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Need {{{VIBES}}} Please!

post #1 of 26
Thread Starter 
Hi everyone... I know I havent been around in a while... Things have been really hectic lately... I want to apologize now because I know that I'm gonna be babbling thru this post... I'm going on 36 hours with no sleep and I'm really tired and emotional... I spent the whole night last night with Adrian in the emergency room... He had been complaining of a cramping pain in his leg during the early part of this week and then it went from his leg to his side and chest area... Finally last night the pain had gotten so bad that I begged him to let me take him to the hospital and he finally agreed and we went... We spent probably 4 hours waiting around to find out what his xrays had found, then he needed a CT scan to determine what the mass over his lungs on the xray really was... He had an allergic reaction to the Contrast Dye that they gave him for the CT scan and he nearly had a seizure but they were able to stabilize his blood pressure and heart rate before that happened... I literally sat there the whole night and watched his vital monitor to make sure he was getting better...

It turns out that he's suffering from Multiple Pulminary Embolisms... Basically, he had a blood clot that formed in his leg and had made it's way into his lungs... before the clot got there, it burst into several smaller clots... At this point, he is doing much better than last night... He's on pain medication so, he's not in any pain but he's tired and hot and overall cranky... He's been yelling at me for doting over him too much but I cant help it... I love him and I want him to be as comfortable as possible... The doctor said that he's gonna have to be on blood thinners in order to keep the clots from continuing to form... I've been keeping myself up reading about this disease online... I know he's gonna be okay but I'm still worried about him... I know you all know that I've said on a million occasions that I'm in love with him and I can honestly say, after all this, I know that my feelings for him are real... I love him with all my heart and I want to do anything in the world to help him...
I know this isnt really that important considering the circumstances but it did make me feel good... I was in the ER with Adrian's sister, Jessie and his other close friend, Vanita last night... Around 6am, Jessie went home and VV and I stayed to watch him... we started talking about different things just to pass the time and at one point I told her how he was telling me to go home because he didnt want me to see him in the hospital like that and I told him "I love you and I'm not just here for the jokes with you... I'm here for everything... good or bad..." Vanita looked at me and was like "you're in love with him arent you?" I just looked at her and didnt say anything and she goes "dont lie just tell me" and I was like "Yeah... yeah I am...." and we got into a really long discussion about it... she told me that he talks about me all the time... he really cares about me and that I have to make sure that he knows that I love him... to continue to tell him because eventually he will come around...

Then this morning after he woke up, we were talking and he was teasing me about how I was acting like his "wifey"... I just laughed at him and I said 'well who else is gonna talk for you when you're in too much pain or too sleepy to talk???" and he's like "I know but still... you're a pain in the butt..." I was like 'I dont really have a chance with you, do I?" and he goes "sometimes I wonder"... I asked what he meant by that... and he said that I really get under his skin sometimes... I'm the only one that can get him like that and it drives him crazy... and then I said "Hey, A, do you ever see us together?" and he nodded his head and was like 'yeah, sometimes I do... when you say something sweet or you're just here with me being you... I can see myself with you...' I"m like 'when can you not see yourself with me?" and he said "when you do something pain in the butt like you do all the time..." LoL then we just laughed at each other... I just thought it was really sweet and I finally started to feel like maybe it's possible for us to finally start moving in the direction I've been hoping for.... I really do love him and I hope that he'll be okay.... anyway.. I'm sorry, I really am just rambling now... I'm so tired that I've been crying for the last 2 hours for no real reason...

Please everyone just send lots of {{{VIBES}}} for the man I love with all my heart and soul... I'll keep you all updated and again, I'm sorry that I havent been around... and that this post is really long... You're all great for listening to me and I truly appreciate it... Thanx in advance...
post #2 of 26
Sending mega vibes that Adrian gets well and everything works out between you two.
post #3 of 26
Get well Adrian and much luck your way Liza!
post #4 of 26
Sweetie many many vibes are coming your way that Adrian comes around both ways
post #5 of 26
Sending lots of good vibes for Adrian and hugs to you too. Between you and him...things will work out if it's meant to be
post #6 of 26
Sending lots of good vibes to Adrian! Hope everything goes well for you too Liza!
post #7 of 26
This must have been a scary experience for both of you, Liza. This is very treatable, and I pray Adrian will feel better very soon. I hope you have only the best in life, Liza.
post #8 of 26
Thread Starter 
Thanx for all your support everyone... I really appreciate it... Adrian and I actually had a very long talk last night after I posted about us and a romantic relationship isnt on the horizon just yet... He was actually pretty frustrated with me yesterday because I wasnt listening to him... I was too concerned with wanting to be there for him and do everything possible to make him feel better that I totally disregarded what he really need which was for me to just be there and not fuss over him like he was a little child... I guess sometimes I just love him so much I dont know how to channel it the right ways.... Anyway.. I just wanted to thank you all really quick for your kind words of support.... I'm actually headed over there with some breakfast for him... Talk to you all later...
post #9 of 26
poor you.. i thought you and adrian were together?
post #10 of 26
I almost cried over your post. I really, REALLY, hope Adrain is alright, and I can understand how you feel. This must have been really tramatic for you. I truely can tell how much you love him, and how you feel for him in your words. I only hope when he gets better, you go in that direction you were hoping for. Who knows? Maybe this happened so Adrain can better understand how you feel.

MEGA VIBES for everything. ((((VIBES))))

post #11 of 26
Oh Liza,, I dont get to visit TCS as much as I would like and I often miss important stuff, like this. I am so sorry that all of this has happened with Adrian. It's a blessing that all of the medical stuff is treatable and easily remedied with care from a good hospital staff. I understand how hard it must have been, Tony's had med trouble in the past, it's not fun. I really hope that things go in whatever direction they are supposed to go in for you. One thing though, all of that 'pain-in-the-butt' stuff he's talking about, dont change it. It is you, and when he's ready to be in a relationship with you, he will be ready to take all of you. In the meantime, I will pray for his health, and your mental wellfare, lol. If you need anyone to talk to ever, you know me, I'm always here for you girl, take it easy. (if that is even possible,lol)
post #12 of 26
ooooo sweetie - some really major get well and good luck vibes coming your way form my little corner of the world. Keep your chin up and be strong - we're behind you both
post #13 of 26
healing and relationship vibes coming your way. Don't be surprised if his feelings change after the hospital stay. Some men need to be reminded of their mortality before they are ready to accept love.
post #14 of 26
Tons and tons of vibes coming your way!!
post #15 of 26
Oh Liza {{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}} Sending tons of good healing vibes to Adrian and tons of "lovey" vibes your way for the two of you! You are doing a wonderful thing for him (whether he knows it or not!) being so caring and attentive while he's going through this. I am pretty sure he will come around and realize what a great girl he has right in front of him! You and Adrian are in my thoughts and prayers!
post #16 of 26
So sorry to heard that Liza, my best wishes for you and Adrian, and hope he has a soon recovery....... Sending ((((((good vibes))))))
post #17 of 26
Lots of vibes coming your way!
post #18 of 26
Thread Starter 
Thanx for all the vibes everyone... I havent been able to get online because I've been running around with Adrian all week... He was released from the hospital on Monday so, I took him home and while he was resting I cleaned his room... Tuesday, we spent the day running around to the doctor and making a bunch of calls for him... Yesterday, we went to the doctor again and then we spent about 4 hours doing his laundry last night... The only reason I'm home today is because my car is in the shop...

Begin Vent Here: I brought my car to my sister's gas station yesterday to have it checked because it was doing the same thing it did that last time I had a problem with my alternator... She checked it and said that it was overcharging and that I should leave it with her and she would try to get it fixed by today but probably tomorrow... Now she's in the Bronx and I would have had no way to get myself and Adrian home, not to mention getting back... Plus, this is the 4th time that my alternator has been a problem.... So, I decided that, even tho it is under warranty and it wouldnt have cost me anything to have it replaced if she did it, I would bring it to the dealership because she screwed it up 3 times before and I dont want to have this problem again... The dealer told me that the alternator was installed wrong and the alternator cable was fried causing the alternator to overcharge which drained the battery... So, I called her and told her what the problem was.... she started screaming at me that I should have brought it to her and that it's not her fault that I have to pay almost $800 to have it fixed because she told me to leave it with her... I"M SO MAD!!! How is it not her fault????? Her mechanic (her husband!) was the one who installed it incorrectly in the first place... GRRRRR people have some nerve!

Anyway... so I'm here, waiting for the guy at my dealership to call me and let me know if I can have my car back today... Meanwhile, Adrian's at work, which I dont think he's really up for but he's insisting because he needs the money... I had an interesting discussion with him yesterday which I'll tell you about later because I have to run...I'll talk to you guys later Thanx again
post #19 of 26
Sorry to hear that Adrian is having such a rough time. The allergic reaction must have been very scary. I hope he feels better soon. He's lucky to have such an attentive friend that convinced him to go to the hospital. Hang in there! I'm sure everything will turn out fine.
post #20 of 26
Thread Starter 
Okay... I took a nap so I'm a little more rested... Actually, Adrian's doctor called and woke me up with some good news!! His INR level is 2.4 which means that the blood thinners that he's been taking are working very well... So, he has to take the injection tomorrow morning and have his blood tested and if the level stays above 2, he wont have to take the injection anymore.... Which he is thrilled about because he hates having to give himself the injection and it makes him really sleepy... So, that's good news... I'm still waiting for the dealership to call about my car... huff...

Anyway... So, we've done a lot of talking this week and one of the things that we talked about was how he was pushing me away in the hospital and in general... Sunday when he was still in the hospital, I was sitting on his bed with him because there was a ton of people there and that was the only place to sit, not to mention that I did want to be close to him in case he needed anything... His friend Vanita was sitting next to him on the chair... I had my hand on his leg... She was holding his hand... at one point, he got really tired and told me to stop leaning on him, so, I did... Vanita was rubbing his ears, which normally is a turn on for him... He didnt say anything to her so I just ignored it... Tuesday night, I mentioned to him what happened and he said that when Vanita touches him like that, it doesnt have the same effect on him that it does when I do it... He said that her intentions for touching him are different because neither of them have feelings for each other and that it doesnt turn him on to be close to her or for her to touch him... He said that the reason he doesnt get to close too me when there are people around is because he has to watch himself because it's disrespectful to me for him to be 'excited' when there is a room full of people and I'm leaning on him... He also said that he feels bad that he isnt as affectionate with me as I am with him but that, as weird as it may seem, he works backwards... when he has feelings for someone he doesnt jump into the physical intimacy before the emotional... he said that because there are feelings involved we have other things to work out before we jump into being totally physical with each other... which I do understand but until he said it, I was taking it personally... Anyway, it may seem weird but in a sense, it's not.... Knowing him the way I do, it totally makes sense to me.. I dont necessarily like it because it does hurt for him to push me away sometimes but I have to deal with that for now...

The other thing is he made a comment last night that he doesnt think that he would make a good boyfriend... he doesnt understand why I love him the way I do, where my feelings come from and why I want to be with him so badly... I noticed that he's a lot more insecure than I thought he was... and I told him that I think the reason is because he loved someone the way that I love him and she didnt love him the same way so he's afraid to go thru that again... I guess what he's not realizing at the moment is that I love him the way he wanted to be loved then... I think this whole experience has really made him think and last night he expressed his frustration at not being able to do things for himself like his laundry, which I did for him... he told me that when he was really young his mother taught him that he was never to let his wife to laundry for him... so, he was really upset that I had to do it for him and he said he felt like his mother was watching him and kicking him in the head for letting me do it for him... So, I looked at him and said, 'you know what, A? I think if your mother was lookin down on us right now, which she is, she'd be happy that you have someone who is willing to be there for you at such a difficult time and is willing to wash your dirty underwear because they love you that much...' and he said 'yeah, you're absolutely right... My mother would have loved you... " :: LoL

So, that's pretty much it for now... I guess I just have to be there for him and eventually, he'll come around... Let's hope :crossed:
post #21 of 26
Thread Starter 
Hi everyone.... it's been a while since I've been on... the last few weeks have been totally hectic because of Adrian being sick... he's doing better.. he has good days and bad days... today is bad day, for both of us really... At the moment, I am living with him and his brothers because I finally left my house... I got into a fight with my father this weekend and decided that I couldn't deal with him anymore... I packed my things, as much as I could take, and left... I brought Malakai to my friends parents house.. I miss him but I had no choice... I dont know if I made the right decision anymore but I guess I'll just have to pray that I did... Anyway... I just wanted to say hi to everyone... I'll try to come on more often since I can use Adrian's computer... talk to you soon...
post #22 of 26
Wow, Liza, sorry you're having such a rough time right now. That was a big decision for you to make, sure hope it all works out well for you! You must miss Malakai terribly. Get well soon, Adrian! Thank you for checking in! Hope everything is looking up very soon!
post #23 of 26
I'm sorry, Liz. The economics of life bounce up and down. So, when they're down, they have no way to go but up again. Hang in there!

post #24 of 26
That must be so frightening. I'm sending good vibes Adrian's way, and really hope you two will eventually be able to sort out your relationship.
post #25 of 26
Well I'm glad to read that Adrian's health is a bit better. You have been on quite the emotional roller coaster though. I hope that your life evens out a bit and that you get the happiness that you deserve. Take care of yourself.
post #26 of 26
Thread Starter 
Thanks for the thoughts and encouragement everyone... I miss Kai so much right now... I wish I had my little furballz to rub my face in... I feel so empty lately... i dont know what to do with myself... Adrian and I have been bickering a bit because we are together all the time and I've been on edge.... Being together all the time isnt the problem actually.. the fact that I've been on edge is a huge problem because I've been taking it out on him... He's being as understanding as possible but I need to be conscious of my thoughts and actions... Anyway... I'm searching hard for a job... any job... I've been putting in applications in all the random stores I can think of... just trying to find something... I'm just thankful that I have Adrian and his brother to help me... if it wasnt for them I'd be sleeping in my car... Anyway... I'll get back to you guys in a little while....

By the way... what have I missed??? I feel so out of the loop!! How is everyone else doing??
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