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A Letter from My Girl

post #1 of 12
Thread Starter 
I was feeling really down after my little girl went to sleep for the last time, so I wrote the following. It has been edited some because I first posted it on another site some time ago:


While my Mumma doesn’t believe in the Rainbow Bridge, she respects the rights of others to do so. Mumma has shed many tears while reading the tributes on this site, and wanted to share me with you. I think if she does that her heart will begin to heal a little. We had a really special bond and because of that she can acknowledge and recognise the pain suffered by others when their beloved pets go to sleep for the last time.

I am not a really clever Puss, so my Mumma is helping me type this story. If any mistakes are made, she made them because her eyes can’t see real well at the moment. As she is typing this for me, she has tears in her eyes -- and a couple of months ago she was told she had the beginnings of cataracts on both eyes. The end of the year 2003 wasn’t good for her, so I am hoping that by helping me with my story now, 2004 will be a better year for her. My Mumma works as a secretary, so the concept of typing dictation is not new to her but it is new to me, so here goes with my first attempt.

I came into my Mumma’s life as an ‘inheritance’. My brother Gabriel and I used to live with Mike and Rachelle, but they couldn’t keep us when they moved into their new house. Gabriel went to live with a guy by the name of Troy, and I came to live with Mumma. At first I think my Mum resented the little changes she had to make in her life when I came to live with her, but I think that lasted less than 24 hours, because, you see, I really was so adorable and lovable, she just couldn’t resist. She nicknamed me Sheba Pussikins Beethoven -- the “Beethoven†came from the song “Roll Over Beethoven†because I used to love rolling over and having my Mum tickle my tummy. I started doing that right from the get-go because I trusted my Mumma and knew that she loved me very much. We used to call our little game a “kickleâ€, because I would kick while Mum tickled -- it was one of our special things.

My Mumma went on vacation at the end of October 2003 -- to a 40-year high school reunion -- and when she came back I was really very happy to see her. We (my brother Sebastian and I) had our little vacation too, but we were just so glad to see our Mumma because we really missed her so much. I wasn’t feeling too well, but Mumma just thought I had the “dirts†with her because she went away and left us for 5 days. I was losing weight, which my doctor said I had to do anyway, but Mumma wasn’t overly alarmed, until she noticed something strange one morning in the litter tray.

As much as I hated being in the carry cage, Mumma had me in that carry cage and off to the vet before either of us had time to think. She knew I was sick, but not how sick. I think that to this day she beats up on herself that she didn’t notice anything sooner. But a word to my darling Mumma -- hindsight is a wonderful thing Mumma! I know you loved me and you thought I was so special that I wouldn’t get sick. I love you for that. Sebastian and I really do have a special Mumma, you know. That day I went into hospital for the last time was also the first time I had been really sick since I started living with Mumma, as well as being my Mumma’s birthday. I know it wasn’t a happy one for her because she was worried about me, and she almost cried every time someone at her office wished her Happy Birthday.

I don’t want to go into details about my illness -- it’s just too painful for Mumma -- but I will say I had liver problems. Every day without fail, after work, Mumma came to visit me and cuddle me as much as she could. One day, because she thought it would make me feel better and Sebastian too, she brought Sebastian to visit me. He wouldn’t come out of his carry cage, but it was really lovely to see him again. I guess he was worried about me too, and he missed me. Even though we weren’t blood brother and sister, we got along better the longer we’d been together. Just for the fun of it sometimes, I would walk by Sebastian and give him a swipe with my paw -- simply because he was there. Sometimes he would biff me one too, but most times he’d just let me get away with it! After all, I was the boss, wasn’t I!!

When my Mumma came to visit me while I was in hospital, she would give me lots of hugs and kisses, and tell me how much she loved me. My condition meant that I would have my good days and my bad days, but Mumma knew we were in for the long haul to get me better. She shed lots of tears, and still does, even now. She’s crying as I dictate this -- and she’s at the office as well, so that really means something when she cries in front of other people. She can’t stop the tears sometimes -- they come right from her heart -- my Mumma has a big heart full of love, and she just can’t help it.

When she visited me on my ‘bad’ days, Mumma would always tell me that if the struggle was too much for me, she didn’t want to see me suffer and that it was okay if I decided to ‘go away’ -- she couldn’t say those other words then, and she still can’t say them now. For the longest time, I tried to get better, and I was starting to do that, but in the end, I just couldn’t do it. Mumma used to say “If you feel you need to go away, that’s okay. I won’t like it but if you have to go away, don’t try to stay here for me. I don’t want you to suffer.†It cost her a lot to say that I know, but like I said before she has got a big heart, filled with love for me and my little brother, Sebastian, and she wasn’t thinking of herself.

On Christmas Day 2003, Mumma came to visit me as usual. I wasn’t feeling too brilliant, and Mumma just knew that, but she didn’t know what was wrong. My favourite vet nurse, a French girl named Carol, took me into the visiting room to be with my Mumma because Mumma wanted to cuddle me so bad. As Carol walked into the room, Mumma said “What’s that noise? That poor animal must be in so much pain.†The look on Carol’s face told Mumma it was me who was in pain, and I think Mumma’s heart nearly broke in two right there and then. I was hurting and there wasn’t a darned thing she could do to help me, apart from cuddle me and love me. When I cuddled on Mumma’s chest, and felt her heart beat, I settled down some and was very content just to be with her. Mumma cried a lot, and just sat there and cuddled me, but after about an hour she decided to go home because she had to feed my little brother, Sebastian. She didn’t really want to go and leave me, but she felt she had to, because Sebastian needed her huggles too. She just knew I wasn’t ‘right’ but didn’t quite know what to do.

After she had been home for about an hour, while Mumma was just sitting down contemplating life, and wishing like crazy that I would be able to get better, a picture of my cute little pixie face flashed across her mind. That very minute, the phone rang. “It’s Elizabeth here from ….†Mumma said “Oh no! Can I come to see herâ€. (Elizabeth was the vet on duty that night.) Mumma got into her car and drove like a crazed, heartbroken Mumma all the way to the hospital.

How she arrived there without become a traffice accident statistic, no-one will ever know, because she was crying oceans of tears and screaming her lungs out all the way. When she got to the hospital, she literally stumbled from the car, through the waiting room and into the visiting room. The waiting room was full of other furbaby owners there with their sick babies, but she just didn’t care. Her heart was broken and she quite honestly didn’t care who knew it or what she looked like. I had gone to sleep for the last time, and she was beside herself with grief.

The lovely Carol brought me in to Mumma, wrapped in a lovely warm blanket. Mumma held me so close and cried her heart out some more. After she gave me lots of kisses, she said her very special and private farewells and said lots of nice things to me, she gave me back to Carol. Carol and Mumma cried on each others’ shoulders. Mumma knew I liked Carol -- and she told Carol that -- because I used to let Carol do things that previously I only ever used to let Mumma do, so that’s how Mumma knew that I really did think Carol was special. Carol used to take me out in the sun and give me massages -- 2 of my favorite things.

Carol explained to my Mumma the circumstances about how I went to sleep for the last time, and then they cried some more. I had the best care in that hospital and a really marvellous team of people to take care of me, but I was just so tired that in the end my little heart gave out on me. Mumma doesn’t really know that for sure, but would like to think that because it’s for the best. The details of why I went to sleep for the last time would more than likely be too much for her to bear, anyway.

Every Saturday before I got sick, Mumma, Sebastian and I would have a family noo-noo -- that was our special word for “snooze†-- on Mumma’s big bed. Now, on Saturdays, when they have their noo-noo, I can only be with them in spirit. I know my Mumma misses me because I used to snuggle up to her and we’d both have a noo-noo. I loved to sleep with one paw touching Mumma -- it just felt so good just to know she was there, and not far away.

Now that I’m not there any more, Mumma doesn’t know who’s going to bug her now when she sits down to do her stitching. You see, it was my God-given right, the minute Mumma sat down, to hop up on her lap and have a cuddle. She used to pretend she didn’t want me there, but in the end I used to get lots of huggles and kisses, so I just knew she never really meant it.

Mumma, I miss you and want you to know that I knew, and always will know, how much you loved me. I will always be your beloved little Furry Grey Grot-ball, your bestest Cuddle Puss -- and all those other funny names you used to call me. When all the pain leaves your heart, I just know you will feel you can have another furbaby in the house -- but she (I already know it will be a girl furbaby) will never replace me. No-one can do that. I am a very special furbaby to you, and I just know I always will be.

Bye, bye my darling Mumma

Lots of love, huggles, snuggles, kickles and kisses from Sheba Pussikins Beethoven

PS: Note from Sheba’s Mumma - Someone once said that our furbabies leave pawprints on our hearts, and I think it was Ginny who said her Fifi wrapped her tail round her heart. But Sheba did neither of those things -- she got right in! So that’s how I know that if she ever leaves my heart, broken as it is right now, it will completely shatter. My beloved little girl furbaby went into hospital on my birthday and died on Christmas Day. My friend Cheryl said to me that it was just Sheba’s way of making me NOT forget her. Cheryl is probably right, but there’s no way I will ever forget my beloved little girl, absolutely no way in this world. She was part of my life for 12 years, and she filled a gap that nothing or no-one will ever be able to do.

Vale, Sheba my precious little bubby girl love.

Lots of love, huggles, snuggles, kickles and kisses from Mumma, who misses you more than she can say.

For Sheba, the Queen of your life
post #2 of 12
What a lovely tribute to a little soul whom you so obviously adored. I both feel and share your pain.

Healing hugs,

post #3 of 12
That is beautiful. So touching. There is a lot of love between you and Sheba. I can feel it across the ocean just by reading this...
post #4 of 12
What a sweet way to remember you little girl. I have tears in my eyes, I lost one of mine a year ago this month and I am still crying.You two were very luck to have been in each others lives.
post #5 of 12
I am crying with you. Hugs.
post #6 of 12
Thread Starter 
Thank you for your kind thoughts. I've been having a major "sad" in recent days and I've been missing my girl terribly. I was late getting home from the office tonight, and as I was driving home I couldn't help but picture Sheba sitting in the front window waiting for me, mouthing off at me for being late! She always had a lot to say if I was late home, which also meant she was late being fed! I'm sure my furbaby Sebastian still misses her because whenever I mention her name, he starts looking round for her. He won't even go into the room where she used to sleep - and it's been 15 months now since she "went away".

post #7 of 12
Thread Starter 
Hissy, I can barely see the screen for the tears! Thank you for the candle for my Sheba.

Maggie in Western Australia
post #8 of 12
I'm so sorry about your loss. It's obvious she was a great love in your life. I'm sure you feel comforted in some way knowing that Sheba realized this.
post #9 of 12
That was so sweet it made me all tearful. What a lovely tribute to your girl. It sounds like she had a wonderful life and was a wonderful kitty.
post #10 of 12
I never read long posts or threads. But I was transfixed into yours through the entire story. From the beginning I could not stop crying till now while I type this.

I can relate to you and I want you to know I feel so so bad for you and know that I care and think you are a tremendously gifted person who's able to express so well your emotions. I can only imagine how wonderfully expressed your love was to your kitty!
post #11 of 12
This is a beautiful tribute to your furbaby. I hope writing it was of some help to you to easy your pain a little. My thoughts are with you.
post #12 of 12
I am sorry I just could not get through your story to the end, I was crying so much. It is so sad but very beautiful - I will try again later. It is often very helpful to write things down and I hope it helped you. It certainly helped me to read the small passage that I did. I was thinking about my little Tulip who went to the Bridge on the 10th April.
Sheba certainly was a very special fur baby - irreplacable.
My thoughts are with you
Thank you
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