help!!!!!!!

Hi everyone im new to this forum today so hello to every one.

I have a really big problem with my nearly 2 year old female cat called Nush. We got Nush when she was about 5 months old, she was lovley. Me and my boyfriend Rob played with her all the time she seemed to have settled in fine. We live with Rob's parents and Nush had always been a little funny with Rob's mum and she did hiss a bit at her. Also other people that came to visit if she didnt like the look of them she would warn them off but never hurt them.
She was always great with me and Rob up until a month agO I would say, she just turned on Rob. Rob and Nush was playing one day and Rob chased her down the steps like he always had done and he pulled a face at her that must have scared her. Next she screamed and tryed to attack him but Rob just locked her out of the room for a while to calm her down. The same night when I got home I had come upstairs to see if she was ok and she seemed fine until Rob came up the steps, Nush went and stood at the top of the steps and when she saw Rob she screamed again. I couldn't understand why she would act like this just by pulling a face. After that she was fine again with him for a couple of weeks and then one weekend when we got home from being out she was stood at the top of the steps again and screamed tryed to get Rob and she ran up me scratched my face and hissed. We left her to calm down and let her out again but since then she never got any better she has been great with me and even more loving than usual. Last wednesday we had booked her in for neutering. We took her that morning and picked her up when we got her home she was fine for a while and Rob had come over to me and she screamed again and hissed at him I told her not to do it but I dont think she understands.
I think she really has got to her peak now because on sunday I was at work, Rob had come home after taking me there and he was sorting out his printer and the paper got jammed, he banged it because it wouldnt work and Nush leaped at him screaming and hissing. She scratched all his legs, jumped up at him clung on to him and bit his finger as this happend she actualy poo'ed and wee'ed she was being that vicous. Rob backed off and went downstairs, Nush was following him everywhere hissing etc and he managed to get her in the bedroom with her litter tray and she was locked in there then until I got home. He had to goto hospital that night as his finger swelled quite bad and he was in quite a bit of pain.
I was heart broken when he told me and cryed, even Rob had said how upsetting it was to see her like that for no reason to be so scared of someone for nothing. Rob would never hurt nush and i trust him 100% with her, he has had family pets all his life.
At the moment she is being kept in the bedroom out of the way of everyone, she is still fine with me and I go and spent time with her and play with her. I keep bringing Rob down to talk to her, sometimes she is fine other times she screams when she hears him. Yesterday when we went down to see her I was playing with her and Rob was crouched down trying to give her a treat but she was having none of it, Rob stood up quickly afraid she was going to attack and she ran for him. Luckly he closed the door, she was screaming and growling at the door but she couldnt see him. I calmed her down and she was ok again but i had to leave her in the bedroom alone.
Last night we slept with out the cat in the room and this morning I went to feed her and was playing with her for a while. I brought her up to see rob and she was fine, he was layed on the sofa bed asleep. When he got up to make a drink she looked but didnt do anything and when he came back up she looked again and it looked like she was gonna pounce so i took her down stairs again.
I really need any help you can give to try and get Nush to trust Rob again, he has been trying to give her treats today but she dosent want to know. Everytime Rob moves or talks she looks and growls, is there anything we can do to resolve this? I've read about animal behavioral treatment but does this work? Nush is a indoor cat and has never been and never will be going out side unless on a lead, she is my little baby and i dont want her fighting with other cats. She is a healthy cat, and all this started before she was neutured so it has nothing to do with that. Any advice anyone could give would be most appreciated.

Thanks for reading


linda,rob and nush

Linda, as Rob as already found out, chasing a cat isn't always a good idea. Sometimes, they want to play tag, but only when they are in the mood, and if Rob chased her when she was doing something else and if she got hurt in the process, whether directly or indirectly, she will associate him as her predator and the source of her pain.

I would first of all take her to the vet to be sure that she is okay. I know you said that she is fine with you, and chances are she isn't injured, but you should rule that out first before proceeding any farther. When she becomes aggressive, back away and leave her be. Do not make eye contact with her, or make faces at her, just leave her be.

Look into the Feliway products, Feliway Comfort Zone Room Diffuser and invest in a couple and plug them in.

Make Rob accountable for all of Nush's needs. Food, water, litter pan, playtime. He has to keep his stress level down, and stop roughhousing with her. Look into interactive toys like Da Bird or a laser light to play with her with. You withdraw from seeing to her comfort, let him do it, and again tell him to breathe slowly, not make eye contact with her. If she shows any type of aggression back away out of the room slowly. Don't yell at her, hit her, scare her, put her on time out, you have him just leave the room and give her space.

Please make sure the cat has a clean bill of health with a vet that you trust.

After that, I'd spend some time on the internet and memorize all the cat body language signals and cat noises. Here are some examples:

http://home.att.net/~kittycatfurballssounds/cats.html
http://198.60.22.4/~emailbox/tailtalk.htm

For instance, whenever I see Nano get a big bushy tail -- whether it is because she is happily chasing imaginary prey, or she is scared, or she is angry -- it doesn't matter. I need to get the hell out of the way and avoid any contact. Because she is so worked up that I can end up with scratched up hands, arms, legs and feet very easily -- either because she was angry or merely overly stimulated.

Also, try the blinking method -- if you watch her, blink very slowly several times and don't give her a full stare. See if you can get her to blink back at you. With Nano, that blink from her means she accepts that I am looking at her and won't be bothered by my gaze for the next few minutes. Staring at a cat is more than enough to set them off in some cases.

In fact, for situations like you described, I would pretty much leave Nush alone unless she is giving off "happy" or "affectionate" signals. This cat sounds like she needs a lot of room and privacy. Does she have a cat condo or a cat tree or some sanctuary where she can avoid being disturbed?

I also like hissy's comments including the idea of making Rob Nush's primary caretaker for a while. Good luck!

The crass and cynical part of me tells me that Rob is cheating on you, Nush can smell the other woman on him and is making it known to him that such behavior is unacceptable in her eyes/paws.

Originally Posted by portdevoix

The crass and cynical part of me tells me that Rob is cheating on you, Nush can smell the other woman on him and is making it known to him that such behavior is unacceptable in her eyes/paws.

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*grin and wink* Yup, that's probably it. Cats are a lot smarter than we give them credit for being. I would advice that she dump the boyfriend like right the heck now and when she finds a man that Nush doesn't attack, then marry that one. *ROFL* Of course, then she should rent Nush out as a BS Detector. I know SEVERAL women who would pay dearly for her services.

In all seriousness, I can sense your frustration with this, but what Hissy has advised really is going to be the only way for Nush to trust Rob again. Make him 100% completely responsible for Nush's care right on down to swabbing up kitty messes and learning that a little club soda mixed with Oxy-Clean works best on light colored fabrics. *wink* Litter boxes must be thoroughly washed and allowed to air dry in the sunlight, and of course, new toys he buys out of his own pocket must be introduced AND interactively used with Nush at least weekly - daily is better. Nush will come to rely upon him for her every whim ... er ... need, and allow him the priviledge of not attacking him when he presents her with her food on a silver platter ... er ... I mean glass or stainless steel food bowl.

Oh and just as a bit of advice for Rob - quit abusing the cat, dude. It isn't helping your cause.

hi again
thanks for all the good advice from nano and hissy.
rob fed nush last nigh for the first time and she was great she made a few noises at first but settled down although i did hold her while he feed her changed her water and cleaned out her litter box.
i bought two new toys for her yesterday which rob is gonna introduce to her tonight when he gets home from work.
i bought some cat nip yesterdayand she loved it she could smell it on my hands i just woundered if it would be a good idea for rob to put some cat nip on his hands so when nush smells him she will smell the cat nip and not his blood haha.
we still have nush locked in the spare bedroom on a night but i do let her out through the day when rob is at work, at the moment i dont think it would be a good idea to let them loose together.
in my first post i said that nush didnt really get on with robs mum but i was telling her the advice that you has suggested and she was telling me that when me and rob had gone away robs mum was like her new mummy and nush was fine with her because she had to feed her and change her litter tray every day so it gives me great hope that in time this will work.

how long each night should rob spend with nush without pushing it to much?
i just dont want to make progress and then it all go wrong because im pussing them two together all the time.


thanks again for all your help
linda,rob and nush

If I offended by trying to find humor in this situation, then I am sincerely sorry. It was not my intention to be flip, I felt strongly that both Hissy and Nano had given good advice and was only responding to what I thought was Port's humorous observation.

Again, please accept my heartfelt apologies - I did not mean to make light of what is obviously a very frustrating circumstance.

From the heart,

Gaye

I hope I am not adding fuel to the flames when I say that when I read your first few posts I immediately thought, what is Rob doing that makes him smell different?!! I am not suggesting anything underhand, but has he been working with any chemicals or materials that would hide his familiar smell? Did you give him any aftershave for a birthday that he has suddenly started using? There could be a simple explanation like that.

Originally Posted by jennyranson

I hope I am not adding fuel to the flames when I say that when I read your first few posts I immediately thought, what is Rob doing that makes him smell different?!! I am not suggesting anything underhand, but has he been working with any chemicals or materials that would hide his familiar smell? Did you give him any aftershave for a birthday that he has suddenly started using? There could be a simple explanation like that.

Click to expand...

That was my second thought as I was reading. My first thought was OOOPS...he did what we all have done at one time or another... big footed human steps on little cat toes. (My boys run to another room if I have shoes on. ) The different smell makes more sense.

hi
rob is a painter and decorator but she is used to him coming home smelling of paint. he hasent changed his aftershave either. just the same old rob.
we just had play time for 20 mins rob played with the new cat nip toy i had bought and she was fine. gonna have a second play time tonight see how she goes i just dont want to push it to much.
she was great tho and i was happy, she did seem t be smelling his clothes a bit and looking at him but i have told rob not to make eye contact with her yet and he didnt.

i will keep you up dated, and thanks again for all your replies

Also the new toys you have just bought- have Rob sleep with them. Nothing kinky, it's just when we sleep our body heats up and that heat and scent travels. It will allow Nush to get used to Rob's scent and unless he plays aggressively with her with those toys, she will come to understand he is a good guy. Just have him toss the toys into her room, and let her play with them on her own. I really think she just got tired of him chasing her, and decided finally to let him know if her terms this is unacceptable. Some cats enjoy playing tag with their owner, but they (the cats) are the ones who start the game, not the other way around.

thanks hissy for your reply i will give rob some toys to sleep with then tonight. should rob still play with her tho on a night time?

I agree with everyone and i think it's a matter of Rob not 'reading' the cat's mood and basically unnerving the hell out of her. DO NOT run after the cat if she's not in a playful mood, especially if you're a BIG MAN! LOL

I love playing tag with Marsh, but i only do it on his terms, and only when he wants me to and starts playing first... NOT when I WANT TO.

Rob needs to interact with her all the time for awhile. And that means everything, from feeding to giving her water, to scooping and cleaning her boxes, to playing with her. Right now, you do not exist, she has to understand that he can be a good guy- and that he is a friend, not her predator. If Rob kicks up a fuss, tell him tuff, that's what you get for chasing her around the house..

Does this mean that John gets to sleep with Bijou's human blow-up doll?

well its been 1 week today since nush attacked rob, and im starting to see some improvement.
nush still has a problem with noise that rob makes if he gets up she stands and look and i stroke her and tell her its ok no one is gonna hurt you.
rob has fed her every day and spent alot of time playing with her and she has been fine.
although today when he went to feed her at tea time she screamed a little and a little bite but nothing much.
when she does attack rob is there anything i can do to make her see that its not good to attack?
99% of this week she has been great she even slept with rob this morning but then she can just change and growl.
rob has tryed so hard this week with nush and it has paid off.
thanks again to everyone who gave advice.

linda , rob and nush

well its been three weeks since nush attacked rob and what a improvement i have seen she is nearly back to her normal self she dosent have to be locked away as much and we can all now sleep together on a night time with out any problem.
rob has still been feeding nush and playing with her on a night without a complain, should rob just carry on feeding her do you think for a while longer? should rob just carry on feeding her forever he dosent mind doing it. he has spent alot of time with her latley which he never did before it was down to me to clean out litter tray and feed her and play with her.
thanks again to everyone for there help

from

linda rob and nush

I would keep Rob as Nush's primary caretaker (feeding, litter box cleanup, etc.) for a while longer and cement the bond between them.

Glad to hear that progress has happened and continued good luck with Nush!