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how long does the hurt last?

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 
I am coming up to week 7 of being on my own and I have to admit, there has not been one single day that I wanted any of it. I hate being alone, coupled with the hurt and lonliness of it all and the fact that I miss my wife and son so badly every day. However, shes made her mind up and I keep getting divorce papers through the post every week confirming this and that.
Have any of you gone through this, in the position that you never wanted it and how long till the pain stopped hurting you ?
I see my son tomorrow - brilliant, and yet when I see him or the time comes, I am terrified and scared, upset and screaming in my heart.. Hes taken it all brilliantly and hes with his mum and his grandparents are all but meters away in some cases. I want to hold him so tight and not let go. I love and miss him so much as I do Carol (but that wont happen as she does not miss me). When we are together, I photograph him playing all the time as thats all I have till the following week. When we say goodbye and his door closes, I drive away and cry for ages until I am fit to drive again on the M62.
Is it really normal to be in this much pain in my heart all the time. Even when the divorce is finalised - possibly in a few weeks now - fast huh? I doubt I can ever trust a woman again. Is that normal?
with a lost soul, deeply heartbroken and incredibly lonely
post #2 of 11
I would say that for your sake, and the sake of your son, you should try to see a therapist.
I went through a divorce about 16 yrs ago, and even though I knew the relationship wasn't perfect, the loss of a whole family was painful. I ended up seeing a therapist for a short time, and it really helped put things into perspective. I also talked to supportive friends and family ALOT!
Good luck, Kev.
post #3 of 11
Kev, is there any way you can apply to get more time with your son, like joint custody? It doesn't seem quite right that your wife is getting almost complete custody of him. Do you think you'd feel less isolated and alone, if you could have more time with him?
post #4 of 11
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by HopeHacker
Kev, is there any way you can apply to get more time with your son, like joint custody? It doesn't seem quite right that your wife is getting almost complete custody of him. Do you think you'd feel less isolated and alone, if you could have more time with him?
Not really practical - hes about 30 miles from where I am and my home town where I am living at the moment. I leave at 6.00am and dont get back to my mums until 18.00 - so there is no time. I just am struggling to understand it all and how it can happen so quick and not even a joint decision. Cant believe that love dies that fast....
post #5 of 11
Kev - there is hope! 7 weeks is still early, you are still getting to grips with everything. But it does get better.

I know it's not easy to leave your son - we had the same when my step-son was small. He's grown up and leading his own life and is a wonderfully well-adjusted young man. He treasures the times we spent together as a family. It doesn't have to be anything out of the ordinary that you do, just being together and sharing things is what's important, he will remember the times he spent with you with love and affection. When we had next to nothing and scraped enough money together for a couple of days in France those are the times my step-son remembers more fondly than any of the more far-flung travel we took with him later on.

It will get better, and you will be able to trust again, but in the meantime, enjoy the times you spend with your son. They move through each stage so quickly, it's important to treasure each one.

Keeping you in my thoughts
post #6 of 11
Oh Kev, I am so sorry to hear this ,I have never been married let alone divorced (probably why I'm not married yet) but I can tell you that I am a product of divorced parents and it is so much eaiser to know that my parents did the right thing for each other and did'nt stay together " for the sake of the kids" Hopefully the two of you will get along for the sake of your son,this will make it so much eaiser for all of you! My mother swore for years that she would'nt get married again,then when I was 19 met a wonderful man whom she loved and trusted and married him, I hope you will find the same for yourself when you are ready! Right now take as much time as you need and try to busy yourself with all things that make you happy.Good luck Kevin we are all here for you and if you need to FEEL SOME LOVE let us know! ............Torri
post #7 of 11
I've been through it and if does hurt, horribly. The sense of betrayal, of not being where you think you belong, and often it's the little things - you turn round to say something or want to share a joke and there is no-one there. It took me several years before I could really open up to anyone, though I dated a bit, and I have never yet (15 years now) got so involved htat I have wanted to live with anyone else. But I hope it works out for you - you are a lot younger than I was, and I am sure you deserve someone.
post #8 of 11
Kev, I am praying for you. I have never been married OR divorced, and I know it must hurt terribly.
post #9 of 11
Dear Kev, It does hurt a lot and the sense of betrayal can be very strong sometimes. I lost my husband in an accident when I was very young, at age 23. I then went into a bad relationship for 5 years with an alcoholic. I just felt nothing in my life with men or love would ever be the same. But then something happened along the way that gave me some deeper faith, that is, I began to work on myself. I worked hard and uncovered all the pathologies about myself deep down in my core, and confronted all my fears, rational, logical and all the one completely unfounded...and a lot of anger and bitterness came to the surface very quickly. I wiped it out - but with some hard work and good counseling in how to wipe them out. Once I forgave and freed myself, I could trust. I realized that sometimes it's what we fear in ourselves the most that we don't trust in others.
post #10 of 11
Oh, Kev. I honestly cannot imagine the pain you're in. I just wanted to say that I'm SO sorry..
post #11 of 11
Its been 4 years, since my most recent divorce and I still have some pain and a LOT of trust issues. Fortunately, I've got my family, Bill and the pets. It DOES get better but, if you're having too much trouble with it, definitely get some counseling.
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