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post #61 of 124
Hope, my dear ... I know this has all been horribly frustrating, but honestly, you are overreacting to the circumstances. I don't mean that in a bad way, but you just haven't given this nearly the time it takes ... all cats are different and this one may just need that extra space for now. She won't become feral in the span of just a few days, so please - for the sake of the stress level not only on yourself but also in your home, calm down, remember to breathe and just forget she is even there. As others have already accurately advised, leave food and water out in an accessible place and make sure there is a litter pan available. She will come out when she comes out and you can't force this.

I don't think giving her back to the breeder is such a good idea at this time. As you have pointed out, she has experienced enough stress without going through that too.

Just let this go for now and try to be patient with her. She will come around, but she will do it in her own time.

Hoping this helps,

post #62 of 124
Opps... I'm gonna edit this cause I didn't read all the way though! Hope, Hissy knows what she's talking about. Remember when I got Carmella and she was so scared? She also hid and wouldn't eat or drink for awhile. The best thing was catching her and putting her in a room by herself so she could calm down. Carmella hid in a closet for a long time. And I put a radio in there with soft classical music going. Then when I did go in to see her I would get down on her level and look down and not directly at her. After several weeks she still wasn't warming up so Hissy told me to ignore her and that cats hated being ignored. I did that and all of a sudden she had to be out and with the rest of the crowd!
post #63 of 124
I think it is just their innate curiousity. Plus when you are actively looking for them, peering in at them you just threaten them by your actions. Leaving them alone allows them to observe the house, decompress and feel safe that no one is bugging them. She is probably relieved to be able to hide if she is a retired breeding female, her life has been one of service, not of relaxation, just leave her be as long as you know she is healthy-
post #64 of 124
Hope, i have to agree with everyone here, you're overreacting. The cat's nervous, but think about what it went through that you other cats never did. The airplane ride, the horrible first day at your house when all you wanted to do is drag the cat out of it's hiding place. Plus, you never know what conditions she endured before - maybe your place is THE BEST she's ever been in

Definitely give it time, if you send her back,it will be one of the worst mistakes you can make
post #65 of 124
Hope i know it's different circumstances, but when i brought Sophie home, Rosie hated me

I cried tears that weekend because of the way she reacted not only with Sophie but with me, and that was the one thing i didn't want but the thing i wasn't going to do was to give up and send Sophie back even though Emma said i could if it didn't work out, but you've seen them now!

This is still early days yet, and the good thing is when she does come to you she's loving the affection that you give her

Do what MA said about sitting down and talking to her, because i tell you something, even though i always give Rosie and Sophie love and affection, after reading so many times how MA talks to her cats about things and how she sits with them when they eat i've started doing the very same thing with mine, and believe it or not they look at me when i'm talking to them about how my days went at work, or if i tell Sophie how she shouldn't push in on Rosie's food bowl , or even asking them how their days went!.

Please don't give up on her because i just know this little girl will come round in the end
post #66 of 124
Hope don't despair. Our Simba hid behind our headboard for 4 full weeks. My husband wanted to take him back to the breeder also after the first 2 weeks. I listened to the folks here on the catsite and persevered and was patient. One day on the 4th Saturday I reached over the side of the bed to try to touch him (he had come out to eat and drink but only if I stayed on the bed) and he tried to run past my hand to hide and as he did my fingers touched his head and he stopped dead. I gently patted and talked to him until he actually sat down and kept crooning to him. Then I left him alone and left the room. The next time I went in I got up on the bed and called him. He came out and jumped up with me. He would quickly jump back down and hide if he heard anyone coming up the stairs or near the room. It took him another whole week before he would come out while anyone else was in the room. Then I opened the bedroom door and left it open. It took him another week before he ventured down to the family room level. From then on he was a lap cat, loved to be carried around in our arms like a baby and the most affectionate cat ever.

When we tried to catch him to isolate him he bit my husband, my daughter and me very hard. But he was well worth the wait and the struggle.

HANG IN THERE! I bet Evie will end up being your cuddliest cat. Just have lots of patience and soft, gentle loving for her right now.
post #67 of 124
Thread Starter 
Well if she survives I do think she could end up being cuddly. I have no idea where she is. I'm so scared she has died or is dying. I'm so scared that she hasn't taken any water, or food for that matter. I can't even find her to try to isolate her from the boys. What scares me is that I'll end up finding her, by the smell of her dead body. It haunts my every thought, and my every my every nightmare.

This was such a big mistake on my part. I should have never contacted that breeder. Now, I'm going to have to live with this sweet innocent kitties death, and it's going to be ALL my fault. Why did I contact that breeder? She seems like such a nice lady, and I feel so awful, because of me that sweet little kitty has gone though a living Hell

I can't tell you how angry I am with myself, and how the guilt has torn me apart. Little Evie has not deserved this fate. I'm not fit to have her. I think it's pretty obvious.

I haven't tried to bother her, not have I tried to find her. I am leaving her alone, and I'm hoping that she is not dead, or trapped somewhere or worse. It's all my fault, because if I wouldn't have contacted that breeder, Evie would be fine, and happy and healthy. I can't stand myself right now.
post #68 of 124
Hope, I realize you're disappointed that Evie didn't make up with you right away, and has been hiding, but it's way too early to give up on her. I'm a member of a cat rescue group, and do some volunteering at our local (town) shelter, and adopters of adult cats are told, as a general guideline, that it will take about six weeks for a cat to feel at home and at ease, and that many cats need even longer, e.g., up to three months. There are always exceptions, of course, but what you're describing sounds pretty normal to me.
My parents adopted an adult female several years ago who spent 3.5 months hiding behind the toilet in the powder room, only coming out to eat at night, while everybody was asleep. She eventually lost her fear, and became the most lovable, cuddliest cat you could imagine.
Please give her more time. I rather doubt she's going to die. Leave out more food than the "boys" can eat for the time being, since you can't isolate her, and she'll help herself when nobody is watching.
post #69 of 124
Hope you really need to calm yourself down or you're going to make yourself ill, never mind what Evie is going to pick up from you. You're doing all the right things, you're taking the advice the experts here are giving and leaving plenty of food and water where she can find it and get to it easily without breaking cover, you're giving her space. Now look after yourself. From the pics on your signature you have two beautiful, healthy, immaculately cared for cats, you are perfectly competent to care for this little one and you're doing so. It's not your fault that she's so traumatised by her journey and she will settle down given time.
post #70 of 124
Hope, she is not going to die.
She has been through and extremely terrifying and traumatic experience. You have to give her some time!

I found a cat who had obviously been abused, and starved...
When I finally got her in the house, she hid under my desk for literally 2 months.


So, I put down food for her in a few places, and just let her be.
It was incredibly hard for me, because all I wanted was for her to be happy, to like me and my other cats, and she didn't.
I couldn't pet her at first.
That took about 2 weeks, so the fact that you can already pet Evie is very positive.
Basically, Miss Thing would wander around at night when myself and my other cats were sleeping - I'd lie in bed and see her wander by, checking things out.
Yes, it took time, but she is one of the most affectionate and wonderful cats that I have.
Please, give her some time and space.
She will settle in, without a doubt.
post #71 of 124
Thread Starter 
I'm just so scared that she is going to die. Maybe she isn't coming out for food and water. What if she isn't? That's what I'm scared of. I'm not disappointed that she isn't finding me the long lost Mommy she's needed. I'm scared for her. I'm scared she is too traumatized to come out to get even for or water. I can't lock her up, until I find her, and I can't lock Simba and Shane up, because they break out of the room I've set food and water around, but Shane and Simba are eating from all of the dishes. I'm just so scared that she is going to die, and if she does, it will be all my fault.
post #72 of 124

First, calm down hon. If you want Evie to feel at ease, you have to get yourself at ease. She is going to be okay.

As for locking her or the other kitties up...
You said you have the french style doors that don't stay closed. I have those in several spots in my house, so I know what you mean. You can try putting a small tight rubber band around the handles so they cannot be opened... or even tie them with a shoe lace. Either way, just make sure it's tight enough that the cat(s) inside can't pry them open enough to squeeze through or get stuck trying.

Another option is to put a chair in front of where they fold, so they cannot be opened. It won't work if the floor is slippery (like tile or wood), but a heavy enough chair on a a carpetted floor should be enough.

In the meantime, try to calm yourself down. Everyone here is giving you great advice. When I first got Comere (now RB) many many years ago, he hid under the bed and didn't want to come out. Leave food and water out for her... she will come and eat when she feels it's safe. Listen to Hissy and everyone else with their advice... it's way too soon to give up on her!

Good luck... I'm sure she's going to be fine
post #73 of 124
Honey I'll bow to Hissy or anyone else with more experience here, but right now if you're that concerned about Evie then for your peace of mind and her safety I'd think you need to track her down and move her to the bathroom where she can't disappear. Put a box, or open and clear a space in a cupboard so she can hide, put food and water in there where you can see clearly what she's eating and drinking, and keep her there where you can catch her if you feel she needs to be checked by the vet. Go through the house room by room and check absolutely everything, the backs of drawers, under cupboards, and do it as quietly and calmly as possible. Keep us posted love, this is going to be ok.
post #74 of 124
Originally Posted by HopeHacker
I'm just so scared that she is going to die. Maybe she isn't coming out for food and water. What if she isn't? That's what I'm scared of. I'm not disappointed that she isn't finding me the long lost Mommy she's needed. I'm scared for her. I'm scared she is too traumatized to come out to get even for or water. I can't lock her up, until I find her, and I can't lock Simba and Shane up, because they break out of the room I've set food and water around, but Shane and Simba are eating from all of the dishes. I'm just so scared that she is going to die, and if she does, it will be all my fault.
Hope, the very fact that she has allowed you to stroke her tells me she's not in danger of starving to death. Calm down! If she were totally traumatized, you wouldn't be able to get near her. Relax, make sure plenty of food and water are available (even if it means the boys gain weight), and try to ignore her for at least another week or two.
post #75 of 124
Originally Posted by jcat
Hope, the very fact that she has allowed you to stroke her tells me she's not in danger of starving to death. Calm down! If she were totally traumatized, you wouldn't be able to get near her. Relax, make sure plenty of food and water are available (even if it means the boys gain weight), and try to ignore her for at least another week or two.
Good point jcat. I'm sure she's fine... and I hope that everyone else telling you this is reassuring you, even if it's just a little bit.

Sometimes we don't give enough credit... when we moved, I was terrified Baylee would fall off the balcony and hurt herself, or worse. Sure enough, a month later she did fall... and landed perfectly. I know that's not the same, but I'm saying that give her some credit, she knows better than to starve herself because it's in her nature to eat and drink, just like it's in yours.

Good luck and please, don't give up hope on her. After all, it's in your name.
post #76 of 124
Hope, what I most want to say is that you sound depressed...and if that is the case, then you've lost your usual perspective, and it is accenting your feeling of anxiety about this cat and your concerns that you aren't what she wants or needs.

But she isn't reacting to you, there is no failure on your part. She's scared, she's taking her time to adjust to 3 new creatures in her life - 2 cat, one human. She'll get there, and you will be a wonderful, loving companion to her.

Right now, love her enough to give her space, trust that it will be okay, let her feel you happy with your boys, let her hear and feel the love and safeness in her environment...be patient, yes, have hope, and above all, do NOT take this out on yourself. I hope you feel better soon.
post #77 of 124
I know your feelings, I remember when I adopted two kittens and they hid for days. I felt so weird, and confused. But then one day the male came out and then everything was fine. But I really thought a few times before they came out that this is the biggest disaster of my life!

I am sure when you sleep she comes out and eats.
post #78 of 124
Thread Starter 
First of all, I just wanted to tell everyone I really appreciate all of your help and support. I panic so easily, and I have a vivid imagineation, and for some reason, I often picture the worst scenerio to a situation. This is my first time dealing with a cat who was traumatized to the degree that little Evie is, and then there is the fact that I don't want to let the breeder down. She trusted little Evie to me, and I want to be worthy of the trust that she has in me to give Evie a good, healthy home where she'll be happy and be able to live a full life. Please forgive me everyone, at times I tend to be a "Drama Queen", and today I have been top's in that league.

Now, for a bit more rational talk. I found Evie. She's alive. She was in one of the cat carriers. I nice safe cozy place to hide. When I found her, I didn't pet her or anything. I talked a bit to her, and then I filled up a bowl of dry cat food and a bowl of water and set them in the carrier. I don't think the boys are gonna bother her in there. I have plenty of food out for them, as well. Shane is the biggest glutton of my group, and it bothers him, if he can't have ALL of the food, he feels like he has to at LEAST sample all of the food, but he doesn't seem to be very aware of where Evie is, so I think things will be cool with him not trying to steal her food.

Once again, I'm sorry for all of the drama. I'll tust that she will know enough to sustain herself, and I'll let her take her time becoming a part of my family.
post #79 of 124
Sweet Hope, I will bring this up but only becuase I've been reading this fromt he beginning and I clearly see baby steps forward. Clearly. When a kitty is traumatized from the journey in the way that this little gem was, the way her little brain is wired isn't like ours! It's just processing things differently. You see, you can "feel" a line as a straight line...she is feeling it as all bent! it's just different. She might need an entire week just to acclimate to the sounds, scent, rythyms and layout of your place. You are doing great!!! Believe me, she knows you are interested in her and not a threat now, she does. But what I wanted to say was that when Saba first came to us she entered her 3rd home- and she was a rescue. It took her about a week to even start to be somewhat like the personality we see now. I wanted her to nudge me, sleep with me, love me back...but she didn't at first and I felt like a failure. Sasha was calm but reserved....and I was so impatient. But now, two months later, they bump noses and Saba is great. I can look back on her first week and clearly see how she was charting through new waters. Don't lose your patience, nor the gift of your intuition. She likes you. She will love you very shortly....and just keep giving her space and talk to her alot. I'm really looking forward to another update. And sometimes you will indeed feel you have taken a step back, thenf roward, then back. That is quite normal.
post #80 of 124
Oh Hope, I just read your whole thread and I"m so glad you found her and she is ok.......your doing a fine job Hon.......just give her as much time as she needs........it'll all work out fine!!!
post #81 of 124

I'm glad you found her. I'm sure she will do just fine. If you need to feel some reassurance, just look at the Pengy thread and see what wonderful progress Noni has made with Pengy. It's taken time, but Pengy is loved and is feeling the love and security now, too. Evie will come around a lot sooner than Pengy because she has been around people all her life and other cats. Hang in there!
post #82 of 124
I am glad you found where she is at...sensible little girl, she found a place that feels safe but is also a bit more out there than the cupboard.

I hope you know that I don't (and I doubt anyone else), feel you need to apologize one bit...of all places, this is a safe one to share how you feel, what your worries are, all the ups and downs of living with cats. I just wanted you to not be so hard on yourself
post #83 of 124
That is REALLY good news.
post #84 of 124
Hope, I'm going to send some calming vibes your way. This is good news that Evie has found a nice place to relax in! She will be fine.
post #85 of 124
Thank goodness you've found her!

Now!, start to relax because you were stressing on the other page and i was stressing because i was imagining poor Evie stressing because of it

See she's not going to die, she just needs time thats all, and in months to come when she's all loving you'll wonder why wou stressed yourself so much
post #86 of 124
Yay! I'm so glad that you found her, and it's a great place for her to be, probably feels comfortable.
I guess it would be traumatic for her if you were to take pictures, huh? I'm curious to see what she looks like!
What kind of a cat is she? You said she came from a breeder, so I'm assuming she is purebred?
post #87 of 124
Hi Hope, sometimes i find it helpful to give a little rescue remedy (they sell it for both pets and humans, the anxiety homeopathy--a couple of drops) and i take some myself too. The most important thing is if you take good care of yourself right now--sleep enuf, eat right, take your vitamins, whatever you need to be physically healthy--even though it can be hard to do--it will help you to feel so much better and help you help her too. i am sending good thoughts to you down there, i KNOW it will work out just fine.
post #88 of 124
Yay I'm glad you've found her! Fabulous! And what a good hiding place... makes her feel safe but it isn't unsafe for her, you konw?

By the way, I give my cats Rescue Remedy also, if you're interested. I put 4 drops in each bowl of water every time I refill their bowls. I also have Feliway. Whether they help, I think so but ya never know.

Good luck with what comes next... I hope she keeps making steps forward!
post #89 of 124
You mean she didn't turn feral???

I knew that she was going to be okay. Just don't push her Hope, let her find you and she will in time. Keep her on a feeding schedule, always feed her the same place, in the same bowls and don't deviate. Once she knows she can count on you, she will relax and come out and be mobbed by your crew!
post #90 of 124
Originally Posted by hissy
You mean she didn't turn feral???
Hey!! I resemble that remark! (I asked that question a long time ago... now I feel really dumb!)
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