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The ABC's of Being A Cat

post #1 of 2
Thread Starter 
Copyright 1998, Anjie Coates. Feel free to republish this, as long as my name is attached

Act like you own the house, and you will.

Be assertive, never let a newspaper or book stand in the way of you getting petted.

Critique everything, especially your food.

Dogs are dumber, everyone knows that.

Enslave your humans, that's what they are for.

Follow your human often, but never when they want you too.

Greetings are very important, be sure to greet everyone carrying groceries by wrapping around their legs.

Heat is also very important, find the warmest place in the house and claim it, even if it's your human's pillow.

Impromptu shows of affection keep them guessing.

Jingling bells are wonderful, unless attached to you.

Knowledge is power, pretend to know everything.

Love those who love you, and make the rest pay.

Maturity is grand, but only when someone is watching.

Nuzzle someone daily.

Occasional gifts are a treat, feel free to leave your hairballs where they can find them in the morning.

Pent-up energy should only be expelled by running at top speed through the house for no apparent reason.

Quench your thirst by drinking from your human's cup, then make faces at them if you don't like it.

Recognize faults, and that you have none.

Stretch before and after every nap, the longer the nap, the longer the stretch.

Teach your humans what you want them to know, but be patient, after all they are "Only human!"

Uncovered toes are for playing with. The more asleep the human, the better the game.

Vanish unexpectedly at least once a month, then come back to a warm homecoming.

Whiskers can be used to wake your human, so they can get you breakfast. Whining helps too.

Xmas gifts are free game for tearing into, even if your name isn't on them.

Yell if you don't get your way, the louder and longer the better.

Zeal is a wonderful thing, as long as it takes place after a nap.
post #2 of 2
My cats know them all.
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