one.
I know, I put the little evil away! I know that women like to work on cars, and I am all about it, but if she likes to work on cars so well (if she was being truthful) then why does my husband need to be present??
Kudos to you...there was always too much to remember...what goes where...I am just not that kind of person. I am sure that you are a better woman mechanic than this chick seems to be...and you probably know what youre talking about compared to her!
post #13 of 23
dont you just hate smart arses like that woman then?
post #14 of 23
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by rosiemac
I'm laughing because i have this mental picture in my head of you saying "He's not interested in tweaking your spark plugs honey!"

Through my own experience, i worked with my ex boyfriend who, if anyone was talking to me such as a sales rep, or a client, even the blokes i worked with!, i was asked 20 questions about them such as "who were they?", " what was he saying to make me laugh?", stupid things like that.

In the end i told him he had to stop being so insecure at everyone i spoke to because there was no way i was going to stop talking to people!, plus it was really starting to annoy me

Honestly theres nothing worse than seeing someone jealous, and not only that, no one is worth getting jealous over because it can eat away at you?!.
I am really not a jealous person, truly I am not. This is the first time I have ever experienced this! And it is awful. But I feel annoyed more than anything. Like, quit questioning me about my husband. My husband is free to do as he pleases (within repsonsibility boundaries.) and I would never try to tie him down, because he cant live like that. But something about this situation is bothering me, and I cant put my finger on what. Maybe its a gut feeling??
post #15 of 23
Could she be playing you at your own game as well do you think?!.

If she sees that your wound up over her, and knowing how clever we women can be?! She may just be doing it on purpose to see your reaction?!.

Worth thinking about?
post #16 of 23
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by fwan
dont you just hate smart arses like that woman then?
I definitely dislike the attitude! And I am being a cordial co-worker, I havent even given dirty looks. I am just as nice to her as I am to everyone, because depsite it all, I dont have the right to be ugly. I said my piece (the spark plug comment) and thats that. I guess I just have to figure out what is bothering me the most about this situation.
post #17 of 23
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by rosiemac
Could she be playing you at your own game as well do you think?!.

If she sees that your wound up over her, and knowing how clever we women can be?! She may just be doing it on purpose to see your reaction?!.

Worth thinking about?
Hmm. Maybe you are right. But I know how to get out of her sandbox, and I am taking my little red bucket (which happens to be my husband) with me. She did make a comment about my attire, and I ignored it, even though in my head I retorted. Maybe this situation is like that saying "If you ignore something long enough, it will go away..."
post #18 of 23
I think you did great in handling the situation. It is absolutely disgusting how some women think they can bat their eyes and get something for nothing.
My s/o is a tattoo artist, and gets that kind of thing constantly. I have even had women try to befriend me to get deals. I have a large piece on my calf, and when I showed it to a girl I barely knew, that did not know my s/o did it, she asked me how much I paid for it. I looked her right in the eye and said "I slept with they guy that did it." She asked me if I thought she could get the same deal. What a tramp!
post #19 of 23
Hmmm. It doesn't sound like you have to worry about her picking up your husband. maybe she is just a show-off. The first thing that I thought of was to watch it, she may start talking B.S about you at work..just because. I don't want to make you paranoid, but if she is making comments to you about your clothes, she is seeking out others at work that she can gossip to & trade nasty comments. You are probably better off ignoring her, but if the situation calls for a show-down, choose carefully, have a few verbal low blows of your own ready to deliver with a smile, & good luck!
post #20 of 23
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Me-n-my guys
Hmmm. It doesn't sound like you have to worry about her picking up your husband. maybe she is just a show-off. The first thing that I thought of was to watch it, she may start talking B.S about you at work..just because. I don't want to make you paranoid, but if she is making comments to you about your clothes, she is seeking out others at work that she can gossip to & trade nasty comments. You are probably better off ignoring her, but if the situation calls for a show-down, choose carefully, have a few verbal low blows of your own ready to deliver with a smile, & good luck!
Oh, I have already thought of this. I am sure it has already happened, and quite frankly, I dont care what people say about me. Her comment stemmed from the fact that I wore dress pin striped black pants, a pink camisol, and a black shirt that buttoned. Something about a funeral. Did someone die?? She said, and in my mind I thought just my opinion of you. So, I told her I was still in mourning, and with yesterday being the one week mark since my kitten Chewy died, I felt it only right to wear black! I just ignore the wisecracks anyways. But, when you go after someones husband, its like being back on the playground: the line has been drawn in the dust, and you can belligerently cross it if you wish, at the risk of a blackened eye or a busted jaw. The same rules apply here. But thanks for the luck. She may need it! Right now, I am playing nice...
post #21 of 23
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by krazy kat2
I think you did great in handling the situation. It is absolutely disgusting how some women think they can bat their eyes and get something for nothing.
My s/o is a tattoo artist, and gets that kind of thing constantly. I have even had women try to befriend me to get deals. I have a large piece on my calf, and when I showed it to a girl I barely knew, that did not know my s/o did it, she asked me how much I paid for it. I looked her right in the eye and said "I slept with they guy that did it." She asked me if I thought she could get the same deal. What a tramp!
Oh, my gosh!!!! You were so being sarcastic, and she was seriously going to do it, wasnt she?? Tramp is right!
What worse about this situation is that according to her, she knows how to work on cars, and I have heard talk that she has an ex husband and a live in boyfriend, so why the interest in my husband?? It was not innocent friendly either! A woman knows when theres more to it, and there is definitely more to it than just a friendly conversation. It is disgusting. Its compromising to everyone involved. I can separate personal from work, but when I end up letting her have it, can she?? Thats the question!
I hope you informed that tramp that the tattoo artist just happened to be your s/o. I bet if you did, the look on her face was worth a small fortune!
post #22 of 23
Talking of jealousy ..... how envious am I of you? How come you can think of exactly the right clever comment at the right time? I always can think of a smart answer, but it usually comes about six hours too late


Sue
post #23 of 23
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by millyanddaisy
Talking of jealousy ..... how envious am I of you? How come you can think of exactly the right clever comment at the right time? I always can think of a smart answer, but it usually comes about six hours too late


Sue
Well, I am not so sure I would be envious! Sometimes, it gets me in trouble!!! But it is very much worth it to win in a verbal battle of wit! I dont know where I learned it...I just did, and I think maybe it started when I started working in a restaurant and getting hit on....those guys, you had to match wit for wit!!! Maybe together, we can work on it and then you can think of those things pretty quick! There are still times where I am like "OH! I so should have said this!" And then there are times where I am like "Sigh** Once again, my mouth has gotten me in trouble!" I'll give you an example: I was supposed to be closing on my house in the afternoon back in december. Well, I was running late for work because surprise, I overslept. So, I was speeding a little (60 mph in a 45 mph zone) on a back country road, and I pass a state cop. So, I am like oh, snap! Now I am in trouble, because I watched him hit the brakes...and sure enough 15 seconds later, he was on my bumper like a duck on a june bug! He flips on his lights, and I pull over (of course I had slowed down by then). I get my license and my registration out, and he walks up to the window and says "Do you know why I pulled you?" And I was like "No, sir" and he said "Do you know how fast you were going back there?" and before I could stop it (once again, word vomit) I said "Obviously not fast enough." And then I was mortified. I am thinking he is sooooo going to arrest me. He demands my license and registration and I give it to him. He comes back with not one, but TWO tickets. One for speeding, and the other for the registration not reflecting the new address like my license address card (at this point we were renting the house we were going to buy) and it didnt have my married name. Well, thats because the DMV told me not to worry with it, that the changes could be done at once when I got my tags renewed. He gave me this lecture about speeding (I was already sorry...I did not need $185.00 ticket to make me sorry) and told me to slow down, I assured him I would. I got out of the registration ticket because that couldnt stick anyways, all it did was waste the rest of my day getting it straight and dropped. Sometimes, I wish I were less clever!! Or maybe I had an edit button.
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