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how can I get her to cuddle?

post #1 of 15
Thread Starter 
Hey everybody. I've had my cat, Topanga for about 2 and a half months and she is a little over a year old. She never cuddles with us or lets us hold her. What's her deal? Is there any way to get her to warm up? I can tell she likes us and she purrs her head off.

Let me know

post #2 of 15
Some cats never want to cuddle - my Cinders (who now lives with my mother in the UK) has never sat in a lap, though she loves to curl up on a chair arm or seat beside someone. She just wriggles if you try to keep her on your lap.
post #3 of 15
Cuddling kittens and cats is a human convention. It's what we like to do in order to provide comfort or as a warm gesture.

Cats are not naturally like that. though some cats enjoy the occasional cuddle.

Don't force cuddles on a cat. It only makes them feel trapped and captured. Not a good idea if you want to avoid those claws.

Let her come to you.

Esper, my female cat has just recently allowed others to hold her, if only for two seconds, (literally). She isn't especially cuddly. She lets me hold her but not for too long. But I have found that since I travel a lot for work, when I do come home, she has been lengthening cuddle time. So perhaps you could try giving Topanga some space.
post #4 of 15
post #5 of 15
post #6 of 15
My Guin has never really wanted cuddles...

I do miss it especially since my other cat (who lives with my mum and dad as she is 18 years old) always wants cuddles. He will come and sit next to me on the sofa or sit on the end of the bed but as soon as I pick him up I can tell that he is uncomfortable. Therefore, I try not to pick him up as often as I would like to

He will happily sit next to me and let me stroke his face and under his chin until his heart is content though! And he is very affectionate towards me, he will roll over infront of me, act silly etc. In the year and 4 months that I have had him, we have both learnt our boundaries.
post #7 of 15
Thread Starter 
thanks for the replies. the only thing that makes me wonder is that she purrs like crazy when we hold her sometimes and she will cuddle occasionally, but for only about a minute, and she doesn't like to be touched during that time. she's a weirdo
post #8 of 15
maverick had just recently started to like being picked up and carried. we've had her since she was a kitten and shes now a year and two months.

she wont sit on my lap though. shes sat on my lap three times since we've had her. once when the kid next door did and she wanted to see what all the fuss was about, again when she gave birth and lastly last week when i was trying to wee! lol

she more of a buddy than a baby
post #9 of 15
Our cat Ebony was like that - he had long hair and would sit and let me brush him and groom him and pet him, but he would NOT EVER sit on my lap. He would sometimes (rarely) sit on the arm of my lazy-boy chair and purr and be content, but if I lifted him over onto my lap he would leave immediately. He purred and loved petting, but did not want to be held. Next came Simba who was on my lap as soon as I sat down, whether it be to watch TV, go to the bathroom, and really loved to be carried around in our arms like a human baby. Simba also insisted on sleeping on my arm on the table as I did my crossword puzzle every weekend. Naturally his body pretty much covered the puzzle and his chin was in the crook of my elbow so it was more of a "love Simba" session than a "do the crossword" time.

We just have to accept who/what they each are individually. If you are anything like me you really miss having a "sucky" cat! Bijou isn't "sucky" during the day, but he does have to have his little suckle on my neck before bed and he sleeps with his paws around my neck for a little while each night before he re-positions himself and curls up under my chin and neck.
post #10 of 15
i may depend on how she was raised. My female cat, before Marsh, never wanted to be touched ... she'd not even go on our couches, tables, chairs or counter tops, she knew her bed on the floor and usually rested there or just plain on carpets.

Marsh loves to be cuddled , he's just a huge mush, extremely laid back. I think it comes from upbringing. Marsh was raised literally in my breeder's arms, Toma was born to a feral mom and raised in a dark staircase where nobody handled her until we came alone to adopt
post #11 of 15
Like people, some cats like to be physically close and cuddly and others don't. All the cats I've had in my life have been different.

When I was a kid, we had 2 sister cats, Carla and Custard (Cussie) and they were opposite. Carla was aloof and didn't like to be cuddled or held, while Cussie was more like a dog and would be in your lap the second you sat down, up in your face and pushing your hand to pet her.

Then I had Jazzy, who was a lovebug and would sleep literally wrapped around the top of my head when I was sleeping (Marsh reminds me of her, she was incurably ill and we had to put her to sleep).

Now we have Gracie, Francie and CeeCee and they are all different. Gracie likes laps on her terms and has to sleep (and crowd me out of the bed!) with us each night, but laps are on her terms, though if you lift her up she will -usually- settle down.

Francie will occasionally jump on your lap and love the snot out of you (lots of chinrubs on your legs, resulting in her butt being in your face) but loves to be carried around like a baby, or slung over your shoulder (she used to go around the house with me as a kitten perched on my shoulder like a parrot) and loves to be "hugged" between my hubby and I.

CeeCee ONLY likes you to run your hands along her tail and gently tug it or the occasional ear and chin rub but doesn't want anything to do with laps or carrying or snuggling.
post #12 of 15
Some cats just don't like to be held. She might be one of them. I wouldn't push her either. She may come around with time but I woudn't expect any big changes. You may want to try cat nip. Limerick cuddles after he sniffs it. Good luck!!!
post #13 of 15
Yeah, alot of times it just take a while for them to warm up. Sally is so skiddish (no thanks to step dad) that she only comes out for hubby and I. She will tollerate my mom or his, but nobody else. As for cuddling she loves "night night and snugglins". She runs to the bed and wants you to rub her until you can't move anymore as long as you don't pick her up. You can even put your arms around her and fall asleep but don't try to lift her. Morris, on the other hand, loves to be cuddled. He is always in a lap or just touching you. He will love any stranger that walks through our door so long as you pet him and tug his tail.
post #14 of 15
Kioko doesn't really like to be pet or held for more than a few seconds, though she's very social and follows me wherever I go. I really don't mind, she is a great companion and I respect her for her independance and elegance. But I do have a solution - Indigo! He won't get off my lap, and meows pitifully if I stop petting him.

I had a cat, Kitty, when I was younger and she hated people at first, but as she got older became the most cuddly kitty ever. So there is hope but I'm not sure you have any say in the matter, except treating her well and delicately.
post #15 of 15
My cats are total oppostie from each other. My male cat is the most loving cat I have ever seen. He's not picky. He doesn't care how we hold or pet him, but my female cat is the total oppostie. She does not like to be held, and she only likes to be pet on her head. She has come around though. When we first got them about 9 months ago, she wanted nothing to do with us. The male cat purred right away, but it took several weeks to hear the female pur. The vet told us her dominat breed is siamese. She is one strage kitty, but she has become one of the most loving cats....when she is in the mood for it! LOL
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