I'm not sure how much you all know about me and my relationship with my dad and his family. I'll be breif on the background. He and my mother divorced when I was 6 or so and he and I stopped seeing eachother when I was in 4th grade. He had remarried, the woman hated me, and there was just... stuff... He was an alcoholic, basically. I've never had clear memories of him or my childhood. My mother and her mother always told me stories and they sort of melted in my head and I haven't the foggiest clue what was true and what wasn't. To this day, I don't know. For the longest time, all I had was this negative side of him impressed on my mind. Quasi memories of him fighting with my mother, stuff like that.
Two Christmas's ago, his mother asked me down for Christmas. I didn't want to go, but thought maybe I should try and make peace with that side of the family. I had all this stuff jumbled in my head about what horrible people they were and such, and I thought I should try and sort that out. So I went. It was awkward and uncomfortable, and my father was there. We hadn't talked since 4th grade, so it was incredibly awkward. I got through it and went back to visit my granny later, to thank her for inviting me and giving me the chance to try and have some sort of relationship with her and my cousins. She asked that I please give my dad a chance and judge for myself. I couldn't say no, she is getting very old. So we started talking around October. The woman he had remarried after my mother, Carol, and him had gotten a divorce a few years back and she passed away around Halloween. I didn't understand why Granny was making such a big deal until I found out Dad and her were planning on getting back together. Anyway, this is all background.
So my dad and I are trying to get to know eachother again. Mother doesn't seem to happy about it and keeps telling me to "watch out" and "he's just playing pitiful". I don't think she should say this stuff to me, firstly, and secondly, I'm starting to have my doubts. When I started talking to him, all I had were these memories of bad stuff, that I wasn't even sure really happened. Now I am remembering good stuff, that I know for sure did in fact happen. Where there were only really bad hazy memories, I now remember better ones. I remember ice skating on the pond, fishing in the creek, building snowmen. I remember dad building me that huge playhouse in the yard, my bunnies. Little snippets of events. Like our first Christmas together, when granny made red hearts and lace to cover the tree in, and we spent the day decorating and setting up the train and village. I remember going to the dam and fishing and the fishing pole breaking... when we came home, we told mom a giant blue gill had broke it, even though it really was old and broke on a stick. Right after the divorce, mom would drop me off before school and dad would get me ready. All my stuff was gone and I cried, so dad and granny went to auctions and bought me stuff. A white princess bed with matching dresser and vanity with a stool. A desk, and shelves. The shelves were filled with stuffed animals, dozens and dozens of them. They bought me new clothes and books and an easy bake oven. And granny sewed me a pink lacey bedspread. I remember dad pushing me on the bull rope he put in down back. And the birthday party by the creek. There was a bonfire and THREE barbie doll cakes. I remember being allowed to stay up and watch Karate Kid on TV with him, and his Popeye impressions.
So now I have all these good memories, and I don't know how to feel about them. How to reconcile them to the old ones.
I also don't know how to deal with talking to him. We didn't talk for years and now we do. Its still awkward. I mean, what do you say to someone? Especially someone whose kinda been beaten around a bit. His wife died right before they got remarried, he can't work too much because he was a carpenter and fell off a roof and had the bones in his feet fused. He's a recovering alcoholic. I don't know. He seems to have aged a hundred years since I was 10. How do I deal with this? How do I fix that relationship? I mean, he has nothing. I know some of it is surely his fault, but still.
I dunno. Any sage bits of advice, wisdom, insight?
I was so upset tonight, too, because he called to tell me he sent me a check, part of the settlement he got when Carol passed away. I mean, the man has nothing and he sent me this? And then he was telling me last time we talked that he was going on a date last night with a friend's sister. Well they were to meet in Latrobe and he was at the place, she called and asked where he was. He told her he was there, she drove into the lot, waved and drove away. How horrible is that? My father, like I said, doesn't look that well, he's starting to look better, but to do that to someone? She could have at least called, answered his call, stopped and had the pizza and then said she wasn't interested. How shallow???? I was practically in tears and I am so furious that someone could do that to someone else. Ugh. Okay. Done ranting and rambling.
I praise whoever manages to read all this...
Two Christmas's ago, his mother asked me down for Christmas. I didn't want to go, but thought maybe I should try and make peace with that side of the family. I had all this stuff jumbled in my head about what horrible people they were and such, and I thought I should try and sort that out. So I went. It was awkward and uncomfortable, and my father was there. We hadn't talked since 4th grade, so it was incredibly awkward. I got through it and went back to visit my granny later, to thank her for inviting me and giving me the chance to try and have some sort of relationship with her and my cousins. She asked that I please give my dad a chance and judge for myself. I couldn't say no, she is getting very old. So we started talking around October. The woman he had remarried after my mother, Carol, and him had gotten a divorce a few years back and she passed away around Halloween. I didn't understand why Granny was making such a big deal until I found out Dad and her were planning on getting back together. Anyway, this is all background.
So my dad and I are trying to get to know eachother again. Mother doesn't seem to happy about it and keeps telling me to "watch out" and "he's just playing pitiful". I don't think she should say this stuff to me, firstly, and secondly, I'm starting to have my doubts. When I started talking to him, all I had were these memories of bad stuff, that I wasn't even sure really happened. Now I am remembering good stuff, that I know for sure did in fact happen. Where there were only really bad hazy memories, I now remember better ones. I remember ice skating on the pond, fishing in the creek, building snowmen. I remember dad building me that huge playhouse in the yard, my bunnies. Little snippets of events. Like our first Christmas together, when granny made red hearts and lace to cover the tree in, and we spent the day decorating and setting up the train and village. I remember going to the dam and fishing and the fishing pole breaking... when we came home, we told mom a giant blue gill had broke it, even though it really was old and broke on a stick. Right after the divorce, mom would drop me off before school and dad would get me ready. All my stuff was gone and I cried, so dad and granny went to auctions and bought me stuff. A white princess bed with matching dresser and vanity with a stool. A desk, and shelves. The shelves were filled with stuffed animals, dozens and dozens of them. They bought me new clothes and books and an easy bake oven. And granny sewed me a pink lacey bedspread. I remember dad pushing me on the bull rope he put in down back. And the birthday party by the creek. There was a bonfire and THREE barbie doll cakes. I remember being allowed to stay up and watch Karate Kid on TV with him, and his Popeye impressions.
So now I have all these good memories, and I don't know how to feel about them. How to reconcile them to the old ones.
I also don't know how to deal with talking to him. We didn't talk for years and now we do. Its still awkward. I mean, what do you say to someone? Especially someone whose kinda been beaten around a bit. His wife died right before they got remarried, he can't work too much because he was a carpenter and fell off a roof and had the bones in his feet fused. He's a recovering alcoholic. I don't know. He seems to have aged a hundred years since I was 10. How do I deal with this? How do I fix that relationship? I mean, he has nothing. I know some of it is surely his fault, but still.
I dunno. Any sage bits of advice, wisdom, insight?
I was so upset tonight, too, because he called to tell me he sent me a check, part of the settlement he got when Carol passed away. I mean, the man has nothing and he sent me this? And then he was telling me last time we talked that he was going on a date last night with a friend's sister. Well they were to meet in Latrobe and he was at the place, she called and asked where he was. He told her he was there, she drove into the lot, waved and drove away. How horrible is that? My father, like I said, doesn't look that well, he's starting to look better, but to do that to someone? She could have at least called, answered his call, stopped and had the pizza and then said she wasn't interested. How shallow???? I was practically in tears and I am so furious that someone could do that to someone else. Ugh. Okay. Done ranting and rambling.
I praise whoever manages to read all this...
